Take it easy people!

[Northerner]

Hey Guy's,

I think we have all noticed recently a number of members getting themselves banned from this forum at various times and for basically the same reason. And the reason is simple - being abusive!

The fact is that this forum deals with very human emotions and people who are either living with the person they have found from the other side of the world, or people going through the struggle that comes with having a relationship over such a long distance. Both situations cause varying degrees of problems! Obviously, for those of us (including myself) who are trying to have a relationship over the telephone, email and instant messenger and the problems coming with it. There are also the people who have been successful at getting their visas and are now living together and married. Giving rise to cultural problems and the heartache felt from leaving a family behind and living on the other side of the planet.

Basically, every single one of us has a story to tell and something that bothers us all!

And there are times when something is written over the forum which will come across as insensitive, intrusive or just plain rude. But it might often be the case that this was not the intention, but words that are written can fail to carry with them the emotions often meant to be portrayed within the writing. Offence is too often the case when you are telling strangers over the internet some of the things you dare not mention to even your closest of relatives, then opening yourself up for the responses by the various people interested to comment, only to find someone making light of what might seem the most important part of your life right now.

I can recall 2 times when I have taken personal offence to things said by members of this forum! After reading those same comments a few times, they seem to lighten and I realize the writer was not meaning to be critical of me or my situation, but trying to give advice to me. Even though I might not like the advice they seemed to give me.

There is also the obvious banter on this site. Banter which can often be sexual in nature (typical of British humour), sometimes a little insensitive at other times. However, it is always meant as a way to diffuse the emotions and tensions that exist within any social grouping. And sadly, is often mistaken for rudeness and/or argumentative. And banter can easily deteriorate into a nasty slanging match leaving the moderators little choice but the banning of those arguing. Also, remember that Keith and the moderators are as the same as you - human and emotional. Imagine coming to this forum as a moderator after a stressful day at work, only to find a poster politely telling you to off? Do you react with another couple of posts trying to win the argument or simply forget about it and ban the person who is aggravating others?

And why argue? Why fight?

Does giving somebody over the internet a literal beating make you happier with your day? Does it improve the chances of getting your visa? The obvious answer is no, it does not; It is a waste of time, energy and emotion to continue along the lines of a conversation like this!

Basically, my advice to everyone on this forum is to chill out! If somebody says something to you that offends you, forget about it. If somebody is out and out trying to upset people, the mods will get rid of them. No need to react to a person who has little to do than insult people with the hope they will respond in kind. This forum is for advice and support for those of us trying to gain a better understanding of UK and Filipino laws and customs. A place to get help for how to apply for a visa, support from those who have already taken those steps. And a place to make light of life and enjoy some banter with others like ourselves.

Take it easy people

[D&G]

Hey Guy's,

Basically, my advice to everyone on this forum is to chill out! If somebody says something to you that offends you, forget about it. If somebody is out and out trying to upset people, the mods will get rid of them. No need to react to a person who has little to do than insult people with the hope they will respond in kind. This forum is for advice and support for those of us trying to gain a better understanding of UK and Filipino laws and customs. A place to get help for how to apply for a visa, support from those who have already taken those steps. And a place to make light of life and enjoy some banter with others like ourselves.

Take it easy people

very well said!

[pumpkins]

all i can say in this forum, is dont judge ! coz you dont know who you are talking to.
be careful of the words to say..
there is a time that some members cannot help themselves to insult others..it maybe part of english humour, i dont know, but there are smilies here you can put at the end of the sentence if you meant it as a joke..
this is open forum so dont be so sensitive but also dont be abusive
we should know our limits...
so guys as northerner said, CHILL OUT

[Mrs Daddy]

well,well,well where was I when this happened

[aromulus]

well,well,well where was I when this happened

Getting preggy...???

[Mrs Daddy]

Getting preggy...???

[MarBell379]

you mean im not allowed to put smilies at the end of my insults anymore?

[fred]

you mean im not allowed to put smilies at the end of my insults anymore?

Depends on the smiley..
Pick the wrong one and you might wish you had chosen another!!

[Florge]

This has been said time and again in this forum.... so many forumers have already told other forumers to "chill out" and not be sensitive, judgmental, and what have you ... and the ones who advocated the "chilling out" got banned... LOL....

Seriously, thanks for reminding us. Keep it up!

[KeithD]

I can recall 2 times when I have taken personal offence to things said by members of this forum!

Only two.... I must try harder

[GaryFifer]

Hi Northerner

Would I be right in my thinking, you mean the recent discussions with Bystander? I had some banter with mr "innocent" bystander and I apologise for the language, which offended Arthur.

