Issue of sending money to family in pinas

[filipina_owl]

Do some filipina here send money for their family in the philippines? I just got here in uk not so long ago and my family and some relatives in pinas are asking me if i could help them with their financial dilemmas. Most of them were asking me to send them some presents, like christmas or birthday gifts or even money and etc. Well i know that we filipinos have very close family ties but you see, i dont have a job here yet and most importantly i am expecting and due any time soon. My husband is working very hard to support me and he is saving for our baby's future. We have bills to pay and things to buy for our baby as well.

I dont want to ask my husband for money just to send to the philippines. My husband is working so hard and i pity him because im not contributing anything as of now. If i do want to send money to my family in the philippines, i want it to come from my own pocket. So now, if they ask me to send this and that, i just tell them that i cant send them anything because i dont have a job yet. But they will tease me that im too tight and that i should share my blessings... They think life in the uk is very easy...

[aromulus]

But they will tease me that im too tight and that i should share my blessings... They think life in the uk is very easy...

What blessings....?

Just tell them straight and to the point that you married your husband for love, and not to keep them in luxuries.
You are having a baby, have no job, you don't want to put your husband in a spot.... this is all pressure that you don't need.

When baby is old enough, and you get a job, you "may" be able to contribute a little, but they have to understand that your small family comes first.

Obviously in case of a real emergency, I don't see a reason for not helping.

[South-east boy]

I totally understand your dilemma and agree with Dom. If you were not expecting things would be easier and easier still if you were working. It wouldn't be so bad if it was just one or two of your very direct family (brother, sister or parents) asking, but I know in these some cases it ends up with extended family and even other people asking for things. I just wish people in other countries would not think that this is NOT the land of milk & honey and we are in a recession so it's hard on a lot of people. Of course it's not as hard as it is over there, but we still need to get by and not get into debt.

I can only that you could send a balikbayan box back at some point and just add small not too expensive things to the box now & again when you can and say that this is all that you can do.

The other problem which arises when you do give things, especially as soon as they ask, is that they always expect it again and start to take it for granted. Sometimes you just have a be a bit tough, but I know it' not easy.

[abby]

oh dear kathy! better tell them the real scenario here. You're here to be with your loved one and start your own family. Let them realize whats life here... I know it would be hard to deal with it.

I also told my family then that i'll do help them incase they needed but that would happened only when i'll be earning my own money. DOnt want to bother my husband for money to be sent back home.

Go girl.....

[Arthur Little]

I've mentioned this before ... and, again, I don't want to sound complacent in any way. But I guess I'M very lucky on that score ... since MY wife's immediate relatives are all self-sufficient. And, whilst I realise there ARE people whose circumstances place them in a less fortunate situation, with the views expressed by the other respondents in so far as "charity begins at home" ... in YOUR case, Kathy ... the small family unit consisting of you, your husband and forthcoming baby.

[pumpkins]

i just got here also in uk but i am not sending any money to phils coz i dont have a reason to.and not only that i dont have money to send.. i dont have a work yet..and even i have own money, i need to help my husband in paying bills , buying our food and saving for our future..thats my priority. if i have some money excess from the budget, i can send a enough amount for my youngest brother for his study in college - just a little help

[johncar54]

I know it can be difficult. My wife sends money from time to time but it is less often now than it was 3 years ago when she came here.

The relatives need to understand that although the standard of living in Europe is higher than in Phil money still does not grow on trees.

[pennybarry]

Good for you for having good principles for being a wife. But if you are also a filipina wife who is desperately want to send money and thinking how hard is to live in Pinas, I can still understand her if she wants to help her family as that's in our culture to help them. But if you will help member of family who is lazy and can't move their ass to find work or lazy to study, that is completely no hope for me to understand.

Maybe I am just lucky enough as I don't need to help sisters and brothers as their house is far better than mine and they always tell me to save even single penny so that in the future, we have our own beatiful house and business. But of course I have my soft heart to my nephew whom I paid his full year service bus as a promise for being scholar and belong to top 5 in his class. I do help my nieces if they can promise me that they will pass their board exam, I will pay their IELTS, send them gifts if they can prove me they are doing good in their class. That's all I can help with them. I help and send money to my Nanay but most of the time, she gives more than I could give to her.

[filipina_owl]

Thanks for the points of view guys...

[IainBusby]

Do some filipina here send money for their family in the philippines? I just got here in uk not so long ago and my family and some relatives in pinas are asking me if i could help them with their financial dilemmas. Most of them were asking me to send them some presents, like christmas or birthday gifts or even money and etc. Well i know that we filipinos have very close family ties but you see, i dont have a job here yet and most importantly i am expecting and due any time soon. My husband is working very hard to support me and he is saving for our baby's future. We have bills to pay and things to buy for our baby as well.

I dont want to ask my husband for money just to send to the philippines. My husband is working so hard and i pity him because im not contributing anything as of now. If i do want to send money to my family in the philippines, i want it to come from my own pocket. So now, if they ask me to send this and that, i just tell them that i cant send them anything because i dont have a job yet. But they will tease me that im too tight and that i should share my blessings... They think life in the uk is very easy...

