a very intresting surprice situation...didnt see it coming...

[allyn]

my hubby want me to go back to the philippines for a atleast a year so he can paid off his debt and then when he is stable enough he is going to take me back here in uk...

i was speachless at first when i heard this...

didnt see it coming,,,,i thought we are going to move out, but all of a sudden im being ship back

he said i dont get along with his family, and i hate them, and its exhausting him...

i tried to change his mind that i can work and help him up, that everything will be solve coz there is two of us working but he said he cant afford to rent another flat with me until he is financially stable...

dont know what to think, i cant really think what im going to do next...
i love my husband so much im scared to loose him...
but he already made up his mind that i should just stay in the philippines when i went there this coming april...

dont get me wrong i do understand him, i understand his decision but does he really need to get rid of me...am i really that a burden...??? i thought im helping him with our bills and whenever he needs financially,,,,but im not...

im going to loose my husband soon...
and i cant do anything about it....im going to be dump...
ouch

[KeithD]

.....dont get me wrong i do understand him, i understand his decision but does he really need to get rid of me.....

Nobody who is happily married sends their wife away!! A marriage if for two, through good times, bad times, and times with an idiot like me

If he's not going with you then he's not expecting to ever see you again.

[maria_and_matt]

maybe he thinks he is doing the right thing, but for me i think that you should stay together, as you said you are willing to work to help him out with the debts. and if ever you go back home, dont think that he has dumped you, maybe he is just doing this to protect you. talk to him, tell him of your fears, let him understand. i hope that you can both stay together, in sickness and in health, in richer or for poorer, right? goodluck to you.

[maria_and_matt]

Nobody who is happily married sends their wife away!! A marriage if for two, through good times, bad times, and times with an idiot like me

If he's not going with you then he's not expecting to ever see you again.

hahahahaha, i am sure you are lovely!

[triple5]

agree with Keith, sounds like his cowardly way of finishing it and choosing his family over you. Thats how it sounds from what you've said here and in previous posts.

[allyn]

maybe he thinks he is doing the right thing, but for me i think that you should stay together, as you said you are willing to work to help him out with the debts. and if ever you go back home, dont think that he has dumped you, maybe he is just doing this to protect you. talk to him, tell him of your fears, let him understand. i hope that you can both stay together, in sickness and in health, in richer or for poorer, right? goodluck to you.

hello!!!
thanks for the reply to my post...
i understand , you have a point but i have tried to explain things to him but he have made up his mind...i understand my husband reason, i know he just want me to be in a safe place he know i can be..
i also told him im scared to loose him...
but he already made up his mind, he think its the only way...
but going back int he philippines means giving him up, and my job and starting from nothing again....

just dont know what to do next...

at the moment im just brasing my self on what going to happend tomoro or the next day...

[allyn]

thanks guys for replying in my post...

at the moment im trying to put my self together and brace my self for tomorrow or the next day...

[joebloggs]

my hubby want me to go back to the philippines for a atleast a year so he can paid off his debt and then when he is stable enough he is going to take me back here in uk...


he said i dont get along with his family, and i hate them, and its exhausting him...

i tried to change his mind that i can work and help him up, that everything will be solve coz there is two of us working but he said he cant afford to rent another flat with me until he is financially stable...

get a job, you must be able to earn more in the uk than in the phils, so how sending you back to the phils going to save him money

how long have you been in the uk allyn ??

maybe the real reason is 'he said i dont get along with his family, and i hate them, and its exhausting him..'

i've got money problems, but my misses is not going anywhere, no way after everything we went thru over the last 10yrs

maybe he needs financial advice, lots of places he can get it, but i hope that's his real reason for wanting you to go back, and not because of his family..

