life is so unfair

[Sophie]

i think imho, that as i read on a website elsewhere that if you are not ready to defen your lady in the face of prejudice if you cannot be bothered to learn about the culture and to respect it then you should not get involved with a filipina i have already had to put my so called "friends" down the gym in there place for comments like lbfm and which catalouge did you buy her from was she number 1289 or 6789 etc... unfortunatly there are some very ignorant and shallow people around usual the one who have closed minds and have not travelled a little...i think this lady's husband has not had the strength to defend his lady rather going along with his family...he now needs to make a choice his wife or his family at the risk of losing one or other i know i would choose my wife to be over my family and friends hopefully i can have both but i will always defend my girl and everyone else can either get with the program or %&*£ off.

regards

j and a

very well said jonathan

[pennybarry]

I am looking forward for your decsion asap Allyn!

[September]

what kind of status visa u had? ILR ? if so, that is very easy to decide allyn, dont let other people make your life miserable, life happen only once, dont let them knock u down dear

[Ann07]

what kind of status visa u had? ILR ? if so, that is very easy to decide allyn, dont let other people make your life miserable, life happen only once, dont let them knock u down dear

She's got ILR now.

[Florge]

She's got ILR now.

that's good news... should she decide to leave her husband..

Allyn... I want to hug you... I feel your desperation and sadness... I agree to what most of them say... but bottomline is, the decision is yours to make... just keep in mind that no one has the right to hurt you unless you have given them the permission to do so...

Suffering is optional... keep your chin up... and think of the best way to solve this dilemma... I'll pray for you iha....

[jta]

She's got ILR now.

Hi Allyn,

I'm following your thread, touched about your situation and now relieved to know that you've got ILR. You should weigh things now, be strong to show your right as wife and give ultimatum to your husband, you have nothing to worry you've got a job and ILR already. Enough is enough, don't be a martyr! You are still young, can still find a better guy and deserves a good life....Goodluck!

[September]

She's got ILR now.

Thanks Ann, I feel pity to her when I read her post, if she is just nearby w/ me I will offer our house as well, thats what filipina are..nagdadamayan

[dave63]

I am not ashamed to say that when I read about your troubles. Yes, I cried. How another human being can treat another so poorly is so sad. I can not add much to what other threaders have said. But all I can say is that it is a big world with a lot of people out there. Get yourself out of this relationship the best way you know how and with the least of hurt and heartache. My thoughts and prayers and best wishes go with you. Please, Please look after yourself. You have a lot of friends out here on this forum who love and care about you.

[Tawi2]

Her problem isnt with her hubbie i dont think,he just seems a little weak and lets his dad and brother push him around,if he actually stood up for his wife and told his dad and brother to curb their tongues and be civil to his wife then things hopefully will take a turn for the better,read her words,she cant be expected to just leave the guy,she is in a strange country,but the husband sounds like he is unable to stand up for himself or his wife

[South-east boy]

But he did say that she was rude and said that again in front of the whole family with her there.

[Tawi2]

But he did say that she was rude and said that again in front of the whole family with her there.

Thats true enough,but is that grounds to end a marriage?He is spineless but she still loves him,the family are the problem,not the guy himself,if he learnt to stand up to them problem solved no?

[September]

Thats true enough,but is that grounds to end a marriage?He is spineless but she still loves him,the family are the problem,not the guy himself,if he learnt to stand up to them problem solved no?

The husband is problem as well tawi, being rude to speak to wife in front of other people isnt a problem to you?

[Tawi2]

The husband is problem as well tawi, being rude to speak to wife in front of other people isnt a problem to you?

Did I say that Methinks not,the last guy to speak rudely to a woman I was with moved out of his apartment a few days later,I said the real problem are the family,the guy is weak,he needs to learn to stand up for his woman,but a family disagreement isnt something to walk out of a marriage for,the guy is at fault,sure he is,but mainly because of his weak nature,if she didnt love him she wouldnt be married to him would she?And what do pinays always say?Love conquers all

[Tonet]

I dont think the problem here is his weakness, the problem is HE DOESN'T LOVE HER ENOUGH, him flirting back to this woman, telling her rude is NOT weakness, its lack of respect to his WIFE

And for you Allyn, i know its not that easy to just leave your husband coz u probably still love him despite the way he treats you,, but you should love yourself first before you can share love to others.

