What are you like with text/sms messages?

[triple5]

So what now? You could get yourself back on a dating site and meet a new filipina within days. But do you ever see yourself going out there? Realistically, when did you think before this happened you could have made that trip? You got to do some chasing if you want to win a filipinas heart, and meeting them on asianeuro etc you got to move quick with the good ones. There's a lot of blokes on there with their flights booked already.

Not worth beating yourself up over what's happened, her motives etc, plenty more fish in the sea as they say.

[Sophie]

Thank you for your kind words Sophie. It's situations that have happened with me & similar that make people think this is how most Filipinas are -I know friends that know about my situations will now think this. I have been warned by a Chinese girl before too. If it wasn't for getting to know some of you lovely ladies on here a little, I guess I would be wondering if this is how a lot of Filipinas treat guys as well. It's sad that a few people that don't care about hurting others give others a bad name.

You're welcome tim And don't loose heart, you'll find the right girl, in time.....
There's still a lot of genuine filipinas out there, as a matter of fact, i think there's one available in this forum - it's jam
Sorry jam and tim, i like to play matchmaker, i can't help it, hehehe

[Arthur Little]

Tim, I can easily relate to what you're going through, my friend. Having been married for the first time at a relatively young age, I found myself widowed when I was 47. Then, for the next sixteen years, I seemed to "stumble" blindly on from one relationship to the next ... all with British women, I hasten to add ... before "meeting" Myrna online in 2007 and, finally, "striking" [very] lucky!

I firmly believe that she and I were truly destined for one another ... and each of my previous liaisons [apart from my earlier (successful) marriage - which lasted for 24 years] were all part of a "trial period" I'd to undergo prior
to finding true happiness once again.

I've *quoted the main body of an earlier post of mine in relation to your situation ... its object being to demonstrate how, in a metapohrical sense, I had to encounter many "frogs" on the pathway to meeting my "princess".

In so *doing, I have purposely left out my last paragraph ... expressing the hope that things would [ultimately] work out well between you and Suzie ... because, the longer she maintains her "wall of silence - sadly, the less likely it seems you are, to hear from her again. This "judgement" is based on my having faced a similar situation (albeit involving an Englishwoman ) just over 4 years ago.

To enlarge:

About a couple of weeks before setting off on a pre-planned holiday to China, I met the lady in question at a dance. By a curious coincidence, she shared the same christian name as my late first wife, i.e., Iris. We dated twice ... and the "liaison" somehow felt "just right"! I even made a point of keeping in touch by mobile phone most days while I was away ... a bloody expensive business, it has to be said ... with HER using lovey-dovey sweet talk each time she rang off. So much so that, despite an otherwise enjoyable trip encapsulating such breathtaking sights as 'The Great Wall', the Terracotta Army site and Shanghai By Night - all in congenial company - I found myself yearning to be back home ... simply for the sake of seeing her again!

On my return to the UK, I repeatedly tried contacting her from Heathrow. The first time, the phone was answered by a man ... whom I understood to be her son-in-law, as she lived with her married daughter and family. According to him, she was taking a bath ... so I left a message to tell Iris I'd called. An hour later, I tried again ... no response! On the 3rd occasion, I managed to speak to her daughter ... who informed me her mother had been feeling very tired and had gone to bed. Bah! It just seemed to be one excuse after another ... !!

I finally managed to "pin the woman down" from home next day ... after an arduous, exhausting, sleep-deprived journey north, courtesy of National Express Coaches. We agreed to meet a week later and (guess what?) she failed to turn-up! She later called me to say, "sorry, but ... " (words to the effect that I was a really nice man; however, regettably, she felt she wasn't quite ready for another relationship "so soon" after her dear husband's passing, etc., etc., etc., ). Turned out the guy had been dead for over two years!

And so, my friend, life goes on ... ! But, like I said ... "frogs & princesses". Keep your pecker up ... there's another day coming ...

[Doc Alan]

You're welcome tim And don't loose heart, you'll find the right girl, in time.....
There's still a lot of genuine filipinas out there, as a matter of fact, i think there's one available in this forum - it's jam
Sorry jam and tim, i like to play matchmaker, i can't help it, hehehe

I agree (again!) with Sophie. I can see that you're a genuine guy who needs to regain your self respect. Jam is most certainly a genuine filipina. Arthur has reminded us that there are untrustworthy people here in Britain and I have my own experience of that. I'm not a matchmaker but I'm sure, in time, things will work out for you !

