I geel guilty.....

[maria_and_matt]

I have been married to my husband for 9 years now, i know that he loves me and my son so much. But lately I have been feeling so depressed about our life here in the UK. After having been here for 17 yrs now I feel like I am ready to go back home. Our 9 yrs has been so full of trials, we have been trying to have a baby but i keep on losing them. Last year my consultant told me I should have a hysterectomy to lessen the pain and to kill any chances of the cancer returning. I did have the op and now I am on menopause aged 38. I spoke to hubby about what I feel, and he told me that if I do decide to go back home he will visit me twice a year. part of me wants to go, but i do not want to leave hubby behind :(.... i am so depressed with winter coming up... what do you guys think i should do help...

[joebloggs]

your going thru a very rough patch, it happens to many people but it will not last forever , have you seen your doctor whether your suffering from depression?.

will going to the phils end your problems thou?, but going for a few months to be with your family and friends i'm sure will help.

I really wish you the better times maria

[bornatbirth]

you always seem so much fun im surprised by this post,i never expected to read this from you.

how will going back to the philipines help how you feel,is it just the weather?

there are many women going through the menopause,i would say talk to your hubby but as you have already spoken to your hubby about this....im not sure what to say.

btw whos going to look after your dog and spoil him

[Sophie]

I have been married to my husband for 9 years now, i know that he loves me and my son so much. But lately I have been feeling so depressed about our life here in the UK. After having been here for 17 yrs now I feel like I am ready to go back home. Our 9 yrs has been so full of trials, we have been trying to have a baby but i keep on losing them. Last year my consultant told me I should have a hysterectomy to lessen the pain and to kill any chances of the cancer returning. I did have the op and now I am on menopause aged 38. I spoke to hubby about what I feel, and he told me that if I do decide to go back home he will visit me twice a year. part of me wants to go, but i do not want to leave hubby behind :(.... i am so depressed with winter coming up... what do you guys think i should do help...

Hello maria, i'm sorry about the way you're feeling now, my advise is probably to go back home for a long vacation
instead of moving there for good..........you probably just need a break and change of atmosphere at the moment
and be with your family back home and enjoy their company for a while.....
from there, you can decide if you want to come back here or stay in the philippines for good....
You'll never know, maybe after your long vacation in pinas, you will be wanting to come back and miss uk so much already
but if you decide to stay in pinas, its inevitable for you to feel a bit torned and somewhat guilty for not being here with your hubby
but atleast your husband is so supportive about your plan of moving back home and so gracious about it and even willing to visit you twice a year....

[maria_and_matt]

your going thru a very rough patch, it happens to many people but it will not last forever , have you seen your doctor whether your suffering from depression?.

will going to the phils end your problems thou?, but going for a few months to be with your family and friends i'm sure will help.

I really wish you the better times maria

my doctor told me that mood swings is down to menopause..

i miss my family so bad especially now that my husband works long hours... before he use to work 8 till 4 but since BT is in trouble he seem to live at work it gets so lonely here with my son in school, i miss living back home where i am surrounded by extended family

[Tawi2]

You have been through an emotional turmoil by the sound of things M&M,maybe you need a trip back to pinas to re-assess your situation,you sound a little depressed,maybe SAD?Its the onset of winter,shortening days,gloomy evenings,can you have a holiday?We all feel a little down at times,sorry to hear its happening to you at the moment.

[maria_and_matt]

Hello maria, i'm sorry about the way you're feeling now, my advise is probably to go back home for a long vacation
instead of moving there for good..........you probably just need a break and change of atmosphere at the moment
and be with your family back home and enjoy their company for a while.....
from there, you can decide if you want to come back here or stay in the philippines for good....
You'll never know, maybe after your long vacation in pinas, you will be wanting to come back and miss uk so much already
but if you decide to stay in pinas, its inevitable for you to feel a bit torned and somewhat guilty for not being here with your hubby
but atleast your husband is so supportive about your plan of moving back home and so gracious about it and even willing to visit you twice a year....

hi sophie .... i think deep down i want us to all move back home, but that is not possible right now as my husband has an elderly uncle here. I wonder if you ever feel like this? maybe i am just messed up at the moment, my friends told me that girls would almost give anything for a life here in the UK while i am ready to just give it all away? i am so confused

[maria_and_matt]

