Am I being scammed?

[English Rose]

I met my Philippino friend when he was over here. We knew each other for 3 months before he went back. We've been corresponding for 2 years and I'm about to buy a ticket for a visit but I'm having some doubts. He always tells me how much he loves me etc. but since he went back, he writes for a while, then stops for a bit. There's a variety of excuses which keep coming round - bad weather, power cuts, not feeling well, too many people in the computer shop. I know, too, that lack of money is a reason, although he's never mentioned that.
He's never asked me for money before but the other day asked me if I could help with the expenses when I went over there. I asked what would be the cost of the trips and hotels, then he replied that he realised he shouldn't have asked me to pay for him, that he would save up. Since he doesn't have any money, I know he won't be able to do that.
If he's genuine I'm willing to pay for things, but there are so many stories on here of Philippinas who are very loving, but then the man finds out she's had a baby by another man or something similar and the message seems to be that you can't always believe what a Philippino says.

[James Hubbard]

Well, on first hearing I would say be careful. There are many many ways scammers have to scam you.

On the other hand . . .

You've known this guy now for a number of years, and you're still wondering if you're being scammed? That in itself is a bad sign in my opinion.

I think others here who are older and/or wiser than I will be better at answering, but that's just my stab in the dark

[Mrs Daddy]

Oh dear!if its a scam then its a shame for how many years have been wasted...

[Queenbee]

I met my Philippino friend when he was over here. We knew each other for 3 months before he went back. We've been corresponding for 2 years and I'm about to buy a ticket for a visit but I'm having some doubts. He always tells me how much he loves me etc. but since he went back, he writes for a while, then stops for a bit. There's a variety of excuses which keep coming round - bad weather, power cuts, not feeling well, too many people in the computer shop. I know, too, that lack of money is a reason, although he's never mentioned that.
He's never asked me for money before but the other day asked me if I could help with the expenses when I went over there. I asked what would be the cost of the trips and hotels, then he replied that he realised he shouldn't have asked me to pay for him, that he would save up. Since he doesn't have any money, I know he won't be able to do that.
If he's genuine I'm willing to pay for things, but there are so many stories on here of Philippinas who are very loving, but then the man finds out she's had a baby by another man or something similar and the message seems to be that you can't always believe what a Philippino says.

ummm its not *scam* my dear,just bec he's filipino he's a scammer...
i really dnt kno the hole story but all i can say if you dnt trust him then dump him.Dnt just listen about stories you hear,its is just TAKING RISKS IN LOVE or YOU DOn't,,,That's it.

You can't always believe what a Filipino says?what about other foreign men cheating on us Filipinas?Dnt stereotype all filipinos gurl because we also omen here ,heard lotsa bad stories about dating foreigners but it didnt stop us from lovin our partners,,,It applies to everybody,men or women,filipino or not...PEOPLE LIE AND CHEAT IF THEY wANT TO..Dont you watch jerry springer?ul see the real world...

In your case,u better have a one on one talk to him and then you decide..

[joebloggs]

i dont think many scammers would wait 2 yrs to try to get money out of you..

if hes avoiding you maybe hes already got a g/f or wife

hope i'm wrong, only he can tell you the truth.

[somebody]

I met my Philippino friend when he was over here. We knew each other for 3 months before he went back. We've been corresponding for 2 years and I'm about to buy a ticket for a visit but I'm having some doubts. He always tells me how much he loves me etc. but since he went back, he writes for a while, then stops for a bit. There's a variety of excuses which keep coming round - bad weather, power cuts, not feeling well, too many people in the computer shop. I know, too, that lack of money is a reason, although he's never mentioned that.
He's never asked me for money before but the other day asked me if I could help with the expenses when I went over there. I asked what would be the cost of the trips and hotels, then he replied that he realised he shouldn't have asked me to pay for him, that he would save up. Since he doesn't have any money, I know he won't be able to do that.
If he's genuine I'm willing to pay for things, but there are so many stories on here of Philippinas who are very loving, but then the man finds out she's had a baby by another man or something similar and the message seems to be that you can't always believe what a Philippino says.

Cant speak for you two as a couple as you can imagine.

Just as you cant trust a Philipino you cant trust a Brit in fact be wary of anyone untill you know them better. I like my Wife and many on here all were still cautious untill they got to know one another in person well.

What is his situation, many of us Brits do take it for granted having a pc in our houses or even on our phones etc. So what seem silly- trival reasons to us of course may make it far harder.

When you say Write do you mean post, email or IM? The postal syatem as you may be aware even makes the Bitish system seem efficent

[whiteraven]

i would have to agree with jim and queenbee on some of the points they have made.if you are having doubts after the time you have known each other then maybe something is wrong. also dont assume they are scammers because they are filipino and asking for help. scammers are usually quick to ask for money early in a relationship not this late in the day, maybe he is geniune. as jim says just talk things out and go with your instinct. are you sure he isnt married already?

