Issue of sending money to family in pinas

[lyka]

not all ofw sending all the money back home...

[Arthur Little]

not all ofw sending all the money back home...

... my wife doesn't. She's a home-maker ... apart from which - as a former teacher in the Phils - she is involved in voluntary work that she enjoys.

[Les_lady888]

It will always be innate for evey Filipino to become softhearted when it comes to family. As you all know, filipinos are known to always have close family ties. Even those not part of the family can call you "Ate" or "Kuya","Tita" or "Tito". A Filipino always value his/her own family no matter what to the greatest extent.

It is true that most Filipinos if not all have this notion that life in the west is a life filled with milk and honey....so the reason when one learns that she marries a western guy, she is expected to have a good life with him out there. Filipinos will have the tendency to compare the difference in the currency conversion to the kind of life you will be living with.

So for every filipino, whether with or without a job overseas,there will always have this desire to share his/her "blessings" to the family or relatives she left back home......and not being able to do so will give her/him a slight guilt. Whether her family back home is financially able or not, a filipino always have this value of giving and sharing.

[pennybarry]

............. when your going around the supermarket, just add a few things to your basket each week and when you've collected enough and your husband can afford to send it, send them a balikbayan box.

I can never understand why anyone would buy anything in the 'west' then spend money on sending a box to Pinas. It must be much better value to send the cash as I am sure everything is cheaper there.

Maybe be sending items which one no longer has a use for could be slightly different. Like people working for rich people who buy for example a cell fone and after a short while discard it for another model. Salvaging that and sending makes sense.

You are practically right but for most filipina wives, balikbayan box is just a way of thinking your family back home. For me, it is also our family's way of lambing or to show fondness and affection. My little 3-4 year old cousins told me, ate, if you will send me chocolates and dolls I will be very good like angels in heaven. I was touched with their magical words ehehhehe, i feel how desperately they want it and found it is cheaper to buy here second hand dolls so why not? I used to send cappuchino coffee to my Mom as she love it and I can't really find it in SM. I just always want to give the very best to my 82 yr old Nanay. So it is the fondness and affection to us that counts. Not the cost of the box.

for me its okey they call me greedy or tight than softhearted.........im already nearly 3 yrs here and a plain housewife....so my family and relatives expect nothing from me.

I think it depends upon the family you have, depends upon what you have and depends upon your innerside. Some people choose to be happy called as greedy, some people feels really happy to help. But most of filipino families are happy in helping each other. I have seen so many successful filipino families who did sharing and helping each other.

It will always be innate for evey Filipino to become softhearted when it comes to family. As you all know, filipinos are known to always have close family ties. Even those not part of the family can call you "Ate" or "Kuya","Tita" or "Tito". A Filipino always value his/her own family no matter what to the greatest extent.

It is true that most Filipinos if not all have this notion that life in the west is a life filled with milk and honey....so the reason when one learns that she marries a western guy, she is expected to have a good life with him out there. Filipinos will have the tendency to compare the difference in the currency conversion to the kind of life you will be living with.

So for every filipino, whether with or without a job overseas,there will always have this desire to share his/her "blessings" to the family or relatives she left back home......and not being able to do so will give her/him a slight guilt. Whether her family back home is financially able or not, a filipino always have this value of giving and sharing.

I believe, it is our culture having a close family ties.
I have also noticed that british people in general, understands and respects others culture. I watched t.v. and read their magazines and newspapers how they respect muslim culture, gypsys, indians and other countries.
So it is not difficult for me to explain to hubby and be proud of our culture.

[English Rose]

It's better to send food or other gifts rather than money. My friend had a bit of (my) money left over at the end of the day, which he gave to his granddaughter for texting, rather than to his daughter who was looking after the granddaughter's baby and had no money for milk.
I soon realised my friend and his family were happy to take as much money from me as I was prepared to give, and would not stop until I was as poor as they were. The worse part about it is that they thought it was for my own good, because this culture is greedy and selfish and should learn to share.

