Not a great week

[Englishman2010]

I've not had the best of weeks, my g/f has been a bit quiet and evasive for the last couple of weeks, and I have learned that it usually means she is planning something.

On Monday she told me that she hated her job in the factory, it was long hours, 14hrs a day 6 days a week for 3500 Php a month, and she had decided to go to Singapore. The agent had already fixed it up and her passport had already gone off to get sorted. The agent was booking her a flight for the 2nd week of July, and she might stay for up to 2 years, if we can't get her Visa sorted.

Knowing full well that I had already booked flights for the end of August, internal flights and hotels..etc, plus the same again for Jan 2011, I was a little annoyed to say the least. Her reason for going is that she really needs to earn more money to help support her family and she has been bored and miserable since she returned from Singapore last year. The only reason she has tried to stay in the Philippines was for me, but she is now under so much pressure from home that she has to go. I understand all of that, but would have preferred her to ask me first and for to have arranged to go after I left on my next trip.

I've had every emotion during the week, and I'm still uncertain of what to do. Cancelling the long haul flight is an option, but I will lose £155, booking a flight to Singapore for late Aug is very expensive now. At least Agoda only charged me 15 USD to cancel my hotel.

I could still go on the flight to Manila, and then get a flight to Singapore. A return is about £130. However, I don't really want to go to Singapore for 2 weeks. It is extremely expensive, accomodation is extortionate and it's made worse by the fact there are only just over 2 SGD to 1GBP now. And she will be working so I wont really get to see her anyway.

[aposhark]

Yes, she should have discussed things with you first.
I'd be very miffed also

[Englishman2010]

TBH, I'm still really pee'd off about it. I'm not going to go into any detail on a public forum, but there have been lots of things that have frustrated me over the time I've known her, questions don't get straight answers, exagerations about the cost of things, a lot of mis-trust has crept in over the last 3 or 4 months. I've reached a stage where I really wonder if it is worth carrying on.

[stevewool]

hi there englishman, soory to hear the news , yes i would be annoyed too,the work she had found seems very hard and long for such sort money, but talking about her plans with you i would have thought would be a priorty,all i can say on this is that emma was also looking for work anywhere , it seemed like she was happy doing her own thing until i questioned about working, then next minute she was aplying here there and everywhere, and telling me after the fact and the cost too,there is only you can sort this out you shall know what to do , yes you may loose some money but then again you may not , has she got the work already in singapore

[Arthur Little]

... I'm so sorry to learn of your predicament, my friend. Reading between the lines ... from what you've mentioned in a number of your previous posts - and NOW, with this latest development - I think you really need to brace yourself for the strong possibility that your girlfriend's motives are not entirely honourable. I hope and pray I'm wrong here ... but I doubt it.

[pennybarry]

To be honest, I don't really understand most of her reasons and her wages as well.
How come she will only earns 3500/month if she is working 14 hrs X 6 days/week.
http://www.laborlaw.usc-law.org/2010/02/22/premium-pay/

Why her life became boring if she's inlove?
Why she has family that can't understand?
Did you meet her family before?
She's still lucky as you still understand her.
I don't understand really.

[ca143]

14 hrs a day?then 3500 pesos a months salary?i dont think so....even she get paid a provincial rate but not low as that.anyway just my thought....

[Englishman2010]

... I'm so sorry to learn of your predicament, my friend. Reading between the lines ... from what you've mentioned in a number of your previous posts - and NOW, with this latest development - I think you really need to brace yourself for the strong possibility that your girlfriend's motives are not entirely honourable. I hope and pray I'm wrong here ... but I doubt it.

This is the conclusion I have already reached Arthur

TBH, I have always had my doubts, and one of the main reason's why I joined this forum was to learn more about others experiences and to pose questions regarding my concerns.

I won't go into detail publicly, I'm sure you all understand

[Arthur Little]

How come she will only earns 3500/month if she is working 14 hrs X 6 days/week.
http://www.laborlaw.usc-law.org/2010/02/22/premium-pay/

14 hrs a day?then 3500 pesos a months salary?i dont think so....even she get paid a provincial rate but not low as that.anyway just my thought....

ladies ... that was MY first thought too. I mean 3,500 Php a month seems extremely far-fetched for working 14hrs per day, 6 days a week!