You have been through an emotional turmoil by the sound of things M&M,maybe you need a trip back to pinas to re-assess your situation,you sound a little depressed,maybe SAD?Its the onset of winter,shortening days,gloomy evenings,can you have a holiday?We all feel a little down at times,sorry to hear its happening to you at the moment.

yeah i can go back home for a holiday but i have to leave my son behind as he is still in school... i am so sad tawi2 :-(

[maria_and_matt]

you always seem so much fun im surprised by this post,i never expected to read this from you.

how will going back to the philipines help how you feel,is it just the weather?

there are many women going through the menopause,i would say talk to your hubby but as you have already spoken to your hubby about this....im not sure what to say.

btw whos going to look after your dog and spoil him

i was hoping you would look after her and spoil like her like i do

[Tawi2]

You need a hug and a family night out to shake off the cobwebs,give your hubby and son a hug,remember your son is doing well at school at the moment,give him a big hug,chat with members of your family,its good to air problems,tell your hubbie how your feeling,emphasise how sad you currently are,havent you any pinay friends,good ones you can chat to?A problem shared is a problem halved is a problem solved,try and have a fortnight or so back home,it will do you good,its not the end solution but it will give you a boost in spirits

[maria_and_matt]

You need a hug and a family night out to shake off the cobwebs,give your hubby and son a hug,remember your son is doing well at school at the moment,give him a big hug,chat with members of your family,its good to air problems,tell your hubbie how your feeling,emphasise how sad you currently are,havent you any pinay friends,good ones you can chat to?A problem shared is a problem halved is a problem solved,try and have a fortnight or so back home,it will do you good,its not the end solution but it will give you a boost in spirits

my hubby is loving a love affair with his work laptop at the moment. my son is upstairs yelling abuse at his friends over on xbox... i call home a lot and end up in tears :-(..
i had a lovely day sopping with pinay friends but now that i am back home its back to reality that life is just so BORING

[Tawi2]

Sad fact of life M&M life here is sometimes very boring,we have it too easy and have plenty of time to dwell on the humdrum and monotony of everyday life,flick the swutch on the fuse-box,create your own instand brownout,then when your son and hubby start looking around for the cause tell them you did it to get their attention as you need a serious family conference

[bornatbirth]

i was hoping you would look after her and spoil like her like i do

wont you miss her face when she looks up at you and wags her tale,whos going to rub her belly and hug her,its not just your husband and son whos going to miss you!

[maria_and_matt]

Sad fact of life M&M life here is sometimes very boring,we have it too easy and have plenty of time to dwell on the humdrum and monotony of everyday life,flick the swutch on the fuse-box,create your own instand brownout,then when your son and hubby start looking around for the cause tell them you did it to get their attention as you need a serious family conference

hahahaha, trust you to find a solution to my problem tawi2... i never use to feel like this, i thought i have adjusted to life here i always was good at looking for things to do before boredom sets in...
maybe majority of what i feel might be down to menopause and winter looming.... and also my husband working long hours, i miss the days where he marched in at 4:30 everyday, now i am lucky if i see him before 7pm...

[triple5]

Hi Maria sorry to read about your troubles and what you've been going through. I just want to echo what others are saying. Take a long vacation back home, reconnect with family and friends there, and see how you feel in the new year. You definitely deserve a break by the sounds of things and I'm sure your husband will come visit when he can. Lifes full of ups and downs, sometimes we just need a change and a rest to recharge the old batteries

[maria_and_matt]

wont you miss her face when she looks up at you and wags her tale,whos going to rub her belly and hug her,its not just your husband and son whos going to miss you!

if not because of my dog, i would have 'disappeared' ages ago... i feel like my son dont need me anymore, he is 16 now and can sign his own forms
he had an eye appt last week and i was so surprised that i was not called to sign his forms and i was not called in when he was having his eyesight

[maria_and_matt]

Hi Maria sorry to read about your troubles and what you've been going through. I just want to echo what others are saying. Take a long vacation back home, reconnect with family and friends there, and see how you feel in the new year. You definitely deserve a break by the sounds of things and I'm sure your husband will come visit when he can. Lifes full of ups and downs, sometimes we just need a change and a rest to recharge the old batteries

thanks triple5 i am going to have a long talk with hubby when he gets off his b****y work laptop that if he ever gets off it