[IainBusby]

It's better to send food or other gifts rather than money. My friend had a bit of (my) money left over at the end of the day, which he gave to his granddaughter for texting, rather than to his daughter who was looking after the granddaughter's baby and had no money for milk.
I soon realised my friend and his family were happy to take as much money from me as I was prepared to give, and would not stop until I was as poor as they were. The worse part about it is that they thought it was for my own good, because this culture is greedy and selfish and should learn to share.

How nice of them to help you with your greed and selfishness problem.

[filipina_owl]

My sister just sent me a mail yesterday saying if i could buy her an original coach bag... I wonder how much does it cost and whether i will have money to buy it...

[IainBusby]

My sister just sent me a mail yesterday saying if i could buy her an original coach bag... I wonder how much does it cost and whether i will have money to buy it...

Not really something that she really needs...... just something she fancies having and she thinks you'll be daft enough to buy for her. If she was asking for money for a real emergency or for school/college fees etc then, if it were me, I might consider it, but this is far from a necessity and if and when you do decide to send money, IMHO you should only send it for real necessities or emergencies, not just to satisfy her whims.

Iain.

Not just a coach bag, but an original (by this I assume she means a designer label) coach bag.

[maria_and_matt]

My sister just sent me a mail yesterday saying if i could buy her an original coach bag... I wonder how much does it cost and whether i will have money to buy it...

maybe it is just lambing i have to admit i do not work but i send money home monthly for my mum who had a heart operation 6 months ago. my hubby totally understands life back home, and he does not mind us helping out. we send my little niece to school. there was a time when i didnt send money nor balikbayan boxes back home (for a year), my husband told me to start helping out again, he told me to share what we have here. although sometimes i get annoyed when what we send is not enough. there is always something urgent. but at the end of the day, my mother won't be with us for a long time and i am happy that we are doing what we can to make life comfortable for her.

[IainBusby]

maybe it is just lambing i have to admit i do not work but i send money home monthly for my mum who had a heart operation 6 months ago. my hubby totally understands life back home, and he does not mind us helping out. we send my little niece to school. there was a time when i didnt send money nor balikbayan boxes back home (for a year), my husband told me to start helping out again, he told me to share what we have here. although sometimes i get annoyed when what we send is not enough. there is always something urgent. but at the end of the day, my mother won't be with us for a long time and i am happy that we are doing what we can to make life comfortable for her.

We have an old saying in this country which is "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" and I personally would find it offensive and insulting if I ever heard or was given the expression that that they thought "it's not enough"

[maria_and_matt]

We have an old saying in this country which is "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" and I personally would find it offensive and insulting if I ever heard or was given the expression that that they thought "it's not enough"

FYI my mother didnt say that what we send is not enough, we, my husband especially asks my mum if she bought all of her medicines and she'd say no coz the cost is too high, and she didnt have enough to buy it all. my hubby do not find that offensive at all.

[IainBusby]

FYI my mother didnt say that what we send is not enough, we, my husband especially asks my mum if she bought all of her medicines and she'd say no coz the cost is too high, and she didnt have enough to buy it all. my hubby do not find that offensive at all.

I'm sorry if I misunderstood but you did say "although sometimes i get annoyed when what we send is not enough" which gave me impression that your family did not think that what you have sent is enough, do you mean that you get annoyed because you do not think that what you have sent is enough?

[maria_and_matt]

I'm sorry if I misunderstood but you did say "although sometimes i get annoyed when what we send is not enough" which gave me impression that your family did not think that what you have sent is enough, do you mean that you get annoyed because you do not think that what you have sent is enough?

yes, its me who gets annoyed, sometimes i think that instead of getting that handbag, or buying yet another pair of boots i could have sent that money for my mums meds. i am just so lucky that my husband understands and loves me and my family. for the 10 years that we have been together i have not heard him moan about him helping me and my family.