Sabi nga ni nanay kay Philip," ipinagbuntis ko yan, iniluwal, pinalaki, minahal at inalagaan, kung aabusuhin mo lang at sasaktan isoli mo na lang sya sa akin, dahil walang SINUMAN ang may karapatan saktan sya."

Did I say that Methinks not,the last guy to speak rudely to a woman I was with moved out of his apartment a few days later,I said the real problem are the family,the guy is weak,he needs to learn to stand up for his woman,but a family disagreement isnt something to walk out of a marriage for,the guy is at fault,sure he is,but mainly because of his weak nature,if she didnt love him she wouldnt be married to him would she?And what do pinays always say?Love conquers all

[LadyJ]

Hi Allyn, the members have already mentioned all what I want to say.. all I can say now is be strong! Hope you and your husband will sorted out your problem soon, remember Christmas is coming.

[Arthur Little]

Hi Allyn, the members have already mentioned all what I want to say.. all I can say now is be strong! Hope you and your husband will sorted out your problem soon, remember Christmas is coming.

So too, is New Year ... and North of the Border [in Glasgow, in particular] people still tend to imbibe more than is good for them. And, believe ME, I'm NOT overreacting when I emphasise that ... all too often, the booze-fuelled CAN take an extremely nasty turn.

[aphrodite78]

hi allyn,

i was just reading your post and i can't help but feel so sorry and symphatize with you. you shouldn't really let them do this to you, and that you shouldn't suffer alone. seems to me that your husband doesn't have the balls when it comes to his family. for a start it's wrong to let your in-laws treat you like the way they are treating you and that your husband should side with you and not with them. what happened to your marriage vows?

may i ask what is your status in the uk? i know it may seem to be out of the question but it would also help what are your other options other than to go back home. are u on ilr or still on settlement visa? do u got friends where you could possibly stay for a while?
seems to me your husband needs kicking in the back side to make him realise how lucky he is that he got you.

sometimes you have to say enough is enough and be heard. you married your husband, u didn't married his family. like what others said save some money looks like you will need it soon.

[September]

I have my friend who read your thread and she is pinay, i am quite annoyed when she said sometimes they just tell the half of the story, we both dont know the full story, but here we goes, our concerened is with you Allyn

[aposhark]

For me, Allyn's husband is 100% the problem.

After the previous thread documenting the physical abuse, now these new developments seem like mental abuse.

The husband has to grow some itlogs and look after his wife; Allyn is not married to anyone else in the family, the husband has to do everything he can to help her in her new life.

These abusers make me mad

So what is next? It sounds worrying.

Allyn make sure he does not try to go back on his word to move out with you.

Dear Filipina - be smart.

[cheesewiz]

sorry with your situation with your husband and husband's family.

if i am in your shoes I dont think i can't live longer with him or with them. your husband need to choose between you and his family. although you are his family now so you come first over them. I think your husband need a wake up call or you need a wake up call too

Pls don't let them abuse you....do something about it before its too late

[allyn]

I have my friend who read your thread and she is pinay, i am quite annoyed when she said sometimes they just tell the half of the story, we both dont know the full story, but here we goes, our concerened is with you Allyn

hello september,
thank you very much for standing up for me and being in my side....i really apreciate your understanding and sympathy,,,
and as for your friend, please dont be annoyed at her its her opinion and right to say that, your friend is like my brother in law co worker who is filipino and said a filipina like me have pride...he seemed to be on my brother inlaw side, coz he heard my brother inlaw story, i myself felt a bit sad hearing and knowing that my co filipino is more on into the side of the person who hurt me and didnt even bother to know the real story and get to know me...but its their right to say their own opinion and we cant do anything about it..

so its okey...

its cool dont worry,,,

thanks again for the post

[allyn]

hello every one!!!

thank you very much for all your sympathy advice and care....

Thats another Storm that just pass by in my life and in my relationship with my husband,,,

Again thank you all for all your post and opnion, i know this will sound crazy after all the moan and complain i said in my thread...
but Even tho my husband got shortcoming,,,(even i have short coming) i still love that man, (really dont remember now why i fell in love with him) but one thing im sure right now is i still love him, please dont think bad about my husband cos he is not, he is a gentle, sweet and very friendly man, he just have some shortcoming....
And about my husband family, also please dont be annoyed at them, we both have different family background and culture, i just cant seemed to understand some of their attitude and they way they grew up but thats what they are, and since its 1 agains the whole family and since im in their territory i think im the one who should adjust more and try to understand...

Even tho my brother in law already apologize to me there still like a big elephant in the room between us whenever they (the couples) hangout in our living room and im there...i myself dont feel athome nor ateas when he is around...

