Originally Posted by Fitzy
Hear hear!!
Leave him. Start over
i guess i really need to soon.....
anywayz thanks
Hear hear!!
Leave him. Start over
i guess i really need to soon.....
anywayz thanks
I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing, through every dark night, there's a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it gets, keep your chest out, keep your head up and handle it...
You will be fighting a losing battle.thanks,,,ill try to mention it to him..
thanks
I reckon that, his mind is unfortunately made up already, and he will see any offers of help as a nuisance.
Obviously he has planned this to a certain extent, and his family are also pushing the buttons.
They know better than you, which ones to push to obtain what they want.
Just some friendly advice.... Get rid of the lot of them.
Yes, you have to be strong for yourself.ello every one....
im so amaze and overwhelmed with all your opinion and help...
im so thankful and i appreciate in all your advice and for trying to help me...
@ ate ping
thanks for your call earlier, cant stop my self laughing every time i talk to you...
thanks for your advice, so thankful for your call and support...
just a minor correction ate, im only an admin assistant in a NHS clinic not hospital (sorry for the misinformation)
@ ate penny
thanks for the offer, ill keep that in mind,,,im very thankful for your advice and help...
to all...
im so over whelmed with all your reply, advice and your help...you didn't know how thankful iam that i have friends here who support me and give me advice
here is my update to my thread...
I have my ILR,
I got a permanent job here,
and im looking for a flat right now...
im already going to lose my husband and if i go back to the philippines like my husband want me to it will also mean i will also lose my job,,,and ill start from nothing again...
i do understand my husband for his decision, it does hurt alot,,,a mean alot,,i feel like the whole world just crush down on me (does it sound dramatic or what) but what else can i do.... just move on...
He is pressured with all the debt that he have, and i know my moan and situation about his family doesnt help him ,,,and made him decided to just let me go...
he still tell me he love me but its the only way he can pay off his debt...
i understand him and ill support his decision but some how i think i have to oppose to one of his decision of just making me stay in the philippine when i go back there in april because i need to look after my self and i got my permanent job here...
i have tried to put my self together and calm my self, the only thing now that still hurt me is that the reallity that im going to lose my husband soon...
please dont hate my husband, he is a very nice and friendly guy,,,but some how with all this problem he need to have his space to figure things out. to solve thing out....and even tho it hurt alot i have to let him go...
and i think i have to look after my self this time...(like my mum said to me, i look after other people but i cant seemed to look after my self, and by the time every one already decided to have their own way im left with nothing)
thanks guy for all your post....Good on you as I can imagine how hard it's been for you recently.
As I said before, I can't see that you are a burden to him financially as it's you that seems to be the main bread-winner -I just don't his reasoning. Maybe he is being pressured by his family? I don't know how much he owes, but as a last resort could he classify himself bankrupt and wipe the slate clean?
That lines makes me happy. In my honest opinion, you need a break, speak to your boss and file for a week leave or so.ello every one....
I have my ILR,
I got a permanent job here,
and im looking for a flat right now...
and i think i have to look after my self this time...(like my mum said to me, i look after other people but i cant seemed to look after my self, and by the time every one already decided to have their own way im left with nothing)
thanks guy for all your post....
This time please listen to what your Mom advice. You're not loosing him and you're just giving him space. What important now is yourself, families and friends around. Listen to them and think you are lucky having them all.
Our Mom suffers a lot if she knew if we have problems. They are the one who most feel the pain and worries. They are the ones feels pain more than we do. If you understand a mother pain and worries, you'll be fine.
sorry allynHe is pressured with all the debt that he have, and i know my moan and situation about his family doesnt help him ,,,and made him decided to just let me go...
he still tell me he love me but its the only way he can pay off his debt...
i understand him and ill support his decision but some how i think i have to oppose to one of his decision of just making me stay in the philippine when i go back there in april because i need to look after my self and i got my permanent job here...
please dont hate my husband, he is a very nice and friendly guy,,,but some how with all this problem he need to have his space to figure things out. to solve thing out....and even tho it hurt alot i have to let him go...
I'm pressured by debt, but i don't take it out on the misses or runaway from it , whatever debt he has is probably nothing to what i owe (thanks to the HO visa's fees, GMC, deaths, births, caesarean op, dog needing an emergency op, misses father being ill, being made redundant twice in the last 4yrs, i could go on and on, i seem to be a magnet for problems and other peoples problems and some problems you just wouldn't believe
)
yes it's his debt and he should sort it out, just as i have had to do, and not risk his marriage for his debts, marriage is for the good and bad times..
get a bank loan or do as triple5 has said, and he should not use his marriage to you as a solution to his money problems
From all that Allyn has shared with us [and I, for one, am glad she has!] it's evident her husband belongs to a dysfunctional family... despite the fact that his mother is a nurse, and his father, a police officer - as Ping has established through her contact with Allyn - and, therefore, ought to behave in accordance with the good manners expected from professional workers.