[Fitzy]

hello!!!
thanks for the reply to my post...
i understand , you have a point but i have tried to explain things to him but he have made up his mind...i understand my husband reason, i know he just want me to be in a safe place he know i can be..
i also told him im scared to loose him...
but he already made up his mind, he think its the only way...
but going back int he philippines means giving him up, and my job and starting from nothing again....

just dont know what to do next...

at the moment im just brasing my self on what going to happend tomoro or the next day...

I know this is a very painful time for you here my dear.
DON'T let him send you back, because he does not have the right!!
Trust me on this!!
You say you are Married?
Sorry to ask, but how long have you been married??? Do you have your ILR?

Go ASAP to your Citizens Advice, and ask them to help you.

Don't let the **** dump you like an unwanted pet.

I have very powerful friends in Immigration, and trust me!! He can't do this to you.


PM me please ASAP.

I can ask them for advice if necessary?


Do not let him bully you.

Hearing this saddens me much, and angers me


God bless, and be strong.

[Fitzy]

get a job, you must be able to earn more in the uk than in the phils, so how sending you back to the phils going to save him money

how long have you been in the uk allyn ??

maybe the real reason is 'he said i dont get along with his family, and i hate them, and its exhausting him..'

i've got money problems, but my misses is not going anywhere, no way after everything we went thru over the last 10yrs

maybe he needs financial advice, lots of places he can get it, but i hope that's his real reason for wanting you to go back, and not because of his family..

I wonder if she has her ILR yet Joe??
Even if not, the ******** can't do this!!!!
I'll be talking to my BIA friends at work tomorrow when I start my shift!!
This should be interesting?
We don't understand her situation fully as yet, but it looks like a case of **** off, coz i don't want you anymore to me.
I have seen it all to often

[Steve.r]

This really saddens me too. When you love someone completely and get treated like this it makes me so mad. As Fitzy says, speak to the CAB as soon as possible, you cannot just be dumped because of his whim or that he loves his family more than you.......whatever next.

Stay strong Allyn, I am sure everyone here feels for you, dont let this guy put you on a plane home.

Steve

[joebloggs]

I wonder if she has her ILR yet Joe??
Even if not, the ******** can't do this!!!!
I'll be talking to my BIA friends at work tomorrow when I start my shift!!
This should be interesting?
We don't understand her situation fully as yet, but it looks like a case of **** off, coz i don't want you anymore to me.
I have seen it all to often

if she hasn't got ILR then he can do it, it's happened b4 to others, but i don't remember it happening to anyone on this forum

if he doesn't support and sign her ilr app then there is little or nothing she can do but leave b4 her visa expires.(unless shes a victim of domestic violence - from what allyn has said it's not)

[Peanutz]

if she hasn't got ILR then he can do it, it's happened b4 to others, but i don't remember it happening to anyone on this forum

if he doesn't support and sign her ilr app then there is little or nothing she can do but leave b4 her visa expires.(unless shes a victim of domestic violence - from what allyn has said it's not)

I'm sorry to hear about this Allyn, it must be very difficult for you.

I would suggest that you talk with your husband seriously, tell him that your life will not be better staying in Phil. Ask him if he wants to finish your relationship then it's fine you let him free and do what he wants but ask him to help you with your ILR so you will be able to stay here and maybe help your family back in PI (I don't know the reality of your situation). You can move out on your own find a stable job and start a life on your own.

I know that it will be hard, but I suggest that you convince him to help you and that you will not be a burden for him.

I hope this helps...I'm really sad to hear about your situation.

[Fitzy]

This really saddens me too. When you love someone completely and get treated like this it makes me so mad. As Fitzy says, speak to the CAB as soon as possible, you cannot just be dumped because of his whim or that he loves his family more than you.......whatever next.

Stay strong Allyn, I am sure everyone here feels for you, dont let this guy put you on a plane home.

Steve

Right on Steve.

I'll be speaking with my mates in Immigration tomorrow
If she it legally Married, then he can do nothing to her!
In fact, she can register home rights interest on the property if he owns it.
Will stop him from evicting her, and even selling it without her consent.
Sometimes people really annoy me at times

[Fitzy]

I'm sorry to hear about this Allyn, it must be very difficult for you.

