Originally Posted by IanB
... Do YOU have any BETTER ideas? If so, then let's hear them, please!
Thanks ArthurJust a few *caring words, Ann ... but I'll bet they will mean so MUCH to Allyn!
Thank you for your thoughtfulness and sensitivity my friend.
Allyn is a good friend of mine. And shes knows that i am always there for her
Love you beauty xxxx
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
I am looking forward for your decsion asap Allyn!
I know your husband isn't in the ideal position between uou and his family, but every single time he has taken their side and not yours. He hasn't tried to understand things from your point of view either. You are not just a newcomer to the family, but a newcomer from another country and culture which he hasn't considered at all. What reason has he got to say that you were rude?! I think that it was terrible that he spoke about you like that in front of his family.
it seems like his brother will never be moving out. I though it was only meant to be temporary until he had enough money to move into his own place? If his gf is working too, why can't they get their own place together? You mentioned that his gf had a misscarriage, so if that hadn't happened would the baby be living with you too?! They'd be more of them than you in your own place!
Did he not promise in his marriage vows to love, comfort, honour and protect his partner?!
Ok, some of the things that have been said by other members of his family might have been jokes but as they are about you, you don't get them and what they are about is not so nice, they are pointless and hurtful to you.
I hope that you take up Annes offer and can sort this horrible situation out somehow.
very well said jonathan
"10% of life is made up of what happens to you, 90% is decided by how you react"
"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost"
I totally agreeI know your husband isn't in the ideal position between you and his family, but every single time he has taken their side and not yours. He hasn't tried to understand things from your point of view either. You are not just a newcomer to the family, but a newcomer from another country and culture which he hasn't considered at all. What reason has he got to say that you were rude?! I think that it was terrible that he spoke about you like that in front of his family.
"10% of life is made up of what happens to you, 90% is decided by how you react"
"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost"
what kind of status visa u had? ILR ? if so, that is very easy to decide allyn, dont let other people make your life miserable, life happen only once, dont let them knock u down dear
She's got ILR now.
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
that's good news... should she decide to leave her husband..
Allyn... I want to hug you... I feel your desperation and sadness... I agree to what most of them say... but bottomline is, the decision is yours to make... just keep in mind that no one has the right to hurt you unless you have given them the permission to do so...
Suffering is optional... keep your chin up... and think of the best way to solve this dilemma... I'll pray for you iha....
I am not ashamed to say that when I read about your troubles. Yes, I cried. How another human being can treat another so poorly is so sad. I can not add much to what other threaders have said. But all I can say is that it is a big world with a lot of people out there. Get yourself out of this relationship the best way you know how and with the least of hurt and heartache. My thoughts and prayers and best wishes go with you. Please, Please look after yourself. You have a lot of friends out here on this forum who love and care about you.
:Yesterday was history.Tomorrow is a mystery.Today is a gift.This is why it is called"The present!"
Her problem isnt with her hubbie i dont think,he just seems a little weak and lets his dad and brother push him around,if he actually stood up for his wife and told his dad and brother to curb their tongues and be civil to his wife then things hopefully will take a turn for the better,read her words,she cant be expected to just leave the guy,she is in a strange country,but the husband sounds like he is unable to stand up for himself or his wife
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
But he did say that she was rude and said that again in front of the whole family with her there.
Thats true enough,but is that grounds to end a marriage?He is spineless but she still loves him,the family are the problem,not the guy himself,if he learnt to stand up to them problem solved no?
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
Hi Allyn,
I'm following your thread, touched about your situation and now relieved to know that you've got ILR. You should weigh things now, be strong to show your right as wife and give ultimatum to your husband, you have nothing to worry you've got a job and ILR already. Enough is enough, don't be a martyr! You are still young, can still find a better guy and deserves a good life....Goodluck!
----------------------------------------------
"FAILURE IS NOT DEFEAT UNLESS U STOP TRYING"
Thanks Ann, I feel pity to her when I read her post, if she is just nearby w/ me I will offer our house as well, thats what filipina are..nagdadamayan
The husband is problem as well tawi, being rude to speak to wife in front of other people isnt a problem to you?Thats true enough,but is that grounds to end a marriage?He is spineless but she still loves him,the family are the problem,not the guy himself,if he learnt to stand up to them problem solved no?
