*Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

*A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.

* You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.

* Your last name stays put.

* The garage is all yours.

* You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

* You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.

* You never have to clean the toilet.

* You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.

* Wedding plans take care of themselves.

*If you're 34 and single nobody notices.

* Three pair of shoes are more than enough.

* You can say anything and not worry about what people think.

* You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.

* You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.

* Car mechanics tell you the truth.

* You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.

* You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.

* Gray hair and wrinkles add character.

* The remote is yours and yours alone.

* People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

* Someday you'll be a dirty old man.

* You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.