What are you like with text/sms messages?

[jam07]

Right, I shall say what's happened, then reply to various things that people have said.

I thought that she thought of me as more than a friend as she had said a few times on the webcam, that she couldn't stop looking at me as I looked so good, that my accent was sexy & romantic, that she missed me, was always thinking about me and that she would rather be ill/in pain instead of me. I sent the email from work to home about what she said just before her birthday when she knew what I had been doing for it:

"To my dearest Tim,"

(she said some other stuff about being busy during the week, then:"So sorry for my late mail but don't worry because I've been always thinking about you, read your messages on my phone to lift me up everyday at work and at home and imagined that we were talking face to face.

From the bottom of my heart, I want to say this. You're one of a kind.You truly make me happy. I really don't know how to repay you.To tell you honestly, I sometimes get so emotional whenever I receive your text on my phone and your mails on my yahoo because you truly care about me and I thought of you are protecting me and care me especially my father isn't with us now. As I was typing this mail, I just couldn't stop my tears from falling. I've been looking for someone for all my life, who knows how to take care of me and my family and show his love to us unconditionally. I really don't know and don't understand why women in your country don't see your being you as a real man with a heart of gold and has a lot of patience from waiting from my mail. Hehehe...Thank you so much for always being there for me and I really appreciate and admire it from you the most. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for being real to me as I am to you..

I guess you can call me tonight at 11:00 to 11:30 at night my time. Hehehe...I miss you so much. Take care and God bless you! Hugs and kisses...smile!!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

So these things, always putting lots of kisses etc at ends of emails and texts + others that I can't remember right now, made me think that she thought of me as more than just friends. What would you think about how they feel for you if you heard these things said and written to you?

Talk is cheap. Well, it is for some. She's a smooth talker as well. Its irritating that some people will use colourful words to manipulate someone. And having that 'xoxo' thing, you will not use to write to a male 'friend'. I dont! the 'o' would be fine but the 'x' no. Not to a friend.

Anyway, this morning before I left for work, she popped up on yahoo and said that she had borrowed a students laptop. She read the email I sent her last night and looked at the photos from Christmas. Then this part of the conversation between us on yahoo:

Suzie: Tim, I really have to tell you something, I don't want to keep this from you.
Tim: Yes?
Suzie: I have a close friend who married a man from Denmark and she has been staying with him in Denmark for more than a year now.
Tim: Yes.
Suzie: Her husbands's friend is seriously looking for someone to be his wife and will come here in Cebu next week and I will meet him
I think she already met him during her absence last 2 weeks!
Suzie: Are you ok?
Tim: No
Suzie: Why?
Suzie: We are just friends right?
Tim: Why do you think?
Suzie: And for me, there's nothing special between us
Tim: *crying smiley*
Suzie: are you crying?
Tim: and it's special between you and him?
Suzie: I haven't met him yet. I will meet him and see what it takes if i will like or love him
Tim: but you said not so long ago, that you were not in contact with any other guys
Suzie: my friend knows him well especially her husband
Suzie: yes, I didn't contact any other guys Tim. My friend suddenly texted my older sister Jacky that someone will meet me next week
Suzie: I am just being honest with you now
Tim: so you don't know him at all?
Suzie: yes thats right. I haven't seen pictuires at all. I will meet him
now this is crap! i dont believe this at all. She havent seen any pic of the guy? Its only natural that your friend will send you a pic of the guy you are being matched with nor you yourself will ask for a picture. What if he looked like frankenstein, would you still meet him? not!
Tim: so how we have got to know each other, all the time we have chatted and all that I have done means nothing to you? And you might reject me over a stranger?
Tim: I want someone to want me because o how I am as a person, not just because the only thing I have done is go to see them
Suzie: I understand how you feel now Tim
Tim: I should not have sent you those things and spent the money on a flight as I did not know that you would meet someone else
Suzie: so sorry Tim if I want to meet him as I am seriously looking for marriage
Tim: he has spent no time in getting to know you, what you like, how you are, he just has the money to see you
Tim: but why didn't you ask me before?
Suzie: ask you what?
Tim: when will I be coming to see you? to have an answer etc?
maybe that is another sign that a person is really keen to meet and be with you. Its not only the guys job to be excited about meeting his girl. The girl should be curious and excited to know when you are going to visit her .
Tim: you also said that you missed me and that you were always thinking of me?
Suzie: yes I really do think f you and miss you, but only as a friend. Thats all and nothing more
Tim: well I don't say those things about just a friend
I agree... I think that she feels something special with you but died out in the long run.
Suzie: I don't think you can blame a woman if she really doesn't have feelings back for you
Suzie: I really apprieciate all the things you do for me and to may family, Tim, I am really thankful and grateful about that. You are truly a very good person
Tim: of course not, but I thought if you get to know someone and you get on well, you find each other attractive then you gradually develop feelings,
Suzie: but no matter how I try to have feelings for you as a man, I still really can't. I don't know why?
Tim: rather than me being like a stranger
Suzie: if I had special feelings for you, I would not meet him
Tim: so you are saying that you can have special feelings before meeting?
Suzie: there's something on you that's similar with my ex fiance
Suzie: yes, that's right
Tim: you never mentioned this before after all these months
Suzie: but I can't explain what it is that you have similar with my ex fiance. I just noticed something similar when we talked last night
Suzie: my close friend just texted my sister last week and how could I tell you this thing?

