life is so unfair

[allyn]

last night my brother in law and his girlfriend who move in with us a couple of months ago, sit with me and my hubby in the living room, the girl was so extra nice to my husband and seemed intrested with all he do, my brother inlaw said she fancy my husband, then he said i only married my husband coz i thought he have money and when i got here i found out that he have no money...

all i was able to say is i already know that my husband have no money even before i married his brother...

i tried not to say anthing but deep inside i feel like im in a point of breaking down...

its so unfair for him to think that way towards me... i know about his brother situation and i did everything to help him as much as i can,,,and this is all i get...

woke up this morning crying when i open my eyes and remember all the things my brother in law said...

its so unfair....so unfair, i did all i can to support my husband,,i did everything.....its just so unfair...

[aromulus]

Time to tell your husband to choose who he wants to share his life with.....

Looks like that you aren't having much support from him at all.....

I suggest you have a heart to heart with your husband, without the lodgers present, and explain how you feel and how bad they make you feel.

Continuing to suffer in silence will only make you feel worse and unfulfilled.

[joebloggs]

how does his brother know why you married your husband ? have you told him ??

either his brother said it as a joke ( scouser type of humour not always funny )

or he is jealous of you and/or your husband. even his own g/f is more interested in your husband than him or he is jealous of his brother having a wife like you

it looks like he's the one with a problem, i wouldn't even waste 1 second thinking about it Allyn

[Sophie]

last night my brother in law and his girlfriend who move in with us a couple of months ago, sit with me and my hubby in the living room, the girl was so extra nice to my husband and seemed intrested with all he do, my brother inlaw said she fancy my husband, then he said i only married my husband coz i thought he have money and when i got here i found out that he have no money...

all i was able to say is i already know that my husband have no money even before i married his brother...

i tried not to say anthing but deep inside i feel like im in a point of breaking down...

its so unfair for him to think that way towards me... i know about his brother situation and i did everything to help him as much as i can,,,and this is all i get...

woke up this morning crying when i open my eyes and remember all the things my brother in law said...

its so unfair....so unfair, i did all i can to support my husband,,i did everything.....its just so unfair...

Hi Allyn, looks like you're problems with your husband's family is piling up....
Last time you're father in law, now your brother inlaw accusing you unjustly, not to mention his gf being extra nice to your husband
and for him to even admit in your face, that his gf fancy your husband Talking about demented people
Allyn, as what mod dom just said, its time to tell your husband to choose who he wants to share his life with....and do not suffer in silence....

Looks like your husband's family doesn't give you the respect they ought to give you and instead, they treat you like a joke in the family.....
And to get such a strong accusation from your brother in law, which is way out of line...
You seem like a very nice and smart girl, do not allow them to intimidate you, ridicule you and to just push you around.....
Do not let them treat you this way, put a stand and demand a little respect...
You know you deserve better than this and you can put a stop to this, people can only push you as far as you let them.....

[Ji&Ma]

with Sophie
Looks like you have some very serious issues with your hubby family and in my opinion you have to address them A.S.A.P. otherwise they might grow into something much more sinister.
As others said - you should have very deep and long talk with your man about all this stuff.
Do it soon even if it will be painful for you and for him, later it just might be too late...
Wish you good luck girl...

[Sim11UK]

allyn you seem to have married into a family, that shows you little support.
Right now, this must be making you feel very lonely.

Is your brother in-law, going to be living with you for long?...as it sounds like he's not happy with his life, to say something spiteful like that?...You two need your own space, but just make sure your husband, is kept fully aware of how you are feeling.

What an insensitive lot they are.

[jonathan47]

i agree and to be honest i dont know what to say they are a bunch of ignorant people ...i said before and i will repeat now you have choices you always have a choice and if this is like this now well i wonder where it is going.....it may be you are treated like this because they dont think you have a choice well you do maybe you should have a heart to heart with your husband and tell him its not working and if things dont improve you will go home ...you might find this wakes him up...you sound young and smart you know theres problems and you did the right thing to share on here, do you hae a friend you can talk to a family member ...i know you love your husband but maybe its time to give him up ...you will always find someone else and maybe there are important leason to learn from this experience ....i hope i not speaking out of turn .. i feel for you just trying to help


regards


j and a

[bornatbirth]

Time to tell your husband to choose who he wants to share his life with.....

Looks like that you aren't having much support from him at all.....

I suggest you have a heart to heart with your husband, without the lodgers present, and explain how you feel and how bad they make you feel.

