babies

[stevewool]

i know if emma reads this i will be in for the third degree but whats life without a good debate,babies and the muture man ????,and i dont mean smelly and mouldy too,living in england all my life and had my family who are all adults know well sometimes they are, i feel that having babies again at my time is not right for me, i look at it this way , the cost in money terms and years too. i feel i am being selfish to emma who has no children and i know would love to have a child, getting someone pregnant is so easy to some of us but its the looking after that is the hardest,the plans was to be here for a few more years saving hard then move to the phils with enough to make a good life there, i feel the best place for a child is here but then my whole life has changed i must then stay here and my dream will never happen, emma knows this and she seems ok but i see it in her face the sadness. i am being selfish

[darren-b]

I read your comments and something comes to mind that you may want to consider...

What if in a few years time when Emma has permanent residency and you are starting to properly plan your move, she decides that she must have children and if it's not with you it will have to be with someone else. Your dream of retiring to the Philippines will instantly be put on hold (maybe gone for good) at the expense of hers.

[stevewool]

yes i have thought of that too, we are hoping to be here for say 9 years then move out there and yes life can change, to make something last forever needs working and sharing, its a tricky one this and all i write emma reads too, i have opened a can of worms here i feel

[pennybarry]

She maybe sad because you can still make it.
But if you undergone vasectomy, she will accept it and still be happy.
Let her come over here and let her feel the advantage and disadvantage when she arrived.
If she's got a good job and ready for a baby, I don't think this will be a problem.
If she arrived, and she will see all the bills without her working then she may have second thought.

[marlyn&kenny]

steeve you're on a hard part eh? but nothing can be resolved in an open heart to heart talk..

[marlyn&kenny]

steeve you're on a hard part eh? but nothing cant be resolved in an open heart to heart talk..

[KeithD]

If I was in that situation I would have specifically looked for a single Filipina who didn't want children, then that issue won't arise.

[sparky]

If I was in that situation I would have specifically looked for a single Filipina who didn't want children, then that issue won't arise.

in a perfect world yes but i guess you cant always help who you fall in love with.

we have had a brief chat about this before steve- as others have said there are no easy answers but i do believe its hard to ignore a ladys body clock if having kids is what she really really wants

as to being an older dad- i think that its a good thing rather than bad- more mature and i think a baby would be more precious to you than if you was in say your 20's

sure theres more money involved
but theres also more love - if your both happy then money isnt important- and you will always find a way.
even if you decide that having babies isnt what you want then nature sometimes has a way of making those decisions for you

whatever you do- good luck- and remember even if you decide no to have babies -the practice always comes in handy

[KeithD]

in a perfect world yes but i guess you cant always help who you fall in love with.

If you're using the internet to find a lady, of course you do. If they don't fit the basic criteria that you must find out within the first few days, you move on. You can't fall in love that fast otherwise everyone would love me

As for the question, if the girl wants babies and you knew before you got married, then it is kind of selfish to deny her a family.

Better still.... pas over the baby crap, and adopt a Filipino boy who's just starting to like football

[bornatbirth]

yes, you are being selfish, you should of met a filipina who didnt want kids.

at what point did you both start discussing this because you have left it far to late.

as we get older our wants and needs change, your saying you want to retire asap in the philipines but if you have a kid you will stay in the uk?

[sars_notd_virus]

i know if emma reads this i will be in for the third degree but whats life without a good debate,babies and the muture man ????,and i dont mean smelly and mouldy too,living in england all my life and had my family who are all adults know well sometimes they are, i feel that having babies again at my time is not right for me, i look at it this way , the cost in money terms and years too. i feel i am being selfish to emma who has no children and i know would love to have a child, getting someone pregnant is so easy to some of us but its the looking after that is the hardest,the plans was to be here for a few more years saving hard then move to the phils with enough to make a good life there, i feel the best place for a child is here but then my whole life has changed i must then stay here and my dream will never happen, emma knows this and she seems ok but i see it in her face the sadness. i am being selfish

Not a good idea to put this on thread steve,...as this is a very sensitive issue and i think should only be discuss with your partner (emma)

Anyway,my advice
1.)do what you think is best
2.)do what your wife thinks best first.....and worry about it later

As for a good debate:::
Men have ego issues
Women have self esteem issues(u know what i mean?)