I would suggest that you talk with your husband seriously, tell him that your life will not be better staying in Phil. Ask him if he wants to finish your relationship then it's fine you let him free and do what he wants but ask him to help you with your ILR so you will be able to stay here and maybe help your family back in PI (I don't know the reality of your situation). You can move out on your own find a stable job and start a life on your own.

I know that it will be hard, but I suggest that you convince him to help you and that you will not be a burden for him.

I hope this helps...I'm really sad to hear about your situation.

Very good reply, I must say.

If he has a shread of decency, he'll help her with that!

[joebloggs]

I'm sorry to hear about this Allyn, it must be very difficult for you.

I would suggest that you talk with your husband seriously, tell him that your life will not be better staying in Phil. Ask him if he wants to finish your relationship then it's fine you let him free and do what he wants but ask him to help you with your ILR so you will be able to stay here and maybe help your family back in PI (I don't know the reality of your situation). You can move out on your own find a stable job and start a life on your own.

I know that it will be hard, but I suggest that you convince him to help you and that you will not be a burden for him.

I hope this helps...I'm really sad to hear about your situation.

if their marriage is over and he helps her get ILR then they will be obtaining it by deception, and it could be revoked, thou it would be difficult to prove if they were still living together, and people have done this in the past..

all comes down to whether it is money problems he wants her to go back to the phils or does he want to end the marriage? I suppose you need to find out the real reason why he wants you to go to the phils allyn, and then decide your next step ..

[Peanutz]

if their marriage is over and he helps her get ILR then they will be obtaining it by deception, and it could be revoked, thou it would be difficult to prove if they were still living together, and people have done this in the past..

all comes down to whether it is money problems he wants her to go back to the phils or does he want to end the marriage? I suppose you need to find out the real reason why he wants you to go to the phils allyn, and then decide your next step ..

He is sending her home with the excuse of him being in debt and she doesn't get along with his family (I just read her post where her father inlaw slap her at the back of her head and gave her a kick on behind, this is humilating!!!).
They can help each other if the problem is money then she can help him to pay his debt and him can help her get her ILR. The point here is how she can stay here and be able to help her family back in PI.

What a situation Allyn...I hope you can overcome all this.

[Fitzy]

if their marriage is over and he helps her get ILR then they will be obtaining it by deception, and it could be revoked, thou it would be difficult to prove if they were still living together, and people have done this in the past..

all comes down to whether it is money problems he wants her to go back to the phils or does he want to end the marriage? I suppose you need to find out the real reason why he wants you to go to the phils allyn, and then decide your next step ..

All very valid points.
My Peruvian ex has her ILR!
Without it its a problem.

We're all here for you Allyn

[Peanutz]

It will not be a deception if he help Allyn to have her ILR they are still married, and if there is still a little bit of humanity left in this man's heart he should consider what kind of future her wife will going to have back in PI...They will just help each other to do what is best for them...They are still legally married and they are facing a marriage crisis...they can still get a good thing out of it by helping each other...

[filipina_owl]

I agree with win2win, joe and fitzy. I think your husband wants to get rid of you allyn...Its like a force eviction. Why dont you ask him frankly, if he still loves you and cares for you sincerely? Because if he does, there is no reason for him to send you back to philippines. I think he is just making excuses to dump you, thats what i think...

[joebloggs]

It will not be a deception if he help Allyn to have her ILR they are still married, and if there is still a little bit of humanity left in this man's heart he should consider what kind of future her wife will going to have back in PI...They will just help each other to do what is best for them...They are still legally married and they are facing a marriage crisis...they can still get a good thing out of it by helping each other...

The relationship must be subsisting at the time you apply for ILR, and you must both intend to continue live together in the future.