[stevewool]

arnt we all told that the strong bond between the children and there parents in the phils is the best , so are we all jumping to the wrong conclusions about what she is saying , i too am hoping for the best englishman , so are you , or you would not be asking about phones for singapore, this is where we all need the truth all the time and being so far from the people we love is so very hard to those that dont know what we all are going through, good luck my friend

[IainBusby]

... I'm so sorry to learn of your predicament, my friend. Reading between the lines ... from what you've mentioned in a number of your previous posts - and NOW, with this latest development - I think you really need to brace yourself for the strong possibility that your girlfriend's motives are not entirely honourable. I hope and pray I'm wrong here ... but I doubt it.

Maybe she's doing this to try to get you to support both her and her family. I do think that to do this at this time, when she already knows you've gone to a lot of trouble and expense to arrange a trip there to see her is just not on. To be honest, I think your on a loser with this girl, if she puts her family's interests first and doesn't seem to even consider your interests I don't think it bodes well for the future.

[stevewool]

and i know someone who earns 3000 a month maybe not doing 14 hours but doing 7 days

[Sim11UK]

ladies ... that was MY first thought too. I mean 3,500 Php a month seems extremely far-fetched for working 14hrs per day, 6 days a week!

Is it though? What about all those on 75 php a day....From my experience, not many seem to pay the minimum wage?

[pennybarry]

and i know someone who earns 3000 a month maybe not doing 14 hours but doing 7 days

To be honest, it's the wages we pay for my niece nanny. But she's has free food and accommodation.
Sleeping in an aircondition room.

But not a factory in Cavite which is part of CALABARZON.

[Sim11UK]

Plus I've had my experience of family pressure & I can tell you, the family will probably come first.

Obviously, we don't know your whole story Englishman, but for others to say "she should put you first"...It dosen't always work that way.

[Englishman2010]

Maybe she's doing this to try to get you to support both her and her family. I do think that to do this at this time, when she already knows you've gone to a lot of trouble and expense to arrange a trip there to see her is just not on. To be honest, I think your on a loser with this girl, if she puts her family's interests first and doesn't seem to even consider your interests I don't think it bodes well for the future.

I don't think she's using it as blackmail on the basis that she had already sorted out her work and visa with the agent before she told me. I don't know how long it takes to sort out, but I can't imagine it is an instant thing. There must be some planning, I'm also now beginning to wonder if she ever really had the job she said that she had in the factory?

[stevewool]

wel whos knows that?, she may have said that to you just to please you, thats what you was asking her to do,working abroad again going on what emma told me takes a few weeks into months depending what she is aplying for , plus there is a cost too, what happened to the visa you was talking about , and did she know that is what you was trying to sort out too, the problem i have if emma and i are having difficults is the time the cost and the crap phone and understanding each other properly if one of us is a little upset

[Steve.r]

English' I am so sorry to hear this news. I think we all knew how you were looking forward to seeing your girl again.
It does sound a little off to me too, the working long hours for that pay, roughly works out to be 145 peco a day. Signing up to a 2 year contract in Singapore is a big blow. You know that this is seriously going to stop any kind of relationship you will have with her, as from what I know, agencies actively discourage relationships during contract time. Also, I have Singaporian friends who employs a maid, who never let her out or have free time, just so that she cannot have a relationship, slavery in my mind.
Strange she makes this independent decision, what other outside influences are there? Do her family rule her? Was she not confident in your feelings for her, feeling insecure? I don't need answers, just my thoughts.

I feel from your posts though, that this may be the last straw, and I am sorry for that. I sincerely wish you the best, but if this is moving towards the end for you, stay strong my friend. We cannot physically help you, but we can give you moral support and guidence. Good luck

[Englishman2010]

Plus I've had my experience of family pressure & I can tell you, the family will probably come first.

Obviously, we don't know your whole story Englishman, but for others to say "she should put you first"...It dosen't always work that way.

I'm well aware of that, which is why I have been patient up to now. I wish I could tell the whole story, but as this is a public forum I don't really want to share all of my concerns with the whole world outside of our friends and contributors on here

[pennybarry]

I don't think she's using it as blackmail on the basis that she had already sorted out her work and visa with the agent before she told me. I don't know how long it takes to sort out, but I can't imagine it is an instant thing. There must be some planning, I'm also now beginning to wonder if she ever really had the job she said that she had in the factory?

Some workers fly to SG holding tourist visa and others through placement agency.

Tourist is fastest but not safe.
Placement agency can help them fly asap if there's visa and job order from POEA already.
She needs to be interviewed by agency then employer and usually it takes 2-3 months waiting.

[Englishman2010]

. We cannot physically help you, but we can give you moral support and guidence. Good luck

That's why I'm here Steve, thank you

[James Hubbard]

That's why I'm here Steve, thank you

Mate, I have sent you a PM with my very personal thoughts on what's going on here.

