Am I worrying over nothing ?

[SteveL]

I'm due to fly to Manila in July to get married, upto yesterday I was the happiest man alive. Last night, out of boredom, I googled my girls email address and found she was still active in a different dating agency from the one we met in.
This morning I asked her about it and she said she didnt go there anymore , but the site showed she had logged in on 19th May and 25th may this year.
I love my girl to bits but this is making me paranoid and thinking bad things. The fact that she lied when I asked her is making it worse. HELP!

[triple5]

19th May and 25th isn't exactly 24/7 but you're right its not good being lied to. It could just be that she was curious if any old flames had been in touch, difficult to tell. Does she ever go missing for long periods? ie meeting up with other guys? Just thrash it out with her, tell her know what she's been up to and you want reassurance she's not playing around.

[pennybarry]

I'm due to fly to Manila in July to get married, upto yesterday I was the happiest man alive. Last night, out of boredom, I googled my girls email address and found she was still active in a different dating agency from the one we met in.
This morning I asked her about it and she said she didnt go there anymore , but the site showed she had logged in on 19th May and 25th may this year.
I love my girl to bits but this is making me paranoid and thinking bad things. The fact that she lied when I asked her is making it worse. HELP!

Calm down ! Maybe she's curious and wanting to know when was the date you went online and check your profile if still there. I was doing that before to investigate my husband ehehehhe. But when i asked his password, he told me and checked his inbox. I have found out he was telling true.
Try to ask her password.

[keithAngel]

Steve apart from smoke and fire possabilities i was engaged elsewhere in a discussion about internet addiction on dating sites

A view expressed was that folk get hooked on the attention and flattery they get and the ego gets caught in an addiction patten especialy but not exclusively when the other halfs not around to fulfill this function

Additionaly there is a sugestion that in all ex spanish colonys it (fairly commonly) is no crime to lie if this prevents percieved threat bad things happening I have myself experienced brilliant examples of this first hand

The big problem is once a lie has entered the reality how do you get trust back without being untrusting?

And as Penny illistrates so well in her post most Filipinas love investigations including your sms message page whilst your asleep a friend of mine even got text messages from some strange woman (actualy from his partner on another sim) to see if he would

a/ reply
b/ report

He sussed it in the end and read the riot act hope this resolves easily for you

Myself i trust in Allah and tie up my camel

[joebloggs]

This morning I asked her about it and she said she didnt go there anymore , but the site showed she had logged in on 19th May and 25th may this year.
!

so she went on twice,maybe her understanding of 'didn't go there anymore' is she doesn't log on a few times everyday

yes your going a bit paraoid checking up on her

[joebloggs]

A view expressed was that folk get hooked on the attention and flattery they get and the ego gets caught in an addiction patten especialy but not exclusively when the other halfs not around to fulfill this function

flattery on your here you dont

Kieth you scruffy , tidy yourslef up , have you been sleeping next to your camel, you smell !, or is that dry fish



:

[burdock]

Hi Steve
I had some similar with my gf
only thing to do is to talk to her
about it and give her chance to explain.

Me and my gf both have each others passwords

follow your heart Steve

[joebloggs]

follow your heart Steve

and keep your hand on your wallet

[Arthur Little]

Whilst I fully understand your concern, I DO know that dating sites (most of them, perhaps!) have a "nasty" habit of retaining client profiles - sometimes indefinitely - in the hope of keeping their custom ... especially if users' memberships are still valid and/or unless they receive notice of cancellation. Hopefully, one or either of those reasons explains your girlfriend's [apparent] presence online.

[triple5]

it could be she received one of those emails - "You've just received a new message" and curiosity got the better of her. Maybe she was checking up on you.

Ask her

[KeithD]

I still use dating sites ..... although my last profile made me female..... so watch who you talk to guys... you may be asking me for a

[nigel]

Go to the website anonymously, using fake name...and message her...see if she replies haha!

(Well that would tell you a lot anyway!)

[triple5]

I still use dating sites ..... although my last profile made me female..... so watch who you talk to guys... you may be asking me for a

There's good money to be made in that, or the was until webcams became so popular

[pennybarry]

Go to the website anonymously, using fake name...and message her...see if she replies haha!

(Well that would tell you a lot anyway!)

This is great! You'll surely get the answer!

Whilst I fully understand your concern, I DO know that dating sites (most of them, perhaps!) if users' memberships are still valid and/or unless they receive notice of cancellation. Hopefully, one or either of those reasons explains your girlfriend's [apparent] presence online.

If you are gold member, your validity is one year I remember. Member can just switch it off and there's no harm for us ladies to check more about our man before we marry like what others do.
Just dare for an exchange password.

[stevewool]

trust is very hard to find, we all look sometimes when we are bored and she may have done that just looked , have you ever done that??? even though you are so happy with her and she with you too, trust your heart steve,and ask her straight out

[joebloggs]

Go to the website anonymously, using fake name...and message her...see if she replies haha!

(Well that would tell you a lot anyway!)

that's entrapment Nigel, bad-boy Nigel and bad karma

wheres your positivity Nigel ??

