my dad married a Filipina, advice from British men please!

[mivvykins]

I was wondering if any of you British men who have children from a previous marriage would care to give me some advice as I'm at my wits end.
My dad married his wife 8 years ago and now he has terminal cancer with weeks left to live.
Are Filipina women naturally jealous of ANY women that crosses their doorstep? My dad was seriously ill in a hospital intensive care unit for 4 days a few years ago and we only found out by accident when my uncle went to visit dad and found he wasn't there. I'd called dad the previous weekend and he was fine, a week later he was at deaths door and she hadn't even bothered to tell us.

We used to be so close, geographically and dad/daughter but I now live a 4 hour car journey away from dad and used to phone to ask if it was ok to visit. He would make any old excuse and say they were going to see her friends etc etc so I used to get a bit miffed and say it was bad that he couldn't be in on one weekend when we had to travel 4 hours to see them. So I used to just turn up unnannounced and then she would go into the bedroom and not come out until I'd left.

We've been to see dad last weekend as he hasn't got long left to live but can't get any time alone with him, when we talk to him she interrupts all the time so all we hear is her telling us how wonderful she is, how poor people are in the Philippines, how well her nieces are doing in the private school dad pays for and to be honest, my sis and I are just sick of it.

How do you British guys manage to see your kids and does your Filipina wives mind or are they generally good about it? Or do you not bother to see your kids at all?

My son used to stay for weekends at dads at his request, then when she arrived she stopped it overnight and dad went along to keep her happy. So now I've also got a screwed up son who thinks his grandad no longer cares about him and he asked if it is his fault why grandad doesn't want him to make stuff together in his workshop.

Any advice from a Dad's point of view would be gratefully received!

[Sim11UK]

I sympathise with your situation, you are in a terrible predicament. She sounds like a thoroughly nasty, manipulative person, but it has nothing to do with the fact, she is a Filipina.

[aromulus]

I sympathise with your situation, you are in a terrible predicament. She sounds like a thoroughly nasty, manipulative person, but it has nothing to do with the fact, she is a Filipina.

I agree with that statement.

[Leo]

Hi it sounds has if you let her push you out stand your ground and tell her he is your father and you love him and want to spend a little time with him it sounds as if she is a selfish person she would be that way no matter where she was from.Keep strong at this sad time

[whiteraven]

hi, ive been married previously but the situation is i still have my two youngest kids living with me. my new filipina wife is all to willing to embrace them as part of her new family. she can be a little jealous when she sees one of my exes her for a short visit to see her kids but she understands that is her right. i have to agree with what the others have said, she is being totally selfish and you should assert yourself even if that means making things worse between you and her. you have a right to spend these last moments with your father, if you dont now you will regret it when its too late. regards ian

[pennybarry]

Many Filipinas are jealous with ex-wife but not with family members. She sounds to be shy. IMO. Did you try to talk to her? Sometimes, I don't talk if not ask by my hubby's cousins. They come and visit my Mum. But I greet them hug and kiss as welcoming them. And then I dissapeared!

When she firstly arrived, how did you welcome her? Did you have a good chat and fun? You said they've been married for 8 years, how was your first meeting? How often you meet her? How often you visit your Dad? Did you try to be close to her before?

Did you ask her about worries? She might be too worry and prefer to be alone in the room. It's not a joke to loose a husband, I might be lost and empty.

Filipinas sacrifices too if they have stepchildren, I can't imagine how hard it is, so lucky are british men if their children is well look after by their Pinay wife. I've seen filipina with baby in her past but her baby is not well treated by their british husband and that was disgusting everytime I seen him hurting his stepson.

My husband has children in the past but they're all 20+ and have their own family. I never meet them yet but I always ask my husband when will I gonna see them? I told hubby I want to meet them before he gets too old. And I don't like to meet them if my hubby is old and grumpy. They must visit their dad whilst my husband is still in his 50's. I am not sure about British children on how they treat their Dad. Especially if their children has their own family already.
I sympathize your Dad's health, and I am pretty sure that he is well look after by his Filipina wife. Try to befriend her. Who knows, you'll like her too like what your dad did.

[Fitzy]

There are selfish people from all races dear.
It mainly stems from the upbringing.
I recently lost Mum to cancer, so I do understand the upset you are going through right now.
As the other members said, be assertive, as he is your Dad.
I am so sorry to here of your troubles, and sympathize completely.

God Bless.


Philip...

