UK youth culture and respect

[lordna]

Chatting to my wife online earlier she is having second thoughts about being here and particularly bringing her daughter to the UK because she doesnt want her daughter to adopt the kind of attitude and culture that seems to be prevalent among teenagers here.

What makes it worse is that its my kids here that are giving her the impression of no respect and a drunken carefree culture of free love. My daughters recent marriage breakup hasnt helped with the idea of marriage being for life which is my view.

I believe she has a point as thats something i noticed about life in the Philippines, that there is more respect etc. However, i have tried to point out there are plenty here who still have morals, respect for others and are fundamentally good. She has the view that we are more liberated here than in the USA.

So to all those from the Philippines, particularly those with kids, and here in the UK. What do you think? Do you manage to protect your kids from the lack of morals, respect that seems to be here? or do you think its the same here as in the Philippines? Do our kids get this from school or what? In the case of my kids it didnt come from me?...well i dont think so?

[joebloggs]

it's not true, most teenage kids are pretty decent, i use to get on a bus with school kids and collage kids, most said thanks to the bus driver and are well behaved, i'ts only a few loud mouthed trouble causing ones that get noticed

[maria_and_matt]

to be honest i think it is up to us parents how we bring them up. my son who is 16 years old, is raised to respect people. he goes to school and sees not so good things that happen there ie alcohol, cigarettes and disrespect, but i am so proud to say that he has not picked up any of those 'yet'. i am just hoping that he will continue to be as good as he is now. we give him as much love and support, we also make sure that he can talk to us.

i think wherever children are raised there is always aspect of picking up bad behaviour, even back home in the philippines, kids now adays are not as polite and as good as before.

[nigel]

Filipino's know something about raisng children that we don't...it's something that fascinates me quite a lot..

When I'm in Philippines I'm always MORE than impressed at how well young children behave in comparison to British children...it's quite a striking thing for me, I'm not going to pretend I know why, but I have these thoughts...

1 Filipino's have strong bonds/relationships with each other, they are team players and they rarely say no to each other, they are accomodating and compromising, and feel their families are important, whilst British people are more shallow/monogamous/selfish..?

2 Filipino's tend to have a larger number of children, and those children would learn to share and compromise with their brothers and sisters...British tend to have two or three children, or sometimes just one child...with our financial posistions being better these children will be probably get the things they want without having to share or compromise so much..?

3 Another thing that fascinates me a LOT is the way a baby gets treated in it's first two years, I've heard that the first two years of a babys development is the most important! British families will sometimes leave a baby crying by itself in it's cot, would Filipino's do this? I don't know but I doubt it!

The way a baby gets treated when it cries might just have a very significant factor in the way that it develops, I'm no psychologist, but if a baby is left to cry like that, then he/she is learning that it's a cold and lonely world! They are learning this before they are learning to walk!

A baby that wont stop crying is obviously not enjoyable...but I suspect the way a crying baby gets treated may have a significant impact on it's overall development..?

The Russians "Swaddle" their babies to stop them crying don't they? I have no idea how to deal with a crying baby! I think it may have a significance we are unaware of though...

[pennybarry]

to be honest i think it is up to us parents how we bring them up. my son who is 16 years old, is raised to respect people. he goes to school and sees not so good things that happen there ie alcohol, cigarettes and disrespect, but i am so proud to say that he has not picked up any of those 'yet'. i am just hoping that he will continue to be as good as he is now. we give him as much love and support, we also make sure that he can talk to us.

i think wherever children are raised there is always aspect of picking up bad behaviour, even back home in the philippines, kids now adays are not as polite and as good as before.

I agree that it is depend upon the parents how they raised their children.
Even in the Philippines, I knew some people how they hate their parents, and parents how they do their role being parents. It's disgusting to see they both hate each other and no good communications.

Filipino's know something about raisng children that we don't...it's something that fascinates me quite a lot..

When I'm in Philippines I'm always MORE than impressed at how well young children behave in comparison to British children...it's quite a striking thing for me, I'm not going to pretend I know why, but I have these thoughts...

1 Filipino's have strong bonds/relationships with each other, they are team players and they rarely say no to each other, they are accomodating and compromising, and feel their families are important, whilst British people are more shallow/monogamous/selfish..?

2 Filipino's tend to have a larger number of children, and those children would learn to share and compromise with their brothers and sisters...British tend to have two or three children, or sometimes just one child...with our financial posistions being better these children will be probably get the things they want without having to share or compromise so much..?

3 Another thing that fascinates me a LOT is the way a baby gets treated in it's first two years, I've heard that the first two years of a babys development is the most important! British families will sometimes leave a baby crying by itself in it's cot, would Filipino's do this? I don't know but I doubt it!

