What to do?

[South-east boy]

Sorry this is SO long!

Ok, I have been chatting to a girl called Bell who I met on a dating site since sometime in January. She lived in Cebu and worked as a storeroom manager or something similar. She started off not writing much, but then started writing a little more and we got on to emailing, but they still weren't very long! I find it hard to get some girls chatting more, but you need to chat mote to get a feel for them & how well you get on. You don't want to fly all that way to see them, then find that you don't 'click' or get on so well do you?!

Anyway, after a few weeks she said that she was thinking of quitting her job and trying in Singapore where a friend was. I let her know Steve R's advice that things were not easy there, it was hard to find jobs and that companies were taking advantage of people etc. She thanked me for the advice, but decided to try so fair enough. As she didn't have her own computer & was busy planning her move, she didn't have the opportunity to chat on yahoo (only once) or send emails, so it was mainly keeping on contact by text messages. I didn't want to spend money on phone calls until we has chatted more on yahoo and found if we got on more or not.

After she finished her job, she went to visit her family in Clarin, Missamis occidental, so again had no chance to use a PC. She did say at one time that she had a strange request) which I thought could possibly be asking for some money, but she never mentioned this strange request again! She did say that it was costing more than she thought andvwas short of money, but never asked for anything.

After visiting her family, she went back to Cebu for a few days to finish packing up and then flew to Singapore. When there she got a Singapore sim card which then meant that she couldn't text me cheaply and she still didn't have Internet use. She's been there 7 weeks now, and I've received one email and the odd text message ( sometimes a few in a day, then sometimes none for 2-3weeks) as she still hasn't been able to find any work. She has been missing her family, said she had listened to the advice I gave her and seems like she will have to go back soon. I guess she took some savings with her and it's just as well she has been living with her friend of I don't know how she would have got by. I'm not sure why her friend didn't really say how it was before she decided to go though?

Yesterday I sent her a text asking her how she was etc and she replied saying that she thinks Singapore isn't for her and will be going home soon. This morning i received a message from her saying that she needs to go home on April 28th, can I lend her $200, that she has run out of cash & has no-one to turn to. I'm not sure is she means $200 Singapore dollars which is £94 or $200 US dollars which is £129? I look at the flights and the cheapest Cebu pacific one for that date is $229 Singapore dollars which is £108.

Am not really sure what to do. am sure her family don't have the money. If I had known her longer, we had longer/more regular emails/chatted on yahoo & got on well/chatted on the phone & got on well, then it wouldn't be so much of a problem for me, but her going to Singapore kinda stuffed up things moving on/going somewhere (which is also why I have still been looking for someone) and I don't know if this has any future or not? Of course naturally, I am caring and like to help people, but of course with what happened before with Suzie and advice about not spending/sending money I'm not sure what to do? If it's the equivalent of £94 of so, it's not too bad, but still not a small amount for someone I have yet to really 'click' with or of course even see!

Any advice greatfully received!

[KeithD]

Well I wouldn't give any money to anyone I'd just knew via the internet unless I really knew them. She got herself in this position, and now wants the person she's shown little interest in to give her money. If you do that she'll communicate more... ask for more... and round & round we go....

Would you lend some girl at a bus stop £94 that you'd just been chatting with now & again? ... and don't include 'pity' in your thought process.

[IainBusby]

My advice for what it's worth is just tell her politely that things are quite tough for you at the moment and you haven't got any money to spare right now. I definately would not give her any money. I think that the most sensible policy is never send money to someone you have never met in person. She managed before you came along and she'll continue to manage without your money.

At least you can find out now if she's really interested in you and not just your money..... if it was just your money, you'll never hear from her again and if she is interested in you, then no doubt she'll be in touch when she's got herself out of her current predicament.
Iain.

[Ella]

[/COLOR]

Sorry this is SO long!

Ok, I have been chatting to a girl called Bell who I met on a dating site since sometime in January. She lived in Cebu and worked as a storeroom manager or something similar. She started off not writing much, but then started writing a little more and we got on to emailing, but they still weren't very long! I find it hard to get some girls chatting more, but you need to chat mote to get a feel for them & how well you get on. You don't want to fly all that way to see them, then find that you don't 'click' or get on so well do you?!