[somebody]

ummm its not *scam* my dear,just bec he's filipino he's a scammer...
i really dnt kno the hole story but all i can say if you dnt trust him then dump him.Dnt just listen about stories you hear,its is just TAKING RISKS IN LOVE or YOU DOn't,,,That's it.

You can't always believe what a Filipino says?what about other foreign men cheating on us Filipinas?Dnt stereotype all filipinos gurl because we also omen here ,heard lotsa bad stories about dating foreigners but it didnt stop us from lovin our partners,,,It applies to everybody,men or women,filipino or not...PEOPLE LIE AND CHEAT IF THEY wANT TO..Dont you watch jerry springer?ul see the real world...

In your case,u better have a one on one talk to him and then you decide..

Chill Queen Bee I just think English Rose is a tad worried, very few Phill Ladies visit the Brit bloke in abroad in a non familiar country first. So i'm sure you can imagine how a Brit lady like a Phill lady would feel doing so

[Sophie]

I met my Philippino friend when he was over here. We knew each other for 3 months before he went back. We've been corresponding for 2 years and I'm about to buy a ticket for a visit but I'm having some doubts. He always tells me how much he loves me etc. but since he went back, he writes for a while, then stops for a bit. There's a variety of excuses which keep coming round - bad weather, power cuts, not feeling well, too many people in the computer shop. I know, too, that lack of money is a reason, although he's never mentioned that.
He's never asked me for money before but the other day asked me if I could help with the expenses when I went over there. I asked what would be the cost of the trips and hotels, then he replied that he realised he shouldn't have asked me to pay for him, that he would save up. Since he doesn't have any money, I know he won't be able to do that.
If he's genuine I'm willing to pay for things, but there are so many stories on here of Philippinas who are very loving, but then the man finds out she's had a baby by another man or something similar and the message seems to be that you can't always believe what a Philippino says.

Hi englishrose, personally, i think it's still a bit early to make conclusions if he is scamming you......although its normal to feel suspicious at times
and its good that you're vigilant about this issues to avoid getting scammed in the future or ever.....

Financially speaking, he may not be scamming you, as you just mentioned, he never asked for money before eventhough its a fact that he doesn't have much......
and he only asked you to help out with the expenses when you get there since he probably cannot afford to bring you around or go on trips or dine out....
So he took the guts to tell you before you get there so you would know more or less what to expect.....
He may not want you to get disappointed and get himself embarassed when you get there and he cannot cover for the bills (trips, eating out, etc)

As with his on and off excuses about not showing up online at times, i cannot tell for sure, he could be telling the truth or he could be lying....
You're the only one in the position really, to know if he's for real or not or whether he's lying or not.....
2 years is long enough to know the guy well, in my opinion, but i could be wrong....
so you can either give him the benefit of the doubt or go with what your instinct tells you, if in doubt....

[Queenbee]

Chill Queen Bee I just think English Rose is a tad worried, very few Phill Ladies visit the Brit bloke in abroad in a non familiar country first. So i'm sure you can imagine how a Brit lady like a Phill lady would feel doing so

hehe sorry if sometimes i sound a bit strong especially if she's stereotypin filipinos...sometimes the tone in which things are said can be lost in email/text etc...im actually trying to help her,,,

[smiler78]

On first reading I would think its not a scam as he has been in contact with you for so long, My thoughts as an English guy is that maybe he is not comfortable with you paying as the male role is normally the one of the provider and he embarrassed that he is not able to take that role. Yes it is possible that he has a wife or girlfriend that he hasn't told you about but the fact that he is asking you help at the time your going to be there with him makes me think he is just a little uncomfortable with the situation.

You will know when you get there if he still has the money you sent or if he has paid the hotel as planned and you will have a gut feeling inside when your together. Try not to think to much about other peoples scam stories and trust your own judgment.

Have a great trip

[Queenbee]

On first reading I would think its not a scam as he has been in contact with you for so long, My thoughts as an English guy is that maybe he is not comfortable with you paying as the male role is normally the one of the provider and he embarrassed that he is not able to take that role. Yes it is possible that he has a wife or girlfriend that he hasn't told you about but the fact that he is asking you help at the time your going to be there with him makes me think he is just a little uncomfortable with the situation.

You will know when you get there if he still has the money you sent or if he has paid the hotel as planned and you will have a gut feeling inside when your together. Try not to think to much about other peoples scam stories and trust your own judgment.