The way a baby gets treated when it cries might just have a very significant factor in the way that it develops, I'm no psychologist, but if a baby is left to cry like that, then he/she is learning that it's a cold and lonely world! They are learning this before they are learning to walk!

A baby that wont stop crying is obviously not enjoyable...but I suspect the way a crying baby gets treated may have a significant impact on it's overall development..?

The Russians "Swaddle" their babies to stop them crying don't they? I have no idea how to deal with a crying baby! I think it may have a significance we are unaware of though...

Thanks Nigel! I agree that we also have a strong bonding and family ties.
In our place, I still see how they respect their Lola, Lolo, uncle, aunt and parents.

I see babies here, they spent more time in their trolley than their parents arms.

Baby usually stays at homes and they become surprised and happy if they are on the bus/cars. This also happens in our country but as much as possible, we go out and travel around. If children reach 5 year old they can go to nursery too including their Moms staying at the school waiting.

[KeithD]

to be honest i think it is up to us parents how we bring them up. my son who is 16 years old, is raised to respect people.

That's all the problem is, parental education on how to behave and treat others. Nothing to do with the governments fault or schools.

[adam&chryss]

well, with my own observation everytime I send my son to school. Parents are very caring and sweet with their children. which is good and it can be bad aswell. they speak to them very calmly and in soft voice.
i've seen some kids shouting with their parents, throwing their school bag at them, etc. then the parent will just ignore her/him or won't even get mad. they will treat them the same way as they treat them when they are doing good. so kids think being good/bad is the same thing. with us Filipinos this is a 'BIG NO'. a child can't shout at us or throw things. or else he/she will be in 'BIG TROUBLE'. this is how a child build respect to their parents and elders. once you showed them that they can't do everything they want and that your word is more powerful than theirs then they learn how to respect.
i've seen kids in PI that are smoking and drinking at the young age aswell... so wether here or PI, it depends on the upbringing of the parents. It's just more obvious here coz kids here are not afraid with their parents while in PI they do vices secretly. also kids in PI can't say 'NO' with their parents. they have to do whatever we ask them to do without asking questions.
and children here are becoming more independent at young age. while in PI we are very clingy with our parents or family. 18yrs. old for us still young while here it's already adult.
sometimes when my son answers me 'yes' seems like there's something missing... he used to say 'opo' or 'po', but answering 'yes' now makes it lil' bit disrespectful but that's the way it is.
the thing with us Filipinos we baby our kids so much, meaning we don't really teach them how to be independent.

how many British guys here still cuddle and kiss their Mum? or sits and lie down their head on their mum's lap?

[KeithD]

how many British guys here still cuddle and kiss their Mum? or sits and lie down their head on their mum's lap?

That's disgusting

[maria_and_matt]

That's disgusting

i cannot imagine you, with your head on you mums lap

[lordna]

Interesting replies...thanks everyone!

Beginning to wonder where i went wrong with my kids sometimes although i'm sure all parents must wonder if they are doing it right.

About 8 years ago now my first wife died after a very long illness during which i was her carer. After her death itook the decision to stop work to care for their needs for the next 2 years after which i worked just part time. The kids were 15, 13 and 7 at the time and obviously the elder two were affected quite badly by the loss of their mother. I did everything i could for them and now on reflection, maybe too much as now i think they expect everything. When their mother was alive she did everything for them so naturally i decided to do the same as anyone else would in my circumstances.

Now they are older (youngest is 15) i want my life back and am fortunate enough to have married a filipina and looking forward to our life together.

My kids are OK but i do feel they are selfish , dont seem to have much respect and have no morals...none of the things i believe are important and have tried hard to teach them are important.

[pennybarry]

That's disgusting

My husband is so close to his Mom and vice versa.
Sometimes I feel he is mama's boy at 51.
I asked him one day and he was very angry.
But if he will admit, I will surely understand.
I admit, I'm bit mama's girl and everytime I visit her, I used to lay down my head in her lap and fast asleep.
My youngest brother, he couldn't sleep without touching my Nanay nipple before he sleep until he reached grade school. He's now in his 30's and very close to my Nanay.

I have also a friend and co worker before. I invited her in our house and we sleep together.
I was suddenly awoke because she was touching my nipple.
I was angry asked her but she said she used to do that with her Mom even in her 20's.
She is really a nice girl but not at night.