[adam&chryss]

I completely understand your situation Maria and I think its good that you helped your mum.
In a normal situation I cant say I understand how someone can expect a person to go to work for up to 60hrs per week and have little or no time to themselves and then send THEM money for holidays or something. A phone or nice shoes blah blah blah.
For me having a young child and step-son they are my priority as they cant earn a wage so I need to provide for them.
I know my wifes family and they wouldnt want to take food from my childs mouth or clothes from their back just so they could have a holiday or such.
I know some families in Phil see having a white man in the family makes their eyes light up with £££, sorry I mean $$$$.
I know that from my first experience in Phil with a money grabber and her lying family. I still have debts from that time cos of their constant demands and lies.
I should have said "go get a job and work like I do then you can have what you want" but you get " its so difficult here blah blah blah"
What? difficult to get of ya backside and do an honest days work instead of getting someone else to do it for you?
Thats more like it.....

Adam

[joebloggs]

yes, its me who gets annoyed, sometimes i think that instead of getting that handbag, or buying yet another pair of boots i could have sent that money for my mums meds. i am just so lucky that my husband understands and loves me and my family. for the 10 years that we have been together i have not heard him moan about him helping me and my family.

in one way i'm lucky my misses is not into collecting handbags,shoes etc (thank god ), she would rather send the money to her aunt and cousin, which i can understand, her aunt gave up her job to look after our daughter for many years, and because of her age and physical difficulties she would have problems finding a job, also we help her cousin, who is like a brother to my misses, we have nearly got him thru a nursing degree, why ? , he's got no one to help him, no parents and what family he has don't give a

those who don't 'have' to give are lucky, who who can afford and want to give are lucky, those who think it's their duty to help , for doing what you can

of course you can be abused, but no one is living a life of luxury on what we send , and if it was my aunt and cousin i would do the same, they are grateful for the help we give, and never ask for more, unless it is a real emergency

and respect to your hubby , I've moaned at my misses a few times but i know she is right

[maria_and_matt]

I completely understand your situation Maria and I think its good that you helped your mum.
In a normal situation I cant say I understand how someone can expect a person to go to work for up to 60hrs per week and have little or no time to themselves and then send THEM money for holidays or something. A phone or nice shoes blah blah blah.
For me having a young child and step-son they are my priority as they cant earn a wage so I need to provide for them.
I know my wifes family and they wouldnt want to take food from my childs mouth or clothes from their back just so they could have a holiday or such.
I know some families in Phil see having a white man in the family makes their eyes light up with £££, sorry I mean $$$$.
I know that from my first experience in Phil with a money grabber and her lying family. I still have debts from that time cos of their constant demands and lies.
I should have said "go get a job and work like I do then you can have what you want" but you get " its so difficult here blah blah blah"
What? difficult to get of ya backside and do an honest days work instead of getting someone else to do it for you?
Thats more like it.....

Adam

i salute men like you who loves step children as your own. i see how you are with yujin and i see how phil is with my son.
my mum didnt use to rely on me as much as she does now. we just want to give her as much as we can on what time she has left.

[maria_and_matt]

in one way i'm lucky my misses is not into collecting handbags,shoes etc (thank god ), she would rather send the money to her aunt and cousin, which i can understand, her aunt gave up her job to look after our daughter for many years, and because of her age and physical difficulties she would have problems finding a job, also we help her cousin, who is like a brother to my misses, we have nearly got him thru a nursing degree, why ? , he's got no one to help him, no parents and what family he has don't give a

those who don't 'have' to give are lucky, who who can afford and want to give are lucky, those who think it's their duty to help , for doing what you can

of course you can be abused, but no one is living a life of luxury on what we send , and if it was my aunt and cousin i would do the same, they are grateful for the help we give, and never ask for more, unless it is a real emergency

and respect to your hubby , I've moaned at my misses a few times but i know she is right

i have great respect for men like you who understands, talking to my pinay friends most husbands would help but not all the time.
sometimes i think that my husbands blessings also comes from the fact that he gives without hesitation. i can remember when my dad was fighting cancer if my husband didnt help he would have died earlier :-(.
i cannot understand why my husband does all this things for me, sometimes i can be a bit mean to him :-(. i know in my heart that he loves me without reservations but 80%of the time i am a bitch to him

