slightly annoyed with my 'family'

[GaryFifer]

Send this book

How to speak and how to listen

[bystander09]

tell them goya - Get Off Your and earn some money..

This is just too simplistic. Most Pinoy's work extremely hard to do what they can to support their family... Good job opportunities in the provinces are very few and far between. And there are no benefits to fall back on.

So your kick ass approach is totally unacceptable and unworkable..

bystander

[KeithD]

So your kick ass approach is totally unacceptable and unworkable..

No it isn't. Once they have got used to money/presents coming in from the West, they take life easy, as they always have Mr Rich White Man to fall back on. We see it all the time on here, so for 13 years in the Phil your guide dog obviously didn't take you out much!

[scottishbride]

No it isn't. Once they have got used to money/presents coming in from the West, they take life easy, as they always have Mr Rich White Man to fall back on. We see it all the time on here, so for 13 years in the Phil your guide dog obviously didn't take you out much!

Well said!

[ca143]

i guess from the beggining u spoiled them,try ur very best to say NO especially for those expensive stuff.me back home i have one and only sister when i arrive her i feel she start demand to ask me the latest device what i did is send her money to start cooking bbq at weekend so she gets what she like on her profit,,,try them to feel how hard to find money....

[maria_and_matt]

The Philippine economy is more powerful, and in much less debt than the UK, which make the Phil people BETTER OFF than we are, so they should be sending you a box!

Probably would be cheaper if you'd just transferred the money so someone in the Phil could buy all the stuff, and haggle over the prices.

a box from them would be nice not hoping tho they are not even sending me texts

if i send the money the adults have a habit of not giving to the kids, and the money i will send will be used to paying their debts

[maria_and_matt]

We can't just help being generous specially with our family...
I'm glad that my family are not asking too much from me.. they are happy whatever I give/send them. Though how I wish I could give them more than I could.

I guess, sis Maria, you spoiled them so much that's why they are like that.


As everyone said here.. start saying 'No'.

Miss you by the way sistah!

miss you too, been meaning to invite you round but this box is keeping me so busy, will see u at the end of sept when this box has been picked up... muah!

[maria_and_matt]

This is just too simplistic. Most Pinoy's work extremely hard to do what they can to support their family... Good job opportunities in the provinces are very few and far between. And there are no benefits to fall back on.

So your kick ass approach is totally unacceptable and unworkable..

bystander

they do work hard, but with 4 kids its not enough :(..if i do not help my nieces and nephews will have to do with what they have which is not much :(.. heartbreaking

[joebloggs]

This is just too simplistic. Most Pinoy's work extremely hard to do what they can to support their family... Good job opportunities in the provinces are very few and far between. And there are no benefits to fall back on.

So your kick ass approach is totally unacceptable and unworkable..

bystander

that was my feeble attempt at humor

yes and most whiteys work hard, supporting a family in the phils and thier own in the uk

[IainBusby]

that was my feeble attempt at humor

yes and most whiteys work hard, supporting a family in the phils and thier own in the uk

I sometimes think that the UK family is not considered as "family" in the same sense as the family back home in the Philippines is.

[joebloggs]

I sometimes think that the UK family is not considered as "family" in the same sense as the family back home in the Philippines is.

i know what you mean

[IainBusby]

i know what you mean

I've asked this question before but I still haven't got a sensible answer, how long does it take for the kano husband to be regarded as part of the family? I've only had one hint of what the answer might be and that was, when he's prepared to give whatever is asked of him without question to the family in back home in the Philippines.

It seems to me that if you keep your head on straight and give only a reasonable amount each month, only what you can reasonably afford and not what they ask for or expect, then you are regarded as kuripot which (after I've parted with hard earned money) I find extremely insulting.

Iain.

[gWaPito]

You have the support of your husband, for that you must be grateful. You are aware they have ''crossed the line'' so, although this saddens you, you have realised enough is enough.

I know of a Filipina and an English guy near to were I live. They have been married for 20yrs with two children. They both work full time, the husband pays all the bills etc and the wife sends her money back to Phil each week £1600 a month.

This was they believed for her sick parents. They visited a while back because her Dad was on his death bed. This was the first time they gone to Phil in 8yrs (always broke!).

What they found shocked the husband. Her brothers never worked but, all had nice clothes and no end of ciggys and rum. They were having a ''ball'' at there expense.