Have a great trip

[New Shoes]

If the guy has waited 2 years before he mentions financial assistance, I don't think he scammer.

Filipinos can be very sensitive. Maybe he's just a little anxious that in his eyes, he should be paying for you, or at least sharing the cost, but in reality he is not in the position to do so. You as much sad so in the OP. Maybe he feels he will be embarrassed if it is seen you're one paying for things. Particularly with you being a foreigner with a Filipino, you may get people taking more notice than usual.

Of course he could have a wife or gf, but bear in mind what I have written previously.

[Ayjay]

I met my Philippino friend when he was over here. We knew each other for 3 months before he went back. We've been corresponding for 2 years and I'm about to buy a ticket for a visit but I'm having some doubts. He always tells me how much he loves me etc. but since he went back, he writes for a while, then stops for a bit. There's a variety of excuses which keep coming round - bad weather, power cuts, not feeling well, too many people in the computer shop. I know, too, that lack of money is a reason, although he's never mentioned that.
He's never asked me for money before but the other day asked me if I could help with the expenses when I went over there. I asked what would be the cost of the trips and hotels, then he replied that he realised he shouldn't have asked me to pay for him, that he would save up. Since he doesn't have any money, I know he won't be able to do that.
If he's genuine I'm willing to pay for things, but there are so many stories on here of Philippinas who are very loving, but then the man finds out she's had a baby by another man or something similar and the message seems to be that you can't always believe what a Philippino says.

Yes my dear... be very careful... many Filipino men milk their women for as much as they can, whilst staying home sleeping and drinking San Mig...

AJ

[GaryFifer]

Yes my dear... be very careful... many Filipino men milk their women for as much as they can, whilst staying home sleeping and drinking San Mig...

AJ

Many? how do you know this fantastic fact? Did you ask your tricycle driver about this while he ferried your fat lazy western behind around for bad money?

[James Hubbard]

Ahhhh, Gary2J, The things a respected member can say to a troll that I cannot!

[Aikingmahal]

Give the guy to prove himself... you never know the answer to your question until you gave him a chance! Okay. Good Luck Girl !!!

[James Hubbard]

Give the guy to prove himself... you never know the answer to your question until you gave him a chance! Okay. Good Luck Girl !!!

Probably the wisest words uttered in this so far.

Look, go there, with a £1000 or £1,500. Have FUN, enjoy it, then decide.

Either way, you've had a damn good holiday!

[Ayjay]

Many? how do you know this fantastic fact? Did you ask your tricycle driver about this while he ferried your fat lazy western behind around for bad money?

Hi Guys...

Don't use tricycles when I'm in the Phils...

AJ

[James Hubbard]

Hi Guys...

Don't use tricycles when I'm in the Phils...

AJ

--Yeah, when AJ does pushups, he doesn't push his body up from the ground, he pushes the earth DOWN

--Guns don't kill people. AJ kills people.

--Crop circles are AJ’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn just needs to lie the heck down.

--AJ’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

--AJ has counted to infinity. Twice.

--There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures AJ allows to live.

--While urinating, AJ is easily capable of welding titanium.



Giving trolls attention? OK, AyJay, you're better than elvis.

Thanks

[IainBusby]

I just think that most Filipinos male or female couldn't afford to eat in the sort of places or stay in the kind of hotels that most westerners would expect to. They would usually travel by jeepney or motorella where as we would usually take a cab. I think he just wants to give you the kind of holiday he thinks you'll expect and unfortunately, he doesn't have the money to do that.

Most of us guys paid for everything when we went there to meet our girlfriends and that usually included treating the whole family to meals out etc, so I think you ought expect to do the same. I know that it's traditional for the guy to pay, but when the woman comes from a western country and the man comes from a very poor country like Phils then I think that you must expect to do things differently.
Iain.

[James Hubbard]

Yes Iain

The guy probably feels self conscious, in that the girl in this case will be the one supplying the money to live in a western-friendly standard, and I'm sure that on some level he feels bad about that. He's just telling EnglishRose upfront, so that she won't be disappointed in him

So, EngRose, I think now, that probably you're cool

You have been with this dude for years. Enjoy your trip, then tell us all how good of a time you had

Oh, and eat some Sizzling Sizzig! It's awesome

[Queenbee]

Yes my dear... be very careful... many Filipino men milk their women for as much as they can, whilst staying home sleeping and drinking San Mig...

AJ

i agree on this in Way,,,NOT all filipinos AJ,,,LIFE MUST BE SO HARD FOR YOU...

[JimOttley]

Yes my dear... be very careful... many Filipino men milk their women for as much as they can, whilst staying home sleeping and drinking San Mig...

AJ

You're a real bundle of fun, she's gotten through a couple of YEARS!! without him asking for anything he's not scamming, there might be other problems but he's not scamming her!

