working and being a wife

[maria_and_matt]

Oh come on, Joe ... it's patently obvious - even to a "blind man"! 'Latch-key kids' running wild ... getting into all sorts of bother as a result of indulgence in anti-social behaviour. WHY? Because there's no-one at home to exercise proper parental responsibility and control - nor [seemingly] care what they get up to!!

very true, i truly believe that my son is what he is today because i am always here to support and listen! most of his friends parents are at work (fulltime) and those kids drink and get up to mischief... nowadays some parents just do not take the time to be with their children so sad really

[Arthur Little]

And with the greatest respect, Paul (triple5) is currently in the Phils ... and can hardly fail to have noticed the difference between the high proportion of well-mannered youngsters to be found in a predominantly less affluent corner of the world - compared to [some] of the rich kids and/or spoilt brats to be found in our own materialistic country.

[triple5]

And with the greatest respect, Paul (triple5) is currently in the Phils ... and can hardly fail to have noticed the difference between the high proportion of well-mannered youngsters to be found in a predominantly less affluent corner of the world - compared to [some] of the rich kids and/or spoilt brats to be found in our own materialistic country.

Spot on there Arthur I was invited to a meal at an expat friend last week, Chris is a retired psychiatric nurse and school teacher. He reckons dealing with the mentally ill was a breeze compared to having to "try" and teach teenage kids in the UK.

We both agreed that, even though we're kind of outcasts here and a long way from "home", we've never felt the intimidation that can be felt walking through some UK city and town centres. Many British youths love nothing better than a good tear up. Youngsters here, generally, are not confrontational or aggressive.

[liane]

My hubby will let me decide what I want. I would like to work but would also like to spend as much time as I can to care and guide my child/children someday.
Maybe I could work full time while we doesn't have a child yet and by the time we have I could slow down a bit and lessen my working hours so I could look after my family. Time management is what I need to learn.

[ca143]

im working most of my life b4,but when i arrive in UK i become a full time wife and mum but still earn money...im work from home as well....

[Arthur Little]

, Paul ... for adding to my reputation ... very much appreciated!

[scottishbride]

how many here that thre husband allow thre wife to get work even with 3 litle children and how many are the husband dont allow the wife could understand we settle to uk and not as OWF or overseas Filifino working . am just curious

Hello me, I work part- time and hubby doesn't mind.

[gWaPito]

We don't have children yet, when we do then Jane will not work, I agree with arthur whole heartedly.

My wife is free to what she wants to do, I don't question her. She wants to work so she works, it is fulll time and it's where I work so happy families all round. She is not a philipine over sea's worker, she works for her family ie; the 2 of us just like any other western marriage so, good for her.

[Arthur Little]

We don't have children yet, when we do then Jane will not work, I agree with arthur whole heartedly ...

... for your support, mate!

[gWaPito]

good to see you are still on here

[RickyR]

I agree with a lot that is said, when Marvie and I were dating I told her straight up that i'd prefer a wife who didn't work and instead had time for her family. I was always jealous when I was younger of my friends parents where the Mum was always there when they came home from school with dinner on the table. I work 6 months a year (away), and earn enough for my missus not to need to, so whats the point. Plus I'd be bored on my 6 months holiday if she was out 9-5!!!!

[gWaPito]

I agree with a lot that is said, when Marvie and I were dating I told her straight up that i'd prefer a wife who didn't work and instead had time for her family. I was always jealous when I was younger of my friends parents where the Mum was always there when they came home from school with dinner on the table. I work 6 months a year (away), and earn enough for my missus not to need to, so whats the point. Plus I'd be bored on my 6 months holiday if she was out 9-5!!!!

I agree Ricky, Jane is just working basicly to keep her sain, we dont have children yet and you can only go to the 'shopping malls for so long until that gets to be a bore' she wants to contribute Ricky, her money is not touched, it just grows every month.
As you may be aware, work in the PH is contract work not like here, here her job is permanant and she has another social circle which I think is dam important..anyway another subject

[joebloggs]

and earn enough for my missus not to need to, so whats the point. Plus I'd be bored on my 6 months holiday if she was out 9-5!!!!

because its her life, it should be her choice, so you would be bored on your 6 months hols, so how do you think she will be stuck at home 24/7 ? while your away

its not just about money its about her having a life and a career


now you all say that kids get in trouble if the mother works, well how many of you guys are willing to stay at home 24/7 and look after your own child, surely they need a father figure to discipline them ? oh your all the hunters and bread winners..
what year are we in

[Arthur Little]

... well how many of you guys are willing to stay at home 24/7 and look after your own child, surely they need a father figure to discipline them ? oh your all the hunters and bread winners..
what year are we in

Like your wife, Joe, my daughter was a professional person ... having worked as a Speech & Language Therapist for 15 years. Her husband is a Physics teacher but, for a couple of years after training, the only job he could find was in 'supply'. Then - when he DID obtain a permanent post - his wage was considerably less than Fiona's.

