Marriage / Doubts

[pennybarry]

Interesting you should say *that, Penny! I once had a relationship in which the *other party made it clear from the outset that she liked her 'own space'. But, with me being not all that long widowed [*she was in the process of instigating divorce!] at the time - after 24 years of happy marriage - I suppose I WAS bit lonely (and hence, perhaps a wee bit like 'cling film', if you know what I mean) and felt hurt at this stipulation. If nothing else, I've always been a sensitive kinda guy.

Eventually, though, I took her at her word and began distancing myself from our liaison. And, would you believe? ... she soon started complaining that we weren't seeing enough of one another.

"Well", I replied, "YOU told me you wanted more space!". "Yes," she retorted, "But there's 'space' ... and there's 'OUTER Space' ...!"

Wow! 24 years of happy marriage.
Arth, women always complaining. You give everything and sometimes not happy still. My Nanay said, there is only one GLORY in marriage. If you are unhappy with your first wife, surely you'll find glory with your second or 3rd wife. If you are happy with your first wife and she died, it will be hard for you to find glory if you marry again. But men are always lucky as they always found glory than women.

[Arthur Little]

Wow! 24 years of happy marriage.
Arth, women always complaining. You give everything and sometimes not happy still. My Nanay said, there is only one GLORY in marriage. If you are unhappy with your first wife, surely you'll find glory with your second or 3rd wife. If you are happy with your first wife and she died, it will be hard for you to find glory if you marry again. But men are always lucky as they always found glory than women.

Yeah ... you're right, Penny. And I admit to having had my share of heartache with some of the women I met [and had relationships with] in between my two marriages. But I guess I have been/am again, very, very lucky with EACH of the 'real ladies' (in the truest sense) I chose as my wives.

[South-east boy]

With the sms message that she received, it could just be someone that is in her phonebook, but that she hasn't heard from for ages. I'm sure some of us haven't updated our phonebooks and have old numbers that we haven't used for ages, maybe even from old flames etc. Like English Rose said, it could just be that she doesn't want to hurt you with the truth and is maybe saying what she thinks you want to hear such as what we call a white lie. You should say that from now on you want your relationship to be 100% honest with each other and no hiding anything. My friends ex lied very easily when he was seeing her and agreed that she wouldn't see her ex, then my friend asked me to drive past her place he ex's car was there and still again later. Then when he spoke to her, she lied about the ex being there! Not good!

A lot of people have been on more than one dating site and while some, your account can be deleted easily, some you can't seem to delete it. Of course they prefer that way as dating sites prefer to have as many people on the site as possible, even if they aren't currently active. So forget about that she's been on a few sites in the past.

With the extra Facebook account, has she been updating it? It she hasn't, then it could just be old and she doesn't use it anymore. Does she mean she created when she was over in Switzerland? Why couldn't she say that she was dating you to her friends? Would her Filipino friends only date fellow Filipino people? Of course she is now back home, so she shouldn't really need to use it, but if she still uses it and it still has that same message, then that doesn't really sound too good, as even if she doesn't mention you, it should have the message about chatting to guys etc.

With the you buying her things, I wouldn't worry too much about that, as as you say she doesn't earn or have much abd as you know the majority of women love clothes, shoes, jewellery and make-up. Though I guess it would bd nice if she sometimes said something like, oh, I have enough, save your money, get something for yourself instead or maybe the next time you get me something instead

If she likes flirting with guys, loves male attention and likes to attract it, then be very careful. I've had this before and it drives you crazy! I'm sure they wouldn't like it if you were the same with women?! To me it gives a signal that they are not happy to commit to you and are still keeping their options open.

So really there are some things that you shouldn't really worry about, but there are a few things that you should maybe question her on and/or keep your eye out about.

[pennybarry]

Yeah ... you're right, Penny. And I admit to having had my share of heartache with some of the women I met [and had relationships with] in between my two marriages. But I guess I have been/am again, very, very lucky with EACH of the 'real ladies' (in the truest sense) I chose as my wives.

What a lucky guy you are.

You have all three wives. I am sure your filipina wife will be the last woman in your life. I would love to be the last woman of my husband or else I will kill him eheheheh. He always hear that dialogue and he laughs.

[Arthur Little]

What a lucky guy you are. You *have all three wives.

... Not *THAT lucky Penny ... only TWO!! :lol2: Iris was the name of my LATE wife ... she was Scottish, like me. Then I had many [casual] relationships, before meeting and marrying Myrna!

[bornatbirth]

I had many [casual] relationships

i never thought of you like that

[Arthur Little]

I am sure your filipina wife will be the last woman in your life.

... I certainly HOPE so!

[Arthur Little]

I would love to be the last woman of my husband or else I will *kill him eheheheh. He always hear that dialogue and he laughs.

I'm sure you WILL be, Pen ... wouldn't want you to resort to such *drastic measures otherwise!

[landa]

Thank you all for your opinions and advices. It was really helpful.

I got an update of the situation..
i know it's not really correct to do and overly careful.. due to my work i was able to do some research of 2 previous contacts of my girlfriend..

