What are you like with text/sms messages?

[Arthur Little]

I think it doesnt end there, wait till she meet the danish guy. If she is not attracted to him, I have a feeling that she will communicate with you again

But it SHOULD end there, Jam! If Tim values his self-respect, he'll make it crystal clear to Suzie that he's not prepared to "play second fiddle" to some other guy she [purportedly] hasn't even met yet.

And then he will tell her (none too politely, I hope!) to "sling her hook" ... and "get lost!

Sorry to be so blunt; I rest my case.

[jam07]

But it SHOULD end there, Jam! If Tim values his self-respect, he'll make it crystal clear to Suzie that he's not prepared to "play second fiddle" to some other guy she [purportedly] hasn't even met yet.

And then he will tell her (none too politely, I hope!) to "sling her hook" ... and "get lost!

Sorry to be so blunt; I rest my case.

I know that it should and it must end there kuya arthur . But there are people who are rude enough to use someone as their 'rebound guy'. I hope she will not do that to Tim as he has been treated unfairly enough. But I know Tim is smart enough not to fall into that kind of trick.

[South-east boy]

Well, another update! Sorry for the essay here!

I saw her pop up on yahoo and as I wanted more answers to questions or I would always be wondering, we started chatting. She said that no matter how much she tries to like me or love me, she really can't and doesn't know why. I said you don't even like me?! She said that I'm really a nice person, but she doesn't like me as a man.

She said that she has been learning Danish for 2 weeks, but isn't 2 weeks a few days before she said that she had first ever heard about him?! I said that you need time to get to know someone properly. She said that is my opinion and nothing is impossible. I said that a week or two isn't enough time to get to know someone properly that you know nothing about and she said that she doesn't care about that. I said what if you don't like him or don't get on? He could turn out to be not so nice, or you are not compatible? She said, I don't think so. Then she said that a beautiful woman like me won't be admired by many men? I said that not everything is based on looks, you have to be compatible and get on + you did say before that you don't want someone to want you just because of how I look. She said I know, i have great inner and outer beauty Tim.

Later I said, I don't get why you never mentioned about us being 'just' friends earlier, why only just now? She said that she noticed that I called often when she was away in the provinces after Christmas. I said, I always called her, texted her and emailed her, not just suddenly then. I said all the things about why I thought she thought of me as more than a friend and about when we blew kisses etc on the webcam. Also that I thought that if she only thought of me as a friend, then she would have not said things that could easily be taken as to mean more than that and she said that was how she was with friends who are close to her, that she thought that she knew that we were just friends and that's she blows kisses with friends. I said why did you only ask just now if I was seeing anyone or getting on well with someone as surely friends would do? She said that she would only ask a boyfriend that. I also said about when I was worried about her looking so good with the new make-up and having guys after her-why would I say that if I only thought of her as a friend? She said that she hadn't thought about that. She said that the kisses in emails and texts were just mail and that we didn't do it for real.

I said would I have done all that I did if you were just a friend? I said with a friend abroad that I hadn't known long, I would have sent cards and maybe a small present, but that's all. I said that I had gone without things myself to so I could do what I did for her and I did all I could. She said that now she knows my true colours, same with her ex fiance, that she is happy that we are just plain friends!

Then I asked if she had met the Danish guy and she said yes! She said he knows about me and is sorry. She said that she is happily taken by him, sorry for everything. He spent the new year with her family and stayed in their house (If I knew that, I could have gone to see her sooner, as I thought that I would need to stay in a hotel so would need more money). She still said that they hadn't chatted before he went. I said what if I had done to see you before? She said that she thinks it would have worked, but it's too late now and that she has found the love of her life (after just one week or knowing him!). She then said that she is planning to get engaged this coming July and that he will go back to meet her & her family. She also said that she talked to his mother and she told her that she has to take care of her son. Of course during this she said sorry lots of times etc. I said so what she said about the phone and internet problems wasn't the truth? She said that it was, but after finding out that she was seeing him etc, I don't buy that, speically how she has been singing in & out on yahoo 'I'm mobile' for the last few days.

So basically it was as he went first and if they hadn't got on, she didn't like him etc, she would have been back to me. This is now the 2nd time that she is got engaged on the first meeting and I think that whoever went out, she would get engaged to!

[TomThumb]

Hi South-east boy.
My advice to you would be not to contact her again. It would only upset you more and delay the process of your getting over her. Maybe you could force her to admit that she lied to you or treated you badly, but I don't think that there is any way that you will get her to change her mind about her relationship with you. So, I don't think you have anything to gain by it. Of course I realise that someone's advice has very little power when compared to romantic feelings, so I quite expect you talk to her again.
Another point against keeping in contact is that if you do, at some point she will probably refuse to talk to you again (but for good this time), and that will just cause you more pain.
She may have great outer beauty. I don't know. But inwardly, she is not beautiful, whatever she thinks. I think you are lucky that you didn't go out. As you imply, it might have been you that married her then, and I think in the long term, her true nature would have made you unhappy.
It is strange that this kind of thing happens repeatedly to you. As everyone else has said, you seem like a nice guy, and you deserve much better. Is it possible that it isn't just a coincidence somehow? Is there some behaviour of yours that might have led to it. Maybe embarking on long distance relationships without a definite timescale to be able to live near each other?
I've learned from bitter experience that when you are dumped, it seems very important to find out the reason from the dumper, but that there is nothing that they can say that will help you. The best policy is cut off all contact with them, at least until you are over them emotionally, and if they have treated you badly (as she has), then forever. I know that there is a 95% chance that you won't follow this advice, but I think it is good, so I have to give it.
It is true that at some point she might come back to you if it doesn't work out with her current victim. You need to work on being enough over her that you can tell her where to go. I agree with what Jam said
'NO! i would be if i take her back...'. I can't cut and paste smilies, but they were spot on.

