life is so unfair

[Arthur Little]

Hi Allyn, the members have already mentioned all what I want to say.. all I can say now is be strong! Hope you and your husband will sorted out your problem soon, remember Christmas is coming.

So too, is New Year ... and North of the Border [in Glasgow, in particular] people still tend to imbibe more than is good for them. And, believe ME, I'm NOT overreacting when I emphasise that ... all too often, the booze-fuelled CAN take an extremely nasty turn.

[aphrodite78]

hi allyn,

i was just reading your post and i can't help but feel so sorry and symphatize with you. you shouldn't really let them do this to you, and that you shouldn't suffer alone. seems to me that your husband doesn't have the balls when it comes to his family. for a start it's wrong to let your in-laws treat you like the way they are treating you and that your husband should side with you and not with them. what happened to your marriage vows?

may i ask what is your status in the uk? i know it may seem to be out of the question but it would also help what are your other options other than to go back home. are u on ilr or still on settlement visa? do u got friends where you could possibly stay for a while?
seems to me your husband needs kicking in the back side to make him realise how lucky he is that he got you.

sometimes you have to say enough is enough and be heard. you married your husband, u didn't married his family. like what others said save some money looks like you will need it soon.

[September]

I have my friend who read your thread and she is pinay, i am quite annoyed when she said sometimes they just tell the half of the story, we both dont know the full story, but here we goes, our concerened is with you Allyn

[aposhark]

For me, Allyn's husband is 100% the problem.

After the previous thread documenting the physical abuse, now these new developments seem like mental abuse.

The husband has to grow some itlogs and look after his wife; Allyn is not married to anyone else in the family, the husband has to do everything he can to help her in her new life.

These abusers make me mad

So what is next? It sounds worrying.

Allyn make sure he does not try to go back on his word to move out with you.

Dear Filipina - be smart.

[cheesewiz]

sorry with your situation with your husband and husband's family.

if i am in your shoes I dont think i can't live longer with him or with them. your husband need to choose between you and his family. although you are his family now so you come first over them. I think your husband need a wake up call or you need a wake up call too

Pls don't let them abuse you....do something about it before its too late

[allyn]

I have my friend who read your thread and she is pinay, i am quite annoyed when she said sometimes they just tell the half of the story, we both dont know the full story, but here we goes, our concerened is with you Allyn

hello september,
thank you very much for standing up for me and being in my side....i really apreciate your understanding and sympathy,,,
and as for your friend, please dont be annoyed at her its her opinion and right to say that, your friend is like my brother in law co worker who is filipino and said a filipina like me have pride...he seemed to be on my brother inlaw side, coz he heard my brother inlaw story, i myself felt a bit sad hearing and knowing that my co filipino is more on into the side of the person who hurt me and didnt even bother to know the real story and get to know me...but its their right to say their own opinion and we cant do anything about it..

so its okey...

its cool dont worry,,,

thanks again for the post

[allyn]

hello every one!!!

thank you very much for all your sympathy advice and care....

Thats another Storm that just pass by in my life and in my relationship with my husband,,,

Again thank you all for all your post and opnion, i know this will sound crazy after all the moan and complain i said in my thread...
but Even tho my husband got shortcoming,,,(even i have short coming) i still love that man, (really dont remember now why i fell in love with him) but one thing im sure right now is i still love him, please dont think bad about my husband cos he is not, he is a gentle, sweet and very friendly man, he just have some shortcoming....
And about my husband family, also please dont be annoyed at them, we both have different family background and culture, i just cant seemed to understand some of their attitude and they way they grew up but thats what they are, and since its 1 agains the whole family and since im in their territory i think im the one who should adjust more and try to understand...

Even tho my brother in law already apologize to me there still like a big elephant in the room between us whenever they (the couples) hangout in our living room and im there...i myself dont feel athome nor ateas when he is around...

Dont know how long it will last, but well see...

Ill just keep my self quite and calm this time and just look forward in moving out next year and in my holiday back in the philippines...i missed my family, maybe if i see them again ill feel better again...

thank you every one again for your post....
love you all

[pennybarry]

hello every one!!!

thank you very much for all your sympathy advice and care....

Thats another Storm that just pass by in my life and in my relationship with my husband,,,

Again thank you all for all your post and opnion, i know this will sound crazy after all the moan and complain i said in my thread...
but Even tho my husband got shortcoming,,,(even i have short coming) i still love that man, (really dont remember now why i fell in love with him) but one thing im sure right now is i still love him, please dont think bad about my husband cos he is not, he is a gentle, sweet and very friendly man, he just have some shortcoming....
And about my husband family, also please dont be annoyed at them, we both have different family background and culture, i just cant seemed to understand some of their attitude and they way they grew up but thats what they are, and since its 1 agains the whole family and since im in their territory i think im the one who should adjust more and try to understand...

