Marriage / Doubts

[landa]

Thank you all for your opinions and advices. It was really helpful.

I got an update of the situation..
i know it's not really correct to do and overly careful.. due to my work i was able to do some research of 2 previous contacts of my girlfriend..

Fact is that for about maybe 4 months she had intense contact with a filippino guy.. who called her several times a week, sometimes talking up to an hour together. To be noted: It was BEFORE my time.. the last "interactions" between them where about 2-3 weeks before i've met her.

Second fact is that an other guy was also in contact with her. No long phone calls but a large amount of SMS during a period of probably 6 months.

Now i dont know what the sms where about or what the phone calls were about.. but it's pretty obvious to me that there must've been at least friendship between them. I even think that both were at some point her boyfriend.. (maybe even at the same time??).

As i wrote before i once asked if they were boyfriends.. she denied, she said from the one who wrote sms, that he's a friend. From the filippino she wouldnt say anything.. She sais in both cases it's "nothing".. but it's hard to believe due to the intense contact. I already tried to really convince her to tell me what was with those two but she really totally refuses to.. even get's a bit angry.

I'm not sure how to handle that.. its true, that it was BEFORE my time, on the other hand, they could still be in contact through internet, who knows..

Should i really talk about it with her again and really pressure her that she tells me the whole story about those two? O

Or should i just say, it doesnt matter anymore because it was before my time?

Or should i even take contact with those two guys to know more about it, since i got their phone numbers?

When i videochat or talk with my gf on the phone it still is great, i mean i really love and miss her. Yet though when i think about those two guys i just get a sad/bad-feeling, because she didnt tell me about them, and still doesnt want to tell me.. One theory is that because when i met her she told me she didnt have a boyfriend in switzerland yet, and if she would "confess" now that she had boyfriends that i would think too bad about her and be upset.. but with my knowledge that i have i already know that it might have been her boyfriends.. and that's what bothers me.. just to not know about it, and not understanding why she cant be honest with me and tell me about them... how can i trust her 100% like that? Or am i too overly critical?

[jaishann]

Thank you all for your opinions and advices. It was really helpful.

I got an update of the situation..
i know it's not really correct to do and overly careful.. due to my work i was able to do some research of 2 previous contacts of my girlfriend..

Fact is that for about maybe 4 months she had intense contact with a filippino guy.. who called her several times a week, sometimes talking up to an hour together. To be noted: It was BEFORE my time.. the last "interactions" between them where about 2-3 weeks before i've met her.

Second fact is that an other guy was also in contact with her. No long phone calls but a large amount of SMS during a period of probably 6 months.

Now i dont know what the sms where about or what the phone calls were about.. but it's pretty obvious to me that there must've been at least friendship between them. I even think that both were at some point her boyfriend.. (maybe even at the same time??).

As i wrote before i once asked if they were boyfriends.. she denied, she said from the one who wrote sms, that he's a friend. From the filippino she wouldnt say anything.. She sais in both cases it's "nothing".. but it's hard to believe due to the intense contact. I already tried to really convince her to tell me what was with those two but she really totally refuses to.. even get's a bit angry.

I'm not sure how to handle that.. its true, that it was BEFORE my time, on the other hand, they could still be in contact through internet, who knows..

Should i really talk about it with her again and really pressure her that she tells me the whole story about those two? O

Or should i just say, it doesnt matter anymore because it was before my time?

Or should i even take contact with those two guys to know more about it, since i got their phone numbers?

When i videochat or talk with my gf on the phone it still is great, i mean i really love and miss her. Yet though when i think about those two guys i just get a sad/bad-feeling, because she didnt tell me about them, and still doesnt want to tell me.. One theory is that because when i met her she told me she didnt have a boyfriend in switzerland yet, and if she would "confess" now that she had boyfriends that i would think too bad about her and be upset.. but with my knowledge that i have i already know that it might have been her boyfriends.. and that's what bothers me.. just to not know about it, and not understanding why she cant be honest with me and tell me about them... how can i trust her 100% like that? Or am i too overly critical?

Hello there, I could understand how you feel it is really hard when you cant give a 100% trust to a person you care or love and i think the best way is to deal with it (if in doubt ..ask) ...

[landa]

i think the best way is to deal with it (if in doubt ..ask) ...

The problem is when i ask her about the uncertain things she just blocks, and even got a bit angry once. I mean somehow i think i can accept it that it's just things of her past that i dont need to know in detail.. but problem is it makes me doubt about her honesty.. i prefer to know the truth and deal with it, even if it might hurt a bit.. she can't tell me that with so much phone calls or sms's it was nothing.. but i also know that i'm a bit a control-freak, which is not so good too..

@Triple 5: Yeah, i have the "proof" that there was "no contact" between her and those two when i was with her. It was just 2 SMS's of one guy, which she didnt respond, and a phone call of the other one (only a short call).. which could proof that she doesnt want to be in contact with them which is a good thing.. i just dont know why i dont trust her completely... it's just because of all those small issues and things.. and also certainly because of the horrible stories you hear and read in the net about Filippina-Scammers. And some things about the scammers resemble the things about her.

Also one thing i didnt tell in the first place that she already had a relationship to a over 40 year old european in the filippines... she told me that she lost her virginity to him... also somehow hard to believe.. i just dont know.. i wish i just could trust her 100% and get happy with her.

In the end sometimes i think in a year or two i will look back at this thread (if it still exists) and laugh at my overly critical (paranoid) thoughts, because i have finally found my dreamgirl and live with her happily... i hope so much!

[Joshua.Thomas]

I once heard someone say "marriage is an odd thing, you may not always know if it's right, but you will often know if it's wrong". From the sounds of it you're not ready for marriage, and I know it sucks but it's important that you tell this to your girl. The truth is that yes, you can get married, or you can even just put it off, but if you marry her without being ready for it you're likely to break her heart in the end and if you just put it off you're getting her hopes up. It's important you tell her this, help her realize that by telling her this you're trying to make things right, doing anything else will just hurt her.