[South-east boy]

Hi South-east boy.
My advice to you would be not to contact her again. It would only upset you more and delay the process of your getting over her. Maybe you could force her to admit that she lied to you or treated you badly, but I don't think that there is any way that you will get her to change her mind about her relationship with you. So, I don't think you have anything to gain by it. Of course I realise that someone's advice has very little power when compared to romantic feelings, so I quite expect you talk to her again.
Another point against keeping in contact is that if you do, at some point she will probably refuse to talk to you again (but for good this time), and that will just cause you more pain.
She may have great outer beauty. I don't know. But inwardly, she is not beautiful, whatever she thinks. I think you are lucky that you didn't go out. As you imply, it might have been you that married her then, and I think in the long term, her true nature would have made you unhappy.
It is strange that this kind of thing happens repeatedly to you. As everyone else has said, you seem like a nice guy, and you deserve much better. Is it possible that it isn't just a coincidence somehow? Is there some behaviour of yours that might have led to it. Maybe embarking on long distance relationships without a definite timescale to be able to live near each other?
I've learned from bitter experience that when you are dumped, it seems very important to find out the reason from the dumper, but that there is nothing that they can say that will help you. The best policy is cut off all contact with them, at least until you are over them emotionally, and if they have treated you badly (as she has), then forever. I know that there is a 95% chance that you won't follow this advice, but I think it is good, so I have to give it.
It is true that at some point she might come back to you if it doesn't work out with her current victim. You need to work on being enough over her that you can tell her where to go. I agree with what Jam said
'NO! i would be if i take her back...'. I can't cut and paste smilies, but they were spot on.

I don't really have much inclination to talk to her now, I might possibly, but not for long as there isn't much more to say and I shall just be nice as I don't like things ending on bad terms or bad words + I want them to remember me for being nice the whole time instead of ending up bitter.

I wouldn't say that his happened time & time again, but yes I've had lots of bad luck in trying to meet someone. I've been on various dating sites on & off over the last 7 years and do get tired of it all sometimes, being messed about and all the time that I have put in. I find it quite hard once it's finished to start over all again as you get to know them and their family etc quite well then there's nothing once it ends. They are not really the way that I want to meet someone, but when you don't get many opportunities through work and most friends are coupled up or do shift work etc, then it's not easy.

With the previous LDR, well that was in France and was about 10 years ago, but being France there would have been no problems with Visas and seeing each other like with someone in PI. I have no clue as to why she disappeared - maybe she met someone else? Who knows?

With the last relationship with the Filipina from London, well it wasn't exactly a relationship, but I thought it was as we behaved like a couple phoning each other everyday and when together. It messed me up quite a bit at the time as I thought that we had a relationship, then every so often she would say for me to find someone else because of her problems. Then she would say about other guys after her including her ex etc, then she said we were a couple, then she wanted to go back to before. Later on I think she was saying various things as ways to finish it. It hurt as it started so well and I tried to help her all I could and again, I don't know what else I could have done. Then later she ended it, it hurt lots more several weeks later after saying that she just didn't want a relationship with anyone that she was seeing another guy, then later said that she was in love with him which she never said to me after a longer period of time.


Can I just say so much to everyone that has posted here to help me and offer their advice & views as it has helped me greatly. I hope that I can give you some happy news in the not too distant future and I just hope the saying that the best things come to those who wait comes true for me!

[South-east boy]

I just had a quick look-up about Denmark. It won't be too easy for her as firstly she will have to learn a new language, as although most will speak English, if you're living there you'll need to know the language. I wouldn't think would be easy learning Danish in Phils and although you might be able to read a little after learning and be able to ask certain things, when you ask someone something and you get a quick reply in that language with words that you might not be expecting, it's a totally different ball game! Not sure how it affects the Visa if you can't speak the language?

These are the monthly average temperatures:
JANUARY = 0C
FEBRUARY = 0C
MARCH = 1C
APRIL = 6C
MAY = 11C
JUNE = 15C
JULY = 17C
AUGUST = 17C
SEPTEMBER = 13C
OCTOBER = 9C
NOVEMBER = 4C
DECEMBER = 1C

So it's a lot colder than here and the warmest months of July and August are only 17C!

It is also one of the mostly expensive countries to live in in the world and anything you earn, you lose about 45% of it to tax and the VAT is 25%!

[maria_and_matt]

hey SEB, you seem to be a very good genuine person as far as suzie well all i can say is KARMA!
good things happen to good people, and bad things will happen to girls who leads a guy on! hate women like that!