[stevewool]

well thanks for the great advice my mom always told me to think and engage the brain before i open my gob but things do change never say never and yes its nice to have the fun side for both to enjoy but even emma says not yet , the kid i am on about not the lets wait a few years then i will be old

[gWaPito]

She maybe sad because you can still make it.
But if you undergone vasectomy, she will accept it and still be happy.
Let her come over here and let her feel the advantage and disadvantage when she arrived.
If she's got a good job and ready for a baby, I don't think this will be a problem.
If she arrived, and she will see all the bills without her working then she may have second thought.

Having a vasectomy is not the end of baby making.

It can be reversed at a cost, it is not always successful but, it is better than no chance at all.

Good post Steve...

[stevewool]

thanks we shall see how we go on, the visa is first after that see what happens

[joebloggs]

you should ask emma is your being selfish
you might feel its not the right time to have a baby, but when is ? and the older you get surely it can be only more difficult for a number of reasons to have a baby.

yes having a baby can also bring many problems, but little joe is one of the best things in our lifes and we have no regrets

so stop worrying about what might be

[pennybarry]

Having a vasectomy is not the end of baby making.

It can be reversed at a cost, it is not always successful but, it is better than no chance at all.

Good post Steve...

I know Gwapito as I have friend who is married to German(undergone vasectomy) as he has no plan to have any.
But her filipna wife wished to have one and after reversed, she got one.
Now, she keeps on giving advice not to adopt and not to dream to have one.

But I am not sure if all can be reversed.

[aposhark]

i know if emma reads this i will be in for the third degree but whats life without a good debate,babies and the muture man ????,and i dont mean smelly and mouldy too,living in england all my life and had my family who are all adults know well sometimes they are, i feel that having babies again at my time is not right for me, i look at it this way , the cost in money terms and years too. i feel i am being selfish to emma who has no children and i know would love to have a child, getting someone pregnant is so easy to some of us but its the looking after that is the hardest,the plans was to be here for a few more years saving hard then move to the phils with enough to make a good life there, i feel the best place for a child is here but then my whole life has changed i must then stay here and my dream will never happen, emma knows this and she seems ok but i see it in her face the sadness. i am being selfish

Are you married Steve?
The decision whether to have a family should really be discussed before asking to marry her, because it is important to know each other's hopes and expectations.
If she is hoping for or expecting a baby, she could be very unhappy in her life if this option is not available to her.

Regarding your age, I don't think you should worry about it. Things have a way of sorting themselves out no matter what age you are.

[aposhark]

you should ask emma is your being selfish
you might feel its not the right time to have a baby, but when is ? and the older you get surely it can be only more difficult for a number of reasons to have a baby.

yes having a baby can also bring many problems, but little joe is one of the best things in our lifes and we have no regrets

so stop worrying about what might be

Now there's some solid advice

[stevewool]

no we are not married yet and we have talked about it too, but things change , its not that i am against kids if we are blessed with one then that child will have all the love that we both can give, i want to marry emma because i feel i want to be with her the rest of my life its not for a baby yes if it happens then it happens but you marry a person for that person

[aposhark]

no we are not married yet and we have talked about it too, but things change , its not that i am against kids if we are blessed with one then that child will have all the love that we both can give, i want to marry emma because i feel i want to be with her the rest of my life its not for a baby yes if it happens then it happens but you marry a person for that person

Yes, I think you marry someone because of who they are, but important dreams and expectations should be discussed before you speak your vows.
If important dreams are not discussed and understood, it can sow the seeds for unhappiness in the future.
Best to be aware of Emma's needs asap.
Communication is the essence of a successful marriage

[stevewool]

emmas needs are more important to me its just my thoughts and worrys for the long term future for emma and who else may come along , maybe i am just thinking to hard and to much

[gWaPito]

I know Gwapito as I have friend who is married to German(undergone vasectomy) as he has no plan to have any.
But her filipna wife wished to have one and after reversed, she got one.
Now, she keeps on giving advice not to adopt and not to dream to have one.

But I am not sure if all can be reversed.

Hi Penny. You are right, not all can be reversed but, this can be spotted on the consultation for a cost of £180.
The Surgeon I know of had a 92% success rate last year alone and on average he does on average 300 reverse vascestomies a year.

The closer the dates between the vascestomy and the reverse vasectomy, the higher the chance.