Dont know how long it will last, but well see...

Ill just keep my self quite and calm this time and just look forward in moving out next year and in my holiday back in the philippines...i missed my family, maybe if i see them again ill feel better again...

thank you every one again for your post....
love you all

[pennybarry]

hello every one!!!

thank you very much for all your sympathy advice and care....

Thats another Storm that just pass by in my life and in my relationship with my husband,,,

Again thank you all for all your post and opnion, i know this will sound crazy after all the moan and complain i said in my thread...
but Even tho my husband got shortcoming,,,(even i have short coming) i still love that man, (really dont remember now why i fell in love with him) but one thing im sure right now is i still love him, please dont think bad about my husband cos he is not, he is a gentle, sweet and very friendly man, he just have some shortcoming....
And about my husband family, also please dont be annoyed at them, we both have different family background and culture, i just cant seemed to understand some of their attitude and they way they grew up but thats what they are, and since its 1 agains the whole family and since im in their territory i think im the one who should adjust more and try to understand...

Even tho my brother in law already apologize to me there still like a big elephant in the room between us whenever they (the couples) hangout in our living room and im there...i myself dont feel athome nor ateas when he is around...

Dont know how long it will last, but well see...

Ill just keep my self quite and calm this time and just look forward in moving out next year and in my holiday back in the philippines...i missed my family, maybe if i see them again ill feel better again...

thank you every one again for your post....
love you all

Goodluck to your utmost decision Allyn! I know how friendly you are and whose your friends surrounds you. You're on the right hands.
Be thankful also of having a loving mother like I have.
We are so lucky in having them.
Just be brave and don't be a crying lady. I am sure you'll learn more and more to improve. Be flexible.! Take care of yourself!

[Arthur Little]

D I am sure you'll learn more and more to improve. Be flexible.! Take care of yourself!

... Methinks it's the HUSBAND who has much room for improvement! But the MAIN thing is HER welfare. And she has many good friends HERE whom she can turn to should this bizarre situation continue [which I pray to God it DOESN'T!].

[Ladybug_sim]

hello every one!!!

thank you very much for all your sympathy advice and care....

Thats another Storm that just pass by in my life and in my relationship with my husband,,,

Again thank you all for all your post and opnion, i know this will sound crazy after all the moan and complain i said in my thread...
but Even tho my husband got shortcoming,,,(even i have short coming) i still love that man, (really dont remember now why i fell in love with him) but one thing im sure right now is i still love him, please dont think bad about my husband cos he is not, he is a gentle, sweet and very friendly man, he just have some shortcoming....
And about my husband family, also please dont be annoyed at them, we both have different family background and culture, i just cant seemed to understand some of their attitude and they way they grew up but thats what they are, and since its 1 agains the whole family and since im in their territory i think im the one who should adjust more and try to understand...

Even tho my brother in law already apologize to me there still like a big elephant in the room between us whenever they (the couples) hangout in our living room and im there...i myself dont feel athome nor ateas when he is around...

Dont know how long it will last, but well see...

Ill just keep my self quite and calm this time and just look forward in moving out next year and in my holiday back in the philippines...i missed my family, maybe if i see them again ill feel better again...

thank you every one again for your post....
love you all

Hi! Allyn, I did read your post on here and yes, it is hard to say something about your situation now. I know how hard your life facing for that problem but as what I can share you that it is not good to escape or pack up things… I did missed your other tread but I believe you are brave enough to face it. To stay in other country or stay to the man we love and be part in the whole family is one of our trails in life to continue or to live on. It is the step we decided when we married right? So what ever problems or trails come, we can’t say that we need to go and leave. He/ she is part in life even the family… when we commit being part to him/her and the family we expect anything happen as it is part in our life.

Yes, they said or some other say when you married, you not marry one instead you married the whole family right? Coz what your husband or wife belong it is belong to you too .. other say give up or back to the PI … me it is not easy coz it is the life we step in and it is the family we need to build in life and as long as we can handle things we need to handle on it. Be brave and stand your self being you or being a wife …don’t leave your husband coz of that thing, he is the one need your love, need care and most of all need your understanding even he not say something on you for what his family ( father in law or brother in law) did to you as long as you are there for him what ever happen soon he will notice or think all about that you really love him …

btw.. it is hard to stay in one house lots of trouble come coz jealousy… but show to them or his family that you are a women or wife to their son you have the right to say things what is in your mind and heart …( if you cant express it to words come on your mouth you need to do a letter to them and leave it when you go back to the Philippines soon) Just an opinion ok… always remember that it is a trails in life when we got married. Other easily say things because they feel much love to the family where they are in for now and yes we loved our family too but know it is really hard.. especially they never experience how hard to deal people who will be your family that you never known if they like and love you in a long way maybe it is ok for the first time but we don’t know in the middle of the time .. can’t say still things but I think my buggy are always there for me so I’m thankful for being him and only I wish soon I can meet and know his family too….