And so they decided that - if and when they had kids - Fiona would be the breadwinner ... with Dean staying at home to look after them.

As it transpired, however, they had been married more than 10 years before their first child came along - by which time Dean's salary matched Fiona's - and she gave up work immediately, to devote herself to full-time motherhood.

Sure, they're a lot less affluent than they'd grown accustomed to - having since had to forego such luxuries as foreigh holidays and sell one of their two cars. But they wouldn't have it any other way, given the choice!

Besides, Fiona's mother-in-law lives quite close to them and would be only too pleased to "babysit" for them during the day ... but Fiona herself, is a firm believer in it being the parents' responsibility to look after their offspring - until the latter are school age at least!

[Ross]

im happy reading all the replies here its all helpful indeed

thanks to everyone

this forum is superb

[gWaPito]

because its her life, it should be her choice, so you would be bored on your 6 months hols, so how do you think she will be stuck at home 24/7 ? while your away

its not just about money its about her having a life and a career


now you all say that kids get in trouble if the mother works, well how many of you guys are willing to stay at home 24/7 and look after your own child, surely they need a father figure to discipline them ? oh your all the hunters and bread winners..
what year are we in

Well JoeBloggs what can I say, I have read many of your posts over the years and to be honest I have not agreed with most of them!
This I have and all the others you have made in this thread.
I'm on sick leave and I'm only on my first week and believe me, it's driving me nuts! I could not imagine being stuck at home '24/7' but, like Ricky said, it's something they agreed on way before arriving on these shores also he did say things are not set in stone so, there you go.

In my experience this type of working set up does not work. I did it for 12 years, for example 4 weeks away then 3 days home yes, great money big house nice cars with all the posh holidays etc but, that was it.
I came from a family where we were poor as church mice but, we were a proper family, we eat together, laugh together all of that, things that were taken for granted but, most or some don't realise this until later in life until it's too late, perhaps this is where being a middle aged guy comes in handy ie; experince of life.
I'm much poorer than I was but, I would not swap the life I have now. I treasure my wife, I know she would be there for me whatever, like I said I had a lower back complaint last week and they thought it was a prolasped disc because I lost control of my functions at home, Jane was there and cleaned me up, imagine being thousands of miles away from your beloved while all around you are thinking the worst yes, you also think of your own and others mortality, another thing about being middle aged!!

Ricky, you are a good man, you will do whatever is right for your family. We are lucky, we are in a land where we can choose.

[joebloggs]

I'm never sure where that stereotype comes from. My missus and all her mates would tell any fella where to get off if they started bossing them around.

where it comes from ? just read this thread again, see how many filipina's who replied said their husband didn't want them to work and they don't work, i know filipinas on here who have put up with a lot of from their husband..

Well JoeBloggs what can I say, I have read many of your posts over the years and to be honest I have not agreed with most of them!
.

which ones
not agreed with most of them then your either or as most of my posts have been about immigration advice

[triple5]

where it comes from ? just read this thread again, see how many filipina's who replied said their husband didn't want them to work and they don't work, i know filipinas on here who have put up with a lot of from their husband..

I was referring more to the people who say, "Oh he just wants a filipina coz she'll do as she's told" Not so much the ladies on here. Just because they respect their husband's wishes on one aspect doesn't mean they're totally submissive to everything. I can't comment on ladies on here who have put up with from their husbands. The only one I remember was Allyn who has now left him.

[gWaPito]

where it comes from ? just read this thread again, see how many filipina's who replied said their husband didn't want them to work and they don't work, i know filipinas on here who have put up with a lot of from their husband..



which ones
not agreed with most of them then your either or as most of my posts have been about immigration advice

OK, It was one only and it did pi_ _ me off.
It was when my then fiance (pumpkins), now my wife mentioned about getting a spouse visa. You and another mod basicly put the boot in, after she explained the situation to you about me. I was affected for a while similar to this . I'm cool now Glad you are are still here

[RickyR]

Joe it's a lifestyle choice. I told Marvie my feelings while we were dating, and I also said i'd never stop her working if she wanted to do it for reasons other then money. For me, having this type of family life is important, and I've met someone who feels the same way and is very happy to live this kind of life. Of course I wouldn't demand her to do anything, everything is a mutual decision, but she knows my feelings about things, and I know hers. I have encouraged Marvie towards volountary and charitable work, and involvement with the church to help ensure she doesn't reach the point of being bored. But that really is her choice.
I respect that some women want to work, and I also respect that some families have no option but to have both parents working simply to ensure that the bread is on the table.
Regardless of where you meet your partner, whether on the internet or in person, it certainly helps if you have some mutual interests or values from the start, because if you both have different ideas about how things are going to pan out once you're together, it isn't going to work.
For my family, it's always going to be a little bit difficult because i'm away from home, sometimes at the most critical and emotional times. Luckily, I have an understanding employer who will put me on the next flight home. But this is my lifestyle choice, and Marvie has come into this with her eyes open and knows that this is a life that some women wouldn't want and couldn't handle.