Did I say thatThe husband is problem as well tawi, being rude to speak to wife in front of other people isnt a problem to you?
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
I dont think the problem here is his weakness, the problem is HE DOESN'T LOVE HER ENOUGH, him flirting back to this woman, telling her rude is NOT weakness, its lack of respect to his WIFE
And for you Allyn, i know its not that easy to just leave your husband coz u probably still love him despite the way he treats you,, but you should love yourself first before you can share love to others.
Sabi nga ni nanay kay Philip," ipinagbuntis ko yan, iniluwal, pinalaki, minahal at inalagaan, kung aabusuhin mo lang at sasaktan isoli mo na lang sya sa akin, dahil walang SINUMAN ang may karapatan saktan sya."
Did I say that
If thats the case what attracted her to him in the first placeYou have to work at marriage,you dont just fling in the towel the first time your against the ropes,thats waaaayyyyyy too drastic,if everyone who has told her to leave him ASAP has never once had a cross word with their partners,never argued etc then I respect their opinions
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
hello every one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you very much for all your post and advice....
i also take note arthur little the information you share...
thank you everyone for all your sympathy and kind words....
i have red some of your post this morning at my work and i have been crying and touch with all the kind words you all said...my officemates and nurses was been alarmed tho when they saw me crying..
this evening my brother in law approach me with a box of chocolate, he said he apologize for the rude joke he told me the other night, he just thought its funny and didnt thought ill take it seriously and he also said he have talked to his co worker who is also a filipino and the filipino said filipina like me have pride .... my brother inlaw also said here making rude joke is only joke
i tried to explain my brother in law why im hurt with his joke and why me and my husband is arguing last night but he said, its none of his business and he said he just apologizing for what ever he said and next time hell just say helo and good bye to me...
even tho my brother inlaw already apologize to me i already called a private landlord this morning and im going to move out in 4 weeks time (notice to my current flat) i have told that to my husband this evening,,,
i know this will sound corny or weird,,,but when my husband propose to marry me i already know he is not rich and he also told me he have nothing, but i told him i really dont care if he have money or not, i can work, and i can do anykind of job, if theres two of us working, nothing will be impossible...i love my husband, i know he have lots of shortcomming and me too, but i love him and as much i can ill keep on pushing my title as wife to him and to them....like my mom said,,,,im a GREAT IDIOT (dakilang tanga) coz i already know what they are doing and i just keep on accepting it...just bcoz i love my husband.....im still hoping just maybe, maybe one day he'll understand me more (he understand me sometimes) and stand up for me and for our relationship but as for now ill hold on to my breath..:Help
hope next year will be new life for me and for my husband....i hope...cross finger
again thanks everyone for all your sympathy,,,,
i dont think i will still need another group of filipino, for me people here are enough for me, i got all the support i can get....
i love this site...and i love all the people here....
I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, keep your chest out, keep your head up and handle it...
Your mum words makes me cry...
and remind me of my mum
When my mum came here to visit me last december, she saw my situation...
She know me more than anyone, she is my best friend, my sister and my mom..
my mother inlaw tried to confront her and tell her that im so sensitive, shy and always cry....my mom talked back to her and told her, "you dont know anyting about my daughter, my daugter is a very friendly girl, wherever she goes she always have friends, if your good to her shes double friendly to you, but if you hurt her shell walk back and cry and thats the time those people who hurt her see me"
whenever i talked to my mum on the phone she always remind me about this conversation with my mother inlaw...
she even tell me im a dakilang tanga (a great idiot) coz even tho people hurting me i still smile back and just keep it, just because i love my husband...
i know im hurting my mum, and i have been apologizing to her almost everyday, she asked me to just go back so many times, but i want my marriage to work desame way my mom and dad marriage work...
she said if i cant take it anymore i have a family to fall back...
i missed them so much,,,also missed my dad...