[sars_notd_virus]

well, with my own observation everytime I send my son to school. Parents are very caring and sweet with their children. which is good and it can be bad aswell. they speak to them very calmly and in soft voice.
i've seen some kids shouting with their parents, throwing their school bag at them, etc. then the parent will just ignore her/him or won't even get mad. they will treat them the same way as they treat them when they are doing good. so kids think being good/bad is the same thing. with us Filipinos this is a 'BIG NO'. a child can't shout at us or throw things. or else he/she will be in 'BIG TROUBLE'. this is how a child build respect to their parents and elders. once you showed them that they can't do everything they want and that your word is more powerful than theirs then they learn how to respect.
i've seen kids in PI that are smoking and drinking at the young age aswell... so wether here or PI, it depends on the upbringing of the parents. It's just more obvious here coz kids here are not afraid with their parents while in PI they do vices secretly. also kids in PI can't say 'NO' with their parents. they have to do whatever we ask them to do without asking questions.
and children here are becoming more independent at young age. while in PI we are very clingy with our parents or family. 18yrs. old for us still young while here it's already adult.
sometimes when my son answers me 'yes' seems like there's something missing... he used to say 'opo' or 'po', but answering 'yes' now makes it lil' bit disrespectful but that's the way it is.
the thing with us Filipinos we baby our kids so much, meaning we don't really teach them how to be independent.

how many British guys here still cuddle and kiss their Mum? or sits and lie down their head on their mum's lap?

I agree with you dear....
faith and respect with my family (one of the reasons why my husband loves me so much!!)

[triple5]

I disagree that its always down to the parents. In a lot of cases kids spend more time with classmates/teachers/nannies etc than they do with parents. You can teach them all the disciplines and morals you want, but if there's other bad influences in their life they can be led astray. My lad's good as gold when he stays with me, never a problem, but he has been getting into trouble a few times at school. Maybe the teachers are doing something wrong

[maria_and_matt]

I disagree that its always down to the parents. In a lot of cases kids spend more time with classmates/teachers/nannies etc than they do with parents. You can teach them all the disciplines and morals you want, but if there's other bad influences in their life they can be led astray. My lad's good as gold when he stays with me, never a problem, but he has been getting into trouble a few times at school. Maybe the teachers are doing something wrong

yeah they spend more time in school with classmates and teachers, but by the time that happens basics are already taught at home. if a child is taught to respect parents rather than fear them that is half the battle won. as a filipina mum to a half brit teenager, he knows i can be his friend, and at the same time he knows that i can be a parent when needed. i hear a lot of horror stories about teenagers but i am fortunate that my son seem to have remembered all the thing i have taught him, i am so proud of him

[Arthur Little]

I sometimes wonder, if the root of the problem in western culture lies in the fact that so many women are trying [not always successfully] to balance a career with being mothers ... a practice increasingly encouraged, through incentives offered by the governments of the day, for women to return to work after say, 3 months' statutory maternity leave.

Consequently, all too often, very young children spend much of their formative years in the care of 'childminders' ... resulting in their being deprived of the natural maternal contact that is so essential at such a crucial stage in their growth and development ... and frequently ending up in their becoming "latch-key" kids - left to fend for themselves - upon attaining school-age.

Ultimately, by the time they reach their teens, these youngsters are, by virtue of the lack of proper attention they ought to be receiving at home, find themselves free to roam the streets seeking ... and indulging in ... all sorts of deviant pastimes to relieve their sheer boredom. It seems clear to me, that it's all part of a vicious circle!

[triple5]

I think you're spot on there Arthur Too many kids in the UK don't spend enough time with their parents.

[arkwright]

In every culture there is good and bad, I admire the close relationship within families, the extended network of help and support that is more common in The Philippines than the U.K. However, most people here i have met have scars from being hit by something ( a belt or clothes hanger perhaps) by their mother or father This teaches them love and respect.... The children are passed from "sister" to "sister" no coherence Nothing is ever that simple. We have a dependency (or a reliance) on the state to provide. Here, there is only the family. We should both learn from each other, we should take their happiness in the face of REAL problems and they should take our?????? National Debt?
Bless!

[arkwright]

Arthur, In the Phils. there is a compulsory 2 month (Unpaid) maternity leave then most mother's go back to work leaving kid's with?? but 1 hour with your kids with a ball in the park, is worth more than an open wallet..