So looks like that's it. Even if she doesn't end up with this stranger (which I'm sure she will), it doesn't seem like it is worth me going as she says that she has no feelings at all for me. Why she never said any of this before I don't know. She never said that she is desperate for marriage, as she hadn't mentioned it or asked me when I was coming to see her, I thought that she wasn't in a rush. She could have also said, don't spend money on presents etc, instead spend it on a flight/trip to see me. Also if she really didn't feel anything, I wish she would have said don't spend so much money on me as I could have used the money on someone that would feel something for me. She had said yesterday that if I go to see her, that I would need quite a bit of money as she has large family! what?!

I think its lame when you ditch someone you know for a couple of months for someone who is practically a stranger ... Its not that we are blaming you of not meeting her while on the earlier stage of um... 'relationship' but dont you think it will make things a bit diff'rent if you come and visit her?... I'm sorry about what happend to you but I (as well as the others i think) am not suprised that this will end up like this and she will ditch you once she gets in-touch with you again. I think it doesnt end there, wait till she meet the danish guy. If she is not attracted to him, I have a feeling that she will communicate with you again

[South-east boy]

I think its lame when you ditch someone you know for a couple of months for someone who is practically a stranger ... Its not that we are blaming you of not meeting her while on the earlier stage of um... 'relationship' but dont you think it will make things a bit diff'rent if you come and visit her?... I'm sorry about what happend to you but I (as well as the others i think) am not suprised that this will end up like this and she will ditch you once she gets in-touch with you again. I think it doesnt end there, wait till she meet the danish guy. If she is not attracted to him, I have a feeling that she will communicate with you again

Thanks Jam. Well it was 7 months which seem to have meant nothing to her. Oh of course, it would be different if I went to see her, but I wasn't getting wrong enough feelings from her to make me want to go more. Like you mentioned earlier, I would not be surprised if she had been with the Danish guy during that time when I couldn't get hold of her. Also because she seems to be breaking it off with me and she says that she hasn't met him yet, so she has either met him and is keen or hasn't met him but is so keen that she is trying to break it off with me. What if she meets him and doesn't like or get on with him, then with what she has said to me, kinda ending it, she will be back to no-one. Do you think that she would do this before having met the Danish guy & risking having no-one? Kinda putting all her eggs in the basket of a stranger against someone that she has known for 7 months.

In one of my first posts about this, I wondered if this is what might have happened (another guy gone to see her). But if not and she is meeting him next week, but they end up not getting on, after what she has said, if you were me, would you still be interested in her?

[jam07]

Thanks Jam. Well it was 7 months which seem to have meant nothing to her. Oh of course, it would be different if I went to see her, but I wasn't getting wrong enough feelings from her to make me want to go more. Like you mentioned earlier, I would not be surprised if she had been with the Danish guy during that time when I couldn't get hold of her. Also because she seems to be breaking it off with me and she says that she hasn't met him yet, so she has either met him and is keen or hasn't met him but is so keen that she is trying to break it off with me. What if she meets him and doesn't like or get on with him, then with what she has said to me, kinda ending it, she will be back to no-one. Do you think that she would do this before having met the Danish guy & risking having no-one? Kinda putting all her eggs in the basket of a stranger against someone that she has known for 7 months.