I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, keep your chest out, keep your head up and handle it...
again every one thanks for all your post...
and i apologize for being so sensitive or dramatic....
thank you
I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, keep your chest out, keep your head up and handle it...
Hi allyn, i'm glad to know your brother in law apologized to you.....hello every one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you very much for all your post and advice....
i also take note arthur little the information you share...
thank you everyone for all your sympathy and kind words....
i have red some of your post this morning at my work and i have been crying and touch with all the kind words you all said...my officemates and nurses was been alarmed tho when they saw me crying..
this evening my brother in law approach me with a box of chocolate, he said he apologize for the rude joke he told me the other night, he just thought its funny and didnt thought ill take it seriously and he also said he have talked to his co worker who is also a filipino and the filipino said filipina like me have pride .... my brother inlaw also said here making rude joke is only joke
i tried to explain my brother in law why im hurt with his joke and why me and my husband is arguing last night but he said, its none of his business and he said he just apologizing for what ever he said and next time hell just say helo and good bye to me...
even tho my brother inlaw already apologize to me i already called a private landlord this morning and im going to move out in 4 weeks time (notice to my current flat) i have told that to my husband this evening,,,
i know this will sound corny or weird,,,but when my husband propose to marry me i already know he is not rich and he also told me he have nothing, but i told him i really dont care if he have money or not, i can work, and i can do anykind of job, if theres two of us working, nothing will be impossible...i love my husband, i know he have lots of shortcomming and me too, but i love him and as much i can ill keep on pushing my title as wife to him and to them....like my mom said,,,,im a GREAT IDIOT (dakilang tanga) coz i already know what they are doing and i just keep on accepting it...just bcoz i love my husband.....im still hoping just maybe, maybe one day he'll understand me more (he understand me sometimes) and stand up for me and for our relationship but as for now ill hold on to my breath..:Help
hope next year will be new life for me and for my husband....i hope...cross finger
again thanks everyone for all your sympathy,,,,
i dont think i will still need another group of filipino, for me people here are enough for me, i got all the support i can get....
i love this site...and i love all the people here....
as for your plans to move out, are you moving out by yourself? And what did your husband say about this?
"10% of life is made up of what happens to you, 90% is decided by how you react"
"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost"
Hi Allyn, the members have already mentioned all what I want to say.. all I can say now is be strong! Hope you and your husband will sorted out your problem soon, remember Christmas is coming.
Not an expert, I only try to help.
You made me teary eyes on this.... you remind me my sister who in a bit similar situation of yours... our mum told her just to go back to our mum if she's not happy anymore in her life! Stay strong Allyn.Your mum words makes me cry...
and remind me of my mum
When my mum came here to visit me last december, she saw my situation...
She know me more than anyone, she is my best friend, my sister and my mom..
my mother inlaw tried to confront her and tell her that im so sensitive, shy and always cry....my mom talked back to her and told her, "you dont know anyting about my daughter, my daugter is a very friendly girl, wherever she goes she always have friends, if your good to her shes double friendly to you, but if you hurt her shell walk back and cry and thats the time those people who hurt her see me"
whenever i talked to my mum on the phone she always remind me about this conversation with my mother inlaw...
she even tell me im a dakilang tanga (a great idiot) coz even tho people hurting me i still smile back and just keep it, just because i love my husband...
i know im hurting my mum, and i have been apologizing to her almost everyday, she asked me to just go back so many times, but i want my marriage to work desame way my mom and dad marriage work...
she said if i cant take it anymore i have a family to fall back...
i missed them so much,,,also missed my dad...
Not an expert, I only try to help.
he said he is going to move out with me, but he have to make sure his brother have a place to stay before he move out...
I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, keep your chest out, keep your head up and handle it...
Ok, i wish you and your husband all the best allyn and may next year be better for both of you.....
"10% of life is made up of what happens to you, 90% is decided by how you react"
"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost"
Yup,once you have your own space,and have distanced yourselves from the influences of his family things will get better
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
... yes, please DO! Keep it handy ...YOUR safety and wellbeing are paramount!
... and WE CARE about YOUi love this site...and i love all the people here....
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