[Sophie]

hi sophie .... i think deep down i want us to all move back home, but that is not possible right now as my husband has an elderly uncle here. I wonder if you ever feel like this? maybe i am just messed up at the moment, my friends told me that girls would almost give anything for a life here in the UK while i am ready to just give it all away? i am so confused

I can understand how you're feeling confused and torned about the whole thing maria....
Part of you want so much to move back home but you will have to make a sacrifice - leaving your husband behind since his elderly uncle needs him here....
But if you feel that going back home is what you really need and this move will make you feel better and happier, then go for it...
You've been here 17 years already, so its quite understandable how you miss pinas already, having all your friends and relatives around...
Most of us filipinas, if not all, would do thesame thing, as there's really no place like home.....
Me and hubby are considering the idea of retiring back home eventually....
But for now, i'm still enjoying exploring the country as i've only been here 7 months.....
and i'm still looking forward to exploring europe later on, since i love to travel....
But retiring and moving back home is definitely something i will consider in the future.....
Cheer up, just go for what will make you happy

[somebody]

Maria Po in my very humble opnion like us all your having one of those periods of our lives where everything seems to be not quite right. Like others have mentioned dont rush into any major changes see if you go can have a long vacation in Phill some sunshine and a change will help you make your decision.

I think in some of your posts you have touched on what might be on the various causes.

Take care and remeber if your hubbys like me stuck do working all day leaving home early and coming home late etc its all for the Family he loves.

[joebloggs]

Maria Po in my very humble opnion like us all your having one of those periods of our lives where everything seems to be not quite right.

Take care and remeber if your hubbys like me stuck do working all day leaving home early and coming home late etc its all for the Family he loves.

true andy many people go thru times, and you wonder when ever they will end, but tomorrow is another day, and you just have to hope that tomorrow is the day your problems end , I'm lucky thou non of my problems effect my health, so its easy for me to say this


i thought you was late home Andy becuase of all the bars you went to

[somebody]

true andy many people go thru times, and you wonder when ever they will end, but tomorrow is another day, and you just have to hope that tomorrow is the day your problems end , I'm lucky thou non of my problems effect my health, so its easy for me to say this


i thought you was late home Andy becuase of all the bars you went to

Bars I do get invited to a few on "business" and I hate it as I only drink a pint or two at the most and then go on to orange juice or cola which leaves me peeing all night or wide awake

[eagles]

hi maria, i read your story and its sad. I would like to suggest that you try some outreach activities with the pinoy communities there. Get involved in social actions. If your hubby is so inlove with his laptop now. Might as well have one for yourself and surf on the net and get connected with your friends in Pinas. A lot for things to do. Don't nurse on boredom. I am at 40 now and havent feel that menopause but am sure it will come soon. Hormonal changes sets it, but am sure it can be solved

[jaishann]

I have been married to my husband for 9 years now, i know that he loves me and my son so much. But lately I have been feeling so depressed about our life here in the UK. After having been here for 17 yrs now I feel like I am ready to go back home. Our 9 yrs has been so full of trials, we have been trying to have a baby but i keep on losing them. Last year my consultant told me I should have a hysterectomy to lessen the pain and to kill any chances of the cancer returning. I did have the op and now I am on menopause aged 38. I spoke to hubby about what I feel, and he told me that if I do decide to go back home he will visit me twice a year. part of me wants to go, but i do not want to leave hubby behind :(.... i am so depressed with winter coming up... what do you guys think i should do help...

hi maria i think a short break will make you feel better, sorry to hear about your depression when winter sits in ,

[Happy_Now]

Hi Maria, we have the same symptoms. You are not alone
Only is, i am 45 and been 7mos now that im not havin my monthly period. Very awful to have hormonal imbalance. Sometimes i am cryin bitterly without any reason. I am very sensitive, even a simple joke makes me very upset. I even tried to kill myself when my hubby shout at me when im in the room alone sobbing. Good thing, the voice of God is more louder and i look up above and repent. Doctor diganosed i am depressed and gave me anti depressant tablets which makes me very ill. I was in bed whole day, cant get up to look after my hubby so i decided to stopped takin them. I am laughing because they gave me friends to keep in touch with when i am sad nut i found out they are all have mental prob. So i make decision; stand up, cheer up, and deal with my feelings.

Sweetheart, what you are now at the moment will surely past. Its hard if our hubby cant understand us but dont give in to your feeling. Look forward honey, to your future. If your feelin low, go out and make a way to cheer yourself. Being busy is very helpful. If you feel selfpity, refuse it! Count your blessing and think what is life in the future. Remember, not everyday is dark, one day "the sun will surely shine"..