In one of my first posts about this, I wondered if this is what might have happened (another guy gone to see her). But if not and she is meeting him next week, but they end up not getting on, after what she has said, if you were me, would you still be interested in her?

NO! i would be if i take her back...

What she did is really unacceptable and rude. I hope everything will be okay with you. So cheer up! You'll be lucky in love someday.

All the best Tim!

[South-east boy]

Thanks again Jam!

Actually this is the second time that I have done all I can, been kind and caring etc with a Filipina (last one was in uk) and they have ended it by saying that they didn't feel for me. The last timeI loved her, so was very hurt - even more so when started seeing someone else

Anyway, would have been interesting to know what would have happened if a different phone no. rang suzie's mobile phone?!

[Arthur Little]

rang suzie's mobile phone?!

I realise it's a great temptation to do this, Tim. And it's the sort of thing I might so easily have succumbed to myself. But frankly, you're wasting your time ... and money ... because there's no point in "flogging a dead horse ... "!

By MY reckoning, you're a really decent guy ... who deserves a lot better ... and, trust me, you WILL meet someone worthy of your affection!

[South-east boy]

I realise it's a great temptation to do this, Tim. And it's the sort of thing I might so easily have succumbed to myself. But frankly, you're wasting your time ... and money ... because there's no point in "flogging a dead horse ... "!

By MY reckoning, you're a really decent guy ... who deserves a lot better ... and, trust me, you WILL meet someone worthy of your affection!

Just had another night without much sleep!

Hi Arthur. I didn't mean ring her myself, I wondered if a different Phils phone no. had rang her, if she would have answered it/will answer it to know if the reasons/excuses she gave were true or not?

One other thing, is that once a while back when I was getting the make-up etc as presents, of course I had to mention it, as I would not know about what colours/shades for her, I did half jokingly say, that with all this great make-up that I was worried that she would have a lot of guys after her and she said that she would not be interested, that she is only talking to me. Why if I was just a friend would I say such a thing? Surely that would have said to her that I thought more of her as a friend? And with the presents if you were her and you thought of me of just friends, then you heard about me buying the presents, would you not say, don't spend much, as we are only friends, spend it on a future GF etc? Would a friend go to as much trouble over a friend that he has never met? Personally if I knew someone that I thought of as a friend was sending me lots of things, when I was sending them nothing, I would feel quite embarrassed and awkward about it. She also never asked me about how I was getting on with any ladies and if I was going on any dates etc. If she thought of me as just a friend, wouldn't she have asked that in some point in the past?

She also started the Yahoo conversation yesterday with "Hello friend" which she has never said before in the whole time that we have been in contact. I think that she's either met this other guy or has decided on him, so is trying to distance herself from me.

This is what partly worries me about flying to see a lady so quickly, I like to get to know someone well as then over a period of time you will get to know them and know how various things make them feel -happy and sad. Hopefully they will show what they are really like. If she has shown how she really is now and is maybe not so nice & caring, what if I had flown to see her a while back? She could put on the same front as earlier and I could be arranging to marry her without knowing what she is really like and any not-so nice hidden sides that she has.

She had said before that her parents wanted her to find a guy from Europe or USA and that she has never bothered with other guys or Phils guys

[Sophie]

Hello tim, i'm sorry for what happened, i know how much it must have hurt you but for what it's worth, atleast now you know the truth and no longer left in the dark wondering.....

I don't want to play devil's advocate but i got a strong feeling she already met this danish guy, i suspect that guy was over there the entire 12 days you cannot get hold of her.
And i don't believe her claims either that she's not in contact with any other guys but you. She must be chatting to this guy thesame time she's chatting with you.
And she must have lied to you about it since it will just put you off if you find out. She obviously kept her options open.
And when this danish guy decided to go there and visit her, she still did not tell you about him, she probably figured that if it doesn't work out with this guy, she still got you....

And now that she could have already met this guy and it went well, that's when she finally decided to ditch you and all of a sudden came up with claims about you as
being "just friends" and nothing special between you two, when she was quite sweet with her messages to you before which is certainly not in a "friendship" kind of way,
not to mention happily accepting all the presents you sent for her and her family without any hesitation or reluctance.
And looks like she's sticking to her previous story up to now that she's never been in contact with any other guy, to probably save her face and not admit she's a big liar.....

