What are you like with text/sms messages?

[South-east boy]

what? no "i love you's" on her message?! jeez...

No, she hasn't said before and neither have I. I have said hi honey, gorgeous, beautiful etc, but I don't think you can be 100% in love without meeting and knowing that they feel the same. You can feel a lot for someone and maybe be in love, but if you don't get that feeling back, then it can never be as strong as if you know that you feel as strong for you as you do for them.

I also don't want to get too carried away before meeting them and I need to know that they really feel strongly for me as I've been hurt a few times before. I was also a bit hurt that I didn't receive even a Christmas card or note etc from her, I didn't expect a present as I knew she couldn't afford it. But something physical would have meant so much to me-if it was a card, it would have been my favourite card! Maybe Filipinas don't get Christmas cards or presents for their boyfriends, I don't know?

[South-east boy]

Actually, I only found that out recently on my last trip to Phils. And by then nothing surprised me about her anymore as I'd already discovered about other guys beforehand.



I spent 2 weeks with her after chatting for 9 months. She married about 2 months after I came back home. Weird thing was she didn't tell me, and still tried to keep me sweet Not really great wife material. I had a lucky escape methinks.



After my trip to Phils I stayed in contact with the exs brother-in-law. We added each other on friendster and through him I met his beautiful cousin We chatted for about 6 months before I went out there. I probably would have gone sooner, but she didn't graduate till october so I held off until she had some free time.



Thats a lot to fork out for somebody you've never met, and like you say money can be tight here sometimes. If I were you I wouldn't send anything again and put the money towards a trip out there.

How did you meet Suzie to begin with? And do you think it's possible she chats with other guys? Even though you've done the right thing by being honest about your financial situation and saying you don't know when you will be able to visit, she may be thinking she'll be waiting for you for nothing.

Yeah, your ex doesn't sound like such great marriage material! Especially after you went out and had met her!

I met Suzie on a dating site, so I guess that it's not impossible that she could be in contact with someone else, although she did say a few months back that she wasn't when I said she'd have all the guys after her with the new make-up etc! The last time I was on the site a good few months back (not sent any messages etc, since not long after we met), she hadn't been on the site since not long after we started contact. I've not checked since quite a few months back though.

I have never strung her along, have always bothered about her and never gone quiet or ignored her. I have also have never lied and always done what I said I would do such as when I would contact her, get phone cards & call her, get the other mobile phone & smart sim and when I sent her things etc.

Already got things for her for Valentine's day!

[Doc Alan]

Just to wish you Happy New Year ! I can truly understand what you're going through. If it's not too late ... meet up with friends or even relatives, have a drink, things can only get better !

[South-east boy]

Just to wish you Happy New Year ! I can truly understand what you're going through. If it's not too late ... meet up with friends or even relatives, have a drink, things can only get better !

Thanks, am going round my best friends in a little while which will take my mind of it a bit.

Sorry to everyone on here for going on a bit etc, but I can't really talk about it to friends etc as they wouldn't really understand and think I am mad having a LDR etc. Already had one comment from a friend saying "not a Thai?" when I said I was in a LDR. They didn't mean anything bad and do want me to meet someone etc, but you know how comments like that and similar niggle you?!

[triple5]

They didn't mean anything bad and do want me to meet someone etc, but you know how comments like that and similar niggle you?

One of the best comments I had just before my first trip to phils was, "You're not going to come back with a Thai bride are you?"

Try not to dwell on things too much, it'll work itself out. Best of luck and happy new year

[laurel]

SEB,as been said before we do understand , and u havent gone on and on about it. LDR's are difficult and only those in one can truly understand the emotions connected with it.
I sincerely hope u get some good news soon. Try and enjoy your evening

[somebody]

Thanks, am going round my best friends in a little while which will take my mind of it a bit.

Sorry to everyone on here for going on a bit etc, but I can't really talk about it to friends etc as they wouldn't really understand and think I am mad having a LDR etc. Already had one comment from a friend saying "not a Thai?" when I said I was in a LDR. They didn't mean anything bad and do want me to meet someone etc, but you know how comments like that and similar niggle you?!

Sir your not going on at all we all are happy to help and support someone who is on the forum

Your not mad having a LDR look at Joe and Me perfectly sane charc.. well ok not the best examples many on here are not

People will make jokes we all do it not realising, im sure when he meets your mahal he will not be rude

Have a good evening and let us know how you get on Sir

[Sim11UK]

Sorry to everyone on here for going on a bit

We're here to help if we can...At the beginning of the year, myself & my then fiancee, now wife had a major upset...Ran to 8 pages I think? ...So you've got a few more pages to go yet, before we'll get fed up with you.

Happy New Year to you....I'm sure you'll get a reply soon.