Continuing to suffer in silence will only make you feel worse and unfulfilled.

tell your husband how you feel and the way his family say and do things to upset you...have you ever seen the movie "the hills have eyes" looks like you married into them

time to have a tantrum

[whiteraven]

with your previous thread and this one together i think you are wasting your time with this bunch of idiots. have a talk to your husband about all of the issues you have,if he doesnt start to act like a man and stand up for you then i think its time to get out. noone deserves to be treated like a doormat

[South-east boy]

I agree with what the others have said, especially that they don't really seem to be treating you seriously. Also what your brother-in-law said to you was quite hurtful and especially so considering that they are living with you. Did you say to your husband what he said to you? If you have or do and he doesn't say much or stand up for you, then he doesn't sound much of a good husband! Also strange is that your brother-in-law said that his gf fancies your husband! If I was him and I did think that, then I would not be wanting to live there anymore, unless he is saying that to try and wind you up?

Like Jonathan says, do you have anyone close that you can talk to about it all (preferably someone who lives near to you or at least in UK as they will understand how things/people are in UK more)?

A big hug to you!

[Tawi2]

Your father-in-law kicks your ass and slaps your head your brother-in-law verbally abuses you Your husband seems indifferent to his families insensitivity and ignorance Allyn,to be honest with you most people wouldnt,couldnt,and shouldnt stand that sort of abuse for the rest of their lives,take a firm stance with your husband,tell him your feeling insecure and alone,because the actions of his family are causing you distress

[allyn]

helo every one....

thank you very much for your post...

for an update of my thread,,,
i talked to my husband after i post my thread, told him what i felt, and not in my surprise he told me im rude...and too emotional...
He said he's brother is just jocking when he said that "when i married his brother i never thought his brother have no money,but when i get here i found out that he have none")
he said specifically, that his family cant make a joke without insulting me, he said i always feel like insulted whenever his family talked to me and i cant understand proper english, he said my comprehension with english is really bad...
And about the girl, he said im rude to her, he said im not making an effort to make her feel at home, that i should understand that girl because she is somehow having psychological problem after got miscarriage a month ago...(actually its 2nd time my husband said that to me)....and my husband is just being nice to her, and if the girl fancy him he cant do anything about it...
oh my, im already paying our rent and that girl is not even paying any cent, cant even buy a toilet roll even tho she have a fulltime job, i smiled at her and even cook once for her and she just walk out on me after eating the food i made...dont understand what kind of effort my husband still want me to do....

then my husband youngest brother, mum and dad came and knock in our door, they pick us up to go to my husband's grands parents for dinner
(my husband grand parents are very nice and very supportive, i love them so much) but when we got there i cant even make my self smile, everytime i tried to open my mouth i wanted to cry, but i tried to shut my self up and granda and gran notice me being very quiet....then out of the blue my husband said to his mum that im a rude person...i wanted to cry in that moment...

then after the dinner and we went back home we started to argue again,,,but this time the couple is in their room...and my husband is telling me out loud that im a very rude person....im in the point of walking out...
cant take it anymore...

if only i have another place to go to...

i want to run as far a way as i can...

life is so unfair

[Sim11UK]

Alyn you are really starting to worry me now.
Seems like you are there, only to work, pay the rent & look after everyone....For this, you have been rewarded with physical & mental abuse.

From what you are saying, things are really not going to improve. You need a plan, I don't know how possible it is, but you really need to think about going back home.

Please stay in touch on this forum.

[pennybarry]

Hi Allyn! You have had enough carry on with his family. Year ago you had rant with his brother. http://filipinaroses.com/showthread.php?t=7530 and with your Dad in Law.
Why not give him ultimatum? Or this may be the right time to leave them and move on. If you think you will not able to do it, YES you can! Rather than than you are suffering from their behaviour and attitudes. Your husband loves his family, that's fine. But love yourself Allyn. You are young and beautiful. I don't wanna see you one day full of wrinkles. So wake-up! Pack your things before it's too late. It looks like, if you gave them your left hand, they are wanting your right hand now. I know you have loads of patience, but they will not stop until you're on the floor! I'm afraid.

[eagles]

hi allyn, Enough is enough... pack your things and move out. Am sure you got some friends who can help you out, give you shelter for a couple of days till you can plot your next move. please dont make yourself be abused. Go to proper authorities, half way home, shelters and seek their counsel and help

[KeithD]

hi allyn, Enough is enough... pack your things and move out. Am sure you got some friends who can help you out, give you shelter for a couple of days till you can plot your next move. please dont make yourself be abused. Go to proper authorities, half way home, shelters and seek their counsel and help

...or she could just discuss it with her husband!!

[bornatbirth]

...or she could just discuss it with her husband!!

hasnt she already done that?

why dont you find a local bed and breakfast and go there for a few days and let your husband stew...leave him a note saying your going back to the philipines

now he blames you because you dont understand what they really saying to you,so now your being rude

why dont you go and talk to your grandparents as they have a degree of itelligence and let it all out,your husband as a duty to sort out the problems in your marriage and is just saying its your fault as a easy way out.

watch this and dont worry be happy

:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-diB65scQU

[New Shoes]

Hello Allyn.

