Who's the daddy?

[GaryFifer]

I know I will probably get a reaction here. But here goes..

I met Jessica on February 14th 2007. I left on 13 March 2007. She said she had a period the first week we met. The visit is 4 weeks. She told me she was pregnant before I left. When I got back she showed me on cam that she was pregnant with a test saying positive.

The due date given was the 26th of November. I went over the week before and for 2 weeks after, no sign of baby. Went to St Catherine of Alexendria Foundation and Medical Center, 4163 Rizal St, Extension Angeles City.

Doctor said baby is not ready yet, and I never saw the baby being born. The date of his birth was the 18 January 2008.

The baby had problems when born because of Puerperal sepsis (an infection in the uterus after labour)
He was in care till the 28 January when he was released.

I accepted this but now I think I am being stupid. I ask for photos I never got any, I ask for pictures of the house, I never get them. On my birthday she sent me the bill. If anyone wants to look out for me at Angeles City, I'll really want to know the truth. Its just waste of my life.

[keithAngel]

oops 48 weeks is unusualy long

[Florge]

are there any reasons why you didn't get any photos? have you seen the baby on cam?

[maria_and_matt]

hmmm, doing the maths it doesnt add up...

[GaryFifer]

are there any reasons why you didn't get any photos? have you seen the baby on cam?

I left a digital camera with her. But her reason no photos- I do not know what to do to upload it No excuse for not sending any in the post. No letters, or nothing.

I have seen the baby on webcam. I've done my bit with support in a house I have never seen. I just wondering where if anyone is near Angeles.

I was holding onto the fact that maybe I could have had a kid. It was a year after my cancer treatment so I guess I was not in my right frame of mind.

[Sim11UK]

Have you not been over, for a couple of years?...seems a little strange, even if you at least thought you were the Father???

[GaryFifer]

Have you not been over, for a couple of years?...seems a little strange, even if you at least thought you were the Father???

Well I paid 800 pounds for the baby to be born, and gave her 3 months deposit £150 for a new house(5000 peso a month rental) and a monthly allowance 18K. So I did not have enough to fly back over there. I supported her with money she never worked for 2 years.

I missed one month rental and offered to pay it 2 weeks later. I gave her the money, and she told me, she spent it on food and could not get access to her house, because she was thrown out.

I asked her what was true. Now 4 weeks later, she has a job, and is back in the house and I am sure she will be asking for money again.

[aposhark]

Hi Gary,

This sounds suspicious to me and my wife.

Strange that she never sent you a photo of the baby, at least you would have seen that it was a Fil-Brit baby and not a Fil-Fil baby.

I know this could be difficult for you but the only real way to know if she is a scammer or not is to go over there unannounced.

Of course you will need to have her address and you may need to observe the situation over a short period of time.

I think any mother would have sent you photos a long time ago if you were the father.

[Sim11UK]

This is a sorry tale Gary
You must have had some sort of plan, or thoughts of how your future of being together was going to work out, to still be supporting them.

I know money is tight & you've been ill, but with a kid & the circumstances you are in, I think I'd have tried to get out there sooner, by some means.

[joebloggs]

I know I will probably get a reaction here. But here goes..

I met Jessica on February 14th 2007. I left on 13 March 2007. She said she had a period the first week we met. The visit is 4 weeks. She told me she was pregnant before I left. When I got back she showed me on cam that she was pregnant with a test saying positive.

The due date given was the 26th of November. I went over the week before and for 2 weeks after, no sign of baby. Went to St Catherine of Alexendria Foundation and Medical Center, 4163 Rizal St, Extension Angeles City.

Doctor said baby is not ready yet, and I never saw the baby being born. The date of his birth was the 18 January 2008.

The baby had problems when born because of Puerperal sepsis (an infection in the uterus after labour)
He was in care till the 28 January when he was released.

I accepted this but now I think I am being stupid. I ask for photos I never got any, I ask for pictures of the house, I never get them. On my birthday she sent me the bill. If anyone wants to look out for me at Angeles City, I'll really want to know the truth. Its just waste of my life.

her period was first week you met, do you know the start date of her period?
i think the earliest she could tell she was pregnant is 1 day after her missed period.

having a quick word with my misses,

if her start of her period was while you was with her, i don't think it is possible she could have known she was pregnant, as i think the earliest she could tell is day after the start of her missed period., but if the start of her period was b4 you met, it is possible.

due date of around 26th nov could be right.

but what's worrying the baby was due 26th nov but born on the 18th of jan, that's more than 7wks after the due date , after 42wks in most cases labour will be induced in a overdue baby

doc Alan might have an idea about this, but this doesn't seem right at all sorry to say, but a birth date of 18th jan would normally suggest she became pregnant btw 30 march and 30 april

[Doc Alan]

doc Alan might have an idea about this, but this doesn't seem right at all sorry to say, but a birth date of 18th jan would normally suggest she became pregnant btw 30 march and 30 april

I've read your post and the replies several times - I'm sorry to say I share everybody's concern. I guess we won't hear Jessica's side of the story.
However, from what you've said, the worry is that you are NOT the Daddy, you've been scammed, and a flight to the Philippines could simply add to your expenses already incurred without necessarily even seeing Jessica and the child, making your frustration and turmoil worse. But no one can tell you what to do Gary.

