The Glaswegian Rhapsody
(sung to Queen-Bohemian Rhapsody)

Is this the real life, is it the methadone?
Stuck in the gorbals, two bob fur a telphone?
Open yer wine an' talk wi' a whine like meeeee....
Am just a weeji, gies us yer Sunny D.
Coz I'll chib yer pal,rip yer Da;
Slash yer dug,ride yer Maw!
Anyway the clyde flows,
Disnae really matter to me....to meeeeee...

Haw Maw,ive just chibbed some bam,
Buckie bottle to the heid,
Noo the **** b@star@s deid!
Haw Mawe, um just on parole,
And noo I'm heading back tae Barlineeeee....
Haw Maw, ooh ooh-ooh ohh,

Never meant to steal yer purse,
But if I'm no fu' o smack this time the morro;
Kerry oot, Kerry ooot!!
An we'll go oot oan the banter!

Too late, the bailiff's here,
Sends shivers down ma spine,
Gubbed 10 jellies just in time.
Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go,
Got to go and rip some w@nk fae up the scheme.
Haw Maw, ooh ohh-ooh ooh
I'm such a jakey bam, I sometimes think I've never been washed at all...

I see a little silhouetto of a bam,
Aadidas!! Adidas! Can ye get a kergo?
Thunderbird, White Lightning, very very frigh'tning to me!
Twenty Mayfair, (twenty mayfair)
Twenty Mayfair, (twenty mayfair)
Twenty Mayfair an some skins,
Magnifico oh oh oh oh!
Im just a fat boy, naebody loves me,
He's just a fat boy fae a fat family!
Spare us a pound fur a wee cup o tea?
Get tae fcuk, slanky slob,wil ye get a job?
For fcuksake, No! I will no' get a job!-Get a job!
For fcuksake, I will no' get a job!-Get a job!
For fcuksake, Will you get a job!-Get a job!
Will no' get a job, get a job!
Will no' get a job, get a job! No,no,no,no,no,no....
Oh gonorrheoa! gonorrhoea!
Gonorrhoea and the clap!
Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside for me?
For me,for me, for meeeee!?

So you 'hink ye can slash on me and pish in my eye?
So you 'hink ye can chib me an' leave me to die?
Haw b@wbag, can't dae this to me b@wbag!
Just wait till I'm oot, wait till I'm right oot ma nut!
Fcuk all really matters; any one can see,
Fcuk alll rally matters, fcuk all really matters tae me!