But you say you were offended by members 2 times. That's not bad. Boss is right I wonder how many times has he seen it!

[IainBusby]

Right On.

[Northerner]

Gary, I wasn't just refering to the bystander thread although it was clearly in my thoughts when I wrote it!

Keith, you've not offended me at all mate

[Arthur Little]

Hi Northerner

Would I be right in my thinking, you mean the recent discussions with Bystander? I had some banter with mr "innocent" bystander and I apologise for the language, which offended Arthur.

Gary, mate ... you didn't offend ME. Honest! [I'm not that easily offended]. Besides, I'M no SAINT, and have been guilty of using "choice" language myself ... not on the forum, I hasten to add!

I understand the "innocent" person concerned was banned on account of his evident arrogance and sexist comments on a public - and otherwise friendly - forum.

[GaryFifer]

Gary, mate ... you didn't offend ME. Honest! [I'm not that easily offended]. Besides, I'M no SAINT, and have been guilty of using "choice" language myself ... not on the forum, I hasten to add!

I understand the "innocent" person concerned was banned on account of his evident arrogance and sexist comments on a public - and otherwise friendly - forum.

Sorry I got that wrong! It was not Arthur it was Alan. I do not know whats wrong with my brain today. My step daughter is learning about King Arthur so I had to write notes about the King of the Britons.

[bornatbirth]

well,well,well where was I when this happened

Getting preggy...???

but there are smilies here you can put at the end of the sentence if you meant it as a joke

you mean im not allowed to put smilies at the end of my insults anymore?

you can post whatever you like as long as you put a at the end of it,so we all know its a joke off


there are times i cant say i agree with others and if i replyed to all of them,i would have a very high post count
but i find threads where the forumers have a rant at each other funny and find it strange when some take offence?

and it seems we all have our own agenda but some more than others,so why take offence to what someone else as posted just ignore them

[Pepe n Pilar]

Very well said Northerner ...And to add to that... Since everybody knows this is a public forum so anything we post here is viewable by anyone in the universe!...lol... so if we post a thread on something we thought is very sensitive but because we need advice or get different opinions from others then we should be ready for whatever responses we will receive from the readers, may it be advantageous or not on our part. Likewise, if we think it is confidential then.... hmmm.... better not post it anymore....
Hope it make sense...
So everybody... CHILL OUT!

[LEAHnew]

Thanks for the good words and reminders Northener

Very well said Northerner ...And to add to that... Since everybody knows this is a public forum so anything we post here is viewable by anyone in the universe!...lol... so if we post a thread on something we thought is very sensitive but because we need advice or get different opinions from others then we should be ready for whatever responses we will receive from the readers, may it be advantageous or not on our part. Likewise, if we think it is confidential then.... hmmm.... better not post it anymore....
Hope it make sense...
So everybody... CHILL OUT!

........
..and to remind everyone especially my fellow FILIPINA PLEASE do not use the public forum if you want to ATTACK SOMEONE because you have disagreement in ym,facebook,friendster or wherever. If you've been ignored by someone then SHUT UP and move on.

I am so lucky to be a member of this forum, whatever happening to me whether good or bad... it's my pleasure to share to everyone even to get criticism, judgemental or negative feedback from that I am learning and facing the challenge of life with strong faith and love in my heart

[gWaPito]

I whole heartedly agree with bornabirth, as the quote goes 'it takes a bigger man to walk away than to stand and fight', I don't always agree with that statement, there are times when 'a man's got to do what a man's got to do'
In my humble opinion the former applies to this subject.

[Matt7]

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=18341


I think these threads are somewhat preaching to the choir, we're all adults and most of us know how to handle ourselves.

Obviously bystander seemed intent on stirring up arguments and he's a one off, but I'd be disappointed if threads like these led to simply outspoken members like myself being "reigned in" so to speak. There's two sides to every coin, and whilst bystander did overstep the boundaries of decency and deserved what he got, some people are all too keen to see people with strong opinions banished. I guess its to Win2Wins credit that he allows any kinds of opinion, within reason, as it makes this forum much more interesting than one big "love in"

[Northerner]

I whole heartedly agree with bornabirth, as the quote goes 'it takes a bigger man to walk away than to stand and fight', I don't always agree with that statement, there are times when 'a man's got to do what a man's got to do'
In my humble opinion the former applies to this subject.

Maybe the gentlemanly thing is to ask the offending party to take things outside? And onto yahoo messenger!

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=18341


I think these threads are somewhat preaching to the choir, we're all adults and most of us know how to handle ourselves.