And yeah I know the Red Horse, Fundador swilling lazy bums that exist in the Phils, my partners sister, an OFW working for her kids, was married to one of them for 20 years, she has now dumped him and he's out on his ear!

Jim

[somebody]

hehe sorry if sometimes i sound a bit strong especially if she's stereotypin filipinos...sometimes the tone in which things are said can be lost in email/text etc...im actually trying to help her,,,

Exactly why all people need to keep away from sterotyping people especially on this site as it scares people who are new to the world.


So many Phills and Brits beliving things about the other country or there people due to what others say using sterotypes.

An american Site many may remeber Like Rob and others from 5 years or so ago was prone to letting people use sterotypes about various people. Which
worried both the Wife and I all thouse years back.

The British man will lock up the phill lady and claim the insurance. Heard that a few times over the years.

City phill ladies will try to scam you more than country ladies.

All should be careful and take as much precaution as they would when meeting anyone.

It does sound like the Gentleman English Rose is planing to visit is a tad embrassed about a Lady paying for all.

[GaryFifer]

Hi Guys...

Don't use tricycles when I'm in the Phils...

AJ

Of course not, you must not get your feet dirty and mix with the peasants.

[JimOttley]

Of course not, you must not get your feet dirty and mix with the peasants.

That's what I thought too when I read that.


Jim

[somebody]

I just think that most Filipinos male or female couldn't afford to eat in the sort of places or stay in the kind of hotels that most westerners would expect to. They would usually travel by jeepney or motorella where as we would usually take a cab. I think he just wants to give you the kind of holiday he thinks you'll expect and unfortunately, he doesn't have the money to do that.

Most of us guys paid for everything when we went there to meet our girlfriends and that usually included treating the whole family to meals out etc, so I think you ought expect to do the same. I know that it's traditional for the guy to pay, but when the woman comes from a western country and the man comes from a very poor country like Phils then I think that you must expect to do things differently.
Iain.

Exactly and depending on the area while he would be fine traveling in a Jeepney or a tricycle, escorting a western lady would in certain areas and times of the day just not be on. But paying for a Cab would seriously dent his wallet.

Everytime he watches a Film or Programe based in the west he would see the Male in most cases picking up the bill that must hit hard on his pride. But he keeps coming back so it sounds like he cares a great deal

[GaryFifer]

I met my Philippino friend when he was over here. We knew each other for 3 months before he went back. We've been corresponding for 2 years and I'm about to buy a ticket for a visit but I'm having some doubts. He always tells me how much he loves me etc. but since he went back, he writes for a while, then stops for a bit. There's a variety of excuses which keep coming round - bad weather, power cuts, not feeling well, too many people in the computer shop. I know, too, that lack of money is a reason, although he's never mentioned that.
He's never asked me for money before but the other day asked me if I could help with the expenses when I went over there. I asked what would be the cost of the trips and hotels, then he replied that he realised he shouldn't have asked me to pay for him, that he would save up. Since he doesn't have any money, I know he won't be able to do that.
If he's genuine I'm willing to pay for things, but there are so many stories on here of Philippinas who are very loving, but then the man finds out she's had a baby by another man or something similar and the message seems to be that you can't always believe what a Philippino says.

Well ask yourself some tough questions. Why are you having doubts. If something is telling it is not right, if is usually right. Why ask for money now? I suggest you go to a hotel first, then ask to see his house. You will need to rough it for a bit, but then you will get to see how he really lives, and perhaps you can see his situation.

I spent few nights at hotel in Angeles City, then I spent the majority of the holiday at Jessica house and living as she would. Then you can really tell about life there. PS, if you plan to live in his house, bring a torch It gets dark at night.

[englishbird]

I just think that most Filipinos male or female couldn't afford to eat in the sort of places or stay in the kind of hotels that most westerners would expect to. They would usually travel by jeepney or motorella where as we would usually take a cab. I think he just wants to give you the kind of holiday he thinks you'll expect and unfortunately, he doesn't have the money to do that.

Most of us guys paid for everything when we went there to meet our girlfriends and that usually included treating the whole family to meals out etc, so I think you ought expect to do the same. I know that it's traditional for the guy to pay, but when the woman comes from a western country and the man comes from a very poor country like Phils then I think that you must expect to do things differently.
Iain.

I will be flying out to Manila in Nov to see my BF and I am expecting to pay for everything. I know he will probably feel awkward but there is no way he can afford to pay for me, when he is on his 3 month break from the cruise ship he earns nothing for that time that he is home.

He keeps telling me to book a cheap hotel, but I don't stay in cheap hotels anywhere, so definately not in Manila.