[Sim11UK]

(maybe lie, deceive and scam/try to get gifts/money, who knows?) a good person that has done all that they can for your and your family (and that you know how they have been hurt before)

I don't think you should think you've been scammed, just a case of there maybe someone else, who has confirmed a trip out there?
Triple5 is right, you do have to win their hearts, surest way, is to get out there...It's the only way you can build a proper relationship.

Don't be put off, you'll find someone if you really want to...You've just had a knockback.

[jam07]

You're welcome tim And don't loose heart, you'll find the right girl, in time.....
There's still a lot of genuine filipinas out there, as a matter of fact, i think there's one available in this forum - it's jam
Sorry jam and tim, i like to play matchmaker, i can't help it, hehehe

I agree (again!) with Sophie. I can see that you're a genuine guy who needs to regain your self respect. Jam is most certainly a genuine filipina. Arthur has reminded us that there are untrustworthy people here in Britain and I have my own experience of that. I'm not a matchmaker but I'm sure, in time, things will work out for you !

guys, lets give south-east boy a break his heart has just been broken and I know it will take a while to heal.

thanks for the compliment doc alan! thats sweet of you
thanks for being sweet sophie!

i hope everything will be okay with you seb!

[liane]

And don't loose heart, you'll find the right girl, in time.....
There's still a lot of genuine filipinas out there, as a matter of fact, i think there's one available in this forum - it's jam
Sorry jam and tim, i like to play matchmaker, i can't help it, hehehe

Their names even look nice together Jam and Tim.

[South-east boy]

Thanks for taking the time to reply everyone.

Well I phoned her mobile again this morning as I just wanted an answer etc and again someone answered and just kept saying "hello, hello!" then something in tagalog. She acted like she couldn't hear or understand, but I'm sure she could here as this went on for over 6 minutes, with me asking if Suzie was there etc. If you couldn't hear or understand someone, you wouldn't still be saying "hello" after 6 minutes.

So after a while I phoned her home no and a sister said that she was out at the time, but would be back about 11pm. I asked if there was a problem with her mobile phone and she said that it was destroyed & was trying to get a new one. So I phoned at 11pm, and Suzie answered! She said that her phone had a virus that had come from the PC an it had been out of action for well over a week. I know that there is something up with her PC, as sometimes when we have been chatting on yahoo, some thing saying 'Happy sankranti/pongal http://crackspider.net' keeps popping up very so often on it's own accord. She said that she is trying to get a new phone at the moment. I said about the previous phone calls when someone answered and just kept saying "hello, hello" and she said "are you sure? Maybe it was just the phone operator?" She said that she had been staying with her cousins after Christmas in the Province at Cole (?). She also said that the internet was down at home as the bill hadn't been paid and at work they had cut it off as a manager had caught a teacher playing games on them. Seems a sudden lot of things going wrong all at once?!

She then asked what I thought of her and she thought that I thought of her as just a friend. I said that I wouldn't have done what I did, make the effort that I did if she was just a 'friend', that I wouldn't have been as worried as I had been and that I wasn't in contact with anyone else because of her. So I asked her the same thing and she said that she thought of me as a friend as anyone that she has met on the internet until they go to see her, she won't totally believe them as it's easy for guys to chat to many women on the internet and say this & that, but not really mean it + a lot of guys find lying very easily. She also thinks this as she had been hurt before and that since her dad passed away, that she was trying to avoid being hurt even more. She said that she hadn't been back on FH since meeting me and that I could check if I wanted. She also said that she had said to me before about until someone goes to see her etc, but I certainly don't remember as I would not have spent what I did on her Birthday, Christmas and family presents.

Anyway, we are meant to be chatting again shortly and she said that she would go to an internet cafe, catch up with my emails and explain how she feels about everything.

I know people have said before that a lot of Filipinas want action and the guy to prove what he feels and going to see them etc. The thing is, I don't want someone to want me just because I have gone to see them, I want them to want me because of how I am and that they have fallen for me. Of course me going to see them would make it complete. To make going even more slightly worrying, I have been in contact with British girls over here before from dating sites. We have got on great, chatted on the phone, etc etc, then met up and they have acted differently or once we have met, then not wanted to see me again. It's a lot of money to spend if once you have met, they still only see you as a friend, but would be easier to go and see them if you know that they felt for you a lot and maybe even love you a bit.