Obviously bystander seemed intent on stirring up arguments and he's a one off, but I'd be disappointed if threads like these led to simply outspoken members like myself being "reigned in" so to speak. There's two sides to every coin, and whilst bystander did overstep the boundaries of decency and deserved what he got, some people are all too keen to see people with strong opinions banished. I guess its to Win2Wins credit that he allows any kinds of opinion, within reason, as it makes this forum much more interesting than one big "love in"

I agree Matt, and I am pretty sure you will find all the mods agree too. Discussing whatever topic is fine, but when personal attacks are swapped instead of genuine retorts, I think it fair to say the conversation is over and the idiots have taken over! But it is all too easy to dismantle the arguments of someone like Bystander. Logical reasoning is something not used by such a person! Therefore they simply turn to insults and ignorance to remain in the conversation.

Plus, I often get the feeling that a few of these people are in fact the same person masquerading as a new character designed just to wind up the regulars! I know the mods can see IP addresses but it is easy to get a new one, along with a new Google email address. I have a friend who often does this on facebook, usually naming himself after someone he works with and regularly insulting Ginger people, scientologists, etc. Making bizarre arguments simply to confuse and anger people for his fun, and often from work (security guards rarely do actual work if he is my example).

The (ps) artist formerly known as "Labuyo" was a good example of someone either bored or laying bait for people to be offended. Even Tawi2 got roped into a slanging match with what I think was a harmless attempt at banter, although it could have been misconstrued as sheer rudeness (one of the points of my thread starter). And the whole thread dissolved into a slanging match between a few members, hardly a good example to newbies.

[KeithD]

Plus, I often get the feeling that a few of these people are in fact the same person masquerading as a new character designed just to wind up the regulars! I know the mods can see IP addresses but it is easy to get a new one, along with a new Google email address. .

It is not as hard to spot as you think, years of experience flags them up. Simple & obvious things as well give them away, attitude, grammar, spelling, you can't change them, plus a lot of other things I won't mention

[Northerner]

It is not as hard to spot as you think, years of experience flags them up. Simple & obvious things as well give them away, attitude, grammar, spelling, you can't change them, plus a lot of other things I won't mention

Hmmm.. I suppose so

[somebody]

http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=18341


I think these threads are somewhat preaching to the choir, we're all adults and most of us know how to handle ourselves.

Obviously bystander seemed intent on stirring up arguments and he's a one off, but I'd be disappointed if threads like these led to simply outspoken members like myself being "reigned in" so to speak. There's two sides to every coin, and whilst bystander did overstep the boundaries of decency and deserved what he got, some people are all too keen to see people with strong opinions banished. I guess its to Win2Wins credit that he allows any kinds of opinion, within reason, as it makes this forum much more interesting than one big "love in"

Hi Matt while im sure most on here are adults by legal defintion i do think particularly on this forum many are not used to Internet forums, text speak etc. So many do need pointers and also reassurance that the majority on here dont agree with "having a go at others"
Its like if your in a pub and the Landlord/bouncers who can only act when it gets to a certain level of rowdiness by booting them out and a queit word in the shell like is not having an effect. Often peer pressure I.e half the pub saying will you calm down or leave is far more effective.

I'm sure if you compared this site to many it has a quite high percentage of users who are not normally those who untill recently communicated by Internet,text etc. You only have to see how some people set out their Posts at least at first in a tradtional letter style for example to see.

Other people dont seem to realise the writing they have just put down is not a note pin up on a notice board or stuck on afridge only seen by a handful, but in theory the entire world can read. Also like with emails sometimes its best to read them out to someone else or print them out before pressing the send button.

Im sure Mr admin po Boss Lord of a little hill in Wales, has no problem with people being outspoken and taking a differing view to him and the mods. Otherwise I would have disapeared years ago.

I dont think anyone on here simply wants a Love in, but many on here seek support, help in desperate situations. Often in a highly charged emotional situation due to LDR's, struggles with public bodies, the dread of Visa and other decisions being dealt by goverment offcials, homesickness.
I simply dont see that on the other forums I frequent, on some nearly all the members know one another (football) While on here at least at first the huge majority dont and many have little in common socially.

Now I have not read any of the recent "Issue" threads as been away from the interweb hard at work. So may have as normal the wrong end of the stick.

While a raging arguement say about who is the best striker for saturday's game may get a little charged or if people have a ongoing side row during the
thread it simply doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

If that happens in posts where the advice sort is for life changing events like applying for visas, getting your children to the UK or involving complex emotional issues. Someone getting a really dumb reply or being insulted could really hurt and confuse an indivudal.

