slightly annoyed with my 'family'

[maria_and_matt]

each year we send my family back home a balikbayan box. it gets there xmas time, it makes me feel better celebrating xmas here knowing they all have what their greedy hearts desire..

this box is costing me a fortune, they all want things and i have got no heart to say no. my son matthew has a psp to give to my younger brother, now my nieces and nephew want one too, on top of the nintendo dsi i have brought for them already. they also want all the latest game which cost £30-40 each. mobile phones is on the list too.

it makes me sad coz they do not even text me to say hello or how are you, but lately i get at least 10 texts a day with, oh can u buy me this :(...

i just needed to get this off my chest, ranting over now i have to get on packing a buying some more things :(

[triple5]

Put your foot down and say no. If it's family who are close and in regular contact then no problem if you can afford it, but for extended family who only contact you to make requests you have to draw the line somewhere.

[maria_and_matt]

Put your foot down and say no. If it's family who are close and in regular contact then no problem if you can afford it, but for extended family who only contact you to make requests you have to draw the line somewhere.

so so sad to say that they are my immediate family.. my hubby gave me £1k for the box, that is almost gone, i am now using my own savings. i am so sick of this box already it is giving me stress..

[IainBusby]

so so sad to say that they are my immediate family.. my hubby gave me £1k for the box, that is almost gone, i am now using my own savings. i am so sick of this box already it is giving me stress..

£1000, you must be crazy. Were currently filling a box ready to send later this month so it will be there for christmas, but most of it is second hand stuff, food and chocolate etc. I think it's time you put your foot down and let them knowhow expensive it is to live here and how hard it is to come by £1000 in this country. If were me I'd just tell them your sending a box and what they get is what what they get and it will be only what you can afford.
Iain.

[maria_and_matt]

£1000, you must be crazy. Were currently filling a box ready to send later this month so it will be there for christmas, but most of it is second hand stuff, food and chocolate etc. I think it's time you put your foot down and let them knowhow expensive it is to live here and how hard it is to come by £1000 in this country. If were me I'd just tell them your sending a box and what they get is what what they get and it will be only what you can afford.
Iain.

i told them this will be my last box ( i also said that last year). i couldnt get over how i quick i spent the money hubby gave me, and the box aint even full yet.
i will be so happy when this box goes

[Arthur Little]

each year we send my family back home a balikbayan box. it gets there xmas time, it makes me feel better celebrating xmas here knowing they all have what their greedy hearts desire..

this box is costing me a fortune, they all want things and i have got no heart to say no. my son matthew has a psp to give to my younger brother, now my nieces and nephew want one too, on top of the nintendo dsi i have brought for them already. they also want all the latest game which cost £30-40 each. mobile phones is on the list too.

it makes me sad coz they do not even text me to say hello or how are you, but lately i get at least 10 texts a day with, oh can u buy me this :(...

i just needed to get this off my chest, ranting over now i have to get on packing a buying some more things :(

You have my sympathy, but I DO think you need to explain to the family members you're most in touch with, that the cost of living here in the UK is a lot higher than it is in many parts of the world. When Myrna first came to this country back in March, she could scarcely believe the price tags on many commodities that [anywhere] are regarded as basic everyday necessities ... let alone "non essentials" like computer games, mobile phones and so forth.

Worth a try!

[maria_and_matt]

You have my sympathy, but I DO think you need to explain to the family members you're most in touch with, that the cost of living here in the UK is a lot higher than it is in many parts of the world. When Myrna first came to this country back in March, she could scarcely believe the price tags on many commodities that [anywhere] are regarded as basic everyday necessities ... let alone "non essentials" like computer games, mobile phones and so forth.

Worth a try!

they know how expensive it is here, most of them have been here to visit us. i just cant say no to the kids i feel so sorry for them, as i know they have very little to play with. i think most of this stems from me feeling guilty about the life my hubby gives us, i know how hard life can be back home, so i try to give them everything they ask for.

in the beginning it was just my sons old toys, old consoles, but all that is gone now. i am staring at my box wondering what to get to fill it up

[nigel]

Filipinas very much love their families and make big sacrifices for them, my Vimvie does, I don't try to stop her but I wish she could realize that SACRIFICE/COMPRIMISE is bad!

Taking out loans so you can give your family even more money is just ridiculous!

My motto is:

If you have recieved an abundance of money, then your in a position to give money!

If you have little money and you are even giving that, then you are SACRIFICING not giving, COMPRIMISING your own well being, you are leaving yourself with nothing, you simply can't do that cause your life matters too!

You should never "comprimise" yourself! Ensure your own needs are met first!

