a very intresting surprice situation...didnt see it coming...

[IainBusby]

Ok, as far as I gather this is where it stands....

If Allyn is the person that is paying rent and her name is on the rental agreement, then she is entitled to evict anybody from the house.
Or call the police for help in doing so.

On the other hand she could just move away somewhere else, and continue working and for once, save the money for real important things, like her own life.... And not the lowlife she unfortunately had the misfortune to meet, fall in love and marry...

It seems that the whole family has ganged up on her, and she is beyond the point of ignoring what's going on.

It is about time that she gets rid of that bunch of ignorant idiots.

The ILR has been obtained, so she is free to move and go anywhere in the UK without restrictions.

Nuff said.... I'd say that just about sums it up.

[islander]

hi allyn!

I'm so sorry to hear this... I didn't know it came this far from the last time we chatted.

Well, since you got you're ILR already & got a permanent & a well-paid job at NHS, I don't anymore see you as being too dependent with your hubby.

I know you're such a strong & courageous woman & I think you can handle yourself well so do what you think is the best thing for you. Surely, everyone here in the forum is around to support you!

[South-east boy]

Hello people, again I just talked to Allyn an hour ago and tell her what to do. Don't be afraid, fight back and stands your ground firmly.

She told me that its all about her husbands college debt, that needs to be paid. Its Allyn who paid his driving lesson and when he passed and got a license she bought him a car and crashed it and then again bought another one.

Her in-laws were all racist. They don,t believed her that she got a degree in Phil. and they just think that she just bought it, somewhere. She can not work as an administrative assistant if she is not qualified.
You know what this people are idiot or stupid or what.They belittled her and jealous because she got a good job and earn more and most of all more highly educated than them.

How is she now? It's good that she has someone to talk to about it.

I still don't get how him sending her back will help him, especially if she is bringing in the most and helping the most. It doesn't make sense. Also with paying back his studying fees, the amount you have to pay each month and the interest on it, is very small. I wonder if he has made something up about this to sound if it worse than it actually is so he can use it as an excuse?

[aromulus]

How is she now? It's good that she has someone to talk to about it.

I still don't get how him sending her back will help him, especially if she is bringing in the most and helping the most. It doesn't make sense. Also with paying back his studying fees, the amount you have to pay each month and the interest on it, is very small. I wonder if he has made something up about this to sound if it worse than it actually is so he can use it as an excuse?

It looks like as if the slime ball doesn't want to play hubby anymore, and wants a return to the old days of being single and free of ties.

Any body with a gram of brain matter, would recognise the huge financial contribution and personal sacrifice, Allyn is bringing into the relationship, so the guys had to invent some silly excuse to get rid of her.
Obviously egged on by the just as useless rest of the family.

If that is what he wants, I suggest she either evicts them all, or move elsewhere and start a new life.

[allyn]

ello every one....

im so amaze and overwhelmed with all your opinion and help...
im so thankful and i appreciate in all your advice and for trying to help me...

@ ate ping
thanks for your call earlier, cant stop my self laughing every time i talk to you...
thanks for your advice, so thankful for your call and support...
just a minor correction ate, im only an admin assistant in a NHS clinic not hospital (sorry for the misinformation)

@ ate penny
thanks for the offer, ill keep that in mind,,,im very thankful for your advice and help...

to all...
im so over whelmed with all your reply, advice and your help...you didn't know how thankful iam that i have friends here who support me and give me advice

here is my update to my thread...


I have my ILR,
I got a permanent job here,
and im looking for a flat right now...
im already going to lose my husband and if i go back to the philippines like my husband want me to it will also mean i will also lose my job,,,and ill start from nothing again...

i do understand my husband for his decision, it does hurt alot,,,a mean alot,,i feel like the whole world just crush down on me (does it sound dramatic or what) but what else can i do.... just move on...
He is pressured with all the debt that he have, and i know my moan and situation about his family doesnt help him ,,,and made him decided to just let me go...

he still tell me he love me but its the only way he can pay off his debt...
i understand him and ill support his decision but some how i think i have to oppose to one of his decision of just making me stay in the philippine when i go back there in april because i need to look after my self and i got my permanent job here...

i have tried to put my self together and calm my self, the only thing now that still hurt me is that the reallity that im going to lose my husband soon...

please dont hate my husband, he is a very nice and friendly guy,,,but some how with all this problem he need to have his space to figure things out. to solve thing out....and even tho it hurt alot i have to let him go...

and i think i have to look after my self this time...(like my mum said to me, i look after other people but i cant seemed to look after my self, and by the time every one already decided to have their own way im left with nothing)

thanks guy for all your post....

[South-east boy]

ello every one....

im so amaze and overwhelmed with all your opinion and help...
im so thankful and i appreciate in all your advice and for trying to help me...

@ ate ping
thanks for your call earlier, cant stop my self laughing every time i talk to you...
thanks for your advice, so thankful for your call and support...
just a minor correction ate, im only an admin assistant in a NHS clinic not hospital (sorry for the misinformation)

@ ate penny
thanks for the offer, ill keep that in mind,,,im very thankful for your advice and help...

to all...
im so over whelmed with all your reply, advice and your help...you didn't know how thankful iam that i have friends here who support me and give me advice

here is my update to my thread...


