A Surreal Future Awaits - a bit of stress

[HopeUK]

Yeah, I guess it could simply boil down to the fact that the reality became something quite different after all the talk on the web. I tend to think of these chit chats and communiques through the web as totally legitimate conversation, but for some I guess it seems like playtime until reality sinks in by some means or other..

The filipino family unit matter is indeed a powerful entity, but to be honest she didn't know that much about me financially except that I managed to help her, but had also drawn a line at getting silly when we decided to go shopping before the beach holiday. I would have thought that the financial side of things would only have been a benefit to them though to be honest if that were the issue, no matter how little I actually earn. Money has never ruled my life anyway, it limits my options but it doesn't rule my head. That really causes trouble if you let it do that. Ask any of the celebs. If it were a matter of power they all should have taken the time to get to know me and not perhaps make assumptions about me or my morals or attitudes. That just stinks to make your mind up about someone before meeting them.. arrogance in its darkest colours.

[somebody]

Yeah, I guess it could simply boil down to the fact that the reality became something quite different after all the talk on the web. I tend to think of these chit chats and communiques through the web as totally legitimate conversation, but for some I guess it seems like playtime until reality sinks in by some means or other..

The filipino family unit matter is indeed a powerful entity, but to be honest she didn't know that much about me financially except that I managed to help her, but had also drawn a line at getting silly when we decided to go shopping before the beach holiday. I would have thought that the financial side of things would only have been a benefit to them though to be honest if that were the issue, no matter how little I actually earn. Money has never ruled my life anyway, it limits my options but it doesn't rule my head. That really causes trouble if you let it do that. Ask any of the celebs. If it were a matter of power they all should have taken the time to get to know me and not perhaps make assumptions about me or my morals or attitudes. That just stinks to make your mind up about someone before meeting them.. arrogance in its darkest colours.

Indeed for many Filipinos the west seems like how they normally see it a film set so it is possible it was some form of online fantasy which she never thought might happen or had not thought though.

Many Phills don't like the family unit split up and would rather avoid the money it seems from examples i Know of.
Some parts of the Wife's family have members all over the world and barely seen one another physically from one year to the next. I can think of families where the husband and wife are in different countries as are all the the siblings are separated by borders. So like you rightly say money is not everything even if it could be very handy..

very true about the thinking you know someone but like your self and someone else mentioned today in a post the person you chat to and the person you meet can be very different to what you imagine.

[keithAngel]

Hope you will probably never know the actual reasons why things went the way they did.

Even had she met you and given you all the time and proximity you might have hoped for outcomes are far from assured.

From my own experiences and on the ground research the received wisdom here in the Phils is you cant beat a good introduction

In the ten days befor coming and since my arrival the uptake on face to face meetings (in a public place Mall etc ) for a chat old fashioned style dating is very low even though initial contact is enthusiastic most of the lady,s dont seem to be able to cope with the fact someone is here on the ground that doesnt mean dates arnt available but working girls also frequent sites so you have to learn to read the responces well

I have the advantage here of previous experience that went pairshaped and some time on my side so patience really can be a virtue plus conections to good advice from expats living here full time and that still doesnt mean not needing to be lucky

Most decent ladies will be shy initialy although I did draw the line at meeting anyone who wasnt willing to show up alone rather than with the entire clan or her personal bakarda that can start to cost money befor even any real interest is established on either side plus if shes not brave enough to meet that for me bodes poorly for the future , just a very personal take that.

The other phenomina ive encountered is that from the moment of contact you are epected to talk to the lady exclusively even befor meeting whilst they can continue there on line activeties which I find quiet mad

For me this time im clear in myself despite the banter that im immediatly upfrnt about who i am and what im here for the truth is easy and requires no memory and I expect the same standard from prospective partners If that doesnt work I will come again untill its the right one comes my way.

I will never again use the net to try and establish an LDR it cost me two years of my time wiser though I may be now back to the fish project good luck in the future Hope

[HopeUK]

I find it kinda infuriating that people can’t just approach life with an open and clear mind. For me, every effort should be made to be honest and truthful with others, end of story. You don’t need to lie to get ahead.

I do recall about a month ago I thought to install Yahoo Messenger on my work PC as this had become our most successful spontaneous meeting tool of late – better than Facebook as they recently decided to ban its use at work. Within an hour of installation she appeared and one of the first things she asked me was who else I was talking with through Messenger. I told her the truth – I wasn’t speaking with anyone else but her, and even joked with her that as this had happened we were simply fated to be together. I don’t think this moment was instrumental in our downfall, but I think it might illustrate a difference in our behaviours. Maybe she’s been lied to so many times that the truth was overwhelming and seemed too good to be true, as it were.

As you say KeithAngel, go with the truth and there’s no tripping yourself up. I never saw the point to agendas or lying in relationships - at best it just creates a dry rot. I guess I’m coping with this quite well because the one constant in my life is an inability to find the right person. I seem to have the ability to bounce back from these things and carry on, probably out of a sense of desire for success in finding that one true woman – there have been so many chances for me to just throw in the towel and never bother again but I find I just can’t give up no matter how many times I get beaten up. I’ve had quite a few relationships. Some have barely got off the starting blocks, or fallen in due course. My last one had the best run at eight years. I think that rather than managing a fully successful life-long relationship (at 38 years old, that’s already long past possible) I’m just fated to have experiences and collisions with many women. It just feels inevitable. A shame really because in spite of my tastes in the ideal woman for me, all I’ve ever really been interested in is in having a stable, loving relationship. It’s ironic to me that in all of life’s difficulties this is the one thing which has always eluded me. Still, as I have said I can’t give up, and with this in mind this will NOT be my last effort at an interracial relationship. Why the focus on interracial? Well, I’ve come to realise that generally speaking I now find western women boring, or worse. There will be rare exceptions I know, and I don’t speak for all western women when I say this but I find a lot of them seem to want to be more like men than women, and a large slice of those left don’t deserve to be called women. I may not go with the LDR through the web as you say.. I think I’ll just bide my time and go to Japan next year with an open mind and heart and see what reveals itself. I have other reasons for wanting to go to Japan anyway, and at least I already have a friend with a Japanese wife whom I can speak with. That may be my next big adventure. In terms of possibilities I can’t imagine it could be any worse.