[joebloggs]

, but a birth date of 18th jan would normally suggest she became pregnant btw 30 march and 30 april

i should have said at the earliest 30 march - thats presuming her pregnancy went over due to 42 wks , but more likely if she went around the normal 38 wks that means it would have been around the 27th of april she became pregnant but i hope i'm wrong Gary

thats if i've got my sums right

[GaryFifer]

i should have said at the earliest 30 march - thats presuming her pregnancy went over due to 42 wks , but more likely if she went around the normal 38 wks that means it would have been around the 27th of april she became pregnant but i hope i'm wrong Gary

thats if i've got my sums right

Thanks Joe, I think counting 42 weeks back it is always April. I was not there.

Jessica side of it..example..I sent flowers to her hospital at January I got sworn at over the phone. She told me I know you send them to another girl.

Jessica side of it is one of victim and jealously.Gary will leave me. She is a manipulator- uses that same phrase to me -I know you leave me. It has been abusive, selfish relationship. I do not deserve that.

I give emotional, financial support and she takes. But I get nothing back. I get phone calls about problems and I have to solve them. Jessica says she hard life and I do not know what it is like in the Philippines. Shes better off than most Filipinos.

Do not make excuses for any behaviour that makes you feel bad Just been too soft.

[South-east boy]

Doctors won't let a baby stay in the womb over 42 weeks as the placenta starts to fail and it can be dangerous due to sceptic poisoning which could even cause death in the worst cases.

[GaryFifer]

Well I never really know. The baby had a C-Section, cos there was a infection down below. He told me on the phone. He survived cos of me? It does not matter now, I don't give a sh*t now.

[aromulus]

The most upsetting thing for me, would be if she had been living it up with a boy friend all along, apart from the few weeks you spent together.

You do not deserve this kind of hassle, mate.
You dumped the obviously deceitful, conniving and ungrateful woman and hope that you cease all contact.

Do not give hope, tho.

This bad experience should not put you off Filipinas, as they do really make wonderful life companions and wives.

[Sim11UK]

All I can say is, I'm really sorry, she has lead you on for so long.

Seems like she's had an easy ride, whilst you have had to struggle to support her. Looks like you & the kid, will lose out due to her deceit.

[joebloggs]

I don't give a sh*t now.

sorry it's ended like this for you

[Steve.r]

I am shocked and sorry that you have been treated this way Gary. From reading the thread through it certainly appears you are not the father. You have the choice as I see it to sever all contact, which could be hard for you as it seems you have feelings of responsibility, or go there to find out the truth. Both hard to do, I think you feel wrenched in both ways.

We as advisors and onlookers can only wish you well and peace over this situation. Work out what you need to do for yourself and don't feel selfish.

Steve

[aposhark]

Gary,

I posted on another thread and will mention it on this one too that it would be a good idea to have your password changed here.

Brgds

[Dedworth]

Gary,

I posted on another thread and will mention it on this one too that it would be a good idea to have your password changed here.

Brgds

Sound advice

[liane]

Gary,

I posted on another thread and will mention it on this one too that it would be a good idea to have your password changed here.

Brgds

... and maybe he can have his user name change as well. For sure she will check in the forum once in awhile

[bornatbirth]

and a dna test too?

[Arthur Little]

and a dna test too?

...a DNA test will certainly clear up any niggling doubts for once and for all, and enable Gary to move on!

[triple5]

gutted for you pal. Wish I could add something that hasn't been said already. just want to wish you all the best and hope you get things sorted asap.

[lizaphil]

yup dna is the best to know if you are the daddy?

[South-east boy]

Sorry to hear that you've gone through. It sounds very stressful and can't have helped your health if it hasn't been 100 %. From that letter from the 'friend' it's like she is saying that you are causing her to go hungry & lose weight!

I agree about the Dna test, but can't imagine that it would be easy to sort if you're over here and Jessica doesn't want it or does all she can to avoid it (which I think she would do of she knows or honestly thinks that the boy isn't yours). Would they be able to do it with some hair samples from the boy and yours? Quite how you'd get some of his hair though I don't know if Jessica isn't willing.

[Arthur Little]

Gary,

I posted on another thread and will mention it on this one too that it would be a good idea to have your password changed here.

Brgds

Glad to observe you've had your User Name & ... [presumably] ... Password changed in accordance with Liane's and Mike's advices, Gary. Very sensible; this should put paid to the rot you've been experiencing lately! All the best, mate.

[bornatbirth]

theres 2 sides to every story?

are you sure your dates are 100% correct, if she had the baby on the 18th jan you cant be the father..so whos baby is it?

and if so, how come you accepted you were the father and started helping her with money.

you had photos in your profile of her and a baby and the baby looks half cast?

i know its easy to argue and be stressed in a ldr but surely you should of sorted this issue out when she said she was pregnant and i find it hard to believe you was there for 4 weeks and she knew that she was pregnant before you left

so good luck!

[South-east boy]

She could of course been having an LDR with another caucasion guy. What I find strange is that you sometimes hear of a woman realising that she is pregnant (maybe from an affair) and then she sleeps with her partner or the guy she would like to be the father so that the 2nd person she has slept with could believe that they are the father and cover up that she has actually became pregnant by someone else. Of course she would have to say that the baby arrived early when if is born. If the baby in Garys case arrived on Jan 18th, i don't see that it can be his, but if she said that she was pregnant before he left, then she is claiming to be pregnant before conception took place and has obviously planned to be pregnant -but by who?