It's quite far fetched that this danish guy, who she claims as a total stranger and who she never chatted to nor she ever seen in photos,
suddenly decided to meet her next week and just like that, she made up her mind over this guy? I don't think so and i don't buy it.
She obviously met and have been with this guy already for her to make up her mind and be deadset on this danish guy and get rid of you just like that
after everything you had before and after all the nice things you've done for her....

She's not right for you and if its any consolation, i think its for the best since you wouldn't want to be with the kind of woman that she is.....
Life is too short to waste our time and emotions to undeserving and unworthy people who bother not to reciprocate our genuine affection....
and if i were you, i won't mourn nor feel sad about loosing her, she's not worth your tears and grief......Its her loss, not yours.

[somebody]

HI SEB Sophie writes it far better than I could it sounds like what I have seen in many walks of life and nothing was your fault at all. Her close friend she misses she has been introducded to this Danish chap who will be "talked up" by her friend for her friends own reasons possibly..

SEB life is never easy I have to say in the short time you have been a great member of this family and from reading your posts regardless of what happens with Suzie one thing is for sure a Lady from whatever background would be very priviliged to have you as a Husband

I know the start of the year has not gone off quite as you were hoping in the late part of 2009 but I have a feeling it is going to get far better Sir

[triple5]

I know the start of the year has not gone off quite as you were hoping in the late part of 2009 but I have a feeling it is going to get far better Sir

I'd go along with that It's only natural that you'll lose a bit of sleep while you pick over the bones of whats happened, but you'll come out of it a lot wiser.

Even though I said previously you have to be quick if you meet a good filipina, you were also right to take your time. It would have been a big mistake to go on and marry the girl. Be thankful you got out while you did. I was strung along a lot longer than you and it cost a lot more But no regrets

SEB there's a lot of simlarities between your story and mine, which I posted about this same time last year. A lots happened in that year. My train wreck turned into quite a smooth ride, because of what happened I went onto meet a goodun. Wouldnt be surprised if the same happens to you

[Arthur Little]

I think it doesnt end there, wait till she meet the danish guy. If she is not attracted to him, I have a feeling that she will communicate with you again

But it SHOULD end there, Jam! If Tim values his self-respect, he'll make it crystal clear to Suzie that he's not prepared to "play second fiddle" to some other guy she [purportedly] hasn't even met yet.

And then he will tell her (none too politely, I hope!) to "sling her hook" ... and "get lost!

Sorry to be so blunt; I rest my case.

[Arthur Little]

I have to say in the short time you have been a great member of this family and from reading your posts regardless of what happens with Suzie one thing is for sure a Lady from whatever background would be very priviliged to have you as a Husband

... !

[jam07]

But it SHOULD end there, Jam! If Tim values his self-respect, he'll make it crystal clear to Suzie that he's not prepared to "play second fiddle" to some other guy she [purportedly] hasn't even met yet.

And then he will tell her (none too politely, I hope!) to "sling her hook" ... and "get lost!

Sorry to be so blunt; I rest my case.

I know that it should and it must end there kuya arthur . But there are people who are rude enough to use someone as their 'rebound guy'. I hope she will not do that to Tim as he has been treated unfairly enough. But I know Tim is smart enough not to fall into that kind of trick.

[South-east boy]

Well, another update! Sorry for the essay here!

I saw her pop up on yahoo and as I wanted more answers to questions or I would always be wondering, we started chatting. She said that no matter how much she tries to like me or love me, she really can't and doesn't know why. I said you don't even like me?! She said that I'm really a nice person, but she doesn't like me as a man.

She said that she has been learning Danish for 2 weeks, but isn't 2 weeks a few days before she said that she had first ever heard about him?! I said that you need time to get to know someone properly. She said that is my opinion and nothing is impossible. I said that a week or two isn't enough time to get to know someone properly that you know nothing about and she said that she doesn't care about that. I said what if you don't like him or don't get on? He could turn out to be not so nice, or you are not compatible? She said, I don't think so. Then she said that a beautiful woman like me won't be admired by many men? I said that not everything is based on looks, you have to be compatible and get on + you did say before that you don't want someone to want you just because of how I look. She said I know, i have great inner and outer beauty Tim.