Bearing in mind the people having all done in there 20's have a bigger chance anyway.

Looking at the other end where the guy had his vasectomy 15 years ago the stats are not as good as the guy in his 20's but, what must be remembered is, the guy who had his vasectomy 15 years ago is 9 times out of 10 more than likely be married or partnered with a women much older than the 'prime' baby making years IE 18 to 35 years old. This must also be considered when looking at stats.

So if the guy had his vasectomy 15 years ago and his wife/partner is with in her 'prime' years there is every chance of it being successful, just like the guy in his 20's.

The facts are the highest chance is in your 20's (3years and below vasectomy) which is 97% the lowest being 79% ( thoses are guy with 15 years plus between vasectomy and reversal) chance of getting pregnant.
For the small cost of the reversal when you compare the cost with IVF, it is well worth it.

Bear in mind the average IVF treatment in the UK costs £2500 each time. The cost of the reverse vascetomy at this hospital I know of in the Midlands costs the same as the IVF and you get that chance of getting pregnant every month there after, unlike IVF where you have to spend £2500 each time.

Yes, you may have to go down the IVF route if the reverse operation don't work, better to do this first though.

So, yes Not all can be reversed but, look at the chances of sucess, from 97% to the low of 79%, well worth a bet it works Penny.

When you think many play the lotto every week and that is a 14 million to 1 chance of winning.
You have to be in it to win it.

[bornatbirth]

why would anyone have a knot tied into it

[gWaPito]

If you're using the internet to find a lady, of course you do. If they don't fit the basic criteria that you must find out within the first few days, you move on. You can't fall in love that fast otherwise everyone would love me

As for the question, if the girl wants babies and you knew before you got married, then it is kind of selfish to deny her a family.

Better still.... pas over the baby crap, and adopt a Filipino boy who's just starting to like football

From the amount of groveling posts I see directed at you boss man, I thought they did love you?

[KeithD]

From the amount of groveling posts I see directed at you boss man, I thought they did love you?

Only when they want Rep

[mickcant]

why would anyone have a knot tied into it

Hi bornatbirth.
I was blackmailed into having a vasectomy by my 1st wife and our Dr, as she was having problems with the pill, then a year later she had an affair with my mate
And went back on the pill, we divorced over that.

That was around 25 years ago and i have regretted having the
vasectomy ever since, mine is too long ago to be reversed.
Mick.

[Doc Alan]

[QUOTE=gWaPito;226462]

The facts are the highest chance is in your 20's (3years and below vasectomy) which is 97% the lowest being 79% ( thoses are guy with 15 years plus between vasectomy and reversal) chance of getting pregnant..[/QUOTE
With respect, quoting "facts" to such a degree of "accuracy" is misleading. All medical practice must be evidence based. No studies are accepted as evidence without including confidence limits, numbers of patients involved, and meta analysis (comparison of similar published studies in peer-reviewed journals). Don't believe such apparently precise figures!
Vasectomy involves tying, stitching or cauterising (burning) the vas deferens (each of the tubes leading from the testes to the penis) so that sperm, while still produced, cannot exit through the penis. The volume and appearance of the ejaculate, and sexual desire, are little altered. The testes remain normal. The sperm are broken down in the testes. Reversal is technically difficult and not usually effective. Even mechanical success does not equate to success in achieving pregnancy with the partner, and may not be permanent.
The sperm may be abnormal, possibly because of antibody production, and there is an increased chance of birth defects. Cryostorage (freezing) of sperm before vasectomy is possible.

[aposhark]

My wife does not want me to have the snip as she says she may want one dozen kids
I said I may want the snip if we have had three kids.
Well, having lots of kids is financially difficult in the UK but easier in the Phils.
There are so many other factors but we must always stay optimistic and make plans.

"Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans" - John Lennon

[bornatbirth]

Hi bornatbirth.
I was blackmailed into having a vasectomy by my 1st wife and our Dr, as she was having problems with the pill, then a year later she had an affair with my mate
And went back on the pill, we divorced over that.

That was around 25 years ago and i have regretted having the
vasectomy ever since, mine is too long ago to be reversed.
Mick.

this is my point, i will never have this done

My wife does not want me to have the snip as she says she may want one dozen kids

is it the waltons or is it the von traps

[sparky]

i will never ever have the snip

you never know what life can throw at you