Quote Originally Posted by TomThumb View Post
Hi South-east boy.
My advice to you would be not to contact her again. It would only upset you more and delay the process of your getting over her. Maybe you could force her to admit that she lied to you or treated you badly, but I don't think that there is any way that you will get her to change her mind about her relationship with you. So, I don't think you have anything to gain by it. Of course I realise that someone's advice has very little power when compared to romantic feelings, so I quite expect you talk to her again.
Another point against keeping in contact is that if you do, at some point she will probably refuse to talk to you again (but for good this time), and that will just cause you more pain.
She may have great outer beauty. I don't know. But inwardly, she is not beautiful, whatever she thinks. I think you are lucky that you didn't go out. As you imply, it might have been you that married her then, and I think in the long term, her true nature would have made you unhappy.
It is strange that this kind of thing happens repeatedly to you. As everyone else has said, you seem like a nice guy, and you deserve much better. Is it possible that it isn't just a coincidence somehow? Is there some behaviour of yours that might have led to it. Maybe embarking on long distance relationships without a definite timescale to be able to live near each other?
I've learned from bitter experience that when you are dumped, it seems very important to find out the reason from the dumper, but that there is nothing that they can say that will help you. The best policy is cut off all contact with them, at least until you are over them emotionally, and if they have treated you badly (as she has), then forever. I know that there is a 95% chance that you won't follow this advice, but I think it is good, so I have to give it.
It is true that at some point she might come back to you if it doesn't work out with her current victim. You need to work on being enough over her that you can tell her where to go. I agree with what Jam said
'NO! i would be if i take her back...'. I can't cut and paste smilies, but they were spot on.
I don't really have much inclination to talk to her now, I might possibly, but not for long as there isn't much more to say and I shall just be nice as I don't like things ending on bad terms or bad words + I want them to remember me for being nice the whole time instead of ending up bitter.

I wouldn't say that his happened time & time again, but yes I've had lots of bad luck in trying to meet someone. I've been on various dating sites on & off over the last 7 years and do get tired of it all sometimes, being messed about and all the time that I have put in. I find it quite hard once it's finished to start over all again as you get to know them and their family etc quite well then there's nothing once it ends. They are not really the way that I want to meet someone, but when you don't get many opportunities through work and most friends are coupled up or do shift work etc, then it's not easy.

With the previous LDR, well that was in France and was about 10 years ago, but being France there would have been no problems with Visas and seeing each other like with someone in PI. I have no clue as to why she disappeared - maybe she met someone else? Who knows?

With the last relationship with the Filipina from London, well it wasn't exactly a relationship, but I thought it was as we behaved like a couple phoning each other everyday and when together. It messed me up quite a bit at the time as I thought that we had a relationship, then every so often she would say for me to find someone else because of her problems. Then she would say about other guys after her including her ex etc, then she said we were a couple, then she wanted to go back to before. Later on I think she was saying various things as ways to finish it. It hurt as it started so well and I tried to help her all I could and again, I don't know what else I could have done. Then later she ended it, it hurt lots more several weeks later after saying that she just didn't want a relationship with anyone that she was seeing another guy, then later said that she was in love with him which she never said to me after a longer period of time.


Can I just say so much to everyone that has posted here to help me and offer their advice & views as it has helped me greatly. I hope that I can give you some happy news in the not too distant future and I just hope the saying that the best things come to those who wait comes true for me!