Even tho my brother in law already apologize to me there still like a big elephant in the room between us whenever they (the couples) hangout in our living room and im there...i myself dont feel athome nor ateas when he is around...

Dont know how long it will last, but well see...

Ill just keep my self quite and calm this time and just look forward in moving out next year and in my holiday back in the philippines...i missed my family, maybe if i see them again ill feel better again...

thank you every one again for your post....
love you all

Goodluck to your utmost decision Allyn! I know how friendly you are and whose your friends surrounds you. You're on the right hands.
Be thankful also of having a loving mother like I have.
We are so lucky in having them.
Just be brave and don't be a crying lady. I am sure you'll learn more and more to improve. Be flexible.! Take care of yourself!

[Arthur Little]

D I am sure you'll learn more and more to improve. Be flexible.! Take care of yourself!

... Methinks it's the HUSBAND who has much room for improvement! But the MAIN thing is HER welfare. And she has many good friends HERE whom she can turn to should this bizarre situation continue [which I pray to God it DOESN'T!].

[Florge]

aaahhhwwww.... that's what my Dad said to my fiancee when he asked for my hand in marriage.... Dad said that if my fiancee doesn't want me and love me anymore, he just have to let me go back to Pinas... parents are like that.. they don't want to see their kids hurting...

and until today, my dad still asks me if i'm happy or not... and should he be sending me money for a ticket home.. LOL...

allyn, all the best to you and to your husband...

[September]

hello september,
thank you very much for standing up for me and being in my side....i really apreciate your understanding and sympathy,,,
and as for your friend, please dont be annoyed at her its her opinion and right to say that, your friend is like my brother in law co worker who is filipino and said a filipina like me have pride...he seemed to be on my brother inlaw side, coz he heard my brother inlaw story, i myself felt a bit sad hearing and knowing that my co filipino is more on into the side of the person who hurt me and didnt even bother to know the real story and get to know me...but its their right to say their own opinion and we cant do anything about it..

so its okey...

its cool dont worry,,,

thanks again for the post

Your welcome Allyn, just one thing dont let other people abuse you, love yourself b4 u love other,make sense

[bornatbirth]

Your welcome Allyn, just one thing dont let other people abuse you, love yourself b4 u love other,make sense

use a vibrator

[filipina_owl]

this is a sad situation. Hope allyn will get over it... God bless you...

[triple5]

use a vibrator

[Ladybug_sim]

hello every one!!!

thank you very much for all your sympathy advice and care....

Thats another Storm that just pass by in my life and in my relationship with my husband,,,

Again thank you all for all your post and opnion, i know this will sound crazy after all the moan and complain i said in my thread...
but Even tho my husband got shortcoming,,,(even i have short coming) i still love that man, (really dont remember now why i fell in love with him) but one thing im sure right now is i still love him, please dont think bad about my husband cos he is not, he is a gentle, sweet and very friendly man, he just have some shortcoming....
And about my husband family, also please dont be annoyed at them, we both have different family background and culture, i just cant seemed to understand some of their attitude and they way they grew up but thats what they are, and since its 1 agains the whole family and since im in their territory i think im the one who should adjust more and try to understand...

Even tho my brother in law already apologize to me there still like a big elephant in the room between us whenever they (the couples) hangout in our living room and im there...i myself dont feel athome nor ateas when he is around...

Dont know how long it will last, but well see...

Ill just keep my self quite and calm this time and just look forward in moving out next year and in my holiday back in the philippines...i missed my family, maybe if i see them again ill feel better again...

thank you every one again for your post....
love you all

Hi! Allyn, I did read your post on here and yes, it is hard to say something about your situation now. I know how hard your life facing for that problem but as what I can share you that it is not good to escape or pack up things… I did missed your other tread but I believe you are brave enough to face it. To stay in other country or stay to the man we love and be part in the whole family is one of our trails in life to continue or to live on. It is the step we decided when we married right? So what ever problems or trails come, we can’t say that we need to go and leave. He/ she is part in life even the family… when we commit being part to him/her and the family we expect anything happen as it is part in our life.

Yes, they said or some other say when you married, you not marry one instead you married the whole family right? Coz what your husband or wife belong it is belong to you too .. other say give up or back to the PI … me it is not easy coz it is the life we step in and it is the family we need to build in life and as long as we can handle things we need to handle on it. Be brave and stand your self being you or being a wife …don’t leave your husband coz of that thing, he is the one need your love, need care and most of all need your understanding even he not say something on you for what his family ( father in law or brother in law) did to you as long as you are there for him what ever happen soon he will notice or think all about that you really love him …

btw.. it is hard to stay in one house lots of trouble come coz jealousy… but show to them or his family that you are a women or wife to their son you have the right to say things what is in your mind and heart …( if you cant express it to words come on your mouth you need to do a letter to them and leave it when you go back to the Philippines soon) Just an opinion ok… always remember that it is a trails in life when we got married. Other easily say things because they feel much love to the family where they are in for now and yes we loved our family too but know it is really hard.. especially they never experience how hard to deal people who will be your family that you never known if they like and love you in a long way maybe it is ok for the first time but we don’t know in the middle of the time .. can’t say still things but I think my buggy are always there for me so I’m thankful for being him and only I wish soon I can meet and know his family too….