Anyway, after a few weeks she said that she was thinking of quitting her job and trying in Singapore where a friend was. I let her know Steve R's advice that things were not easy there, it was hard to find jobs and that companies were taking advantage of people etc. She thanked me for the advice, but decided to try so fair enough. As she didn't have her own computer & was busy planning her move, she didn't have the opportunity to chat on yahoo (only once) or send emails, so it was mainly keeping on contact by text messages. I didn't want to spend money on phone calls until we has chatted more on yahoo and found if we got on more or not.

After she finished her job, she went to visit her family in Clarin, Missamis occidental, so again had no chance to use a PC. She did say at one time that she had a strange request) which I thought could possibly be asking for some money, but she never mentioned this strange request again! She did say that it was costing more than she thought andvwas short of money, but never asked for anything.

After visiting her family, she went back to Cebu for a few days to finish packing up and then flew to Singapore. When there she got a Singapore sim card which then meant that she couldn't text me cheaply and she still didn't have Internet use. She's been there 7 weeks now, and I've received one email and the odd text message ( sometimes a few in a day, then sometimes none for 2-3weeks) as she still hasn't been able to find any work. She has been missing her family, said she had listened to the advice I gave her and seems like she will have to go back soon. I guess she took some savings with her and it's just as well she has been living with her friend of I don't know how she would have got by. I'm not sure why her friend didn't really say how it was before she decided to go though?

Yesterday I sent her a text asking her how she was etc and she replied saying that she thinks Singapore isn't for her and will be going home soon. This morning i received a message from her saying that she needs to go home on April 28th, can I lend her $200, that she has run out of cash & has no-one to turn to. I'm not sure is she means $200 Singapore dollars which is £94 or $200 US dollars which is £129? I look at the flights and the cheapest Cebu pacific one for that date is $229 Singapore dollars which is £108.

Am not really sure what to do. am sure her family don't have the money. If I had known her longer, we had longer/more regular emails/chatted on yahoo & got on well/chatted on the phone & got on well, then it wouldn't be so much of a problem for me, but her going to Singapore kinda stuffed up things moving on/going somewhere (which is also why I have still been looking for someone) and I don't know if this has any future or not? Of course naturally, I am caring and like to help people, but of course with what happened before with Suzie and advice about not spending/sending money I'm not sure what to do? If it's the equivalent of £94 of so, it's not too bad, but still not a small amount for someone I have yet to really 'click' with or of course even see!

Any advice greatfully received!

[COLOR="red"][I]Well, as they say "Don't trust anybody" Lots of fraud people on the net. They will fool you f u fall n2. Knw the person well.

Maybe u can get lots of advices and different opinions here (I assume) The last decision is still yours my dear

[cessxy]

In my opinion. Before you help her financially you better meet her in person first. And know her well. Anyway it is still you own decision whether you help her or what. Goodluck! and Belated Happy birthday

[sars_notd_virus]

Follow your instinct Tim
IF this girl is real or sincere, she won't ask u money...

[triple5]

Don't even think about Plenty more who wouldn't be in that position and never ask for anything. Say bye bye and move on.

[Dedworth]

I'll add my name to those saying keep your wallet firmly closed. Tell her your overseas aid budget for the current year has already been spent.

[liane]

Better not send any money to her. You wouldn't like to be remembered only when she is short of cash, right? . She's maybe just trying if you'll give in to her story. I am sure she has other close friends or relatives that can help her if she's really in trouble with cash. I think you aren't close enough for her to ask for financial help

[South-east boy]

Well I wouldn't give any money to anyone I'd just knew via the internet unless I really knew them. She got herself in this position, and now wants the person she's shown little interest in to give her money. If you do that she'll communicate more... ask for more... and round & round we go....

Would you lend some girl at a bus stop £94 that you'd just been chatting with now & again? ... and don't include 'pity' in your thought process.

I always hate these situations as they always make you feel guilty if you say no and I do worry what she will do if she really doesn't have anyone else to borrow from! No, I wouldn't give £94 to someone that I've chatted to briefly at a bus stop!

Really, she shouldn't have gone there without having the money to fly back if it didn't work out, especially as I had warned her that it wasn't easy there. If she went with some savings to get by until she found a job, once she got down to just the flight money home left, then she should have flown back home.

