Not sure what to do

[wizzywizard26]

Hi,

I have been married to a filipina for about 4 years now and we are living in the uk. Recently she has been getting a bit fed up with her job and said to me she would like to work in Canada.

This ok by me but she want to leave me in the uk while she works in Canada and send money to me to help keep our house running. We have no problems in our marriage but I do find in strange that she wants us to live seperate.. whats the point of marriage if you live seperate?

Above all, its the cost.. I am on a average pay job and would not keep up with the bills here. She wants to be a care giver in Canada.. do they pay alot in Canada?

She say I would be able to follow her to Canada at a later date.

How would we be able to run two places to live?

I feel very unhappy and hurt that she would want to do this. She is in a good job at the local hospital and the pay is good, we are happy.

No decision has been made yet.. I just don't see what we would benifit from this..

Any advice would be a great help,

Gordy

[RickyR]

If I was in your position, i'd want to make the move together as a couple/family and do it properly.
I think you really need to sit down and discuss with her what she wants, how she feels about everything and where you stand.

[stevewool]

hi gordy, a tuff one this , being together is more important i think , be great moving to canada but wht would you do is there work for you and is it what you want to happen anyway,

[les_taxi]

Yes an odd one this, after maybe sometime before you got together perhaps,being apart seems odd thing to do,I would be a little concerned

When hopefully me and maricel do get together I want that to be for keeps and spend the rest of our lives together,living apart would be the opposite of what we always wanted.

[Ayumbar]

On the positive side it sounds like she at least wants to try to bring in more income for you both. Is there another under-lying reason that she has told you about? It is possible, but I doubt it if you two are both happy in the relationship.

When an LDR relationship occurs from 2 seperate countries, it perhaps needs to be considered a possibility that a move abroad to fulfill the relationship may be required. After all, one partner will have already moved to countries to be with the other partner.

Pointing out the obvious here, but talking to her more could help resolve the issue. Try to establish what is making her fed up. An important aspect could be how well she has adapted to life in UK. Good, she has a job and pays well. Does she have a social life? Put in perhaps a better way, does she have many friends living locally who she can spend time with away from you? If the answer is "no" then maybe this is another motivating factor, not just the financial motivation. Just a thought anyhow

If she still wants to goto Canada, then it would have to be an idea to try and learn French-Canadian. I would strongly consider going with her if you feel there is employment there for you both. I like the idea of being one of those ice-road truckers over there, but now I've just moved into the realms of fantasy

[somebody]

I think Canada for care givers and ofws is the latest place to be there was even a stall at the Hounslow barrio and possibly other ones.

I think they can get Citizenship after 3 years or a very short period whatever it is.

I guess this is where the clash of cultures comes in look how many phill families are split across oceans and continents. THe wifes family all 5 members of the immediate family ie parents and siblings is living apart parents due to work, sister due to uni and the wife in the UK while the little Bro Lives at his Aunt. Along with many other families in the Family all have parents or siblings who are abroad or have been or away from home.

Very tough but as the UK declines I guess more UK families will find the same happening.

Like Ayumbar points out you need to work out together the root cause for her reasons to move. Why will Canada be any better or will she get wanderlust again?

[Languish]

Personally I am surprised she is not involving you in the transition though and can fully understand why you feel upset at it all. I would be pretty annoyed with it to be truthful as i know my syota wouldn't be doing that at all to me. Sounds like something else is underlying this decision to me. Nothing sinister i am sure - but something nonetheless.

[josh0602]

I can pretty much relate with your situation. My dad works abroad as a seaman for almost 10 years and my mom works here in the Philippines. I think your wife is just being practical that's why she wants to have a job in another country and yes, I heard Canada pays good when it comes to caregiving. Just think of this as a test of your commitment to one another. There will really be times that the both of you will be separated PHYSICALLY but the emotional attachment and your love for one another will hopefully, still remain the same.

[bornatbirth]

as she thought about this and then told you after or discussed it with you

dont most filipina wifes want what the husband wants, if i was you have a good long chat with her