[South-east boy]

Sorry to hear this news Allyn, you've had a really tough time of it recently. Do you work full-time or part-time? If full time, how is sending you back going to help him as with working full-time you would have been giving him money towards the bills. Or will he be moving out of the flat to be with his parents? Wasn't his brother living with you too and giving rent? If not anymore couldn't he get another lodger? I would have though living in a flat with his wage, your wage and rent from his brother/another lodger, surely he could be able to get by? If you are working part-time, would you be able to work full time or find another part-time job? Like Joe said, if couples love each other, they try to work together in good & bad times and do whatever it takes to stay together. Do you have any friends that you could stay with rather than going back to Phils?

[Fitzy]

I agree with win2win, joe and fitzy. I think your husband wants to get rid of you allyn...Its like a force eviction. Why dont you ask him frankly, if he still loves you and cares for you sincerely? Because if he does, there is no reason for him to send you back to philippines. I think he is just making excuses to dump you, thats what i think...

It really really is so very very sad
All I can say is, that if I brought someone here, I would love her, and take care of, and protect her, no matter what.

Like I said, we're all here for you hon!

[Peanutz]

The relationship must be subsisting at the time you apply for ILR, and you must both intend to continue live together in the future.

I understand that Joe...but in exceptional ciscumstances... laws doesn't mirror the reality of our lives...

[Fitzy]

I understand that Joe...but in exceptional ciscumstances... laws doesn't mirror the reality of our lives...

Actually, working at the Airport, I would normally agree with Joe, but in this case, I agree totally with you Peanutz.
On face value of course, from what Allyn says.
Seems like Hubby is acting kinda childish to me.

[Peanutz]

Actually, working at the Airport, I would normally agree with Joe, but in this case, I agree totally with you Peanutz.
On face value of course, from what Allyn says.
Seems like Hubby is acting kinda childish to me.

Allyn's situation makes me really think...

In this circumstances a foreigner husband/wife actually doesn't have a right?


So if a UK national has decided that his/her wife is not good enough then she/he can dump her/him back wherever she came from?

Where's our rights in here? Where do we stand? Is this the system we are living in? Is this the system where my money goes?

[joebloggs]

I understand that Joe...but in exceptional ciscumstances... laws doesn't mirror the reality of our lives...

but that is the reality, 'The relationship must be subsisting at the time you apply for ILR, and you must both intend to continue live together in the future.'

but as others have said, maybe they should try relate or some other marriage guidance organisation to try and solve the problems, if not get legal advice from her local law centre or cab.

from what you posted about her father in law, maybe if she has suffered abuse or threats from her husband ??? then maybe a possible claim for domestic violence, or discretionary leave, but i doubt it ..

[Peanutz]

Oh help me God if this happened to me...
My husband has no idea what he got in to marrying ME!

I will not deviate the real focus in here...It's not about me...

Allyn's situation is really something to give a thought...Although it is not the best solution to get her husband convince to help her get her ILR before he dump her...I dread to think of the other option...

[joebloggs]

Allyn's situation makes me really think...

In this circumstances a foreigner husband/wife actually doesn't have a right?


So if a UK national has decided that his/her wife is not good enough then she/he can dump her/him back wherever she came from?

Where's our rights in here? Where do we stand? Is this the system we are living in? Is this the system where my money goes?

your husband is your sponsor, and effectively he's withdrawing his support if he says the marriage is over and will not sign her ilr app.

that's why the wife should apply for ilr asap, to protect herself and her rights to remain in the UK, many if not all have left their home they grew up in,to come and make a new start in the UK and now the UK is their home.

if she had a child that could help her case..

2 yrs on a spouse visa you can apply for ilr, but those married to a European in the uk you need to be married at least 3yrs and at least the final year you needed to have lived in the uk, and you need help from your ex (which many refuse to do) if you want to stay in the uk should your marriage break up.

[joebloggs]

My husband has no idea what he got in to marrying ME!

you can't be worse than my wife