[jam07]

Thanks, am going round my best friends in a little while which will take my mind of it a bit.

Sorry to everyone on here for going on a bit etc, but I can't really talk about it to friends etc as they wouldn't really understand and think I am mad having a LDR etc. Already had one comment from a friend saying "not a Thai?" when I said I was in a LDR. They didn't mean anything bad and do want me to meet someone etc, but you know how comments like that and similar niggle you?!

SEB, you can trust the guys from this forum and they will give you good advise. The advise they gave me, comforted when I was on the same situation like yours. I hope everything will be okay with you soon.

Have a happy new year!

whats up with this Thais? Why does it always have to be filipinas vs thais? hmmm... I should get out more

[jam07]

We're here to help if we can...At the beginning of the year, myself & my then fiancee, now wife had a major upset...Ran to 8 pages I think? ...So you've got a few more pages to go yet, before we'll get fed up with you.

Happy New Year to you....I'm sure you'll get a reply soon.

Mine's 7 pages. the same issue as seb - communication. You posted some there Sim. You told me that the guy seems to be a '****bag' to you. lol! well, I guess he kind'a is

Happy new year to you and your wife!

[liane]

Sorry to hear about this Tim I hope she will get in touch with you soon. You have been honest with her about your financial situation and I hope she can wait for you to visit her if she truly cares.
I hope you'll feel better, try not to think too much for now.

[Sim11UK]

Mine's 7 pages. the same issue as seb - communication. You posted some there Sim. You told me that the guy seems to be a '****bag' to you. lol! well, I guess he kind'a is

Happy new year to you and your wife!

Yes, I remember your troubles too & I remember calling him a '****bag'.
I know I was very grateful for all the advice given here.
Hope things are a lot better for you now jam.

Happy New Year, have a great one.

[Arthur Little]

Tim, I can easily relate to what you're going through, my friend. Having been married for the first time at a relatively young age, I found myself widowed when I was 47. Then, for the next sixteen years, I seemed to "stumble" blindly on from one relationship to the next ... all with British women, I hasten to add ... before "meeting" Myrna online in 2007 and, finally, "striking" [very] lucky!

I firmly believe that she and I were truly destined for one another ... and each of my previous liaisons [apart from my earlier (successful) marriage - which lasted for 24 years] were all part of a "trial period" I'd to undergo prior to finding true happiness once again.

So, hopefully, things will ultimately work out well for YOU and Suzie (without the long waiting period I had to endure, of course!). But first, I think you need to "test the waters" by indicating your clear intentions of visiting her and guaging her reactions to this proposal in order to try and ascertain her REAL feelings towards you.

[South-east boy]

Thanks everyone. I'm not sure what to do now. It's New Years day and I've still had no Happy new year wishes etc. Do I just leave it, or phone her mobile again and if no answer, then phone her home number -if I do that, then do I ask any of these? - Where is she staying?, who is she staying with? when did she go? does she definitely have her mobile phone with her? If I do leave it, she will have seen my missed calls & text messages and her brother & sister will have probably said that I called, and if there has been something going on & she hasn't been honest, then she would have plenty of time to make a story up. She has lost some of my trust and I really don't know how trusting to be now.

[laurel]

Hard to know what to do, i know id be desperate for some answers.......as hard as it is I think it would be best to sit tight............its obvious that at the very least she should get back in touch she will see missed calls as you say. Id be wanting some good explanations and who knows maybe there will be a perfectly good reason. Wish I had the answer for you. Just plain decent respect and understanding each others feelings isnt a lot to ask.......Hold on SEB ,and good luck

[somebody]

So, hopefully, things will ultimately work out well for YOU and Suzie (without the long waiting period I had to endure, of course!). But first, I think you need to "test the waters" by indicating your clear intentions of visiting her and guaging her reactions to this proposal in order to try and ascertain her REAL feelings towards you.

Spot on as normally is Mr Little.

As many have experienced on here there maybe a reason why she has "dissapeared for a short while" it happened to sim and several others on here. Many Phill ladies im sure cant see hoe it could work especially if the Brit man does not visit.

Propose to visit when you do speak and see what occurs as Mr Little says

[Arthur Little]

Hard to know what to do, i know id be desperate for some answers.......

... ME too!!

as hard as it is I think it would be best to sit tight............

... I DON'T ... that just wouldn't be ME!

its obvious that at the very least she should get back in touch ... she will see missed calls as you say. Id be wanting some good explanations and who knows maybe there will be a perfectly good *reason. Wish I had the answer for you. Just plain decent respect and understanding each others feelings isnt a lot to ask ...

... I would be expecting at least some response. And a DECENT *explanation. She owes you *one, even IF only out of respect for your feelings.