Just keep on posting or update here coz know we are all here to listen and help you whatever we can do or know that even we give an opinion here we are really not sure it is good or bad for you coz you are the one know what your situation to handle there .. only I say keep strong to your self and keep pray and trust to the Lord above .. all the tears you fall it is worth and counted ..life is tough and sometime not fair but we will not forget to smile ok!!

[Sim11UK]

Hi! Allyn, I did read your post on here and yes, it is hard to say something about your situation now. I know how hard your life facing for that problem but as what I can share you that it is not good to escape or pack up things… I did missed your other tread but I believe you are brave enough to face it. To stay in other country or stay to the man we love and be part in the whole family is one of our trails in life to continue or to live on. It is the step we decided when we married right? So what ever problems or trails come, we can’t say that we need to go and leave. He/ she is part in life even the family… when we commit being part to him/her and the family we expect anything happen as it is part in our life.

Yes, they said or some other say when you married, you not marry one instead you married the whole family right? Coz what your husband or wife belong it is belong to you too .. other say give up or back to the PI … me it is not easy coz it is the life we step in and it is the family we need to build in life and as long as we can handle things we need to handle on it. Be brave and stand your self being you or being a wife …don’t leave your husband coz of that thing, he is the one need your love, need care and most of all need your understanding even he not say something on you for what his family ( father in law or brother in law) did to you as long as you are there for him what ever happen soon he will notice or think all about that you really love him …

btw.. it is hard to stay in one house lots of trouble come coz jealousy… but show to them or his family that you are a women or wife to their son you have the right to say things what is in your mind and heart …( if you cant express it to words come on your mouth you need to do a letter to them and leave it when you go back to the Philippines soon) Just an opinion ok… always remember that it is a trails in life when we got married. Other easily say things because they feel much love to the family where they are in for now and yes we loved our family too but know it is really hard.. especially they never experience how hard to deal people who will be your family that you never known if they like and love you in a long way maybe it is ok for the first time but we don’t know in the middle of the time .. can’t say still things but I think my buggy are always there for me so I’m thankful for being him and only I wish soon I can meet and know his family too….

Just keep on posting or update here coz know we are all here to listen and help you whatever we can do or know that even we give an opinion here we are really not sure it is good or bad for you coz you are the one know what your situation to handle there .. only I say keep strong to your self and keep pray and trust to the Lord above .. all the tears you fall it is worth and counted ..life is tough but we will not forget to smile ok!!

Hmmmm dear wife?....But if a family member hit or abused you, I would jump to your defence, not say to you they are just joking, or you are too sensitive.
That's the trouble, he dosen't see his wifes distress.

Just hope he learns soon?

[Ladybug_sim]

Hmmmm dear wife?....But if a family member hit or abused you, I would jump to your defence, not say to you they are just joking, or you are too sensitive.
That's the trouble, he dosen't see his wifes distress.

Just hope he learns soon?

ahhhh ... Buggy, you are so sweet man but sometime it happen... what ever they do for you as long as you not do anything bad to them back still show them your love and respect coz time will come they will realize how nice and sweet you are being their daughter or son in law or brother and sister... hmmm i think it is a movie but yes, it is true being a filipina or a sweet and loving filipino people ...btw... i did experience it to my aunt... so i know it is really hard to handle but still need to be patient

I know it is different for allyn coz she is living in other country now but still I think it is same situation wherever our life goes ... if her husband abuse or do i think it is different story and i can say you need to look the situation things you can handle still but not need to move on ... but it's family so only things to do now i think need to know and learn their weakness to gain there love and respect too..

[Sophie]

I know it is different for allyn coz she is living in other country now but still I think it is same situation wherever our life goes ... if her husband abuse or do i think it is different story and i can say you need to look the situation things you can handle still but not need to move on ... but it's family so only things to do now i think need to know and learn their weakness to gain there love and respect too..

Good point ladybug_sim
Whether we like it or not, when couples marry, they marry each other's family as well, figuratively speaking.....
so you try your best to reach out and get along with your husband's/wife's family, win them over and get their love and respect,
but if the family is not welcoming, unpleasant and disrespectful and not treating you well despite all your efforts, then that's a different story....