[lizaphil]

yes, its me who gets annoyed, sometimes i think that instead of getting that handbag, or buying yet another pair of boots i could have sent that money for my mums meds. i am just so lucky that my husband understands and loves me and my family. for the 10 years that we have been together i have not heard him moan about him helping me and my family.

wow lucky you maria,to have husband like that
my hubby he moan if he knows i send to my family some money...he
dont want me to help theme,,,,but he cant stop me because i never ask my
hubbys money its my money,i work so hard with my money.so i dont care what he say,,,,i am just lucky because i am working here ...and not asking any penny to my husband...so i do what i want... right?

[lizaphil]

My sister just sent me a mail yesterday saying if i could buy her an original coach bag... I wonder how much does it cost and whether i will have money to buy it...

oh dear cathy,its hard if you dont got work here...if you wanted something
and your hubbys dont got much money...and all the family asking you for some help.that is the trouble.because they all expect you are here in uk you are rich
they doesnt realized how hard life here..everythings expensive...but if you got work and you work fulltime..[you know what i mean]so you got your own money no need to ask your hubby if you can used your own money.because you know you can help your family anytime if you want too. yes?so good luck ...the best i can advise you tell theme your not working yet,
so you can give theme...tell your family your husband not rich...

[maria_and_matt]

wow lucky you maria,to have husband like that
my hubby he moan if he knows i send to my family some money...he
dont want me to help theme,,,,but he cant stop me because i never ask my
hubbys money its my money,i work so hard with my money.so i dont care what he say,,,,i am just lucky because i am working here ...and not asking any penny to my husband...so i do what i want... right?

yeah i'm lucky , and yes you work so if you choose to send some money back home its up to you. you go girl

[lizaphil]

yeah i'm lucky , and yes you work so if you choose to send some money back home its up to you. you go girl

yea why not...its my own money so my hubby cant tell me what to do diba?

[maria_and_matt]

yea why not...its my own money so my hubby cant tell me what to do diba?

no he cant i wish hubby will let me work too!

[pennybarry]

It's better to send food or other gifts rather than money. My friend had a bit of (my) money left over at the end of the day, which he gave to his granddaughter for texting, rather than to his daughter who was looking after the granddaughter's baby and had no money for milk.
I soon realised my friend and his family were happy to take as much money from me as I was prepared to give, and would not stop until I was as poor as they were. The worse part about it is that they thought it was for my own good, because this culture is greedy and selfish and should learn to share.

Our culture is close family ties and helping each other. Being greedy and selfish is not the one. I agree there's family who are parasites and greedy and sorry if you might found one. I am trying to consider why they became parasites sometimes. Maybe if there's factories close to them, they will work and not ask, or if there's public college where they live, they will study. But many people were born poor and hard to move on because of lack of money.
Unlike in Britain, the government can afford to give benefits to parasites.
Although we pay taxes in the Philippines, (VAT,withholding tax, business tax, real property tax, income tax, inheritance tax) it is too hard for our government to share the tax money to people.

My sister just sent me a mail yesterday saying if i could buy her an original coach bag... I wonder how much does it cost and whether i will have money to buy it...

When I had my holiday in Pinas I have noticed my niece Louis Vuitton bag as I cannot afford to buy it, and talked her privately why she afford to have it. She said it was my sister who bought it for her and my sis said, she did her job well done and she deserve it. I just think maybe a mother will always do that if can afford.

wow lucky you maria,to have husband like that
my hubby he moan if he knows i send to my family some money...he
dont want me to help theme,,,,but he cant stop me because i never ask my
hubbys money its my money,i work so hard with my money.so i dont care what he say,,,,i am just lucky because i am working here ...and not asking any penny to my husband...so i do what i want... right?