The wife didn't want to stop the payments, the husband did, or at least reduce them.
She wouldn't compromise...the marriage failed

[Tawi2]

No one should complain really because its a known fact in pinas that westerners have a never ending supply of money,no one west of Luzon has bills to pay,nor a hefty mortgage to pay-off or even utility bills because its all FREE Or at least it must be free right because if your a pinoy sending your sis in England 20 TXT(she has a roaming SMART sim otherwise she would have to phone you)a week asking for cash she just remitts and remitts and remitts I always say and this mantra should be etched on your cheque book covers "The more ya send the more they spend" I mentioned before I know a marriage thats breaking up as we speak because the woman borrowed around £30,000 that the guy has so far found out about and sent it all east,he paid everything,all bills,mortgage,the lot,she worked full time and after 10 years here had diddly squat in her account and STILL borrowed 10's of 1000's of pounds from here....there.....everywhere Pinas is Remittance central,those islands are kept afloat through remittances,some places every 2'nd shop is a western-union its a dependancy culture,but utang na loob is a one-way street running from west to east

[Jonnywina]

My god..I am so Glad my Family is not like that. They'd be happy if I remember sending them things for sure but they would send me text messages asking for something. You should learn how to say no. If you can't afford what they've been asking for you. Tell them it is not busy working our butt off here. We don't just pick up money on the road.

Say no..and be honest and tell them how you feel about them asking stuff. It's okay to give once in a while but there has to be a limit. They should know it. Just an opinion.

[gWaPito]

No one should complain really because its a known fact in pinas that westerners have a never ending supply of money,no one west of Luzon has bills to pay,nor a hefty mortgage to pay-off or even utility bills because its all FREE Or at least it must be free right because if your a pinoy sending your sis in England 20 TXT(she has a roaming SMART sim otherwise she would have to phone you)a week asking for cash she just remitts and remitts and remitts I always say and this mantra should be etched on your cheque book covers "The more ya send the more they spend" I mentioned before I know a marriage thats breaking up as we speak because the woman borrowed around £30,000 that the guy has so far found out about and sent it all east,he paid everything,all bills,mortgage,the lot,she worked full time and after 10 years here had diddly squat in her account and STILL borrowed 10's of 1000's of pounds from here....there.....everywhere Pinas is Remittance central,those islands are kept afloat through remittances,some places every 2'nd shop is a western-union its a dependancy culture,but utang na loob is sometimes one-way traffic

Right on!!...where money is concerned there is sometimes a lack of understanding. As you, and most every one else on here will be aware that, most western couples put there money in the same ''pot'' no, what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine also!! Like you rightly said, many Phil/UK marriages fail becoz of this. It is no good the husband turning a ''blind eye'' or ''having his head in the sand'' all will come out sooner or later, be it now or in 30 yrs time.

Resentment grows

[IainBusby]

"The more ya send the more they spend"

And the more they ask for and expect you to send.

[Jonnywina]

Please say no this time..they have to learn the value of money and how hard it is to work to earn it. Its not something we just pick up somewhere. We work for it. I'd always tell my family back at home that what is sent there they should use it wisely and only get things that they really need and save the rest. It should always be like that. You can't spoil them that much. I am not a bank and so is my husband

[IainBusby]

Please say no this time..they have to learn the value of money and how hard it is to work to earn it. Its not something we just pick up somewhere. We work for it. I'd always tell my family back at home that what is sent there they should use it wisely and only get things that they really need and save the rest. It should always be like that. You can't spoil them that much. I am not a bank and so is my husband

Well Said.

[maria_and_matt]

My god..I am so Glad my Family is not like that. They'd be happy if I remember sending them things for sure but they would send me text messages asking for something. You should learn how to say no. If you can't afford what they've been asking for you. Tell them it is not busy working our butt off here. We don't just pick up money on the road.

Say no..and be honest and tell them how you feel about them asking stuff. It's okay to give once in a while but there has to be a limit. They should know it. Just an opinion.

its hubbys fault, he is the one who started to send a box home for xmas. anyway the box is being picked up this sunday, so thats that till the next one.