[South-east boy]

Spot on as normally is Mr Little.

As many have experienced on here there maybe a reason why she has "dissapeared for a short while" it happened to sim and several others on here. Many Phill ladies im sure cant see hoe it could work especially if the Brit man does not visit.

Propose to visit when you do speak and see what occurs as Mr Little says

I did say in my original ad that I was really looking for someone in UK and it was she who contacted me. If she can't think how it could work, then she could ask and press me. I did say after I sent the parcel, that I was annoyed that with the extra courier costs, customs & VAT as with what I spent I could have flown to see her for cheaper. I wish I could say when and book a flight etc, but I can't. As I've mentioned before in other threads, this last year has been very hard as I've had the highest bills and least amount of money coming in - I'm stuck on a high interest rate mortgage which is 50% more than the last, and my wages are a few hundred a month down due to no increase, no overtime a 1/4 of my bonuses from previous years and rising gas, electricity and petrol etc costs. I also had a £1040 car bill + other ones throughout the year!

[Sim11UK]

I'd hang in there, a bit longer if I was you....Wait until the new year has calmed down. I think you said she had a job? So presumably, she will have to come back for that, if she has gone away? Have you tried phoning again?

[Sim11UK]

...But you really have to consider whether you can afford it?
Because if you want to persue this & get married, it's going to be at least 2 trips out there?...& that is just for starters.

I've always wondered where the money was coming from, but somehow I've always managed it.

[Doc Alan]

[QUOTE=Sim11UK;198908]...But you really have to consider whether you can afford it?
Because if you want to persue this & get married, it's going to be at least 2 trips out there?...& that is just for starters.

That's a sobering thought for the New Year !
I've followed this thread from the start, and it's obviously not finished. However, it may become clear next week when the New Year is truly under way. Keep yourself occupied here until then, if at all possible, by seeing friends / relatives, even if you can't discuss these matters with them, you will doubtless find they have got their own problems which puts things in perspective.
I had similar problems (communication, trust, money) with a British girl - so it's definitely not just Thais or Filipinas - and no Forum to offer me advice.
You've been honest with your thoughts and finances, and there's advice elsewhere on the Forum about the cost of such distance relationships. Of course, I understand "cost" to be more than finance but the actual effort or loss necessary to achieve something.

[somebody]

...But you really have to consider whether you can afford it?
Because if you want to persue this & get married, it's going to be at least 2 trips out there?...& that is just for starters.

I've always wondered where the money was coming from, but somehow I've always managed it.

Very true and the possibilty if the wife comes over she may not earn a great deal unless very lucky or highly skilled. My Wife started in a low paid job and still not earning a great deal although still 6 times more than even her fellow uni and school friends in blue chip jobs in Manila.

[triple5]

I did say in my original ad that I was really looking for someone in UK and it was she who contacted me. If she can't think how it could work, then she could ask and press me. I did say after I sent the parcel, that I was annoyed that with the extra courier costs, customs & VAT as with what I spent I could have flown to see her for cheaper. I wish I could say when and book a flight etc, but I can't.

That's how i started out on a dating site, looking for somebody a lot closer to home. I didn't know the first thing about the Philippines, and it was only when a girl from there contacted me that I considered going out there.

Depends where Suzie is from as some places are cheaper than others, but you may be surprised how little you'll spend out there. Like you said, you got the flight money together, all you need is a bit of spending money. I usually get through about £700 in a fortnight when I'm there and that's having a few nights at some top resorts and treating friends/family to meals and days out.

It's when you start making plans to bring your girl over here that its going to get really expensive. Try and look on the brightside, when you get that far down the road we'll be out of the recession by then

[South-east boy]

If I do get a lodger in that's an extra £300-350 a month and who knows how much extra if I did find another job, but of course in the recession, it's not such an easy thing finding one. As she lives in Cebu, it's pretty easy for flights which is handy.

I've looked into it about if she came here and working etc. If she does TEFL/TESOL teaching English course, then she would be able to teach in foreign language schools (what she does in Cebu) and there are a fair few of them in London. I've also looked at jobs advertised for what she could do if she has done the course and they seem to have fairly good salaries, some more than what I am on, but of course, I don't know how much competition there would be for each vacancy advertised.

[somebody]

If I do get a lodger in that's an extra £300-350 a month and who knows how much extra if I did find another job, but of course in the recession, it's not such an easy thing finding one. As she lives in Cebu, it's pretty easy for flights which is handy.

I've looked into it about if she came here and working etc. If she does TEFL/TESOL teaching English course, then she would be able to teach in foreign language schools (what she does in Cebu) and there are a fair few of them in London. I've also looked at jobs advertised for what she could do if she has done the course and they seem to have fairly good salaries, some more than what I am on, but of course, I don't know how much competition there would be for each vacancy advertised.