[Sim11UK]

Yeah! I think it's probably LDR Paranoia...Hands up who's suffered with it
All of us I think.

We sometimes chat on the chatsite we met on, if YM is having problems...someone left me a message on there today, as we spoke on there...couldn't resist a peek, but that's all it was.

[KeithD]

All of us I think.

Not me & wifey

[gWaPito]

Trust your gut instinct, not your heart!!!!
Has she mentioned this to you before?, I think not.

Someone suggested we all do it, we all look once in while.
I for one, am not one of those types. For goodness sake you are getting married in a few weeks times.
I know I wasn't looking for a spare chick on the side before I got married.

I have read your post over a few times, you sound shocked, it's come out of the blue.
If it were me, I know what I would do...BIN....My gut instinct..sorry

[bornatbirth]

There's good money to be made in that, or the was until webcams became so popular

as you and the boss found out when guys wanted to see you on cam

[Sim11UK]

Someone suggested we all do it, we all look once in while.
I for one, am not one of those types. For goodness sake you are getting married in a few weeks times.
I know I wasn't looking for a spare chick on the side before I got married.

Who said that? bit of an over reaction methinks

[bornatbirth]

i gave my wife all my passwords and she closed all my profiles and i use to get mail telling me"i had mail" in many old profiles, which i hadnt used in a long time and i looked at all of them.

my wife still gets mail from guys who she chatted to before we met.

funny thing is my wife tells me everything, so i never worry about her.

i guess you need to talk about this and how you feel, thinking that she is chatting to others, maybe shes just bored waiting for things to happen

just try not to get mad and argue

[gWaPito]

Who said that? bit of an over reaction methinks

Mr sim, you are wondering who said that, well if the cap fits.

[Sim11UK]

Mr sim, you are wondering who said that, well if the cap fits.

Ooh! get you!

[gWaPito]

i gave my wife all my passwords and she closed all my profiles and i use to get mail telling me"i had mail" in many old profiles, which i hadnt used in a long time and i looked at all of them.

my wife still gets mail from guys who she chatted to before we met.

funny thing is my wife tells me everything, so i never worry about her.

i guess you need to talk about this and how you feel, thinking that she is chatting to others, maybe shes just bored waiting for things to happen

just try not to get mad and argue

We done the same (exchanged all our passwords) Job done, no more mail out of the blue

[gWaPito]

Ooh! get you!

I guess you are from Bristol so what does one expect

[Englishman2010]

If it's still an issue burning away at you, then you need to ask her straight out. As others have suggested there may be a simple answer, like she received an e-mail and out of curiosity she wanted to just take a peek. Unless you ask you will never know.
A similar thing happened to me, my g/f had been on a dating site for a few years, to be fair to me, she even showed me her profile when I saw her in Jan. When I got back home, I though I would check it out to see often she logged in. Over a period of a month or 6 weeks it was about once a week. I gradually got more and more angry until finally I asked her outright why she felt the need to stay on there now that she had me.
Her reply was that she didn't want to find aother man, but occasionally she got an e-mail from the site saying she had a message and had to log in to receive it. At first I wasn't sure, but I still check up and she hasn't logged in for nearly 3 months now.
Jealously can eat you away, and we all sometimes jump to the wrong conclusions - I am guilty of that all of the time. The only way you are going to know is to ask.
From my visits to the Phil's and from observing my g/f when she is on my lap top, I have come to the conclusion that Filipina's like to chat, be it on yahoo, MSN, facebook or even by SMS. You have to accept that she will have some male friends and they will sometimes be flirtaceous chats. A young atractive woman in her 20's is bound to get attention from other men, its a fact of life and we have to accept it. But the fact is she says she loves you and is marrying you, not them, surely that should tell you something.
It's natural that you might have some doubts, we've all heard a million stories about Filipina's scamming Westerners. I'd say most of them are exaggerated by insecure and jealous westerners who can't deal with the fact their beautiful young g/f is friendly and likes chatting.
Stop worrying, just ask her and I'm sure it will be ok - Good luck with your wedding and future lives together

[bornatbirth]

C'mon you 2, i want a good clean fight and when you get the wifes home, tell them not to fight in public again

[Sim11UK]

Mr Swindon started it No grudge held ...Well I did have to read back through the thread to see who said it.

[joebloggs]

i gave my wife all my passwords and she closed all my profiles and i use to get mail telling me"i had mail" in many old profiles, which i hadnt used in a long time and i looked at all of them.

my wife still gets mail from guys who she chatted to before we met.

funny thing is my wife tells me everything, so i never worry about her.

i guess you need to talk about this and how you feel, thinking that she is chatting to others, maybe shes just bored waiting for things to happen

just try not to get mad and argue

you gave your misses your passwords
she dont even know i'm on here and other sites

especially now shes working 12hrs of duty , and when shes comes back shes so she leaves me alone , i've waited 5yrs for theses days

why haven't you asked her about it if it bothers you so much, i wouldn't waste time on it, shes marrying you, so either tell her about your concerns or forget it