Just keep on posting or update here coz know we are all here to listen and help you whatever we can do or know that even we give an opinion here we are really not sure it is good or bad for you coz you are the one know what your situation to handle there .. only I say keep strong to your self and keep pray and trust to the Lord above .. all the tears you fall it is worth and counted ..life is tough and sometime not fair but we will not forget to smile ok!!

[Sim11UK]

Hi! Allyn, I did read your post on here and yes, it is hard to say something about your situation now. I know how hard your life facing for that problem but as what I can share you that it is not good to escape or pack up things… I did missed your other tread but I believe you are brave enough to face it. To stay in other country or stay to the man we love and be part in the whole family is one of our trails in life to continue or to live on. It is the step we decided when we married right? So what ever problems or trails come, we can’t say that we need to go and leave. He/ she is part in life even the family… when we commit being part to him/her and the family we expect anything happen as it is part in our life.

Yes, they said or some other say when you married, you not marry one instead you married the whole family right? Coz what your husband or wife belong it is belong to you too .. other say give up or back to the PI … me it is not easy coz it is the life we step in and it is the family we need to build in life and as long as we can handle things we need to handle on it. Be brave and stand your self being you or being a wife …don’t leave your husband coz of that thing, he is the one need your love, need care and most of all need your understanding even he not say something on you for what his family ( father in law or brother in law) did to you as long as you are there for him what ever happen soon he will notice or think all about that you really love him …

btw.. it is hard to stay in one house lots of trouble come coz jealousy… but show to them or his family that you are a women or wife to their son you have the right to say things what is in your mind and heart …( if you cant express it to words come on your mouth you need to do a letter to them and leave it when you go back to the Philippines soon) Just an opinion ok… always remember that it is a trails in life when we got married. Other easily say things because they feel much love to the family where they are in for now and yes we loved our family too but know it is really hard.. especially they never experience how hard to deal people who will be your family that you never known if they like and love you in a long way maybe it is ok for the first time but we don’t know in the middle of the time .. can’t say still things but I think my buggy are always there for me so I’m thankful for being him and only I wish soon I can meet and know his family too….

Just keep on posting or update here coz know we are all here to listen and help you whatever we can do or know that even we give an opinion here we are really not sure it is good or bad for you coz you are the one know what your situation to handle there .. only I say keep strong to your self and keep pray and trust to the Lord above .. all the tears you fall it is worth and counted ..life is tough but we will not forget to smile ok!!

Hmmmm dear wife?....But if a family member hit or abused you, I would jump to your defence, not say to you they are just joking, or you are too sensitive.
That's the trouble, he dosen't see his wifes distress.

Just hope he learns soon?

[September]

hello september,
thank you very much for standing up for me and being in my side....i really apreciate your understanding and sympathy,,,
and as for your friend, please dont be annoyed at her its her opinion and right to say that, your friend is like my brother in law co worker who is filipino and said a filipina like me have pride...he seemed to be on my brother inlaw side, coz he heard my brother inlaw story, i myself felt a bit sad hearing and knowing that my co filipino is more on into the side of the person who hurt me and didnt even bother to know the real story and get to know me...but its their right to say their own opinion and we cant do anything about it..

so its okey...

its cool dont worry,,,

thanks again for the post

Your welcome Allyn, just one thing dont let other people abuse you, love yourself b4 u love other,make sense

[bornatbirth]

Your welcome Allyn, just one thing dont let other people abuse you, love yourself b4 u love other,make sense

use a vibrator

[triple5]

use a vibrator

[Florge]

aaahhhwwww.... that's what my Dad said to my fiancee when he asked for my hand in marriage.... Dad said that if my fiancee doesn't want me and love me anymore, he just have to let me go back to Pinas... parents are like that.. they don't want to see their kids hurting...

and until today, my dad still asks me if i'm happy or not... and should he be sending me money for a ticket home.. LOL...

allyn, all the best to you and to your husband...