1. Labour's election strategy: bring on no-nonsense hard man Gordon Brown - The Guardian
“In an audacious new election strategy, Labour is set to embrace Gordon Brown's reputation for anger and physical aggression, presenting the prime minister as a hard man, unafraid of confrontation, who is willing to take on David Cameron in "a bare-knuckle fistfight for the future of Britain", the Guardian has learned.” The site then publishes a slideshow of campaign posters, including one featuring the PM alongside the slogan: “Step outside posh boy,” and the strap-line “Vote Labour. Or Else.”
URL: http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2...brown-hard-man
2. Ferrets key to bridging the digital divide between cities and rural areas - The Telegraph
“Specially trained ferrets are being used to deliver broadband to rural areas following groundbreaking techniques used by an Internet provider. The animals have been used by Virgin Media for over a year to help lay cables for its broadband service, the company has disclosed. The ferrets wear jackets fitted with a microchip which is able to analyse any breaks or damage in the underground network.”
URL: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...ral-areas.html
3. Airborne Association: Flying to the rescue of stranded motorists, the AA rocketmen - Daily Mail
“Next time you break down on the motorway, don't scan the road for the AA van to arrive. Look up in the sky. The breakdown rescue service is launching a rapid response patrol that will see 'AA Rocketmen' in lightweight jet-packs flitting over traffic jams to reach stranded motorists. The AA has chosen today, the first day of the annual Easter getaway, to test the service.”
URL: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...A-jetpack.html
4. $42.9m jackpot 'a mistake' - The Scotsman
“An American woman who won $42.9 million (£28.2m) from a slot machine is being denied her jackpot, after the casino said the pay-out message was an error. The false message appeared as Louise Chavez was playing the slot machines in the Fortune Valley Casino in Central City, Colorado. The machine announced she had won $42.9m – whereas the listed top prize was $251,000.”
URL: http://news.scotsman.com/odd/429m-ja...e39.6196005.jp
5. Hadron Collider II planned for Circle Line - The Independent
“London Underground is in talks with the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (Cern) about the possibility of using the 23km tunnel of the Circle Line to house a new type of particle accelerator similar to the Large Hadron Collider in Geneva. Particle physicists believe the existing tunnel can be adapted to take a small-scale "atom smasher" alongside the passenger line at a fraction of the cost of building a new tunnel elsewhere in Europe.”
URL: http://www.independent.co.uk/news/sc...e-1932744.html
6. World’s hottest chilli grown in Grantham, Lincolnshire - The Telegraph
“A chilli grown in the historic market town of Grantham, Lincs has been named as the hottest in the world. The Infinity chilli is hotter than the Bhut Jolokia chilli, the former record holder, which is used by the Indian military to make hand grenades to immobilise terrorist suspects. Tests by Warwick University rate the Infinity chilli at 1,067,286 on the Scoville Scale which is used to measure the heat of peppers.”
URL: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...ham-Lincs.html
7. World's first ever calorie-negative Diet Cola Bottle launched - The Mirror
“Woolworths.co.uk have launched the world’s first ever calorie negative sweet - the Diet Cola Bottle. The sweet, part of its Pick ‘n’ Mix range, burns more calories when eating and digesting than the sweet actually contains. Matthew Jacques, Head of brand at Woolworths.co.uk, says “The Diet Cola Bottle looks almost identical and tastes equally as good as the original cola bottle, but without the calories.”
URL: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-w...5875-22149364/
8. Moggy cat-ches a burglar in the act - The Sun
“A burglar was caught after being spotted breaking in by a cat. The three-year-old tabby woke his owner Ivor Bates as the teenage crook tried to get into an elderly neighbour's home at night. Plumber Ivor, 48, of Dagenham, Essex, called 999 and cops swooped to nick 19-year-old Karolis Narkevicius. Mr Bates, who has five cats, said: "I would never have seen the man if it wasn't for Barney. He was staring out the window making strange noises. I knew he could see something he didn't like the look of."
URL: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...n-the-act.html
9. Man jailed for assaulting security guard with cheese sandwich - The Mirror
“A man has been jailed for 14 days after attacking a security guard – with a cheese sandwich. Lee Revis, 29, who was being held for breaching bail over another offence, lost his cool after he was told he could not smoke in a court cell. Group 4 prison custody officer Wendy Thompson went to check on him at the court in Berwick-upon-Tweed and he threw the sandwich in her face.”
URL: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-w...5875-22139125/
10. Auto Windscreens launches first prescription windscreen - News release
“Constantly having to swap your glasses or remember to bring along a pair for driving? Do away with the hassle, as Auto Windscreens, innovators in automotive glazing, has successfully launched its first prescription windscreen. The ingenious creation has been the result of pioneering research and development from the company’s state-of-the-art factory, based in Chesterfield, Derbyshire. Having been successfully tested by the Dunlop MSA British Touring Car Championship driver Tom Chilton, the young glasses-wearer has fitted his car with the prescription windscreen for the new 2010 racing season, due to start on 4th April.”
URL: http://uk.video.yahoo.com/watch/7250797/18905620
11. Chefs serve dinner cooked on the hot lava of an erupting volcano in Iceland - The Telegraph
“The ground shakes, belching fumes and spewing lava, but this has not deterred thrill-seekers flocking to see Iceland's active volcano. The Fimmvorduhals volcano in the middle of the Eyjafjallajokull glacier erupted on March 21, and one couple chose the spot for a romantic - and dangerous – dinner.”
URL: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/pict...n-Iceland.html
12. Ex-wife wins £215,000 payout - 29yrs after separation from husband - The Metro
“A wealthy barrister has been told to pay his ex-wife a lump sum of £215,000 - even though they separated 29 years ago and have no children together. David Vaughan QC was handed the bill by the Court of Appeal despite having already paid maintenance to his ex-wife, Philippa, for twice as long as they were married.”
URL:http://www.metro.co.uk/news/820068-e...n-from-husband
13. Ref revolution is wheely great - The Sun
“Sam Allardyce last night gave the thumbs up to an amazing 'ref-mobile'. The Blackburn boss believes the motorised two-wheeler will keep referees up to speed with the game's fastest players. Football authorities have been secretly testing the Segways - and they will be used in the Blue Square Premier next season. With players like Theo Walcott, Gabby Agbonlahor and Aaron Lennon capable of incredible speeds, it is hoped this new innovation will help refs keep up.”
URL: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...-by-storm.html
TRUE: 4, 6, 8, 9, 11, 12
FOOLS: 1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 10, 13
..... probably why so many people want to kill me 
Originally Posted by Win2Win
Oo er missuss
This is actually a classic April Fools prank though..