Will keep you posted as to what happens, .

[liane]

Tim, ask yourself if you believe her excuses of not getting in touch with you for 12 days? She should have been aware that you'll be worried and she could have done something or made some way to let you know how she's been doing for the past days.
I'm afraid she's been in contact with some men and maybe trying to see who will come and get her first
Better watch out Tim.

We will be waiting for your follow up posts.

[Sim11UK]

Well Tim, it's the only way you will ever find out if you go out there.
Everyone who has been, has had to face the possibility of rejection, but if you make the effort, the chances are good.
You can't make money a never ending excuse, not to go.

In the situation, of just chatting online, friends is all you are ever going to be really, whoever you are talking to.

Time to grab the horns with both hands.

[pennybarry]

I'm lazy when it comes to texting. That's why I replied here late and post just now.

I don't know, but for sure I don't like reading shortcut wrong spelling text message. It affects me if you will text me shortcut wrong spelling. If you sent text to me, I will call you but seldom send text message to you.

[triple5]

It comes across as though you're looking for reasons not to visit her. It seems she's looking for a husband and your happy to be just penpals.

I know people have said before that a lot of Filipinas want action and the guy to prove what he feels and going to see them etc. The thing is, I don't want someone to want me just because I have gone to see them, I want them to want me because of how I am and that they have fallen for me.

Catch 22. Hows she's going to fall for you without meeting you in person

To make going even more slightly worrying, I have been in contact with British girls over here before from dating sites. We have got on great, chatted on the phone, etc etc, then met up and they have acted differently or once we have met, then not wanted to see me again. It's a lot of money to spend if once you have met, they still only see you as a friend, but would be easier to go and see them if you know that they felt for you a lot and maybe even love you a bit.

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life. - Muhammad Ali

I'd recommend reading some of Sim's older threads, where he got out there asap coz he thought he might lose his girl, then take a look at his wedding pics

[jam07]

Well Tim, it's the only way you will ever find out if you go out there.
Everyone who has been, has had to face the possibility of rejection, but if you make the effort, the chances are good.
You can't make money a never ending exc78[]=nmuse, not to go.

In the situation, of just chatting online, friends is all you are ever going to be really, whoever you are talking to.

Time to grab the horns with both hands.

look what Tomthumb did. After just 6 weeks of chatting with the girl, he is now off to manila to meet her in two weeks!

[ca143]

Well Tim, it's the only way you will ever find out if you go out there.
Everyone who has been, has had to face the possibility of rejection, but if you make the effort, the chances are good.
You can't make money a never ending excuse, not to go.

In the situation, of just chatting online, friends is all you are ever going to be really, whoever you are talking to.

Time to grab the horns with both hands.

meet her,because maybe she like to wait for nothing.....

[Dedworth]

meet her,because maybe she like to wait for nothing.....

It is a tricky one , although IMO she's treated SEB in a despicable way.

I'd find it hard to decide between

a) kicking her into touch/plenty more fish in the sea

or

b) if you don't ask you don't get/grabbing an air ticket

[jam07]

Thanks for taking the time to reply everyone.

Well I phoned her mobile again this morning as I just wanted an answer etc and again someone answered and just kept saying "hello, hello!" then something in tagalog. She acted like she couldn't hear or understand, but I'm sure she could here as this went on for over 6 minutes, with me asking if Suzie was there etc. If you couldn't hear or understand someone, you wouldn't still be saying "hello" after 6 minutes.

So after a while I phoned her home no and a sister said that she was out at the time, but would be back about 11pm. I asked if there was a problem with her mobile phone and she said that it was destroyed & was trying to get a new one. So I phoned at 11pm, and Suzie answered! She said that her phone had a virus that had come from the PC an it had been out of action for well over a week. I know that there is something up with her PC, as sometimes when we have been chatting on yahoo, some thing saying 'Happy sankranti/pongal http://crackspider.net' keeps popping up very so often on it's own accord. She said that she is trying to get a new phone at the moment. I said about the previous phone calls when someone answered and just kept saying "hello, hello" and she said "are you sure? Maybe it was just the phone operator?" She said that she had been staying with her cousins after Christmas in the Province at Cole (?). She also said that the internet was down at home as the bill hadn't been paid and at work they had cut it off as a manager had caught a teacher playing games on them. Seems a sudden lot of things going wrong all at once?!