The more I read about your situation, the more I'm worried about you. I think that you will be wasting your time trying to talk to your husband and his family. They are too ignorant to understand how you are feeling.
The situation seems to be getting desperate, so you need to do desperate actions.

Do you have any filipino friends near to you who can provide you with a place to stay?

I think you need to do the following things:-

1) Get some money saved in secret, money your husband doesn't know you have, so that you have money in your pocket ready to use to get away.

2) Arrange to have somewhere to stay that your husband doesn't know about, a friends house.

3) Pick your time to go when there is nobody around your house, or make an excuse to leave the house and have a freind pick you up to take to to a place of safety.

You need to look after yourself and make sure you are safe. There are lots of guys who would treat you well, it seems that you've just picked the wrong guy this time.

Ingat ka lagi

[IanB]

Allyn,

So sorry to hear your sad story. It does take a very special kind of guy to understand how hard it is for someone to move to a completely different country. There are many of these guys on this forum. If you don't get the support you need then life here can be pretty horrible. There is also a suspicion that your brother in law may be a bit racist in his attitude to you.

I think the people who say "get out" don't really understand your situation - I am sure that you want to be loyal to your husband.

What kind of life do you have away from him? Do you have friends or colleagues you can talk to? Can you get out and around and do things on your own? It would really help to get away from the bad atmosphere at home - you could involve your husband too.

Good luck.

[IainBusby]

last night my brother in law and his girlfriend who move in with us a couple of months ago, sit with me and my hubby in the living room, the girl was so extra nice to my husband and seemed intrested with all he do, my brother inlaw said she fancy my husband, then he said i only married my husband coz i thought he have money and when i got here i found out that he have no money...

all i was able to say is i already know that my husband have no money even before i married his brother...

i tried not to say anthing but deep inside i feel like im in a point of breaking down...

its so unfair for him to think that way towards me... i know about his brother situation and i did everything to help him as much as i can,,,and this is all i get...

woke up this morning crying when i open my eyes and remember all the things my brother in law said...

its so unfair....so unfair, i did all i can to support my husband,,i did everything.....its just so unfair...

Hi Allyn,
It seems to me that you've had a long history of mis-treatment from your husbands family ever since you've been a member here and I think it's time you done something about. It seems to me that they have no respect or affection for you and as he seems to go along with it all, neither has your husband.

You really need to put your foot down about this and insist that your brother in law and his girlfriend move out and come round only if invited.

Iain.

[Ann07]

helo every one....

thank you very much for your post...

for an update of my thread,,,
i talked to my husband after i post my thread, told him what i felt, and not in my surprise he told me im rude...and too emotional...
He said he's brother is just jocking when he said that "when i married his brother i never thought his brother have no money,but when i get here i found out that he have none")
he said specifically, that his family cant make a joke without insulting me, he said i always feel like insulted whenever his family talked to me and i cant understand proper english, he said my comprehension with english is really bad...
And about the girl, he said im rude to her, he said im not making an effort to make her feel at home, that i should understand that girl because she is somehow having psychological problem after got miscarriage a month ago...(actually its 2nd time my husband said that to me)....and my husband is just being nice to her, and if the girl fancy him he cant do anything about it...
oh my, im already paying our rent and that girl is not even paying any cent, cant even buy a toilet roll even tho she have a fulltime job, i smiled at her and even cook once for her and she just walk out on me after eating the food i made...dont understand what kind of effort my husband still want me to do....

then my husband youngest brother, mum and dad came and knock in our door, they pick us up to go to my husband's grands parents for dinner
(my husband grand parents are very nice and very supportive, i love them so much) but when we got there i cant even make my self smile, everytime i tried to open my mouth i wanted to cry, but i tried to shut my self up and granda and gran notice me being very quiet....then out of the blue my husband said to his mum that im a rude person...i wanted to cry in that moment...

then after the dinner and we went back home we started to argue again,,,but this time the couple is in their room...and my husband is telling me out loud that im a very rude person....im in the point of walking out...
cant take it anymore...

if only i have another place to go to...

i want to run as far a way as i can...

life is so unfair

MY love you are always welcome in the house just give me a ring anytime
Love you mwahhhhhhh x

[adam&chryss]

helo every one....

thank you very much for your post...