Good girl you are! If your husband gave you financial freedom, then you have the right, but then save for yourself and sometimes check your husband wallet. If you think he is running out of allowance, put some £20-50 inside. If he asked why his money multiplied, tell him you love him really and money is meant to be shared to loves ones. Then give him a hug

[pennybarry]

We have an old saying in this country which is "Never look a gift horse in the mouth" and I personally would find it offensive and insulting if I ever heard or was given the expression that that they thought "it's not enough"

We do have also Ian. Ours is "Huwag mo silang bigyan ng isda, turuan mo silang mangisda" Don't give them fish, teach them how to catch fish" So it will be alright for us if we buy fish net for them if they like to catch fish.

But there's always exemption. Elderlies for me is exempted as not all elderlies are pensioners in our country and it is hard for them to catch fish anymore. My Nanay is 82 and still she can plant veggies, have chickens to sell and she still earns. But still we all send her money/gifts because we always think, we can stop her planting if we send, but no she will not going to stop.

[Ping]

One thing I can say is mostly Filipinas/nos likes to buy a designer things.Even if they are not rich they want to show off to their friends and think that it can change their status symbol in the society, in owning a n expensive stuff.

[Ping]

In America the coach brand is very expensive. When I was there I try to visit the designer outlet opposite to the hotel where I stayed. There was a sale on the coach shop loads of people inside, I went in then the checked the prices , I cant, believed that even a small coin purse is one hundred dollar and that was sale.The smallest handbag and not very nice design is five hundred. So can't be bother.

I don't own a bag cause I don't like to carry one.

[vbkelly]

In America the coach brand is very expensive. When I was there I try to visit the designer outlet opposite to the hotel where I stayed. There was a sale on the coach shop loads of people inside, I went in then the checked the prices , I cant, believed that even a small coin purse is one hundred dollar and that was sale.The smallest handbag and not very nice design is five hundred. So can't be bother.

I don't own a bag cause I don't like to carry one.

aw so expensive ate ping even next bag i can't affort it hehehe so mahal

[South-east boy]

Good girl you are! If your husband gave you financial freedom, then you have the right, but then save for yourself and sometimes check your husband wallet. If you think he is running out of allowance, put some £20-50 inside. If he asked why his money multiplied, tell him you love him really and money is meant to be shared to loves ones. Then give him a hug

That would be really sweet. If I had a partner do that for me I would be so happy-not because of the extra money but that it has shown that they have thought about me and us. I guess also because I've very rarely had a partner that's done anything that has shown that they have thought about me much.

[South-east boy]

We do have also Ian. Ours is "Huwag mo silang bigyan ng isda, turuan mo silang mangisda" Don't give them fish, teach them how to catch fish" So it will be alright for us if we buy fish net for them if they like to catch fish.

But there's always exemption. Elderlies for me is exempted as not all elderlies are pensioners in our country and it is hard for them to catch fish anymore. My Nanay is 82 and still she can plant veggies, have chickens to sell and she still earns. But still we all send her money/gifts because we always think, we can stop her planting if we send, but no she will not going to stop.

Yes, as we know a lot of eldelies are quite stubborn & set in their ways and as much as we try to stop them doing certain things for their good, will they listen?!

[fred]

We do have also Ian. Ours is "Huwag mo silang bigyan ng isda, turuan mo silang mangisda" Don't give them fish, teach them how to catch fish" So it will be alright for us if we buy fish net for them if they like to catch fish.

No..Because then you would have to buy them a fishing boat to go with the net plus 6 weeks worth of diesel and 25 Styrofoam boxes to put all the fish in (plus ice)..Then they will request you hire a local captain as he will know where best to fish plus some fishermen that will teach them to catch fish..Then you will have to endure the maintenance cost due to the dodgy surplus engine..
Cheaper to buy the buggers fish IMO.