[Tiggers0608]

Sorry to hear about your situation,

I'm married to a british guy and my hubby have kids from previuos marriaged/relationships, but It's ok for them to visit us and stay with us.

I think ur step mum is too jealous and selfish to share ur dad to you guys, but tell her that u need to be with your dad especially now. Even if she gets angry or anything its ur right to be with ur dad.

I don't agree with ur filipina step mum's attitudes towards you guys, bcoz she knows ur dad have kids on previous relationship so she supposed to accept it and live with the facts that the man he married have kids. weither she likes it or not she needs to accept the the guy have a relatives and kids.

Good luck , stand ur grounds

[jaishann]

I was wondering if any of you British men who have children from a previous marriage would care to give me some advice as I'm at my wits end.
My dad married his wife 8 years ago and now he has terminal cancer with weeks left to live.
Are Filipina women naturally jealous of ANY women that crosses their doorstep? My dad was seriously ill in a hospital intensive care unit for 4 days a few years ago and we only found out by accident when my uncle went to visit dad and found he wasn't there. I'd called dad the previous weekend and he was fine, a week later he was at deaths door and she hadn't even bothered to tell us.

We used to be so close, geographically and dad/daughter but I now live a 4 hour car journey away from dad and used to phone to ask if it was ok to visit. He would make any old excuse and say they were going to see her friends etc etc so I used to get a bit miffed and say it was bad that he couldn't be in on one weekend when we had to travel 4 hours to see them. So I used to just turn up unnannounced and then she would go into the bedroom and not come out until I'd left.

We've been to see dad last weekend as he hasn't got long left to live but can't get any time alone with him, when we talk to him she interrupts all the time so all we hear is her telling us how wonderful she is, how poor people are in the Philippines, how well her nieces are doing in the private school dad pays for and to be honest, my sis and I are just sick of it.

How do you British guys manage to see your kids and does your Filipina wives mind or are they generally good about it? Or do you not bother to see your kids at all?

My son used to stay for weekends at dads at his request, then when she arrived she stopped it overnight and dad went along to keep her happy. So now I've also got a screwed up son who thinks his grandad no longer cares about him and he asked if it is his fault why grandad doesn't want him to make stuff together in his workshop.

Any advice from a Dad's point of view would be gratefully received!

I am not a dad but my English husband is. It is not because she is a Filipina but it is because that is the way she is. My stepdaughter stayed with us for a while and all was ok. But my husbands ex partner (English) wont allow her children to visit us when I first came here .

[Ana_may365]

sorry to hear about ur situation,sis.i wish i have a stepdaughter like u.or step children like u who worried about thier dad.coz i remember last year when hubby has an operations for his eosuphagus cancer,all thier worried is about money!after the operation of my hubby,the next day they just ask thier dad how about the houses that he owned[hubby]?if hubby makes a will already?they didnt ask first hows thier dad?
if i have a choice i dont want to see them,coz every minute of the day they pesteing thier dad about give them some money,even they have a job.
thats why i wish i have a stepdaughter like u,who worried about the situations of ur dad not about the

[Sophie]

Hello mivvykins, sorry about your dad's illness....My suggestion is to stand your ground as a daughter and talk to your dad's filipina wife openly about it....
You have every right, just as much as her, to be with your dad specially on his last days....
And its not fair to be restricted to see and bond with your dad once in a while, specially given his medical condition now...
Maybe it's best to talk to your dad's wife and really communicate....you probably both had a wrong start and no one bothered to talk about it all this years
so the hostility and indifference just grew more between you over time and the gap was never patched up nor restored.....

[liane]

You should discuss this with your step mom and work things out for the sake of your dad

[Happy_Now]

Another sad story. The problem is not because she is a filipina but to the woman herself! (i think)
I am a filipina, married to english man with 7 kids with his previous marriages. Not to boast my own self but i just want to prove being a filipina wasnt the real score. Everybody in the family constantly saying they are blessed that i was there lookin after their dad. Infact her previous wife open her heart that incase my hubby will die she will help me and i am open to stay with her.
Better speak to your other family member and tackle the problem then face your step mum. What a wonderful oppurtunity to share time, love & care to your dad in his last days.
I am very happy is somebody will come for visit and stay with us because they are cookin nice food for me and they will not let me work while they are with us. Im proud of to all of my step sons and daughters
I will pray that your step mum will open her heart to all of you.
Good luck and God bless you!