[bornatbirth]

so so sad to say that they are my immediate family.. my hubby gave me £1k for the box, that is almost gone, i am now using my own savings. i am so sick of this box already it is giving me stress..

do you have trouble saying no?

if so can i have £1000

btw why buy new games when you can get 20 fake games in the philipines for half the price of a new game in the uk?

Filipinas very much love their families and make big sacrifices for them, my Vimvie does, I don't try to stop her but I wish she could realize that SACRIFICE/COMPRIMISE is bad!

Taking out loans so you can give your family even more money is just ridiculous!

My motto is:

If you have recieved an abundance of money, then your in a position to give money!

If you have little money and you are even giving that, then you are SACRIFICING not giving, COMPRIMISING your own well being, you are leaving yourself with nothing, you simply can't do that cause your life matters too!

You should never "comprimise" yourself! Ensure your own needs are met first!

well said

[maria_and_matt]

Filipinas very much love their families and make big sacrifices for them, my Vimvie does, I don't try to stop her but I wish she could realize that SACRIFICE/COMPRIMISE is bad!

Taking out loans so you can give your family even more money is just ridiculous!

My motto is:

If you have recieved an abundance of money, then your in a position to give money!

If you have little money and you are even giving that, then you are SACRIFICING not giving, COMPRIMISING your own well being, you are leaving yourself with nothing, you simply can't do that cause your life matters too!

You should never "comprimise" yourself! Ensure your own needs are met first!

we buy the games here as a bundle, i got a nintendo dsi with 2 games that they wanted, and i am not so sure if the games back home will work with the consoles brought here.

my husband and i give them money we have, we do not intend to borrow so we can finance their 'wants'. i am just fairly lucky that my husband lets me do all the things i do for my family without moaning. i do not work and all of the things that i give my family is from my husband.. i never asked him to do this for me or my family, he lost his parents 8 yrs ago and he told me that he considers my family as his now, and does not mind helping out, but i think that my family is abusing my husbands generosity.

[jaishann]

my husband and i give them money we have, we do not intend to borrow so we can finance their 'wants'. i am just fairly lucky that my husband lets me do all the things i do for my family without moaning. i do not work and all of the things that i give my family is from my husband.. i never asked him to do this for me or my family, he lost his parents 8 yrs ago and he told me that he considers my family as his now, and does not mind helping out, but i think that my family is abusing my husbands generosity. [/QUOTE]

just be reminded my dear that needs and wants are two different things. as we all dont know what the future brings , think about yourselves as well as there will be time you might need help and you'd be upset if you spent it all when you had it and nothings left when you need it..

[JimOttley]

they know how expensive it is here, most of them have been here to visit us. i just cant say no to the kids i feel so sorry for them, as i know they have very little to play with. i think most of this stems from me feeling guilty about the life my hubby gives us, i know how hard life can be back home, so i try to give them everything they ask for.

in the beginning it was just my sons old toys, old consoles, but all that is gone now. i am staring at my box wondering what to get to fill it up

Give what you can and stop there, this is not a rich country any more and will be a lot less rich soon enough. The kind of things it sounds like they are asking for will not make their lives any better, it's ephemeral stuff, here today gone tomorrow and doing little or nothing for their future.

Hands out at Christmas is not nice, particularly if they have been here and seen the costs already and particularly when they are not making much attempt to keep in touch with you.

1k is way more than enough already!


Jim

[maria_and_matt]

Give what you can and stop there, this is not a rich country any more and will be a lot less rich soon enough. The kind of things it sounds like they are asking for will not make their lives any better, it's ephemeral stuff, here today gone tomorrow and doing little or nothing for their future.

Hands out at Christmas is not nice, particularly if they have been here and seen the costs already and particularly when they are not making much attempt to keep in touch with you.

1k is way more than enough already!


Jim

i do not mind giving them things if they can also send me texts to let me know they are thinking of me :(...

it seems that it is the same with most filipina friends i have here, relatives dont text to say thank you we got the money you sent, they only text when the money has run out and they need more.

[IainBusby]

i do not mind giving them things if they can also send me texts to let me know they are thinking of me :(...

it seems that it is the same with most filipina friends i have here, relatives dont text to say thank you we got the money you sent, they only text when the money has run out and they need more.

That sounds familiar. You really need to learn to say no, enough is enough.

[JimOttley]

i do not mind giving them things if they can also send me texts to let me know they are thinking of me :(...

it seems that it is the same with most filipina friends i have here, relatives dont text to say thank you we got the money you sent, they only text when the money has run out and they need more.

A couple of years back we had this problem and my partner was not even in the UK, we had constant pressure to solve every problem that came along and often my partner Ana could not talk to me about it, this creates a very poisonous situation between a couple.