Later I said, I don't get why you never mentioned about us being 'just' friends earlier, why only just now? She said that she noticed that I called often when she was away in the provinces after Christmas. I said, I always called her, texted her and emailed her, not just suddenly then. I said all the things about why I thought she thought of me as more than a friend and about when we blew kisses etc on the webcam. Also that I thought that if she only thought of me as a friend, then she would have not said things that could easily be taken as to mean more than that and she said that was how she was with friends who are close to her, that she thought that she knew that we were just friends and that's she blows kisses with friends. I said why did you only ask just now if I was seeing anyone or getting on well with someone as surely friends would do? She said that she would only ask a boyfriend that. I also said about when I was worried about her looking so good with the new make-up and having guys after her-why would I say that if I only thought of her as a friend? She said that she hadn't thought about that. She said that the kisses in emails and texts were just mail and that we didn't do it for real.

I said would I have done all that I did if you were just a friend? I said with a friend abroad that I hadn't known long, I would have sent cards and maybe a small present, but that's all. I said that I had gone without things myself to so I could do what I did for her and I did all I could. She said that now she knows my true colours, same with her ex fiance, that she is happy that we are just plain friends!

Then I asked if she had met the Danish guy and she said yes! She said he knows about me and is sorry. She said that she is happily taken by him, sorry for everything. He spent the new year with her family and stayed in their house (If I knew that, I could have gone to see her sooner, as I thought that I would need to stay in a hotel so would need more money). She still said that they hadn't chatted before he went. I said what if I had done to see you before? She said that she thinks it would have worked, but it's too late now and that she has found the love of her life (after just one week or knowing him!). She then said that she is planning to get engaged this coming July and that he will go back to meet her & her family. She also said that she talked to his mother and she told her that she has to take care of her son. Of course during this she said sorry lots of times etc. I said so what she said about the phone and internet problems wasn't the truth? She said that it was, but after finding out that she was seeing him etc, I don't buy that, speically how she has been singing in & out on yahoo 'I'm mobile' for the last few days.

So basically it was as he went first and if they hadn't got on, she didn't like him etc, she would have been back to me. This is now the 2nd time that she is got engaged on the first meeting and I think that whoever went out, she would get engaged to!

[triple5]

She doesn't like you as a man Hmm, that's quite a leap from...

From the bottom of my heart, I want to say this. You're one of a kind.You truly make me happy. I really don't know how to repay you.To tell you honestly, I sometimes get so emotional whenever I receive your text on my phone and your mails on my yahoo because you truly care about me and I thought of you are protecting me and care me especially my father isn't with us now. As I was typing this mail, I just couldn't stop my tears from falling. I've been looking for someone for all my life, who knows how to take care of me and my family and show his love to us unconditionally. I really don't know and don't understand why women in your country don't see your being you as a real man with a heart of gold and has a lot of patience from waiting from my mail. Hehehe...Thank you so much for always being there for me and I really appreciate and admire it from you the most. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for being real to me as I am to you..

I guess you can call me tonight at 11:00 to 11:30 at night my time. Hehehe...I miss you so much. Take care and God bless you! Hugs and kisses...smile!!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

If it were me I'd personally feel like I'd been scammed (manipulated at best), and would tell her so. I don't condone blackmail, but it would be a shame to see her profile turn up on http://www.dragonladies.org/ if you didn't get your money back

[TomThumb]

Hi South-east boy.
My advice to you would be not to contact her again. It would only upset you more and delay the process of your getting over her. Maybe you could force her to admit that she lied to you or treated you badly, but I don't think that there is any way that you will get her to change her mind about her relationship with you. So, I don't think you have anything to gain by it. Of course I realise that someone's advice has very little power when compared to romantic feelings, so I quite expect you talk to her again.
Another point against keeping in contact is that if you do, at some point she will probably refuse to talk to you again (but for good this time), and that will just cause you more pain.
She may have great outer beauty. I don't know. But inwardly, she is not beautiful, whatever she thinks. I think you are lucky that you didn't go out. As you imply, it might have been you that married her then, and I think in the long term, her true nature would have made you unhappy.
It is strange that this kind of thing happens repeatedly to you. As everyone else has said, you seem like a nice guy, and you deserve much better. Is it possible that it isn't just a coincidence somehow? Is there some behaviour of yours that might have led to it. Maybe embarking on long distance relationships without a definite timescale to be able to live near each other?
I've learned from bitter experience that when you are dumped, it seems very important to find out the reason from the dumper, but that there is nothing that they can say that will help you. The best policy is cut off all contact with them, at least until you are over them emotionally, and if they have treated you badly (as she has), then forever. I know that there is a 95% chance that you won't follow this advice, but I think it is good, so I have to give it.
It is true that at some point she might come back to you if it doesn't work out with her current victim. You need to work on being enough over her that you can tell her where to go. I agree with what Jam said
'NO! i would be if i take her back...'. I can't cut and paste smilies, but they were spot on.