She then asked what I thought of her and she thought that I thought of her as just a friend. I said that I wouldn't have done what I did, make the effort that I did if she was just a 'friend', that I wouldn't have been as worried as I had been and that I wasn't in contact with anyone else because of her. So I asked her the same thing and she said that she thought of me as a friend as anyone that she has met on the internet until they go to see her, she won't totally believe them as it's easy for guys to chat to many women on the internet and say this & that, but not really mean it + a lot of guys find lying very easily. She also thinks this as she had been hurt before and that since her dad passed away, that she was trying to avoid being hurt even more. She said that she hadn't been back on FH since meeting me and that I could check if I wanted. She also said that she had said to me before about until someone goes to see her etc, but I certainly don't remember as I would not have spent what I did on her Birthday, Christmas and family presents.

Anyway, we are meant to be chatting again shortly and she said that she would go to an internet cafe, catch up with my emails and explain how she feels about everything.

I know people have said before that a lot of Filipinas want action and the guy to prove what he feels and going to see them etc. The thing is, I don't want someone to want me just because I have gone to see them, I want them to want me because of how I am and that they have fallen for me. Of course me going to see them would make it complete. To make going even more slightly worrying, I have been in contact with British girls over here before from dating sites. We have got on great, chatted on the phone, etc etc, then met up and they have acted differently or once we have met, then not wanted to see me again. It's a lot of money to spend if once you have met, they still only see you as a friend, but would be easier to go and see them if you know that they felt for you a lot and maybe even love you a bit.

Will keep you posted as to what happens, .

I'm glad Suzie finally answered your call. But still, I dont buy her excuses. Actually, I think its full of crap . First the mobile excuse. An 'operator' will answer you call? This is definitely not true as no 'operator' is assigned to a mobile subscriber either postpaid or prepaid Second, the home internet excuse. She said that the internet at home is down because the bill hasnt paid yet. If this is the case, I believe she is a postpaid internet subscriber. I am a post paid internet subscriber as well. I know that the monthly internet and phone charges are under one billing statement. So if your you cant pay your phone charges its definite that you cant pay the internet as well. You cant pay them separately. Once unpaid, both the internet and the phone services will be cut-off. But you can call her on her landline the past few days right? So how can that be? hmmm... third, another mobile excuse. Her sister said that Suzie's phone got destroyed and then Suzie says that her mobile has virus which one is the truth then?

She thought of you as a 'friend'. Hmmm... thats something... Something I'm gonna be bothered about if I am in your shoes. It only shows that the feeling is not mutual. Anyways, she will be back online again right? I hope she can explain everything well and maybe sort out what kind of relationship you guys have

[South-east boy]

Right, I shall say what's happened, then reply to various things that people have said.

I thought that she thought of me as more than a friend as she had said a few times on the webcam, that she couldn't stop looking at me as I looked so good, that my accent was sexy & romantic, that she missed me, was always thinking about me, that she would rather be ill/in pain instead of me and that are star signs were good matches. I sent the email from work to home about what she said just before her birthday when she knew what I had been doing for it:

"To my dearest Tim,"

(she said some other stuff about being busy during the week, then:"So sorry for my late mail but don't worry because I've been always thinking about you, read your messages on my phone to lift me up everyday at work and at home and imagined that we were talking face to face.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to say this. You're one of a kind.You truly make me happy. I really don't know how to repay you.To tell you honestly, I sometimes get so emotional whenever I receive your text on my phone and your mails on my yahoo because you truly care about me and I thought of you are protecting me and care me especially my father isn't with us now. As I was typing this mail, I just couldn't stop my tears from falling. I've been looking for someone for all my life, who knows how to take care of me and my family and show his love to us unconditionally. I really don't know and don't understand why women in your country don't see your being you as a real man with a heart of gold and has a lot of patience from waiting from my mail. Hehehe...Thank you so much for always being there for me and I really appreciate and admire it from you the most. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for being real to me as I am to you..

I guess you can call me tonight at 11:00 to 11:30 at night my time. Hehehe...I miss you so much. Take care and God bless you! Hugs and kisses...smile!!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

So these things, always putting lots of kisses etc at ends of emails and texts + others that I can't remember right now, made me think that she thought of me as more than just friends. What would you think about how they feel for you if you heard these things said and written to you?