It really is not easy, in our case I know there is genuine desparate need in our family and I have helped as much as I can but we cannot possibly solve all their problems alone, we have two kids of our own to support :( and times are getting bad in the UK, we have to think of our future and our kids future!

Having them dip into the foreign bank every month or so is doing them no favours!


Jim

[bystander09]

each year we send my family back home a balikbayan box. it gets there xmas time, it makes me feel better celebrating xmas here knowing they all have what their greedy hearts desire..

this box is costing me a fortune, they all want things and i have got no heart to say no. my son matthew has a psp to give to my younger brother, now my nieces and nephew want one too, on top of the nintendo dsi i have brought for them already. they also want all the latest game which cost £30-40 each. mobile phones is on the list too.

it makes me sad coz they do not even text me to say hello or how are you, but lately i get at least 10 texts a day with, oh can u buy me this :(...

i just needed to get this off my chest, ranting over now i have to get on packing a buying some more things :(

Hi Guys,

This is something that you must learn how to handle. Your family will have great expectations of you. It would be unwise be angry with them, just try and manage their expectations.

bystander

[eleazebonares]

each year we send my family back home a balikbayan box. it gets there xmas time, it makes me feel better celebrating xmas here knowing they all have what their greedy hearts desire..

this box is costing me a fortune, they all want things and i have got no heart to say no. my son matthew has a psp to give to my younger brother, now my nieces and nephew want one too, on top of the nintendo dsi i have brought for them already. they also want all the latest game which cost £30-40 each. mobile phones is on the list too.

it makes me sad coz they do not even text me to say hello or how are you, but lately i get at least 10 texts a day with, oh can u buy me this :(...

i just needed to get this off my chest, ranting over now i have to get on packing a buying some more things :(

hey,ujust have to learn to say no. Cuz m0ney dnt grow on trees..lyk u hav to tel em now cuz later on, they'l b askin for more en more..& its n0t even dat impt,ud understand f its lyk 4 educati0n or health purposes. The next 1 u send em,write em a n0te or smthng..

[Florge]

hey,ujust have to learn to say no. Cuz m0ney dnt grow on trees..lyk u hav to tel em now cuz later on, they'l b askin for more en more..& its n0t even dat impt,ud understand f its lyk 4 educati0n or health purposes. The next 1 u send em,write em a n0te or smthng..

Sorry if this i', "hijacking" this thread, but please Eleaze, kindly spell out the words you type here? There are people who can't read text spellings/writings (not one of them though) thanks!

[eleazebonares]

Sorry if this i', "hijacking" this thread, but please Eleaze, kindly spell out the words you type here? There are people who can't read text spellings/writings (not one of them though) thanks!

oh,im sorry..thanks for reminding me though.. Im using my phone for the internet,i apologize.

[Florge]

oh,im sorry..thanks for reminding me though.. Im using my phone for the internet,i apologize.

No worries... just making it easy for those that are not used to text spellings... hehehe... thanks for understanding

[eleazebonares]

No worries... just making it easy for those that are not used to text spellings... hehehe... thanks for understanding

i know what you mean,i just keep on forgeting.i expected this though.lol.. Btw,c0ngrats.

[eleazebonares]

Damn,£1k,for toys..thats like 80k php..you can already start a biz for that here in the phil.. Even if your hubby got mucho dinero,theres no way that you should waste it right.. You know they always forget to say thank you,thats so mean of them...makes you feel like they dont even appreciate your expensive padala.

[pennybarry]

each year we send my family back home a balikbayan box. it gets there xmas time, it makes me feel better celebrating xmas here knowing they all have what their greedy hearts desire..

this box is costing me a fortune, they all want things and i have got no heart to say no. my son matthew has a psp to give to my younger brother, now my nieces and nephew want one too, on top of the nintendo dsi i have brought for them already. they also want all the latest game which cost £30-40 each. mobile phones is on the list too.

it makes me sad coz they do not even text me to say hello or how are you, but lately i get at least 10 texts a day with, oh can u buy me this :(...

i just needed to get this off my chest, ranting over now i have to get on packing a buying some more things :(

You must be so lucky Maria but you have to think if that will help them.
A thousand pounds will be a big help if you spend it wisely.

My adopted child was crying out loud for a Nintendo. I explained him well that it might destruct his studies and loose his scholarship. Instead of Nintendo, I sent him computer and he's happy as he search his homework and learned more about computer until he became best in computer in the class. They send me offline messages everyday which cost nothing.
My suggestion is why not buy them PC so you can have communication thru internet. Hubby sent his old PSP 2 but I gave it to nephew who already finished his studies in college. I don't give them expensive mobile as I heard some of snatchers who victimized children. They said I kill them with kindness but full of restrictions. Strict aunt

[KeithD]

The Philippine economy is more powerful, and in much less debt than the UK, which make the Phil people BETTER OFF than we are, so they should be sending you a box!