[South-east boy]

HI SEB Sophie writes it far better than I could it sounds like what I have seen in many walks of life and nothing was your fault at all. Her close friend she misses she has been introducded to this Danish chap who will be "talked up" by her friend for her friends own reasons possibly..

SEB life is never easy I have to say in the short time you have been a great member of this family and from reading your posts regardless of what happens with Suzie one thing is for sure a Lady from whatever background would be very priviliged to have you as a Husband

I know the start of the year has not gone off quite as you were hoping in the late part of 2009 but I have a feeling it is going to get far better Sir

Thanks for that, I appreciate it. Yes, Sophie did write that well and what she and I thought turned out to be correct that she had in fact met the Danish guy when I was having trouble getting hold of her. Yes, I do hope that it gets better and that's now the last 2 ends of the years and starts of the next that haven't been good for me!

[South-east boy]

Hello tim, i'm sorry for what happened, i know how much it must have hurt you but for what it's worth, atleast now you know the truth and no longer left in the dark wondering.....

I don't want to play devil's advocate but i got a strong feeling she already met this danish guy, i suspect that guy was over there the entire 12 days you cannot get hold of her.
And i don't believe her claims either that she's not in contact with any other guys but you. She must be chatting to this guy thesame time she's chatting with you.
And she must have lied to you about it since it will just put you off if you find out. She obviously kept her options open.
And when this danish guy decided to go there and visit her, she still did not tell you about him, she probably figured that if it doesn't work out with this guy, she still got you....

And now that she could have already met this guy and it went well, that's when she finally decided to ditch you and all of a sudden came up with claims about you as
being "just friends" and nothing special between you two, when she was quite sweet with her messages to you before which is certainly not in a "friendship" kind of way,
not to mention happily accepting all the presents you sent for her and her family without any hesitation or reluctance.
And looks like she's sticking to her previous story up to now that she's never been in contact with any other guy, to probably save her face and not admit she's a big liar.....

It's quite far fetched that this danish guy, who she claims as a total stranger and who she never chatted to nor she ever seen in photos,
suddenly decided to meet her next week and just like that, she made up her mind over this guy? I don't think so and i don't buy it.
She obviously met and have been with this guy already for her to make up her mind and be deadset on this danish guy and get rid of you just like that
after everything you had before and after all the nice things you've done for her....

She's not right for you and if its any consolation, i think its for the best since you wouldn't want to be with the kind of woman that she is.....
Life is too short to waste our time and emotions to undeserving and unworthy people who bother not to reciprocate our genuine affection....
and if i were you, i won't mourn nor feel sad about loosing her, she's not worth your tears and grief......Its her loss, not yours.

Thanks Sophie, you are very good with words Yes yours and my suspiscions were correct as it turns out. One of the first things that I said was that I hope that she is not seeing another guy.

[liane]

Tim, you should stop communicating with her, the more you chat with her the more she will hurt you . She will always justify her actions and she believed that she did nothing wrong ( trying to have a clean conscience???). Try to see it on a bright side, you're lucky that you did not end up with her, she's a good storyteller
In time you will find someone who will love you sincerely. You deserve someone far more better than her.

[South-east boy]