Anyway, this morning before I left for work, she popped up on yahoo and said that she had borrowed a students laptop. She read the email I sent her last night and looked at the photos from Christmas. Then this part of the conversation between us on yahoo:

Suzie: Tim, I really have to tell you something, I don't want to keep this from you.
Tim: Yes?
Suzie: I have a close friend who married a man from Denmark and she has been staying with him in Denmark for more than a year now.
Tim: Yes.
Suzie: Her husbands's friend is seriously looking for someone to be his wife and will come here in Cebu next week and I will meet him
Suzie: Are you ok?
Tim: No
Suzie: Why?
Suzie: We are just friends right?
Tim: Why do you think?
Suzie: And for me, there's nothing special between us
Tim: *crying smiley*
Suzie: are you crying?
Tim: and it's special between you and him?
Suzie: I haven't met him yet. I will meet him and see what it takes if i will like or love him
Tim: but you said not so long ago, that you were not in contact with any other guys
Suzie: my friend knows him well especially her husband
Suzie: yes, I didn't contact any other guys Tim. My friend suddenly texted my older sister Jacky that someone will meet me next week
Suzie: I am just being honest with you now
Tim: so you don't know him at all?
Suzie: yes thats right. I haven't seen pictuires at all. I will meet him
Tim: so how we have got to know each other, all the time we have chatted and all that I have done means nothing to you? And you might reject me over a stranger?
Tim: I want someone to want me because o how I am as a person, not just because the only thing I have done is go to see them
Suzie: I understand how you feel now Tim
Tim: I should not have sent you those things and spent the money on a flight as I did not know that you would meet someone else
Suzie: so sorry Tim if I want to meet him as I am seriously looking for marriage
Tim: he has spent no time in getting to know you, what you like, how you are, he just has the money to see you
Tim: but why didn't you ask me before?
Suzie: ask you what?
Tim: when will I be coming to see you? to have an answer etc?
Tim: you also said that you missed me and that you were always thinking of me?
Suzie: yes I really do think f you and miss you, but only as a friend. Thats all and nothing more
Tim: well I don't say those things about just a friend
Suzie: I don't think you can blame a woman if she really doesn't have feelings back for you
Suzie: I really apprieciate all the things you do for me and to may family, Tim, I am really thankful and grateful about that. You are truly a very good person
Tim: of course not, but I thought if you get to know someone and you get on well, you find each other attractive then you gradually develop feelings,
Suzie: but no matter how I try to have feelings for you as a man, I still really can't. I don't know why?
Tim: rather than me being like a stranger
Suzie: if I had special feelings for you, I would not meet him
Tim: so you are saying that you can have special feelings before meeting?
Suzie: there's something on you that's similar with my ex fiance
Suzie: yes, that's right
Tim: you never mentioned this before after all these months
Suzie: but I can't explain what it is that you have similar with my ex fiance. I just noticed something similar when we talked last night
Suzie: my close friend just texted my sister last week and how could I tell you this thing?

So looks like that's it. Even if she doesn't end up with this stranger (which I'm sure she will), it doesn't seem like it is worth me going as she says that she has no feelings at all for me. Why she never said any of this before I don't know. She never said that she is desperate for marriage, as she hadn't mentioned it or asked me when I was coming to see her, I thought that she wasn't in a rush. She could have also said, don't spend money on presents etc, instead spend it on a flight/trip to see me. Also if she really didn't feel anything, I wish she would have said don't spend so much money on me as I could have used the money on someone that would feel something for me. She had said yesterday that if I go to see her, that I would need quite a bit of money as she has large family!

[Doc Alan]

It seems I'm the first to read your update but I won't be the last. Obviously I'm sorry to know what has happened, hopefully we have helped you, and there's not much more I can say. You're not the only one and you will get over it, but right now I can fully empathise with your feelings. You must be emotionally drained and tired. I'm sure as the first to respond here I can say our thoughts are with you.

[alanmf1]

Plenty more fish...................

[South-east boy]

Well Tim, it's the only way you will ever find out if you go out there.
Everyone who has been, has had to face the possibility of rejection, but if you make the effort, the chances are good.
You can't make money a never ending excuse, not to go.

