I have a Labrador retriever.

I was buying a large bag of Winalot at Tesco's and was in line to
checkout. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, and thinking it was a stupid question I told her no, and
that I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably
shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time. But because I'd
lost 50 pounds before I woke up in an intensive care ward, with tubes
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms, I was willing to
try it again.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.


I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now
enthralled with my story. Horrified, she asked if I ended up in
intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no - I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a
car hit me.