Fact is that for about maybe 4 months she had intense contact with a filippino guy.. who called her several times a week, sometimes talking up to an hour together. To be noted: It was BEFORE my time.. the last "interactions" between them where about 2-3 weeks before i've met her.

Second fact is that an other guy was also in contact with her. No long phone calls but a large amount of SMS during a period of probably 6 months.

Now i dont know what the sms where about or what the phone calls were about.. but it's pretty obvious to me that there must've been at least friendship between them. I even think that both were at some point her boyfriend.. (maybe even at the same time??).

As i wrote before i once asked if they were boyfriends.. she denied, she said from the one who wrote sms, that he's a friend. From the filippino she wouldnt say anything.. She sais in both cases it's "nothing".. but it's hard to believe due to the intense contact. I already tried to really convince her to tell me what was with those two but she really totally refuses to.. even get's a bit angry.

I'm not sure how to handle that.. its true, that it was BEFORE my time, on the other hand, they could still be in contact through internet, who knows..

Should i really talk about it with her again and really pressure her that she tells me the whole story about those two? O

Or should i just say, it doesnt matter anymore because it was before my time?

Or should i even take contact with those two guys to know more about it, since i got their phone numbers?

When i videochat or talk with my gf on the phone it still is great, i mean i really love and miss her. Yet though when i think about those two guys i just get a sad/bad-feeling, because she didnt tell me about them, and still doesnt want to tell me.. One theory is that because when i met her she told me she didnt have a boyfriend in switzerland yet, and if she would "confess" now that she had boyfriends that i would think too bad about her and be upset.. but with my knowledge that i have i already know that it might have been her boyfriends.. and that's what bothers me.. just to not know about it, and not understanding why she cant be honest with me and tell me about them... how can i trust her 100% like that? Or am i too overly critical?

[jaishann]

Thank you all for your opinions and advices. It was really helpful.

I got an update of the situation..
i know it's not really correct to do and overly careful.. due to my work i was able to do some research of 2 previous contacts of my girlfriend..

Fact is that for about maybe 4 months she had intense contact with a filippino guy.. who called her several times a week, sometimes talking up to an hour together. To be noted: It was BEFORE my time.. the last "interactions" between them where about 2-3 weeks before i've met her.

Second fact is that an other guy was also in contact with her. No long phone calls but a large amount of SMS during a period of probably 6 months.

Now i dont know what the sms where about or what the phone calls were about.. but it's pretty obvious to me that there must've been at least friendship between them. I even think that both were at some point her boyfriend.. (maybe even at the same time??).

As i wrote before i once asked if they were boyfriends.. she denied, she said from the one who wrote sms, that he's a friend. From the filippino she wouldnt say anything.. She sais in both cases it's "nothing".. but it's hard to believe due to the intense contact. I already tried to really convince her to tell me what was with those two but she really totally refuses to.. even get's a bit angry.

I'm not sure how to handle that.. its true, that it was BEFORE my time, on the other hand, they could still be in contact through internet, who knows..

Should i really talk about it with her again and really pressure her that she tells me the whole story about those two? O

Or should i just say, it doesnt matter anymore because it was before my time?

Or should i even take contact with those two guys to know more about it, since i got their phone numbers?

When i videochat or talk with my gf on the phone it still is great, i mean i really love and miss her. Yet though when i think about those two guys i just get a sad/bad-feeling, because she didnt tell me about them, and still doesnt want to tell me.. One theory is that because when i met her she told me she didnt have a boyfriend in switzerland yet, and if she would "confess" now that she had boyfriends that i would think too bad about her and be upset.. but with my knowledge that i have i already know that it might have been her boyfriends.. and that's what bothers me.. just to not know about it, and not understanding why she cant be honest with me and tell me about them... how can i trust her 100% like that? Or am i too overly critical?

Hello there, I could understand how you feel it is really hard when you cant give a 100% trust to a person you care or love and i think the best way is to deal with it (if in doubt ..ask) ...

[landa]

i think the best way is to deal with it (if in doubt ..ask) ...

The problem is when i ask her about the uncertain things she just blocks, and even got a bit angry once. I mean somehow i think i can accept it that it's just things of her past that i dont need to know in detail.. but problem is it makes me doubt about her honesty.. i prefer to know the truth and deal with it, even if it might hurt a bit.. she can't tell me that with so much phone calls or sms's it was nothing.. but i also know that i'm a bit a control-freak, which is not so good too..

@Triple 5: Yeah, i have the "proof" that there was "no contact" between her and those two when i was with her. It was just 2 SMS's of one guy, which she didnt respond, and a phone call of the other one (only a short call).. which could proof that she doesnt want to be in contact with them which is a good thing.. i just dont know why i dont trust her completely... it's just because of all those small issues and things.. and also certainly because of the horrible stories you hear and read in the net about Filippina-Scammers. And some things about the scammers resemble the things about her.

Also one thing i didnt tell in the first place that she already had a relationship to a over 40 year old european in the filippines... she told me that she lost her virginity to him... also somehow hard to believe.. i just dont know.. i wish i just could trust her 100% and get happy with her.

In the end sometimes i think in a year or two i will look back at this thread (if it still exists) and laugh at my overly critical (paranoid) thoughts, because i have finally found my dreamgirl and live with her happily... i hope so much!