I wish i was with you, so we can deal this feelin both

[pennybarry]

Hi Maria! I understand your feeling! I don't know what exactly bothers you but if you look around, you're still lucky. All you need to do is to accept that there's no perfect in this world and accept some failures in our life.

I wished to have one child before but never I feel depressed to have one. Me and hubby also tried but my life was at risk and need to choose one. Baby or my health. Hubby also keeps on telling me, having one baby, you can still do things, having two will makes us struggle as it will be hard to travel and do other things. And having 3 is a f .

Try to enjoy your life by travelling everytime your son has space and time. I understand that 17 years living here is too long. I am only 3 years here and looking forward for hubby's retirement. I am also wishing to settle there soon. But be patient Maria, your lucky you have son, and he is soon can manage to his own. Children will grow and will have their own family and leave their parents. And then it is your time to settle in Pinas soon.

Everything will be OK Maria, Trust me!

[angel1231]

Every time fall and winter comes im always depressed and always sad as everthing turns to grey and cold ....so what i do is feel possitive or take a trip to pinas ...and come back very happy in the summer....

Maybe you need some space and time for yourself a little vacation will do you good.good luck hope you find a positive in all this happining to you.

i dont like english weather.... except summer

[KeithD]

Things would not actually change with the way you feel at the moment if you went home, if you have real depression you easily find other things to be miserable about back in the Philippines.

The best way to help yourself is to keep active and help others, stay away from depression meds they only dumb you down, and none are a cure. You should speak to your doc about hormones replacement though, they can help a lot for most women.

Rumour on here has it you like cooking and food , do something to help with kids parties, that way making many more folk happy actually rubs off on you.

[miss.piggy]

Awww...Maria..sorry you're feeling down. Just like BAB, I didn't see any hints whilst reading your previous posts. Anyways, I think Tawi is right, a time off can usually help. Just like you, I get really stressed at times - be it due to work, or just living in the UK and not having my first family, etc. I normally go back home when it gets really tough and a couple of times it lasted only a week. But it helped me immensely.

I've experienced living away from my husband for three months before we finally came to the UK. It's not easy, and it's really sad. Although we keep on calling each other almost everyday, it's never the same. My kids are younger than yours, I'm sure it will make no difference but during those three months, I can fully sense that my children are missing their dad so much as well.

Within this year, I am pushing my husband to get a post back in Asia. I was at one point overly depressed, which made him give in to the idea that I stay in Manila with the kids while he's here in the UK waiting for any possible posts back anywhere in Asia which ofcourse is not guaranteed. I can't find it in my heart to leave him here by himself for an unknown length of time. I feel it will be unfair for my kids as well.

From your previous posts, I know you love your husband dearly so any decision you make won't be easy. But there's no need to be hasty on majour decisions, just take your time and even a short break will help you clear your mind.

Hope you feel better soon.

[rusty]

Hi Maria,

Sorry to hear your feeling this way.

I'm not working at the moment, I can bring Chin down this week to see you, if you want.

Hope you feel better soon.

[maria_and_matt]

Hi Maria, we have the same symptoms. You are not alone
Only is, i am 45 and been 7mos now that im not havin my monthly period. Very awful to have hormonal imbalance. Sometimes i am cryin bitterly without any reason. I am very sensitive, even a simple joke makes me very upset. I even tried to kill myself when my hubby shout at me when im in the room alone sobbing. Good thing, the voice of God is more louder and i look up above and repent. Doctor diganosed i am depressed and gave me anti depressant tablets which makes me very ill. I was in bed whole day, cant get up to look after my hubby so i decided to stopped takin them. I am laughing because they gave me friends to keep in touch with when i am sad nut i found out they are all have mental prob. So i make decision; stand up, cheer up, and deal with my feelings.

Sweetheart, what you are now at the moment will surely past. Its hard if our hubby cant understand us but dont give in to your feeling. Look forward honey, to your future. If your feelin low, go out and make a way to cheer yourself. Being busy is very helpful. If you feel selfpity, refuse it! Count your blessing and think what is life in the future. Remember, not everyday is dark, one day "the sun will surely shine"..

I wish i was with you, so we can deal this feelin both

thanks happy... i guess i am not dealing with the menopause too great