[joebloggs]

as you've said YOU dont want your wife to work Ricky, but what would you do if she said she doesnt want you to work away 6 months of the year, would you quit that job ? ...

and yes she knows about your lifestyle, but when you have kids are you still going to work 6 months of the year away from home? my misses sister, her husband is a first mate, he sees his kids for 6 months of the year, what kinda bond do you think they have ??

instead of telling my misses what to do, i've encouraged her to do what she wants, there are no rules, its cost us all the money we've had, 9yrs of my life, 20yrs of her life, a dream shes had all her life, its been one of a journey, but it doesn't matter if she wanted to be a doc or anything else, i'll be there supporting her

we've always found away of having someone with our kids, either me the misses, a child minder or her aunt, and as for them being the next yobs, nothing could be further from the truth, they are too honest and decent, i'm worried how they will survive in the real world and so we will be sending our 9yr old girl for karate lessons..

[Arthur Little]

... instead of telling my misses what to do, i've encouraged her to do what she wants, there are no rules, its cost us all the money we've had, 9yrs of my life, 20yrs of her life, a dream shes had all her life, its been one of a journey, but it doesn't matter if she wanted to be a doc or anything else, i'll be there supporting her

Don't get me wrong ... I admire you and your missus for the tremendous sacrifices you've made [jointly] over many years. But wouldn't you agree that the fault lies principally with the 'Professional Standards Bodies' HERE in the UK? After all, it's these blinkered bureaucrats who are setting unrealistic targets for already adequately-qualified non-Europeans entering this country as the lawfully-wedded spouses of British nationals (or whatever) ... solely to protect the interests of their OWN graduates - WHO, if truth be told, are in many instances a great deal LESS well-trained in their chosen disciplines!

And, until some degree of parity is reached (which, sadly, seems unlikely to happen!) this grossly unfair practice will continue to prevail.

[RickyR]

I understand what your saying Joe. But this is an individual lifestyle choice. What you choose and what works for you can vary differently to what works for other people.

If my missus wanted me to change my lifestyle, of course I'd have to change it. Does being away 6 months of the year, trouble our family. Well it has its difficulties, but i'm only away 2 months at a time, can be home anytime I want. Do I feel it ruins my relationship with my step-daughter and make it difficult with my pregnant wife? Yes, it poses its own challenges. But the way I see it, and this is a purely individual lifestyle choice, I'd rather have 6 months of quality time with my family then working mon-fri and commuting, only to get home at 6 or 7pm when my kids are going to bed. Doesn't suit everyone, but I see this life work for others and since Marvie has been at sea too she's strong enough to make it work for us. Yes, her being at home is critical for this to work, but its her free choice regardless of what I want.

[ras66uk]

its all bout balance no? time wit children , time wiv wife and time for yourself, my girl is independant... if i told her wat 2 do she wud kick my ass! as for money, difficult.... she says im a one day millionaire, however if she has d cash.... it amazingly disappears!

[cheeky]

Maris and I have discussed her working when in UK. of course until we are married and she has the leave to remain visa, she will just busy herself with the culture, friends and generally learning about her new country.After we are married, well I am happy for Maris to do what she likes, of course I dont want her doing a job with hours where we pass likes ships in the night but whether it is to study or a job that suits her, I am fine. I want her to feel happy and motivated about her new life with me in the Uk. Money wise no need for Maris to work, so its really is up to her..

[SteveL]

My baby wants to work in UK until she's with child and then become a full time mum. I respect this, i think wives should choose , its the 21st century after all.

[joebloggs]

my wasn't really about the wife working, it's about her being told what to, not all filipina's are so submissive, if i told the misses to do something and she didn't want to i would get

and thats the way it should be.. partners 50/50 , maybe thats why were still married

[triple5]

not all filipina's are so submissive

I'm never sure where that stereotype comes from. My missus and all her mates would tell any fella where to get off if they started bossing them around.

[triple5]

Who are these followers of Joes I'm sure he meant no offence Gwapito. Joe's been here for ages and has no doubt seen his fair share of negative stories. I've only been around just over a year and am surprised by how many scams and what not go on. I've done it myself at times quickly jumped to conclusions.

[gWaPito]

Who are these followers of Joes I'm sure he meant no offence Gwapito. Joe's been here for ages and has no doubt seen his fair share of negative stories. I've only been around just over a year and am surprised by how many scams and what not go on. I've done it myself at times quickly jumped to conclusions.

It was 'Pumpkins' first post and goes on from there.
I accept that Triple5 We are all but human. anyway I see you mentioned ladyboyz a few times, you don't like