But what if it all goes wrong?

[matmeeking]

I am a British citizen residing in the Philippines. I work offshore 6 weeks on, 6 weeks off.

In 1996 I met 'someone special' or so I thought at the time. We began living together, had a child and married in a civil ceremony.

I paid for a house on the outskirts of Manila but, being the only expat in the area, it soon began to be very difficult for me. I'd have a house full of her relatives but no one to sit and have a yarn with over a few San Migs. I was lonely believe it or not.

While attending a friends daughters baptismal in Palawan, I saw a very different way of life. A lot of expats, Brit, German, Dutch, Italian etc and an interesting social life. We decided to rent a house there and see how things would work out.

From that point, the relationship deteriorated. My Friday evening beers with the lads would result in 'You're always going to that bar, maybe you have a girl there!'. This from a woman who would disappear all day, pretty much everyday.

To cut it short, I found out that when I left for work, the boyfriend would move in or she would head back to Manila in secret. Housekeeping would be gone in a week ( $1000 per month at the time ). The crunch came when her sister and her Swedish husband came to visit Palawan and informed me of the reality.

We separated and I have since met another woman who I am extremely happy with. But, I am stuck with a wife I don't want and never see. I haven't seen my daughter in 6 months. I don't even know where she lives. The only contact I have is when she asks why the money I send for my daughter every month is late. She is welcome to the house and can keep custody of our child. I just want rid of her.

Is there anyone out there who has been through a bad marriage in Philippines? How did you deal with it? Any words of wisdom for those still suffering. Going through the Philippine legal system is a daunting prospect. Care to share your experience?

[Admin]

As long as your happy now, sod the history, you can't do bugger all about it.

Unless you pay huge sums to annull the marriage your stuck with the ex, but you can still have a ceremony of love/commitment with your new partner. They think this is so sweet, and give her a ring.

I'm with the misses 24/7, but not many people have that luxury (although I know some married people wouldnt call it that :lol: )

[matmeeking]

I guess you're right. The ex isn't causing any problems at the moment, but she is a devious, malicious B***h.

[ginapeterb]

Hi Mat,

I have some sympathy with that story, I showed it to my pinoy, and she said..good wife doesnt do that, although they dont like the husband in a bar all night, but I guess it was Friday nights and having a few beers with the lads is ok, I like a few beers too.

Having the boyfreind move in while you were offshore working is shitty I have to say, but I understand about your daughter, I havent seen my son very much either, in fact the ex wife sends back the packages I send for him, she is just the same, if you want to marry this girl, just start a legal anulment proceeding, although as Keith said, just have a blessing on your relationship, and give her a wedding ring, what difference does it mean, she can change her name to yours, and you can be as married anyway, thats what I would do, sadly there is no divorce over there as you know, which is a joke considering that there is so many who would like to, and as you say, you are stuck with a wife you don't want, what a frustrating situation to be in.

Im glad you have got someone nice, in many ways I wish I could work there and get out of UK, sometimes I wish I could find a job out there, even if it meant a drop in pay, I just want to be near my honey, but we are getting married in about 4 weeks, so thats something to look forward to.

Best wishes
Pete

[Panay]

I hope you are now finding happiness. FYI, taking a one-way hike on a wife or girl-friend and the kids, isn't all that unusual in the PI. The extended family usually manages. I know a few other foreigners who got hooked up with the wrong woman, fathered a kid and had to dump her.... because she lacked common-sense, was unappreciative and excessively demanding, was ignorant or 1001 other reasons listed under incompatibility. The guys were usually derelect in exercising due diligence in their selection of a female living partner... i.e. didn't think with the rational head.
I know 4 guys who tried and found a better partner after they learned a few lessons re Philippine realities. I've been lucky, but I'm older and went slow. I courted a woman who had life experiences I respected and whose core values were similar to mine. We've been together 4 years, and live on Panay during the 6 months of the year I'm in the PI. I don't think I could tolerate living there continuously. I spend my summers in Alaska with long daylight. In the high - latitude winters of darkness and cold.... I escape to my asawa in the tropics.
I hope you are doing well.