I have my ILR,
I got a permanent job here,
and im looking for a flat right now...
im already going to lose my husband and if i go back to the philippines like my husband want me to it will also mean i will also lose my job,,,and ill start from nothing again...

i do understand my husband for his decision, it does hurt alot,,,a mean alot,,i feel like the whole world just crush down on me (does it sound dramatic or what) but what else can i do.... just move on...
He is pressured with all the debt that he have, and i know my moan and situation about his family doesnt help him ,,,and made him decided to just let me go...

he still tell me he love me but its the only way he can pay off his debt...
i understand him and ill support his decision but some how i think i have to oppose to one of his decision of just making me stay in the philippine when i go back there in april because i need to look after my self and i got my permanent job here...

i have tried to put my self together and calm my self, the only thing now that still hurt me is that the reallity that im going to lose my husband soon...

please dont hate my husband, he is a very nice and friendly guy,,,but some how with all this problem he need to have his space to figure things out. to solve thing out....and even tho it hurt alot i have to let him go...

and i think i have to look after my self this time...(like my mum said to me, i look after other people but i cant seemed to look after my self, and by the time every one already decided to have their own way im left with nothing)

thanks guy for all your post....

Yes, you have to be strong for yourself. Good on you as I can imagine how hard it's been for you recently.

As I said before, I can't see that you are a burden to him financially as it's you that seems to be the main bread-winner -I just don't his reasoning. Maybe he is being pressured by his family? I don't know how much he owes, but as a last resort could he classify himself bankrupt and wipe the slate clean?

[pennybarry]

ello every one....


I have my ILR,
I got a permanent job here,
and im looking for a flat right now...

and i think i have to look after my self this time...(like my mum said to me, i look after other people but i cant seemed to look after my self, and by the time every one already decided to have their own way im left with nothing)

thanks guy for all your post....

That lines makes me happy. In my honest opinion, you need a break, speak to your boss and file for a week leave or so.

the only thing now that still hurt me is that the reallity that im going to lose my husband soon...

This time please listen to what your Mom advice. You're not loosing him and you're just giving him space. What important now is yourself, families and friends around. Listen to them and think you are lucky having them all.

Our Mom suffers a lot if she knew if we have problems. They are the one who most feel the pain and worries. They are the ones feels pain more than we do. If you understand a mother pain and worries, you'll be fine.

[joebloggs]

He is pressured with all the debt that he have, and i know my moan and situation about his family doesnt help him ,,,and made him decided to just let me go...

he still tell me he love me but its the only way he can pay off his debt...
i understand him and ill support his decision but some how i think i have to oppose to one of his decision of just making me stay in the philippine when i go back there in april because i need to look after my self and i got my permanent job here...

please dont hate my husband, he is a very nice and friendly guy,,,but some how with all this problem he need to have his space to figure things out. to solve thing out....and even tho it hurt alot i have to let him go...

sorry allyn
I'm pressured by debt, but i don't take it out on the misses or runaway from it , whatever debt he has is probably nothing to what i owe (thanks to the HO visa's fees, GMC, deaths, births, caesarean op, dog needing an emergency op, misses father being ill, being made redundant twice in the last 4yrs, i could go on and on, i seem to be a magnet for problems and other peoples problems and some problems you just wouldn't believe )

yes it's his debt and he should sort it out, just as i have had to do, and not risk his marriage for his debts, marriage is for the good and bad times..

get a bank loan or do as triple5 has said, and he should not use his marriage to you as a solution to his money problems

[walesrob]

Joe is right, marriage is for life, whether good or bad, rich or poor (or in our case very poor or extremely poor ). I also have some debts, but my love for Elsa isn't any less because of it. Just got to work a bit harder to pay off the debts.

Allyn, I can understand your story, when Elsa first arrived in the UK, my family didn't like her very much, but I stood by her, and if they don't like her, tough , I would choose Elsa over my family any-day. They would drop subtle hints to her that she wasn't welcome and I've heard from various branches of the family that my own mother and brother we're making up stories about Elsa (the usual - gold digger, only after passport) - and now look, after 6 years we're still happily married despite being in debt and still living at Mum's place (although we now have some privacy as we are living in the granny flat ).

[KeithD]

J(....as we are living in the granny flat ).

Welsh for 'barn'

[Arthur Little]

when Elsa first arrived in the UK, my family didn't like her very much, but I stood by her, and if they don't like her, tough , I would choose Elsa over my family any-day.

... in principle with what you're saying here, Rob. But the point is, Allyn's husband ISN'T doing this; instead, he's blatantly "siding" with his family and shutting HER out! At least, that's how it appears to ME.

[joebloggs]

Joe is right, marriage is for life, whether good or bad, rich or poor (or in our case very poor or extremely poor ). I also have some debts, but my love for Elsa isn't any less because of it. Just got to work a bit harder to pay off the debts.