[adam&chryss]

I disagree that its always down to the parents. In a lot of cases kids spend more time with classmates/teachers/nannies etc than they do with parents. You can teach them all the disciplines and morals you want, but if there's other bad influences in their life they can be led astray. My lad's good as gold when he stays with me, never a problem, but he has been getting into trouble a few times at school. Maybe the teachers are doing something wrong

this is a different case... there's a saying 'tell me who your firends are and I'll tell you who you are'. I totally disagree with this.
When I was a teenager my relatives hates me coz I always go out with my barkadas. They always say I'll be just like them patapon. which I proven them wrong. I've been surrounded with different people. Disco, parties, cigarrettes, alcohols and even drugs. I used to smoke and drink but I never tried drugs. My friends always offer me cannabis and different sort of drugs. I just say 'NO'. In drinking when I feel tipsy or dizzy I stop. Smoking? i can smoke and just stop anytime.
My mum never stop me going with my friends/barkadas because she trusts me. And bec. of that trust I've been responsible with my actions. I'm not perfect I did cross my limitations but I am proud of myself that I never tried or tasted drugs.
Our kids may be surrounded of different people and bad influences. The key on this is 'time' for our children as what Arthur Little said.

Let's teach our kids how to respect, build trust to each other and how to be responsible when they are in school or outside.

[Arthur Little]

Too many kids in the UK don't spend enough time with their parents.

1 hour with your kids with a ball in the park, is worth more than an open wallet..

The key on this is 'time' for our children

... time [spent with one's child(ren)] is time well-spent!

[Doc Alan]

I have also a friend and co worker before. I invited her in our house and we sleep together.
I was suddenly awoke because she was touching my nipple.
I was angry asked her but she said she used to do that with her Mom even in her 20's.
She is really a nice girl but not at night.

I've been trying to keep abreast with this thread
I have two "kids" now in their early 20's and although I'm divorced spent much time with them before they left home. I'm sure it's time spent with parents during the formative years that counts. I can't now control what my kids do with their lives, but I'm always here for them and because of that bonding in the early years they always keep in touch (but not the way Penny describes )

[Arthur Little]

Arthur, In the Phils. there is a compulsory 2 month (Unpaid) maternity leave ...

... NOT according to my *wife ... who was a High School teacher for 22 years in the Phils. *SHE tells me it's THREE months ... and PAID!

Apparently, privately-employed [permanent] workers receive their payment from the Social Security System - whereas public sector employees are paid by the Governmernt. ONLY those who undertake contractual or casual duties are ineligible, and therefore unpaid.

[Arthur Little]

I was suddenly awoke because she was touching my nipple.

[SIZE="3"]I've been trying to keep abreast with this thread

... Nice one, Alan! Evidently, MY sense of humour is "rubbing-off" on YOU!

[triple5]

I have also a friend and co worker before. I invited her in our house and we sleep together.
I was suddenly awoke because she was touching my nipple.
I was angry asked her but she said she used to do that with her Mom even in her 20's.
She is really a nice girl but not at night.

This deserves a thread all of its own

[Arthur Little]

I have two "kids" now in their early 20's and although I'm divorced spent much time with them before they left home. I'm sure it's time spent with parents during the formative years that counts. I can't now control what my kids do with their lives, but I'm always here for them and because of that bonding in the early years they always keep in touch (but not the way Penny describes )

A very "touching" post! But ... entirely.

[Arthur Little]

This deserves a thread all of its own

... ENCORE!

[pennybarry]

I've been trying to keep abreast with this thread
I have two "kids" now in their early 20's and although I'm divorced spent much time with them before they left home. I'm sure it's time spent with parents during the formative years that counts. I can't now control what my kids do with their lives, but I'm always here for them and because of that bonding in the early years they always keep in touch (but not the way Penny describes )

... Nice one, Alan! Evidently, MY sense of humour is "rubbing-off" on YOU!

We call it mannerism Doc and Arth.
Most children who used to have breast feeding from their Mom developed mannerism. I don't know but sometimes baby couldn't sleep without breasfeeding on the right breast whilst other hand of baby is at her mother's left breast. It is their habits sometimes and developed mannerism until they fell to sleep.

They started to develop bad mannerism during their childhood.
I have also friend who got her mannerism sucking her thumb until we reached high school. During our elementary early days, she was still carrying her feeding bottle. She stopped but, but developed sucking her thumb.

[KeithD]

I have also friend who got her mannerism sucking her thumb until we reached high school. During our elementary early days, she was still carrying her feeding bottle. She stopped but, but developed sucking her thumb.

Men tend to find something to suck until the day they die....

[pennybarry]

Men tend to find something to suck until the day they die....

wysiwyg onced you've married.

[Alan]

Maybe the teachers are doing something wrong

Wow! Another mention of 'perhaps' teachers are wrong!

What are we doing wrong?

How can we change what we are doing when our 'powers of discipline' have all but been taken away from us?

I could add about another 20 or 30 questions here - obviously I won't - unless someone DOES want a debate.

All I shall say is that the VAST majority of teachers are doing the best they can within their powers - otherwise, why would they enter one of the most difficult professions there is in the world today?

Al.