From what I have seen of a few English Schools in London they do have a fair turnover of staff (pre major part of recession)

IF your Mahal has good levels of English she will also be ok in the retail sectors she may want a part time job for various reasons but firstly on first arriving in the UK its a massive shoock as the ladies say not all can deal with a full time job straight off not simply Jet lag or the weather but pace of life etc. Secondly she may need to wait for a postion to open.

Also im guessing practical experience of English is quite important as im guessing those seeking English tution would want their English tutors speaking as fluently as possible (slang is important but hard to pick up abroad).

The Wife had a good level of English on arrival and only yesterday in a Phill Cafe in London was ask if she was British born and found when speaking to the PNB lady earlier on the phone yesterday she was confused as her English accent is becoming very English and has to make an effort to speak with a English phill accent to a phill otherwise often they dont understand her

Sounds like your Mahal would settle in well as her English must be far better to start with

[South-east boy]

From what I have seen of a few English Schools in London they do have a fair turnover of staff (pre major part of recession)

IF your Mahal has good levels of English she will also be ok in the retail sectors she may want a part time job for various reasons but firstly on first arriving in the UK its a massive shoock as the ladies say not all can deal with a full time job straight off not simply Jet lag or the weather but pace of life etc. Secondly she may need to wait for a postion to open.

Also im guessing practical experience of English is quite important as im guessing those seeking English tution would want their English tutors speaking as fluently as possible (slang is important but hard to pick up abroad).

The Wife had a good level of English on arrival and only yesterday in a Phill Cafe in London was ask if she was British born and found when speaking to the PNB lady earlier on the phone yesterday she was confused as her English accent is becoming very English and has to make an effort to speak with a English phill accent to a phill otherwise often they dont understand her

Sounds like your Mahal would settle in well as her English must be far better to start with

Like a lot of Filipinas she speaks English with an American accent, so I can understand her pretty easily-just the odd word, but that is probably because it's on the phone. She did have a problem understanding my accent at first, but now, it's only very occasionally that she doesn't understand. The course she could do 1 month full-time or 3 months part-time in Cebu or over here. If it was here, then the part-time would be good as it would give her longer to get used to the accents an what life is like here before applying for any job. I agree with you that it wouldn't be easy for her or anyone to just arrive here and start working full-time straight away.

[TomThumb]

I'm sorry to hear about her dropping out of contact. I can't imagine what it would feel like. I know I start feeling anxious if my girl is half an hour late logging on.
I'm not really in a position to give advice, but I will tell you what I think about your situation anyway. We are most of us looking for somebody who will care for us and who we can care for. At the moment we don't know why your girlfriend has disappeared, and she may have a good reason. But if she doesn't have a very good reason for suddenly dropping out of contact for a week, then she is at best very insensitive, and possibly cruel. Not the kind of girl I would want to be in a relationship with. Perhaps you have been very hurtful to her without realising it, but unless you have been truly awful, even for this just dropping out of contact for so long seems excessive.
Because of this opinion, to me there is nothing wrong with your trying to ring her as much as you feel like till until you get an answer as to what is going on. When I ring up using one of those services where you dial another number initially, and then the number you want, then my number doesn't appear on her display.
To me, if is she is a good person in a difficult situation, she will be glad to hear from you, and if she is annoyed at your persistence, then she isn't worth the bother.
I realise that this is easy for me to say since it isn't my relationship I'm talking about. Good luck. I hope it works out for you. Please keep us informed.
Tom.

[South-east boy]

Am thinking of ringing again in a while as it's been a week now- If I phone her home no. and she is still not there and a brother or sister answers, I would like to ask where is she staying, who is she staying with, when did she go etc as well as the obvious do you know when she will be back? But of course asking all those will sound like I am asking 20 questions or interrigating them, so not sure what to ask and how to ask without it sound like that.

[jam07]

Am thinking of ringing again in a while as it's been a week now- If I phone her home no. and she is still not there and a brother or sister answers, I would like to ask where is she staying, who is she staying with, when did she go etc as well as the obvious do you know when she will be back? But of course asking all those will sound like I am asking 20 questions or interrigating them, so not sure what to ask and how to ask without it sound like that.

south-east boy, you have the right to ask anything and everything. Its just gonna bother you if you dont ask those questions so go ahead and call.

[Doc Alan]

south-east boy, you have the right to ask anything and everything. Its just gonna bother you if you dont ask those questions so go ahead and call.

I agree, that's your priority and right . Until you actually speak with her don't worry about budgeting to raise money. If the worst comes to the worst and the relationship's over, your financial planning will come in useful for someone more deserving of you.