Hi South-east boy.
My advice to you would be not to contact her again. It would only upset you more and delay the process of your getting over her. Maybe you could force her to admit that she lied to you or treated you badly, but I don't think that there is any way that you will get her to change her mind about her relationship with you. So, I don't think you have anything to gain by it. Of course I realise that someone's advice has very little power when compared to romantic feelings, so I quite expect you talk to her again.
Another point against keeping in contact is that if you do, at some point she will probably refuse to talk to you again (but for good this time), and that will just cause you more pain.
She may have great outer beauty. I don't know. But inwardly, she is not beautiful, whatever she thinks. I think you are lucky that you didn't go out. As you imply, it might have been you that married her then, and I think in the long term, her true nature would have made you unhappy.
It is strange that this kind of thing happens repeatedly to you. As everyone else has said, you seem like a nice guy, and you deserve much better. Is it possible that it isn't just a coincidence somehow? Is there some behaviour of yours that might have led to it. Maybe embarking on long distance relationships without a definite timescale to be able to live near each other?
I've learned from bitter experience that when you are dumped, it seems very important to find out the reason from the dumper, but that there is nothing that they can say that will help you. The best policy is cut off all contact with them, at least until you are over them emotionally, and if they have treated you badly (as she has), then forever. I know that there is a 95% chance that you won't follow this advice, but I think it is good, so I have to give it.
It is true that at some point she might come back to you if it doesn't work out with her current victim. You need to work on being enough over her that you can tell her where to go. I agree with what Jam said
'NO! i would be if i take her back...'. I can't cut and paste smilies, but they were spot on.

I don't really have much inclination to talk to her now, I might possibly, but not for long as there isn't much more to say and I shall just be nice as I don't like things ending on bad terms or bad words + I want them to remember me for being nice the whole time instead of ending up bitter.

I wouldn't say that his happened time & time again, but yes I've had lots of bad luck in trying to meet someone. I've been on various dating sites on & off over the last 7 years and do get tired of it all sometimes, being messed about and all the time that I have put in. I find it quite hard once it's finished to start over all again as you get to know them and their family etc quite well then there's nothing once it ends. They are not really the way that I want to meet someone, but when you don't get many opportunities through work and most friends are coupled up or do shift work etc, then it's not easy.

With the previous LDR, well that was in France and was about 10 years ago, but being France there would have been no problems with Visas and seeing each other like with someone in PI. I have no clue as to why she disappeared - maybe she met someone else? Who knows?

With the last relationship with the Filipina from London, well it wasn't exactly a relationship, but I thought it was as we behaved like a couple phoning each other everyday and when together. It messed me up quite a bit at the time as I thought that we had a relationship, then every so often she would say for me to find someone else because of her problems. Then she would say about other guys after her including her ex etc, then she said we were a couple, then she wanted to go back to before. Later on I think she was saying various things as ways to finish it. It hurt as it started so well and I tried to help her all I could and again, I don't know what else I could have done. Then later she ended it, it hurt lots more several weeks later after saying that she just didn't want a relationship with anyone that she was seeing another guy, then later said that she was in love with him which she never said to me after a longer period of time.


Can I just say so much to everyone that has posted here to help me and offer their advice & views as it has helped me greatly. I hope that I can give you some happy news in the not too distant future and I just hope the saying that the best things come to those who wait comes true for me!

[South-east boy]

I just had a quick look-up about Denmark. It won't be too easy for her as firstly she will have to learn a new language, as although most will speak English, if you're living there you'll need to know the language. I wouldn't think would be easy learning Danish in Phils and although you might be able to read a little after learning and be able to ask certain things, when you ask someone something and you get a quick reply in that language with words that you might not be expecting, it's a totally different ball game! Not sure how it affects the Visa if you can't speak the language?

These are the monthly average temperatures:
JANUARY = 0C
FEBRUARY = 0C
MARCH = 1C
APRIL = 6C
MAY = 11C
JUNE = 15C
JULY = 17C
AUGUST = 17C
SEPTEMBER = 13C
OCTOBER = 9C
NOVEMBER = 4C
DECEMBER = 1C

So it's a lot colder than here and the warmest months of July and August are only 17C!

It is also one of the mostly expensive countries to live in in the world and anything you earn, you lose about 45% of it to tax and the VAT is 25%!

[maria_and_matt]

hey SEB, you seem to be a very good genuine person as far as suzie well all i can say is KARMA!
good things happen to good people, and bad things will happen to girls who leads a guy on! hate women like that!

[South-east boy]

I only just thought that if I had sent the parcel for her Birthday and Christmas stuff by Balikbayan box, it wouldn't have arrived by now, so with what's just happened I wouldn't have been happy with her receiving all the presents! I don't know if I would have been able to get a message to the balikbayan senders to return it to me, but I guess also Suzie could have carried on as normal and only say about the Danish guy after it had arrived!

[South-east boy]

Just got that virus message thing from her on Yahoo. She now has a new profile pic of her cuddling up to the Danish guy! That status message that I didn't get time to read last Wednesday 'Jeg elsker dig skat' is Danish and it means 'I love you darling' which it says by her pic.