[South-east boy]

My advice for what it's worth is just tell her politely that things are quite tough for you at the moment and you haven't got any money to spare right now. I definately would not give her any money. I think that the most sensible policy is never send money to someone you have never met in person. She managed before you came along and she'll continue to manage without your money.

At least you can find out now if she's really interested in you and not just your money..... if it was just your money, you'll never hear from her again and if she is interested in you, then no doubt she'll be in touch when she's got herself out of her current predicament.
Iain.

This is true and I've heard it before. It will be interesting to see what happens. Actually I have had quite an expensive previous month what with car insurance, MOT and more petrol + dentist coming up.

[South-east boy]

Well, as they say "Don't trust anybody" Lots of fraud people on the net. They will fool you f u fall n2. Knw the person well.

Maybe u can get lots of advices and different opinions here (I assume) The last decision is still yours my dear[/I][/COLOR]

In my opinion. Before you help her financially you better meet her in person first. And know her well. Anyway it is still you own decision whether you help her or what. Goodluck! and Belated Happy birthday

Yes, I know what you both mean. Even when I thought I knew Suzie well + other girls before (even with ones I had seen plenty of times), they have still done something that shows that I didn't know them as well as I thought. Kinda scarey with some people when you think you know them, but actually, you really don't.

[South-east boy]

Follow your instinct Tim
IF this girl is real or sincere, she won't ask u money...

Don't even think about Plenty more who wouldn't be in that position and never ask for anything. Say bye bye and move on.

I'll add my name to those saying keep your wallet firmly closed. Tell her your overseas aid budget for the current year has already been spent.

Better not send any money to her. You wouldn't like to be remembered only when she is short of cash, right? . She's maybe just trying if you'll give in to her story. I am sure she has other close friends or relatives that can help her if she's really in trouble with cash. I think you aren't close enough for her to ask for financial help

I guess I wonder if it really is true and she really doesn't have anyone to help, what will she do? But like I said Liane says, I wouldn't ever ask someone who I knew that little or of course get myself into that situation in the first place. I really help that she has other people that can help. Even though I try to be careful to not be in contact someone that will need/ask for money, it's not easy and it still happens! How do you avoid it coming up or choosing someone that it won't happen with?

[triple5]

How do you avoid it coming up or choosing someone that it won't happen with?

Come here and meet somebody in person, that way you get to know them better. When I was on those dating sites awhile back somebody tried that "stuck in another country" line. Don't fall for it.

[klsl_forever]

I'd just forget her and move on. At best she has acted irresponsibly to get herself into this position. More than likely though, he/she is working a scam, not too difficult if they have a friend/relative already working in Singapore. Did you ever see this person on cam during your one chat in yahoo?

[IainBusby]

I guess I wonder if it really is true and she really doesn't have anyone to help, what will she do? But like I said Liane says, I wouldn't ever ask someone who I knew that little or of course get myself into that situation in the first place. I really help that she has other people that can help. Even though I try to be careful to not be in contact someone that will need/ask for money, it's not easy and it still happens! How do you avoid it coming up or choosing someone that it won't happen with?

When I was in your situation I had already heard all of the warnings (as you have) and I decided that I would follow one simple rule which I had read many times on various websites. "Do not send money to anyone you have never actually met in person".

I broke this rule only once and only for a very selfish reason which was, I wanted my (now) wife to travel from Cagayan De Oro to Manila and meet me at the airport which she agreed to do. You have to realise however that by this stage of our relationship, we were chatting on webcam every day for at least two hours, she had never asked me for anything and I was confident that we had something really genuine going on between us.
Iain.

[South-east boy]

I'd just forget her and move on. At best she has acted irresponsibly to get herself into this position. More than likely though, he/she is working a scam, not too difficult if they have a friend/relative already working in Singapore. Did you ever see this person on cam during your one chat in yahoo?

No, I have never seen her on cam. I have her as a friend on Friendster where shd has lots of various pics, but of course what is to stop anyone from copying those photos? Just because there are a lot it doesn't necceasarily mean that they are 100% genuine. In fact if I was a scammer, then surely copying and adding many photos from someone elses account would seem a better idea than just using a few as it makes them seem more genuine.