[Northerner]

Thought I would boost this thread back up because a few people might do good to read it. Plus I have a few points to add.... And rather than create a new thread, this one would suffice.

Keith (win2win) always uses humour throughout this forum, often as a way to diffuse otherwise sensitive threads. Sometimes that humour is sexual in nature (well known amongst us Brits), sarcastic even. But should always be taken lightly. He has no need to apologise for every time a person gets offended by his banter. Nor does anyone else need apologise if someone gets the wrong idea from their posts.

Moderators do have the right to close or remove threads. Users do not have the right to respond on this forum – it is a privilege! Now, before anyone shouts at me for free speech (and I am a huge advocate of free speech), when it is clear that a thread is nothing more than a flame baiting exercise, the limits on bandwidth and space means that these threads can get closed down. Genuine debate does happen and those threads run their course and the moderators will leave them alone until they pass into the forgotten world of dead threads.

As for banter. Get used to it!

[aromulus]

Amen to that.........

[Queenbee]

Thought I would boost this thread back up because a few people might do good to read it. Plus I have a few points to add.... And rather than create a new thread, this one would suffice.

Keith (win2win) always uses humour throughout this forum, often as a way to diffuse otherwise sensitive threads. Sometimes that humour is sexual in nature (well known amongst us Brits), sarcastic even. But should always be taken lightly. He has no need to apologise for every time a person gets offended by his banter. Nor does anyone else need apologise if someone gets the wrong idea from their posts.

Moderators do have the right to close or remove threads. Users do not have the right to respond on this forum – it is a privilege! Now, before anyone shouts at me for free speech (and I am a huge advocate of free speech), when it is clear that a thread is nothing more than a flame baiting exercise, the limits on bandwidth and space means that these threads can get closed down. Genuine debate does happen and those threads run their course and the moderators will leave them alone until they pass into the forgotten world of dead threads.

As for banter. Get used to it!

BUT OBVIOUSLY FOR A NEwBIE LIKE ME ,AT LEAST A GIVEN EXPLAINATION AS IM NOT USED TO THAT...wE'RE DEBATING A SERIOUS TOPIC...IT'S OK IF IT'S A MAN TO MAN THING BUT A MAN TO A LADY,IN THIS CASE ME,I DNT FREAKIN KNO MR KEITH...U SHOULD READ wTHE HOLE THING SIR..

[Northerner]

BUT OBVIOUSLY FOR A NEwBIE LIKE ME ,AT LEAST A GIVEN EXPLAINATION AS IM NOT USED TO THAT...wE'RE DEBATING A SERIOUS TOPIC...IT'S OK IF IT'S A MAN TO MAN THING BUT A MAN TO A LADY,IN THIS CASE ME,I DNT FREAKIN KNO MR KEITH...U SHOULD READ wTHE HOLE THING SIR..

In the office I work in, banter is how we pass the day! As for reading the whole thread, I did.. And before I made my first post earlier this year I had months of luring on this forum behind me .. I mean... I knew the sort of banter to expect!

Also, it makes it easier on the eye if you don't have CAPS LOCK left on!

[LadyJ]

BUT OBVIOUSLY FOR A NEwBIE LIKE ME ,AT LEAST A GIVEN EXPLAINATION AS IM NOT USED TO THAT...wE'RE DEBATING A SERIOUS TOPIC...IT'S OK IF IT'S A MAN TO MAN THING BUT A MAN TO A LADY,IN THIS CASE ME,I DNT FREAKIN KNO MR KEITH...U SHOULD READ wTHE HOLE THING SIR..

Caps off please!

[somebody]

BUT OBVIOUSLY FOR A NEwBIE LIKE ME ,AT LEAST A GIVEN EXPLAINATION AS IM NOT USED TO THAT...wE'RE DEBATING A SERIOUS TOPIC...IT'S OK IF IT'S A MAN TO MAN THING BUT A MAN TO A LADY,IN THIS CASE ME,I DNT FREAKIN KNO MR KEITH...U SHOULD READ wTHE HOLE THING SIR..

Queen Bee people on here as they do in the UK will often tease and be cheeky with those they know or get on with. We call it banter, the best way if some one is to have a quiet word.

Have a look at the humour on here we all have been in tense situation like you are at the moment waiting to see how you get on with your Tourist Visa.

Trust me of all the regulars no one wants you to get your Visa more than Mr Admin and the Mods. Its part of the reason they are here like many of use who technically have no reason to be here any more is to help others be together with loved ones

Just chill out and ignore Mr Admin po like we all do