Oh, yes I know that everyone that goes faces the possibility of rejection when they go, but surely when you go to see the lady that you have been chatting to, you feel that they are more than just friends to you. Would you have gone to see her if she said that she was just friends? Money won't always be an excuse, but when your mortgage goes up 50%, your wages go down 20+% and you have £1500 of car bills, you have a lot less money and you can't just pull it out of a hat. That's why I am doing the things that I am at the moment to get some money back in until the recession eases at least.

In the situation, of just chatting online, friends is all you are ever going to be really, whoever you are talking to.

Time to grab the horns with both hands.

Yes, but are you saying that when you were speaking to your lady, before you met her, that you had no feelings and they were just a friend and nothing more? I feel you need to feel that they are more than friends, that you get an exciting feeling, that they could be the one etc before you meet.

It comes across as though you're looking for reasons not to visit her. It seems she's looking for a husband and your happy to be just penpals.

Well, it seems that you were right about her looking for a husband, but I'm not happy just being penpals, if she had said that she was that desperate, asked me or whatever then I would have known. If I had have had the money I might have gone, but like I said, although I thought that the thought of me more than just friends, I wasn't getting a strong enough feeling from her to make me want to go more. So as she hadn't asked etc, I thought I would see what develops.

Catch 22. Hows she's going to fall for you without meeting you in person

I have read on here that plenty of people have fallen for each other before meeting, some even saying that they were in love. The girl from France who I was in a LDR before a few years back said that she loved me before meeting me and I have to say that I have fallen for someone before meeting them. I wouldn't say I loved them, as like I've said before, I think that you need to meet face to face and know that you both feel as strong for each other to get the true feeling.

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life. - Muhammad Ali

I'd recommend reading some of Sim's older threads, where he got out there asap coz he thought he might lose his girl, then take a look at his wedding pics

look what Tomthumb did. After just 6 weeks of chatting with the girl, he is now off to manila to meet her in two weeks!

But it's easier to do this if you have the money to do it and it's hard for people that have money to understand what it's like if you don't have the money to do such things. And Tomthumb did say that they were in love etc, so it's easier to do something like that if you have strong feelings for them and they have the same feelings for you. There were times when I didn't hear from Suzie for a while a while back, which doesn't help any developing feelings and althought I thought that she thought more of me than just friends, I thought that if she felt strongly for me, she sould have found time to chat somehow, even if she had to wake up earlier or gone to bed later to find spare time on the PC at home. I guess I should have asked her about her feelings earlier, but I thought as we got chatting to each other on webcam, phone and text, I thought that are feelings would grow.

[TomThumb]

That was quite painful to read. It must have been much worse for you. I agree that she isn't being consistent or rational, but deep down that is how people work. The reasons they give for things tend to be invented afterwards I reckon.
At least she is being honest now. I don't think there is any point in your trying to argue with her, and to be honest she doesn't seem much of a catch. She shouldn't have accepted so much from you or said what she did to you if she didn't feel more positively towards you. Now she is trying to let you down as kindly as she can, but the damage has been done.
I don't know what to advise you to do now. Maybe lick your wounds for a bit, and then perhaps concentrate on improving your finances so if you meet someone with a better character, you will be in a better position to pursue her.
I'm so sorry you had this painful experience, but I can honestly say that I think your big loss was not her. It was the money.

[Dedworth]

SEB - look at it on the basis that you've had a close shave with someone of questionable morals seemingly desperate for a meal ticket. I'm a firm believer in what goes around comes around so hopefully it will all end in tears for her. You are a decent person with a lot of guts to come on here explaining all that has gone on.

Chin up, continue the project, put the bad apple down to experience and I'm sure you will find your Filipina Dreamgirl. I wish you all the very best of luck.

[TomThumb]

Hi again I just saw a reference to me. I think south-east boy is right that it isn't sensible to go out without some more serious expression of intent on both sides (particularly if money is tight). Also I was lucky that I have enough money for the trip. So that is two things on my side that he didn't have. This LDR game is hard enough even when the cards are stacked in your favour.