[maria_and_matt]

Right on!!...where money is concerned there is sometimes a lack of understanding. As you, and most every one else on here will be aware that, most western couples put there money in the same ''pot'' no, what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine also!! Like you rightly said, many Phil/UK marriages fail becoz of this. It is no good the husband turning a ''blind eye'' or ''having his head in the sand'' all will come out sooner or later, be it now or in 30 yrs time.

Resentment grows

hmm true to some people maybe, my husband told me last night that he sees that there is a need to help my mother back home, there was a time there that i told him not to send her some money, he only lasted a year, and he started helping again about 6 months ago. i am beginning to resent what he is doing as i feel we need to only send what is needed and not whats wanted.

[gWaPito]

hmm true to some people maybe, my husband told me last night that he sees that there is a need to help my mother back home, there was a time there that i told him not to send her some money, he only lasted a year, and he started helping again about 6 months ago. i am beginning to resent what he is doing as i feel we need to only send what is needed and not whats wanted.

I won't say any more for fear of offending someone. Money is a very emotive subject.

You know what you have to do, I wish you well.

[maria_and_matt]

I won't say any more for fear of offending someone. Money is a very emotive subject.

You know what you have to do, I wish you well.

say it... i dont get easily affended by peoples opinions, we are all entitled to one

[gWaPito]

say it... i dont get easily affended by peoples opinions, we are all entitled to one

That is exactly it, just plain simple opinions, not facts. You sound if you are 'hurting' so you don't need it.

keep posting and don't get 'down hearted', you are not alone with this problem.
You had the courage to 'post' it so, good for you!

He has, as you have quoted ' God, grant me the courage to change things I can'

[maria_and_matt]

That is exactly it, just plain simple opinions, not facts. You sound if you are 'hurting' so you don't need it.

keep posting and don't get 'down hearted', you are not alone with this problem.
You had the courage to 'post' it so, good for you!

He has, as you have quoted ' God, grant me the courage to change things I can'

yeah i had to rant about it here coz i had no one to talk to about those things, i just wish they'd (my family) see the 'light'. i am so lucky that my hubby is kind to them. i think that is is me who gets fed up with sending money back home, i do not know why, i just am :(

[gWaPito]

yeah i had to rant about it here coz i had no one to talk to about those things, i just wish they'd (my family) see the 'light'. i am so lucky that my hubby is kind to them. i think that is is me who gets fed up with sending money back home, i do not know why, i just am :(

You are lucky, normally it's the other way round but, if the money being sent is affecting the way you live then, you must address this issue.

If you are a devout Christian this is where the problem starts. We know what was said about giving to the needy so, I won't bang on about that one.
If you don't give you become 'raked' with guilt, you become 'torn' inside.

Anyway enough, I'm going too deep.

[maria_and_matt]

You are lucky, normally it's the other way round but, if the money being sent is affecting the way you live then, you must address this issue.

If you are a devout Christian this is where the problem starts. We know what was said about giving to the needy so, I won't bang on about that one.
If you don't give you become 'raked' with guilt, you become 'torn' inside.

Anyway enough, I'm going too deep.

you got it right, if we do not help i feel ever so guilty, and when we do i feel they are taking advantage of us...

[jaishann]

my husband and i give them money we have, we do not intend to borrow so we can finance their 'wants'. i am just fairly lucky that my husband lets me do all the things i do for my family without moaning. i do not work and all of the things that i give my family is from my husband.. i never asked him to do this for me or my family, he lost his parents 8 yrs ago and he told me that he considers my family as his now, and does not mind helping out, but i think that my family is abusing my husbands generosity. [/QUOTE]

just be reminded my dear that needs and wants are two different things. as we all dont know what the future brings , think about yourselves as well as there will be time you might need help and you'd be upset if you spent it all when you had it and nothings left when you need it..

[pumpkins]

hi maria..i know every filipina have a different kind of situation in terms of family..
of course if one of my family member need help,i will give a helping hand in time of their needs.i dont have a heartstone but if they become abusive,well well well i wont accept that..my family knew me anyway as
" kuripot ".
and about the money thing, it should be discuss between husband and wife

[IainBusby]

hi maria..i know every filipina have a different kind of situation in terms of family..
of course if one of my family member need help,i will give a helping hand in time of their needs.i dont have a heartstone but if they become abusive,well well well i wont accept that..my family knew me anyway as
" kuripot ".
and about the money thing, it should be discuss between husband and wife

I'd rather be seen as kuripot than as a soft touch.