[mickcant]

I always hate these situations as they always make you feel guilty if you say no and I do worry what she will do if she really doesn't have anyone else to borrow from! No, I wouldn't give £94 to someone that I've chatted to briefly at a bus stop!

Hi South-east boy,
It is very difficult becouse if you are deloloping feelings for a woman and hope to meet, your heart will tell you to help, only you can decide this.

When I look back at my relationship and very short marriage, i just wish it was £94 that I had been scamed out of, yes I was warned by friends here but though It was investing in a happy future, good luck, we know there are plenty of genuine ladies looking for a loving partner.
Mick.

[Sim11UK]

You've never seen her on cam?
You've already had your fingers burnt before

Blunt maybe? but true

[triple5]

£94

save the money and think of it as a 5th of a plane ticket here. Something tells me you won't listen though, and keep wasting money on gifts for complete strangers

[pennybarry]

Never spend money to any woman whom you didn't meet yet personally.
Try to save all your money and book a flight someday.
Keep on looking someone who is genuine.

[South-east boy]

You've never seen her on cam?
You've already had your fingers burnt before

Blunt maybe? but true

No, because we only got to chat on yahoo once mainly because she didn't have a computer at home, the time difference and because of finishing her job, moving out & moving to Singapore, but I haven't sent her anything yet & won't be.

[South-east boy]

£94

save the money and think of it as a 5th of a plane ticket here. Something tells me you won't listen though, and keep wasting money on gifts for complete strangers

Don't worry, I'm not sending her anything and recently send her a message saying so. Suzie is the only girl that I haven't met that I have sent Birthday and Christmas gifts to.

[Arthur Little]

Kinda scarey with some people when you think you know them, but actually, you really don't.

Face facts here, Tim!! Not only is it "kinda scary" ... it's downright FOLLY to send money to someone you've never met. I'm sorry to be so blunt here, mate ... but PLEASE ... don't even think about it. Besides, consider this: if you were to lay aside £94 each time you managed to control the [misguided] urge to help someone claiming financial hardship, it wouldn't be too long before you'd saved enough to cover the cost of a return air fare to the Phils!

[Northerner]

Tim, I'm going to add my tupence wotrth here...

Like others have said, if you don't know the girl be careful with money. and not seeing her yet on a cam!!! Pfffft, that could be a huge mistake.

Right now, I would say to save up and get yourself over there Save up for a good holiday and whilst planning that holiday see who you get to meet online with these sites. I would doubt it will be long before you have a few penpals and then perhaps go on a few dates whilst over there..

I am sure some of the ladies on this forum could suggest female friends back home interested, and really I think you will find many interested. But after going on some dates at least you could settle your mind on one person, and I am sure she would turn out to be genuine and a lady you would have a great time with..

Get your tackle out son, see what bites

[aposhark]

Hi, I would like to add to the consensus of opinion.

Don't send any money to her, sounds like she is trying to scam you.

Be careful and get to know her a lot better before sending money.

I saw many men in the Philippines in the internet cafes, some were posing as women in the dating sites.

Be careful and be patient waiting for a true Filipina

[Ping]

You can not just packed your things and go to Singapore to find job. You have to apply a job first and if you got they send you a job contract and a work permit.And if she went there as a tourist and look for an employment, I think its impossible.

[raynaputi]

You can not just packed your things and go to Singapore to find job. You have to apply a job first and if you got they send you a job contract and a work permit.And if she went there as a tourist and look for an employment, I think its impossible.

Hi Ate Ping! well these days, that's how the employment system works in Singapore..most employers want the applicants to interview them personally..so lots of walk-in applicants are taking risks..most people think that 30 days visit visa is enough to find a work..but they're wrong..and i wouldn't take that risks..although i've known some who did that and they're still there working..guess it still depends on the line of work..

[Ping]

Oh yes domestic workers are, the employer like to interview them personally but office job is different if you are not a Singaporean . They give the priority to the citizen.

Rayna like you, your company send you to worked there thats fine, but if not its very risky.

[trenchtown]

I have read some of your posts before and you seem a real decent bloke who deserves a bit of luck so my advice is forget all about her and save the money for a fact finding trip to the philippines.