[triple5]

Delete her from your list, that way you don't have to see that stuff and be reminded. And to avoid getting the virus.

[Dedworth]

Delete her from your list, that way you don't have to see that stuff and be reminded. And to avoid getting the virus.

Sound advice

[Doc Alan]

Delete her from your list, that way you don't have to see that stuff and be reminded. And to avoid getting the virus.

Completely agree. Not only delete but also block. When you're online put your setting to "invisible" but anyone who's blocked can't contact you anyway. So easy to do when it's justified as here.

[bornatbirth]

why?, what did she do wrong.

if i was chatting to her, i would of been there a week later...you did see her photos?

after waiting 7 month' for southeastboy she thought this was going nowhere and the first man to go and see her, got her!, seems simple to me

[Sophie]

Completely agree. Not only delete but also block. When you're online put your setting to "invisible" but anyone who's blocked can't contact you anyway. So easy to do when it's justified as here.

I totally agree with you alan, i would advise thesame thing

[Arthur Little]

She now has a new profile *pic of her cuddling up to the Danish guy! That status message that I didn't get time to read last Wednesday 'Jeg elsker dig skat' is Danish and it means 'I love you darling' which it says by her pic.

... *that says it all! It shows EXACTLY the kind of woman she really IS! ... you're well-rid of her, believe me, Tim!

[South-east boy]

why?, what did she do wrong.

if i was chatting to her, i would of been there a week later...you did see her photos?

after waiting 7 month' for southeastboy she thought this was going nowhere and the first man to go and see her, got her!, seems simple to me

Maybe you haven't read everything? So you think that she did nothing wrong and everything was my fault? Would you have felt happy if you thought everything was going well and you spent a lot of time, thought and money over the last few months on them, only to find out that they had been lying and saw someone else behind your back and accepted them straight away?

As I've said before it's easy to go and see her soon if you have the money to do that and the recession hasn't affected you. Maybe you might go and see a girl just from chatting to her, without getting any strong feelings, but it's a lot of money to me and I would only go if I know that they feel strongly for me and me with her. I won't just go to the other side of the world, just because she is good-looking. Yes, I felt for her and I thought that she did with me, but you hear of people on this forum chatting everyday and their girls waking early or whatever so they have time to chat. Sometimes I didn't hear hardly anything from her for a couple of weeks or so. Yes, it was true that she had brothers & sisters using the home PC, but couldn't she have gone to bed a little later or woken up earlier to find time? There are internet cafes too. If you feel that strongly for someone then you make that extra effort to keep in contact. I always kept in contact with her and I thought that all the extra effort that I was making over the last couple of months would bring us closer together.

She never asked me when I was coming, or pressed me for a date, so I didn't know that she was in such a rush and thought that she was happy with it. She is 25, not 37+, so not like she is ending up on the shelf. I said to her my situation and she also contacted me in the first place and I did say that I was looking for someone over here. I did not know what the future would hold and of course did not know how badly the recession would affect the company that I work for, therefor reducing my earnings greatly. I would think if they feel that much for you they would wait (not forever obviously) and ask when I would be coming. Not everyone on this forum has rushed over to see their girls in just a month or two and their girls have waited. I have not been on this forum long, so I had no clue as to how quick any guy goes over to see his girl over there. She also knew that I was sending her things for Birthday and Christmas + asked for make-up. She never said don't send anything, put it towards a flight to see me instead. With what I spent on the birthday and Christmas gifts, courier & VAT/customs charges and if I'd known that I could have stayed with her family, then I could have done it.

I was planning on seeing her this year if things continued to go well and we were getting closer, but of course would need to get the money together. It would have been easier for me to have gone to see her sooner, if I knew that I would be staying there with her like the Danish guy did, but as her family is big, I thought I'd need to stay in a hotel, so even more money and the trip being harder to afford and longer away. I would have thought what I did for her and her family wouldn't have meant something but it seems it didn't. the only thing I didn't do was go and see her and it seems that that was the only thing that mattered to her, but how was I to know?

But as I've said before, I want someone to want me, because of how I am as a person, that they genuinely love me not because I was the first guy to go out & see them, they can get married and leave for another country. Maybe you don't mind someone wanting you for that, but I want more than that. Can you really be in love with the love of your life who is someone who was a stranger just a few days ago?