Don't let them lay a guilt trip on you, just stick to your guns and tell them that cotrarary to what they may think life in the UK is like and how rich we all are over here, money has to be hard earned and doesn't just grow on trees. You leave them in no doubt that you came here as a wife who's purpose is to build a family with her husband, not as an OFW who's sole purpose is to work and support the family back home.

you could send a balikbayan box back at some point and just add small not too expensive things to the box now & again when you can and say that this is all that you can do.

That's the best to do, when your going around the supermarket, just add a few things to your basket each week and when you've collected enough and your husband can afford to send it, send them a balikbayan box.

The other problem which arises when you do give things, especially as soon as they ask, is that they always expect it again and start to take it for granted. Sometimes you just have a be a bit tough, but I know it' not easy.

As South-East-Boy says, this can become a very slippery slope and in my experience, whatever you do send will never be enough and they will always think that (living here in the land of milk and honey) you could afford much more.

oh dear kathy! better tell them the real scenario here. You're here to be with your loved one and start your own family. Let them realize whats life here... I know it would be hard to deal with it.

I also told my family then that i'll do help them incase they needed but that would happened only when i'll be earning my own money. DOnt want to bother my husband for money to be sent back home.

Go girl.....

[fred]

The relatives need to understand that although the standard of living in Europe is higher than in Phil money still does not grow on trees.

\

Actually I have managed to convince a few here that it DOES!!
My money tree back in the UK is harvested reguarly by my sister that stuffs it all into a bulging balikbayan box addressed to me once every 6 months...Ive asked that she include a few saplings for the guys here but they never seem to survive the journey..
One asked me to request more..
Either he had consumed more alcohol than I thought possible or he indeed was just plain dumb.

[xebec]

Im sending money to my parents when i started working, i know how hard life in Philippines.I just let them know that earning money here is not easy and you have to work hard.

Daisy

[Doc Alan]

I'm sorry I can't add much to this thread but it's very helpful. I'm aware of the "extended family" situation and the emotional blackmail ( "are you a Christian?" ; "my six godsons, widowed father and two brothers in the province at Christmas" ...) and how hard it is to say "no". It's especially hard when we buy even modest gifts for loved ones and friends in the UK, clearly, proving we've had the money. I guess it's a source of conflict in many Filipino-UK relationships.

[Fitzy]

Do some filipina here send money for their family in the philippines? I just got here in uk not so long ago and my family and some relatives in pinas are asking me if i could help them with their financial dilemmas. Most of them were asking me to send them some presents, like christmas or birthday gifts or even money and etc. Well i know that we filipinos have very close family ties but you see, i dont have a job here yet and most importantly i am expecting and due any time soon. My husband is working very hard to support me and he is saving for our baby's future. We have bills to pay and things to buy for our baby as well.

I dont want to ask my husband for money just to send to the philippines. My husband is working so hard and i pity him because im not contributing anything as of now. If i do want to send money to my family in the philippines, i want it to come from my own pocket. So now, if they ask me to send this and that, i just tell them that i cant send them anything because i dont have a job yet. But they will tease me that im too tight and that i should share my blessings... They think life in the uk is very easy...

Congratulations to you both firstly.

Not much I can say really, because the members have mirrored my thoughts on the matter.

All the very best to you both , and your forthcoming baby.

How sweet

[Juana]

It was luck I guess that I got a job during the first month I got here in the UK. But for 3 years I have not sent money (regular remittance) to my folks/siblings back home apart from the odd special occasions. I have told them from the start that we (soon to be-ex and I) needed to start our lives together (buying house, etc) and that's my priority. They haven't actually asked but there were the odd hints.
For 3 years also, I was unable to go back home to visit even I felt really homesick because I just can't afford it.
I wasn't earning much then but still managed to save some aside so I helped out my OH to pay his loans. Never been dependent on my husband financially. In fact, I have contributed more (time,money & effort) in the relationship than him. But that's another issue.
I guess what Im trying to say is that they have to understand that you have a life of your own now with your husband and a baby on the way. Explain your circumstances clearly and if they do really care for you that way then everything should just come easy.
And now I got a good paying job, not only my folks get regular remittance but Im also paying for my sister's college tuition, bought my mom a nearly brand new car, and now will be sending three of them to US for a holiday! (Geez Im broke!)
And for my soon to be ex, he can now go to h*ll! Very bad investment!!!

[fred]

I'm sorry I can't add much to this thread but it's very helpful. I'm aware of the "extended family" situation and the emotional blackmail ( "are you a Christian?" ; "my six godsons, widowed father and two brothers in the province at Christmas" ...) and how hard it is to say "no". It's especially hard when we buy even modest gifts for loved ones and friends in the UK, clearly, proving we've had the money. I guess it's a source of conflict in many Filipino-UK relationships.

One thing to remember..They dont act this way exclusively to us foreigners..They do this to any family member that is working oversees..Its very hard to digest for most Brits and yet here it is normal cultural practice..A duty.
If you look at how OFW`s have kept the Philippine economy alive during a world recession simply by sending record remittances home.
It demonstrates just how powerful this cultural practice has become!!