[South-east boy]

I'm glad Suzie finally answered your call. But still, I dont buy her excuses. Actually, I think its full of crap . First the mobile excuse. An 'operator' will answer you call? This is definitely not true as no 'operator' is assigned to a mobile subscriber either postpaid or prepaid Second, the home internet excuse. She said that the internet at home is down because the bill hasnt paid yet. If this is the case, I believe she is a postpaid internet subscriber. I am a post paid internet subscriber as well. I know that the monthly internet and phone charges are under one billing statement. So if your you cant pay your phone charges its definite that you cant pay the internet as well. You cant pay them separately. Once unpaid, both the internet and the phone services will be cut-off. But you can call her on her landline the past few days right? So how can that be? hmmm... third, another mobile excuse. Her sister said that Suzie's phone got destroyed and then Suzie says that her mobile has virus which one is the truth then?

She thought of you as a 'friend'. Hmmm... thats something... Something I'm gonna be bothered about if I am in your shoes. It only shows that the feeling is not mutual. Anyways, she will be back online again right? I hope she can explain everything well and maybe sort out what kind of relationship you guys have

I have to say, that I'm still a bit suspiscious about her reasons/excuses. As I said it seems a bit fishy about all the sudden problems. Now, I might have bought a reason about her phone if she had said that it had been stolen, but most times it rang sometimes it was out of signal etc and sometimes was answered by someone who wasn't her. How would this happen if her phone didn't work or was broken?

Also does anyone know how you go 'I'm mobile' on yahoo? As the other night she signed in on yahoo and went onto 'I'm mobile'. Could she do this with a phone that doesn't work?

Also I don't know if you remember, but got a read receipt on Wednesday morning that she had read one of my e-cards, but she seemed to deny it and of course had said that the internet was down at home and work. She would have got the messages from her brother and sisters that I had called last Wednesday and Thursday, so I would have thought that somehow she could have made the effort to contact me somehow.

To be honest, I'm not sure how long she has known this new guy, whether it is made up or not, but I think that she is thinking of ways to end it whether they be truthful or not? Whether she thought that just by going quiet, I would not bother, but when I did and she realised that I would not give up, then she has said this, I don't know?

There have been times when she said that she was in pain with her wisdom teeth, once that the family was in trouble with money and also before Christmas that she needed a fancy dress for the Christmas school party. Whether this was just in usual chat or hints and she was hoping that I would offer money, I don't know? Also I know that she was hoping to work in another country and when I said that it wasn't easy to do that here, whether that put her off a bit, I don't know?

[triple5]

That's harsh mate, but at least you know the score now, no more trying to figure out whats going on. I agree with what Tomthumb & Dedworth says, doesn't sound like much of a catch tbh.

I've been looking for someone for all my life, who knows how to take care of me and my family and show his love to us unconditionally.

She had said yesterday that if I go to see her, that I would need quite a bit of money as she has large family!

The kind of girl whose looking for a sponsor for the family more than an actual husband. I think you've had a lucky escape in all honesty.

[Sim11UK]

She had said yesterday that if I go to see her, that I would need quite a bit of money as she has large family!

Hmmmmm? this last sentence you wrote, is quite disturbing.

What I said earlier, you are right. No I wouldn't make a trip out there, if you were just friends, there has to be something more.
I thought now you had heard from her, she may have been trying to get a bit more committment from you, to visit her.

She has certainly dropped a bombshell on you, with this Danish guy...Believe me, strange things can happen in the Philippines. I feel for you, it's her loss.

Don't be dis-heartened, stick around here, you will find someone who wants to be with you for who you are & dosen't have an ulterior motive.

[liane]

Sorry to hear about this Tim.

Finally she found the decency to tell you the truth, so she rather meet a stranger than to meet you whom she knows for several months .
I don't believe her for saying she didn't know how the stranger guy looks like (some sort of a blind date??? ) and that her friend sent a sms message to her sister telling her to meet someone she never knew. She wanted to meet this guy just because she's in a hurry to get married

I don't want to judge her but I think she used you and played with your feelings. You deserve someone better than her, you're a nice man and it's her loss for letting you go. It's cruel of her to tell you that she can't have a special feelings for you

So I must say better know her real colors this early than be sorry later.
I hope next time you'll be lucky in love.

[South-east boy]

Sorry to hear about this Tim.