for an update of my thread,,,
i talked to my husband after i post my thread, told him what i felt, and not in my surprise he told me im rude...and too emotional...
He said he's brother is just jocking when he said that "when i married his brother i never thought his brother have no money,but when i get here i found out that he have none")
he said specifically, that his family cant make a joke without insulting me, he said i always feel like insulted whenever his family talked to me and i cant understand proper english, he said my comprehension with english is really bad...
And about the girl, he said im rude to her, he said im not making an effort to make her feel at home, that i should understand that girl because she is somehow having psychological problem after got miscarriage a month ago...(actually its 2nd time my husband said that to me)....and my husband is just being nice to her, and if the girl fancy him he cant do anything about it...
oh my, im already paying our rent and that girl is not even paying any cent, cant even buy a toilet roll even tho she have a fulltime job, i smiled at her and even cook once for her and she just walk out on me after eating the food i made...dont understand what kind of effort my husband still want me to do....

then my husband youngest brother, mum and dad came and knock in our door, they pick us up to go to my husband's grands parents for dinner
(my husband grand parents are very nice and very supportive, i love them so much) but when we got there i cant even make my self smile, everytime i tried to open my mouth i wanted to cry, but i tried to shut my self up and granda and gran notice me being very quiet....then out of the blue my husband said to his mum that im a rude person...i wanted to cry in that moment...

then after the dinner and we went back home we started to argue again,,,but this time the couple is in their room...and my husband is telling me out loud that im a very rude person....im in the point of walking out...
cant take it anymore...

if only i have another place to go to...

i want to run as far a way as i can...

life is so unfair

hi allyn!
sorry to say this but i think your husband doesn't really love you... if my husband say something bad about me in front of his parents or family, i will never forgive him. your husband must care and protect you not dishonor or disgrace you... he should prioritized you first and be more understanding about your feelings.
if i were in your place.. I'll pack my things and leave my husband.. and tell him he should have married his family not me.
have a heart to heart talk to your husband and in case he still wouldn't listen to you then there's no way he will ever will... it will be hard but you have to leave him and move on...

[Tawi2]

How did you meet your husband?How old is he?As a family group they sound pretty dysfunctional,with lots of issues You can buy cyanide and strychnine online if you know where to look

[triple5]

Sorry to be so blunt but your husband is insensitive and spineless. From reading your posts it comes across as though he would put his family before you. If you're already paying the rent on that place try finding somewhere new to live and give him an ultimatum - "Either show me some respect or we're finished."

Be strong & good luck

[jonathan47]

ann07

thats so kind of you i hope she takes up the offer

regards


jj

[RickyR]

It's a difficult situation and your husband needs to put his foot down. I'm lucky that most of my family absolutely adore Marvie, however the only person I had trouble with was my Dad, who had his concerns.
He made a few comments that probably stem from the 'Daily Mail' / White Man-Thai Bride Stereotype, before he event met Marvie and didnt really make much of an effort with her the first time they met. We cut off contact for about 3 weeks, and the rest of my family gave him a lot of stick and since then he's taken the time to actually respect her as an individual. It wasn't easy for me to do that to my Dad, and it won't be easy for your husband to do that to his brother, but he has to make his views clear. If you are the one arguing etc with his brothers, they'll just use that as more ammo against you.

[Arthur Little]

Allyn, like everyone else who has responded to your posts in recent times, I'm absolutely horrified to learn of the physical and mental abuse you've suffered at the hands of your husband's family. Enough is already much MORE than enough! For me, alarm bells started ringing when I first read of the "treatment" meeted out by his father [after his drinking session] a few weeks ago ... and it's bothered me ever since!

NOW, lass, it's time for YOU to make a move. And I suggest you start by contacting Glasgow Womens Aid. The address is 30 Bell Street, G1 1LG ... telephone: 0141 553 2022. Explain the stress you've been subjected to; staff there, will be only too pleased to lend a sympathetic ear ... and offer whatever guidance/refuge is needed to extricate you from this intolerable situation. But I urge you to act quickly, my friend ... in order to prevent anything similar happening again.

[IanB]

I think people are going over the top suggesting women's refuges and things like that. Maybe some time, but I'm sure thats not what the lady wants right now and its certainly not an easy way forward.

[Arthur Little]

MY love *you are always welcome in the house just give me a ring anytime
Love you mwahhhhhhh x

Just a few *caring words, Ann ... but I'll bet they will mean so MUCH to Allyn!
Thank you for your thoughtfulness and sensitivity my friend.

[jonathan47]

i think imho, that as i read on a website elsewhere that if you are not ready to defen your lady in the face of prejudice if you cannot be bothered to learn about the culture and to respect it then you should not get involved with a filipina i have already had to put my so called "friends" down the gym in there place for comments like lbfm and which catalouge did you buy her from was she number 1289 or 6789 etc... unfortunatly there are some very ignorant and shallow people around usual the one who have closed minds and have not travelled a little...i think this lady's husband has not had the strength to defend his lady rather going along with his family...he now needs to make a choice his wife or his family at the risk of losing one or other i know i would choose my wife to be over my family and friends hopefully i can have both but i will always defend my girl and everyone else can either get with the program or %&*£ off.

regards


j and a