Clearly thishasn't the guts to take a firm stance against the crass treatment meted out to his wife at the hands of his boorish parents. Either that, or ... as others have implied ... the guy is like a child who quickly tires of "a pet he's been given for Christmas" once the novelty wears off!
But we're talking about a PERSON, here (not a dog!) ... a HUMAN BEING who is ONE HALF of a marital partnership and deserves EQUAL respect. To me, it is patently obvious this is not happening.
Back in early December, I suggested she might consider approaching Womens' Aid ... and gave her the address & telephone number of the branch nearest to where she lives in Glasgow. Yet, I remember someone else felt this was an over-reaction to the circumstances at the time.
Here, we have a vulnerable 27-year-old, living far from home in a strange country, and I feel WE ... as her friends and confidantes (and, moreover, as caring people) ... should continue to rally-round, to offer as much support as we possibly can.
Joe is right, marriage is for life, whether good or bad, rich or poor (or in our case very poor or extremely poor
Allyn, I can understand your story, when Elsa first arrived in the UK, my family didn't like her very much, but I stood by her, and if they don't like her, tough, I would choose Elsa over my family any-day. They would drop subtle hints to her that she wasn't welcome and I've heard from various branches of the family that my own mother and brother we're making up stories about Elsa (the usual - gold digger, only after passport) - and now look, after 6 years we're still happily married despite being in debt and still living at Mum's place (although we now have some privacy as we are living in the granny flat
).
Welsh for 'barn'J(....as we are living in the granny flat
Keith - Administrator
when Elsa first arrived in the UK, my family didn't like her very much, but I stood by her, and if they don't like her, tough... in principle with what you're saying here, Rob. But the point is, Allyn's husband ISN'T doing this; instead, he's blatantly "siding" with his family and shutting HER out! At least, that's how it appears to ME.
Joe is right, marriage is for life, whether good or bad, rich or poor (or in our case very poor or extremely poor
Allyn, I can understand your story, when Elsa first arrived in the UK, my family didn't like her very much, but I stood by her, and if they don't like her, tough, things not going to her plans
scouse for 'outside toilet'Welsh for 'barn'
Definition of a Manc
Keith - Administrator
Definition of a Manc
i think i must have been a banker or Chelsea manger in previous life's
and paying for it in this one
i am stunned.
leave him. as soon as. the sooner you move forward, the sooner you'll get over him. he does not want "space" otherwise he would not ask you to relocate 7k miles away. harsh as it may sound he does not want to be with you anymore. basing on what ive read here, YOU are too good for him.
his family does not like you, he must have liked you enough to marry you though. he must have been brainwashed by them hence the decision to want to "send" you back to the philippines. a decent husband would not do that to his wife. his reasons are all very selfish and in my books not worthy of a loving and faithful wife.
good luck and i sincerely hope everything works out to your advantage!
Allyn - be brave. I don't know how long you've been here so how close to ILR you may be, and you say you love your husband but he sounds like a weak man, especially from peanutz post regarding your father-in-law. I see that you support your family back home, but this is about you and what you want for yourself and your future - is it to suffer for others? Can you not stay and work until the end of spouse visa, save money to go back with head held high and self-respect intact?
hope it works out for you
thankfully allyn has ilr
Phewthankfully allyn has *ilr
It annoys me how she seems to have been treated when she has been such a good wife, who has stood by him and done all she can. A lot of women would have walked a long time ago and if it does end up with the marriage breaking up, then at least she knows that she tried her hardest to make it work, cannot be held responsible for what happened and can hold her head high.
Nuff said.... I'd say that just about sums it up.
hi allyn!
I'm so sorry to hear this... I didn't know it came this far from the last time we chatted.
Well, since you got you're ILR already & got a permanent & a well-paid job at NHS, I don't anymore see you as being too dependent with your hubby.
I know you're such a strong & courageous woman & I think you can handle yourself well so do what you think is the best thing for you. Surely, everyone here in the forum is around to support you!
with a heart full of love, you will express your highest potential while also fulfilling your soul's deepest purpose:
TO LOVE AND BE LOVED!
Sorry if i seem blunt dear, but you deserve better!i guess i really need to soon.....
anywayz thanks
You're welcome.
Satellite/Cable TV/Radiocommunications specialist.
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