Finally she found the decency to tell you the truth, so she rather meet a stranger than to meet you whom she knows for several months .
I don't believe her for saying she didn't know how the stranger guy looks like (some sort of a blind date??? ) and that her friend sent a sms message to her sister telling her to meet someone she never knew. She wanted to meet this guy just because she's in a hurry to get married

I don't want to judge her but I think she used you and played with your feelings. You deserve someone better than her, you're a nice man and it's her loss for letting you go. It's cruel of her to tell you that she can't have a special feelings for you

So I must say better know her real colors this early than be sorry later.
I hope next time you'll be lucky in love.

Thanks Liane! It half seems like an arranged marriage! Friend texts and says that a guy is coming to see you next week, neither of who have met, chatted, know much about each other or anything. I should have listened to my doubts near the beginning after she had said about how she met her ex-fiance. He was American and a sister/sister-in/law posed as her on a dating site. Then her sister/sister-in law said to the ex-fiance when he had booked the trip to see her, that it wasn't really her and also said to Suzie that he going to see her, so she was shocked about that too. He wasn't very happy and nearly cancelled, but still went and they got engaged. Not sure if it was on that first trip or not. As far as I now he didn't go again and after a year and a half of not getting anywhere, she broke it off. I did think that all that was strange, but as were getting on well, I kinda put it to the back of my mind.

You know, when I work out what I have spent on the Birthday & Christmas presents, courier, VAT & customs charges, other mobile phone and smart sim card, phone cards, smart loads to her phone etc, that has come to over £600! Now if she had been asking when I was coming, had made it clear that she felt strongly for me/had fallen for me etc, was looking to get married etc, had said don't spend money on other things, but to spend it on trip to see her instead and I had fallen for her, I would have given up my Salsa classes etc & maybe other little things and this over the 2nd half of last year + the money I had spent on the previous mentioned things would have paid for a trip to see her! But like people have said, maybe it was better that this didn't happen in the end?

[South-east boy]

That's harsh mate, but at least you know the score now, no more trying to figure out whats going on. I agree with what Tomthumb & Dedworth says, doesn't sound like much of a catch tbh.





The kind of girl whose looking for a sponsor for the family more than an actual husband. I think you've had a lucky escape in all honesty.

Hmmmmm? this last sentence you wrote, is quite disturbing.

What I said earlier, you are right. No I wouldn't make a trip out there, if you were just friends, there has to be something more.
I thought now you had heard from her, she may have been trying to get a bit more committment from you, to visit her.

She has certainly dropped a bombshell on you, with this Danish guy...Believe me, strange things can happen in the Philippines. I feel for you, it's her loss.

Don't be dis-heartened, stick around here, you will find someone who wants to be with you for who you are & dosen't have an ulterior motive.

Yes, she has 13 brothers and sisters, although on older brother is married & his wife works in London, an older sister is married & her husband lives in LA, USA, a an older sister is married with kids, another older sister is married with one kid, a younger sister is engaged to a guy from USA, and another sister works in Taiwan. So they are not all at home. She has one sister at home that doesn't work, one brother that has just finished a course, the engaged sister at home doesn't work, 3 younger brothers and sisters that are College students and a younger sister at school. She says that all her wages go to the family, so she doesn't have much to herself

I would have thought that if wanted me to come over that much, she wouldn't have said about that I would need a fair bit of money when I go. Of course I would take them for a meal and trip somewhere etc, but if she wanted to see me that much and to make it easier & sooner for me to come, then she wouldn't have said that, as saying that would mean that it would take longer to come because of saving more money up. Or maybe she was saying that to put me off coming?

Once before after she had said about coming here to work and I said that sorry, but it is not that easy, even nurses and care workers won't be able to to or will find it hard to and she replied with "are you trying to depress me?". Maybe this is another reason why she might have decided she didn't feel for me or wanted to end it?

[South-east boy]

It seems I'm the first to read your update but I won't be the last. Obviously I'm sorry to know what has happened, hopefully we have helped you, and there's not much more I can say. You're not the only one and you will get over it, but right now I can fully empathise with your feelings. You must be emotionally drained and tired. I'm sure as the first to respond here I can say our thoughts are with you.

Thanks Alan! It has been quite a couple of weeks for me. There was 12 days of worrying and wondering, lost sleep, then 2 days ago I thought that it was probably over, then yesterday when I got hold of her, I thought it was back on, then today it seems it's all over and she never felt anything for me. I think she just wants to get married and move to another country urgently. I don't think that she is too bothered who it is with or where it is.