Probably would be cheaper if you'd just transferred the money so someone in the Phil could buy all the stuff, and haggle over the prices.

[maria_and_matt]

The Philippine economy is more powerful, and in much less debt than the UK, which make the Phil people BETTER OFF than we are, so they should be sending you a box!

Probably would be cheaper if you'd just transferred the money so someone in the Phil could buy all the stuff, and haggle over the prices.

a box from them would be nice not hoping tho they are not even sending me texts

if i send the money the adults have a habit of not giving to the kids, and the money i will send will be used to paying their debts

[scottishbride]

All of the posts mentioned is full of valid points! My wife worked in Dubai for 5 years, she send money and gifts home on a regular basis and because of this she had nothing to show for all her hard work out there. She has stopped giving her family money, we give gifts sometimes or take them out for a meal that is it. My wife wants to work when we hopefully go over to the UK, I am all for this if it is to help her keep her occupied, help her confidence and self esteem. But if it is to send money to the Phils, I am very much against it, she has already given them enough, her brother and sisters are lazy , who do nothing, they don't even help there mother around the house. I believe this is one of our main culture differences, I know my family would never accept any unecessary amount of money from me. On the other note, her family live a comfortable life, her dad is a very proud man, who actually occasionally takes us out for dinner and he gave us a large sum of money at our wedding, they have never asked anything from us! It is just a pity the brother and sisters are so lazy, they are quite happy to sit around the house all day, I know that if that were me, my oldman would give me a right good kick up the !

[adam&chryss]

We can't just help being generous specially with our family...
I'm glad that my family are not asking too much from me.. they are happy whatever I give/send them. Though how I wish I could give them more than I could.

I guess, sis Maria, you spoiled them so much that's why they are like that.


As everyone said here.. start saying 'No'.

Miss you by the way sistah!

[maria_and_matt]

We can't just help being generous specially with our family...
I'm glad that my family are not asking too much from me.. they are happy whatever I give/send them. Though how I wish I could give them more than I could.

I guess, sis Maria, you spoiled them so much that's why they are like that.


As everyone said here.. start saying 'No'.

Miss you by the way sistah!

miss you too, been meaning to invite you round but this box is keeping me so busy, will see u at the end of sept when this box has been picked up... muah!

[Tawi2]

No one should complain really because its a known fact in pinas that westerners have a never ending supply of money,no one west of Luzon has bills to pay,nor a hefty mortgage to pay-off or even utility bills because its all FREE Or at least it must be free right because if your a pinoy sending your sis in England 20 TXT(she has a roaming SMART sim otherwise she would have to phone you)a week asking for cash she just remitts and remitts and remitts I always say and this mantra should be etched on your cheque book covers "The more ya send the more they spend" I mentioned before I know a marriage thats breaking up as we speak because the woman borrowed around £30,000 that the guy has so far found out about and sent it all east,he paid everything,all bills,mortgage,the lot,she worked full time and after 10 years here had diddly squat in her account and STILL borrowed 10's of 1000's of pounds from here....there.....everywhere Pinas is Remittance central,those islands are kept afloat through remittances,some places every 2'nd shop is a western-union its a dependancy culture,but utang na loob is a one-way street running from west to east

[gWaPito]

No one should complain really because its a known fact in pinas that westerners have a never ending supply of money,no one west of Luzon has bills to pay,nor a hefty mortgage to pay-off or even utility bills because its all FREE Or at least it must be free right because if your a pinoy sending your sis in England 20 TXT(she has a roaming SMART sim otherwise she would have to phone you)a week asking for cash she just remitts and remitts and remitts I always say and this mantra should be etched on your cheque book covers "The more ya send the more they spend" I mentioned before I know a marriage thats breaking up as we speak because the woman borrowed around £30,000 that the guy has so far found out about and sent it all east,he paid everything,all bills,mortgage,the lot,she worked full time and after 10 years here had diddly squat in her account and STILL borrowed 10's of 1000's of pounds from here....there.....everywhere Pinas is Remittance central,those islands are kept afloat through remittances,some places every 2'nd shop is a western-union its a dependancy culture,but utang na loob is sometimes one-way traffic

Right on!!...where money is concerned there is sometimes a lack of understanding. As you, and most every one else on here will be aware that, most western couples put there money in the same ''pot'' no, what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine also!! Like you rightly said, many Phil/UK marriages fail becoz of this. It is no good the husband turning a ''blind eye'' or ''having his head in the sand'' all will come out sooner or later, be it now or in 30 yrs time.

Resentment grows