[JonHig]

I can fully understand all you say and how yoiu feel. You just have to be firm with yourself and put your own familiy first. The problem is when you marry a foreign guy, is that he is automatically assumed to be rich. When i arrived in the Philippines i was immediately pounced on, not by my wife's relatives, but by their friends!

I made a big mistake when i lent 100000 pesos to a school, where my wife's children by her first marriage had attended at one time. They needed to refurbish the place -that was an understatement! Anyway i never saw the money again. My own fault of course for getting involved in the first place of course. it taught me a lot about living here though!

You say you have just arrived in the UK. How did you find getting a settleement visa? Was it difficult and how long did it take please. Forgive me asking this, but i am just about to start this process myself.

Thank you and best of luck with everything you do!
John

[JonHig]

Oops sorry...i didn't look at the date of your post. Stupid of me.. I must be reaching my 'sell by' date!

[JonHig]

Dear dear dear things are getting worse. I read your join date and not your post date so all is OK really. I will soon sort myself out hopefully

All the best
John

[South-east boy]

Dear dear dear things are getting worse. I read your join date and not your post date so all is OK really. I will soon sort myself out hopefully

All the best
John

I'm sure that you'll soon get used to it here!

[filipina_owl]

To all good folks who replied to my thread, thank you all. To jonHig, we applied for our settlement visa and sorted all necessary documents after we got married in the philippines. I got my my visa after 9 days. Just makes sure you have everything in order.

As to the issue, some of my relatives are teasing me that the value of british pounds is high in the philippines so it wouldnt be too much if i send them money. Now, thats what stressed me out. Well if only i have a job, by all means i wouldnt hesitate because i love my family in pinas. But like i said, im expecting and my husband doesnt want me to work for now so i just hope they would stop teasing me and that they would wait until i get a job. My husband is a very good provider, he makes sure i have everything i need so it will be too much if i ask money to send in the philippines dont you think...

[IainBusby]

To all good folks who replied to my thread, thank you all. To jonHig, we applied for our settlement visa and sorted all necessary documents after we got married in the philippines. I got my my visa after 9 days. Just makes sure you have everything in order.

As to the issue, some of my relatives are teasing me that the value of british pounds is high in the philippines so it wouldnt be too much if i send them money. Now, thats what stressed me out. Well if only i have a job, by all means i wouldnt hesitate because i love my family in pinas. But like i said, im expecting and my husband doesnt want me to work for now so i just hope they would stop teasing me and that they would wait until i get a job. My husband is a very good provider, he makes sure i have everything i need so it will be too much if i ask money to send in the philippines dont you think...

Even when you've got a job you have to put your UK family first and look to the future when you might need your own money for other things if and when your circumstances change. You have to explain to them that in this country the culture is totally different, in the UK most people have to save money to ensure they have enough to pay for any emergency that may arise. You should tell your family, don't ask and don't expect, but if I do at any time have some money to spare, I will try to send you something.

Iain.

[joebloggs]

as I've said b4, it's easy to spend and waste money that someone else has worked their off to earn

now where's my misses purse

[pennybarry]

not as an OFW who's sole purpose is to work and support the family back home.

I'm thankful my hubby didn't dare to tell me that.


That's the best to do, when your going around the supermarket, just add a few things to your basket each week and when you've collected enough and your husband can afford to send it, send them a balikbayan box.


his is cool

You should tell your family, don't ask and don't expect.

Ouch! I have no heart if I tell that to my nearest and dearest although, they never ask money from me and hubby. Even if they ask, I can't still tell those words.!
note: I still respect others views and opinions.

[johncar54]

............. when your going around the supermarket, just add a few things to your basket each week and when you've collected enough and your husband can afford to send it, send them a balikbayan box.

I can never understand why anyone would buy anything in the 'west' then spend money on sending a box to Pinas. It must be much better value to send the cash as I am sure everything is cheaper there.

Maybe be sending items which one no longer has a use for could be slightly different. Like people working for rich people who buy for example a cell fone and after a short while discard it for another model. Salvaging that and sending makes sense.

[keithAngel]

Like people working for rich people who buy for example a cell fone and after a short while discard it for another model. Salvaging that and sending makes sense.

Except you cant eat "load"

[Arthur Little]

It must be much better value to send the cash as I am sure everything is cheaper there.

Very true, John ...!

[South-east boy]

I can see John's point, but at least you know what you send will be used and as you are sending them, of course they will be good things! Sending money never seems quite the same (I hate sending money for presents as it seems to impersonal) and some people will end up wasting it on other things rather that what are essentials/usual things. I'm also sure that with sending money they will come to expect more and get used to it. Remember also that sending money is not free.

[IainBusby]

I can see John's point, but at least you know what you send will be used and as you are sending them, of course they will be good things! Sending money never seems quite the same (I hate sending money for presents as it seems to impersonal) and some people will end up wasting it on other things rather that what are essentials/usual things. I'm also sure that with sending money they will come to expect more and get used to it. Remember also that sending money is not free.

[ca143]

for me its okey they call me greedy or tight than softhearted.........im already nearly 3 yrs here and a plain housewife....so my family and relatives expect nothing from me.