Allyn, I can understand your story, when Elsa first arrived in the UK, my family didn't like her very much, but I stood by her, and if they don't like her, tough , I would choose Elsa over my family any-day. They would drop subtle hints to her that she wasn't welcome and I've heard from various branches of the family that my own mother and brother we're making up stories about Elsa (the usual - gold digger, only after passport) - and now look, after 6 years we're still happily married despite being in debt and still living at Mum's place (although we now have some privacy as we are living in the granny flat ).

rob, i've been thru the same , but once my misses works full-time, we'll be start getting out of the we're in, families you know my problems, my dear sis i wonder how she is , things not going to her plans

[KeithD]

.... i seem to be a magnet for problems and other peoples problems and some problems you just wouldn't believe.....

Definition of a Manc

[joebloggs]

Definition of a Manc

i think i must have been a banker or Chelsea manger in previous life's
and paying for it in this one

[LEAHnew]

Hi Allyn be strong...fight for ur right

[triple5]

Allyn, debt doesn't have to be that much of a burden. If he really does have a lot of debt then he can make an offer to his creditors to pay the bare minimum every month. I know it doesnt make the debt go away, but it at least makes things easier for the time being on a month to month to basis. For instance, if he even owed as much as 20k he get away with paying £100 a month. I'm sure he could handle that.

If he wants to use the debt as an excuse/reason tell him to contact these http://www.harringtonbrooks.co.uk/ and they will help him manage his debt and get the creditors off his back.

[allyn]

Allyn, debt doesn't have to be that much of a burden. If he really does have a lot of debt then he can make an offer to his creditors to pay the bare minimum every month. I know it doesnt make the debt go away, but it at least makes things easier for the time being on a month to month to basis. For instance, if he even owed as much as 20k he get away with paying £100 a month. I'm sure he could handle that.

If he wants to use the debt as an excuse/reason tell him to contact these http://www.harringtonbrooks.co.uk/ and they will help him manage his debt and get the creditors off his back.

thanks,,,ill try to mention it to him..
thanks

[aromulus]

thanks,,,ill try to mention it to him..
thanks

You will be fighting a losing battle.

I reckon that, his mind is unfortunately made up already, and he will see any offers of help as a nuisance.

Obviously he has planned this to a certain extent, and his family are also pushing the buttons.
They know better than you, which ones to push to obtain what they want.

Just some friendly advice.... Get rid of the lot of them.

[Arthur Little]

From all that Allyn has shared with us [and I, for one, am glad she has!] it's evident her husband belongs to a dysfunctional family ... despite the fact that his mother is a nurse, and his father, a police officer - as Ping has established through her contact with Allyn - and, therefore, ought to behave in accordance with the good manners expected from professional workers.

Clearly this hasn't the guts to take a firm stance against the crass treatment meted out to his wife at the hands of his boorish parents. Either that, or ... as others have implied ... the guy is like a child who quickly tires of "a pet he's been given for Christmas" once the novelty wears off!

But we're talking about a PERSON, here (not a dog!) ... a HUMAN BEING who is ONE HALF of a marital partnership and deserves EQUAL respect. To me, it is patently obvious this is not happening. And I believe the culmination of events over the past 2/3 months has reached the stage where, Allyn would be well-advised to extricate herself from such an intolerable situation.

Back in early December, I suggested she might consider approaching Womens' Aid ... and gave her the address & telephone number of the branch nearest to where she lives in Glasgow. Yet, I remember someone else felt this was an over-reaction to the circumstances at the time.

Here, we have a vulnerable 27-year-old, living far from home in a strange country, and I feel WE ... as her friends and confidantes (and, moreover, as caring people) ... should continue to rally-round, to offer as much support as we possibly can.

[eula mackay]

i am stunned.

leave him. as soon as. the sooner you move forward, the sooner you'll get over him. he does not want "space" otherwise he would not ask you to relocate 7k miles away. harsh as it may sound he does not want to be with you anymore. basing on what ive read here, YOU are too good for him.

his family does not like you, he must have liked you enough to marry you though. he must have been brainwashed by them hence the decision to want to "send" you back to the philippines. a decent husband would not do that to his wife. his reasons are all very selfish and in my books not worthy of a loving and faithful wife.

good luck and i sincerely hope everything works out to your advantage!

[justchecking]

Allyn - be brave. I don't know how long you've been here so how close to ILR you may be, and you say you love your husband but he sounds like a weak man, especially from peanutz post regarding your father-in-law. I see that you support your family back home, but this is about you and what you want for yourself and your future - is it to suffer for others? Can you not stay and work until the end of spouse visa, save money to go back with head held high and self-respect intact?

hope it works out for you

[joebloggs]

Allyn - be brave. I don't know how long you've been here so how close to ILR you may be,

thankfully allyn has ilr

[Arthur Little]

thankfully allyn has *ilr

Phew ... *THAT'S a relief! Let's hope she has the good sense to distance herself from her present circumstances.

[South-east boy]

It annoys me how she seems to have been treated when she has been such a good wife, who has stood by him and done all she can. A lot of women would have walked a long time ago and if it does end up with the marriage breaking up, then at least she knows that she tried her hardest to make it work, cannot be held responsible for what happened and can hold her head high.