Suffice it to say, be prepared for the worst, maybe she's not the girl for you, but mate, there are many many lovely girls in the Philippines who deserve you - as long as you treat her right.

You do have the ticket there....


1 + 1 = ?


(much more encouraging words in the PM)

[KeithD]

The problem with going back to Sing is that it'll take her a years wage to pay off the agency fees, so how is the family going to be better?

If you've been dating her this long and still have doubts and a lack of trust, plenty of Filipina's around who will treat you the way you expect. You both sound like two parts of a puzzle that don't fit together but you keep trying to force them together.

[Englishman2010]

The problem with going back to Sing is that it'll take her a years wage to pay off the agency fees, so how is the family going to be better?

If you've been dating her this long and still have doubts and a lack of trust, plenty of Filipina's around who will treat you the way you expect. You both sound like two parts of a puzzle that don't fit together but you keep trying to force them together.

You are absolutely right, it doesn't make any sense. I have my own views on how the debt might be paid back early

[Ping]

And where she get the money for the expenses in applying to work in Singapore.If she used agency I think the placement fee this time is between 30 to 50 thousand pesos plus other expenses. If she work as a DH the contract is 2 yrs. Some of the employers give them off once a month after six month some don't. The salary is about 350 to 400 Singapore dollar a month, but that was in the nineties. I don't know how much now.

[mickcant]

I've not had the best of weeks, my g/f has been a bit quiet and evasive for the last couple of weeks, and I have learned that it usually means she is planning something.

On Monday she told me that she hated her job in the factory, it was long hours, 14hrs a day 6 days a week for 3500 Php a month, and she had decided to go to Singapore. The agent had already fixed it up and her passport had already gone off to get sorted. The agent was booking her a flight for the 2nd week of July, and she might stay for up to 2 years, if we can't get her Visa sorted.

Knowing full well that I had already booked flights for the end of August, internal flights and hotels..etc, plus the same again for Jan 2011, I was a little annoyed to say the least. Her reason for going is that she really needs to earn more money to help support her family and she has been bored and miserable since she returned from Singapore last year. The only reason she has tried to stay in the Philippines was for me, but she is now under so much pressure from home that she has to go. I understand all of that, but would have preferred her to ask me first and for to have arranged to go after I left on my next trip.

I've had every emotion during the week, and I'm still uncertain of what to do. Cancelling the long haul flight is an option, but I will lose £155, booking a flight to Singapore for late Aug is very expensive now. At least Agoda only charged me 15 USD to cancel my hotel.

I could still go on the flight to Manila, and then get a flight to Singapore. A return is about £130. However, I don't really want to go to Singapore for 2 weeks. It is extremely expensive, accomodation is extortionate and it's made worse by the fact there are only just over 2 SGD to 1GBP now. And she will be working so I wont really get to see her anyway.

Hi Englishman2010,

This rings bells with me as a bit like my wife who put money above everything else!
But she has other issues as well.

This is a very unfair way to treat you if she knew you had the flights and all booked to go see her soon!
Take care,
Mick.

[RickyR]

This is a tough one, there could be many reasons why she wants to do this, and hopefully you can find a way to get her to open up and be honest and tell you really why, it might be she isn't ready to settle down, she wants independance, she feels that the relationship is going the way she expects, or anything, and hopefully you can find a better resolve.

[rani]

hi englishman! hope you feel better today.. anyways, i dont know that there are still workers in calabarzon area who earn that small.. its illegal and she can sue her employer if she's holding a contract or something about her employment... unless of course its a backyard or a cottage industry... its true that most of the filipinos really put their family first before anything else especially if she's the eldest who normally takes the responsibility of the parents (which shouldn't be the case)... we dont know what's really going on but you know her better than we do... just look back and think "what really is the foundation of your love"? do u really think she loves you? or maybe she just want to be saved from the hardship of life here in the philippines? was she truthful to you? was she honest all along? as a lady, i can only say that if i love somebody then i should really have discussed with my bf all my plans... if she needs to go to singapore for work then that's fine but i strongly think that she leave our country at least after your planned holiday here in the philippines... anyways, i still hope for the best and i hope that our thoughts could help you in one way or the other.. cheers!

[Englishman2010]

Thanks Rani, it's good to see the point of view from a Filipina. Whatever happens, I'm tough and will get through it.

[stevewool]

hi there mate, hope todays a little more clear for you and your partner