[New Shoes]

So I used to just turn up unnannounced and then she would go into the bedroom and not come out until I'd left

....but can't get any time alone with him, when we talk to him she interrupts all the time.....

So which is it? You can't have it both ways

If there is a problem, is not the woman's ethnicity, it's her personality.

[bornatbirth]

So I used to just turn up unnannounced and then she would go into the bedroom and not come out until I'd left

....but can't get any time alone with him, when we talk to him she interrupts all the time.....

So which is it? You can't have it both ways

If there is a problem, is not the woman's ethnicity, it's her personality.

quite true

if you go there to visit and she goes to the bedroom,then your alone

you know my wife will do all she can for any member of my family and im sure many other filipinas will do too!

why not just talk to your father and tell him your problems,have you heard of the jeremy klye show..go on there...but if you do can you let us know,so we can all watch

[darren-b]

So I used to just turn up unnannounced and then she would go into the bedroom and not come out until I'd left

....but can't get any time alone with him, when we talk to him she interrupts all the time.....

So which is it? You can't have it both ways

if you go there to visit and she goes to the bedroom,then your alone

The way I read it was the hiding in the bedroom was in the past, but now (since he is ill) she won't leave his side.

Maybe now scared of him being persuaded to change his will in favour of his children/grandchildren?

[vbkelly]

your step mum might scared to give you a chance to see your dad bcoz you might ask to your dad about your inheritance from him before he die.

[simplyxiao]

well going to the bedroom when u visit them is not a problem as she might have thought to give u the chance to be with ur dad alone.

but now that ur dad is sick shes on his side all the time and not giving u chance to be with him alone, in my opinion its because of her fear that u gonna ask ur dad for his wealth to be shared to u. SELFISH?

fight for ur love to ur dad, be there for him. make every moment memorable for him.

[pennybarry]

well going to the bedroom when u visit them is not a problem as she might have thought to give u the chance to be with ur dad alone.

but now that ur dad is sick shes on his side all the time and not giving u chance to be with him alone, in my opinion its because of her fear that u gonna ask ur dad for his wealth to be shared to u. SELFISH?

fight for ur love to ur dad, be there for him. make every moment memorable for him.

He might have his last will done already. British usually do this earlier before they die.
Parents makes a firm decision for their last will. If they want to change the heirs, they need to pay their solicitor again. And it cost a fortune.
If they have not made their last will, then the law will decide. So lucky one is the wife.

Hope the old man will live longer and miracle on the way. That is the most important. Rather than thinking about the wealth.

[Piamed]

Obviously,what we are hearing is only the one side of the story. You've indicated that your sister and yourself are sick of the situation. Interestingly, you've not made any comments about how she treats your father specifically, so the assumption could be that you are happy with that. Perhaps some of the problem resides with you and maybe your sis also. If she hides in the bedroom there is a reason for that? Surely, when she is in the bedroom you can have the one on one time you crave.

I believe that you cannot control anothers behaviour but you can amend your own. If you change your own perspective and the way you come oaccross, you can improve the outcomes you are getting.

Man in the mirror stuff!!

[IanB]

It is very hard to comment having only heard one side of the story. when your Dad married a filipina how did you feel? Did you welcome and support his decision?

Ian

[pennybarry]

As Ian said, it is very hard to make comments if you hear only one side. There are many questions in our mind.

The old man knows everything for sure. He knows how he's been treated by his wife. He must know how he's been treated as Dad. He has his own decisions that cannot be controlled by anyone. But then all Dads are trying to be fair to all his dearest and nearest. Sometimes, no matter how bad children we are, they still give things and support we need.

That's why we need to show our love to our parents whilst they're still alive. Same with wife to his husband wether they are wealthy or not.

[Arthur Little]

Oh dear, I truly sympathise with your feelings ... and, to be frank, I'm rather surprised at your stepmother's apparent attitude as, from my viewpoint, I'd always imagined Filipinos as being very family-orientated. Indeed, my own mahal is keen that I remain in regular touch with MY two adult children.

On that basis, it would seem - to me, at least - that your father's wife is the exception ... rather than the rule. It looks, therefore, as if the root of the problem COULD be grounded in her being of a possessive nature. I certainly would not wish to comment on the "inheritance" issue.

But it IS your father, we're talking about here. And so, I believe you have to adopt a firm stance in your resolve to spend time with him before it's too late. His wife has absolutely no moral right to erect any barriers between him and his offspring.

In welcoming you to the forum, I hope and pray for God's guidance on your behalf.