One Month!!

[ghee101]

he blocked me on facebook and ym. i am not allowed to communicate with him, not even text him on the phone. i am only allowed to CALL him up till september 06 to confirm that i am going to him.

okay, as much as i dont want to wash my dirty linens in public, i'll give you a little history.

i WAS a bad girl. before i met my bf in person, i wasnt even sure if he's serious or if we really are in relationship. him being younger than me, being cool, having lots of young asian girls on his list, all flirting with him openly. an ex friend of mine hacked my accounts, found out about him and communicated with him. this ex friend told my bf everything about me plus some lies. i admitted my sins, he forgave me many times. we met in person, realized the connection is not just online. we parted ways, chat daily. but what my hacker did to me put so many doubts in my bf's mind that he become suspicious of every single thing i do or say that no matter how we resolve our problems, it always comes back over and over again. he said he's sorry for punishing me even if we agreed i get a clean slate. we are just too frustrated for being away from each other now that we know how it is being together. we fight everyday.

and he ask me to go to him, on my own efforts. that'll show him that i am really serious and committed. life is hard as it is here in the philippines. if you read some forum entries, even those working for too long dont even have any savings. and he gave me only one month to confirm my booking!

yeah, we talked about the situation that (1) we didnt meet on dating sites (2) we werent looking for love when we met (3) he's 28, im 36, people that age in london share 50-50 in everything (4) that he spent a lot in amsterdam when we met, so it's my turn now. given, fine.

but talk about impatience. we've only been apart almost 2 months and he wanted me to go to him the minute i got back to the philippines! im just about to get a new job and where will i get the money to buy my ticket? people here will only let you borrow if they are assured youre going because of a job or that you'll be maximizing that visit. but to spend that much just for a month's visit is just ridiculous -- not for an ordinary filipino citizen like me.

my stuff are all for sale now but even if i sell them all, i still wont get to the amount i need...and only one month to do it!

#!%%^&&^(%#$!@~@##@%##@$%#$^#^$%!!!!

[James Hubbard]

OK...

So is this your current guy you're talking about ... the one about whom you have written "in a relationship" in your profile?

Has the dude ever been to the Phils?
hmmm

i am kinda lost for words here.

[ghee101]

OK...

So is this your current guy you're talking about ... the one about whom you have written "in a relationship" in your profile?

Has the dude ever been to the Phils?
hmmm

i am kinda lost for words here.

yes, he is. he's never been to the philippines. we met in amsterdam after my choir tour. he's kinda considering teaching english here or indonesia next year.

he's got this i'll-give-you-ultimatum-so-you-will-get-off-your-lazy-butt way of getting results :(

but coming up with my ticket fare in only a month is impossible, especially me being solo. no help from anywhere. and that is only for a month's visit to london! im not rich, heck -- im actually broke! i feel like giving up already when we fight, we make up within the day. its just sometimes, i dont know IF we're ever going to fix things. im always scared. i got this email last night from a friend:

"Shouldn't he be trying to prove himself worthy of you Ghee, isn't he, after all, the man? I never require you to be worthy of my friendship, Ghee! That is my point. I guess we're all different, my view is reversed. I would kiss the ground you walk on Ghee, but that is me. Every thinking head is different. I'm sorry your desire and goal for a serious, meaningful, and lasting relationship has to endure such childish and immature acts Ghee. :( Note that I am always here to be your source of encouragement, in other words, I'm a good shoulder...

With that kind of an attitude, ask yourself, is he worth it?! Ghee, I'm serious now, I'm not trying to discourage you, or break you up, but damn, do you love this guy that much? Is he worth selling all you have?! Is he about your happiness, or his?! I'm inclined to believe it's about his!! Why won't he foot the bill to get you over there if he loves you that much?! Why the hell is he placing ultimatums on you?! And don't contact him until it's done?!?! Wtf?!?! What are you going to do Ghee, what are you going to do?! $1200.00 is a lot of money in this messed up economy. Sounds like it's more "you" than "we" or "him" though! :( anyways, I wish you all success and happiness, Because I'm your friend, and I don't want to see you fail.

You are unique chubs, and if it works out for you, super duper, but if it doesn't, at least I know, and can give witness that you gave it your best shot, that you put your all into it. I respect you so much, I don't understand it, I guess love really is blind, but I do respect it. I'm almost jealous, I wish someone loved me like that, to give everything for me, I certainly wouldn't treat them like he's treating you, if anything, I would help to achieve the goal, I mean, doesn't he have things he can sell too?! sorry if I seem offensive, I just care about fair, I just want him fair with you, forgive me Ghee..Luv yah."

[KeithD]

he blocked me on facebook and ym. i am not allowed to communicate with him, not even text him on the phone. i am only allowed to CALL him up till september 06 to confirm that i am going to him.

In all the years I've run this site that is the last thing you'd do in a relationship, that only happens when it's finished.

i WAS a bad girl. before

As long as you've learnt from the mistakes and are a better person, fine.

we fight everyday.

This is often quoted as a problem with a LDR, it's not, the vast majority of LDR's go smoothly and so they should. If you argue every day now, that is unlikely to change even when you're with the guy. So if you want a miserable existence then continue on this path. People get tampo in LDR's, yes, but most of the time it's over a misunderstanding.

....and he ask me to go to him, on my own efforts. that'll show him that i am really serious and committed.

He's the one that has to prove that to YOU, and to the EMBASSY as well if you've ever any hope of getting a fiancee/spouse visa. Asking you to go into debt in thr Philippines just for him is one hell of a selfish act and shows his lack of caring for you.

..... people that age in london share 50-50 in everything ....

No they don't

my stuff are all for sale now.....

Keep it, don't get rid of you're life for some waste of space, plenty of guys out there that will treat you right.

....and you have a good friend who talks sense and you....

[Steve.r]

Well said Boss

[ghee101]

In all the years I've run this site that is the last thing you'd do in a relationship, that only happens when it's finished.

As long as you've learnt from the mistakes and are a better person, fine.

This is often quoted as a problem with a LDR, it's not, the vast majority of LDR's go smoothly and so they should. If you argue every day now, that is unlikely to change even when you're with the guy. So if you want a miserable existence then continue on this path. People get tampo in LDR's, yes, but most of the time it's over a misunderstanding.

He's the one that has to prove that to YOU, and to the EMBASSY as well if you've ever any hope of getting a fiancee/spouse visa. Asking you to go into debt in thr Philippines just for him is one hell of a selfish act and shows his lack of caring for you.

No they don't

Keep it, don't get rid of you're life for some waste of space, plenty of guys out there that will treat you right.

....and you have a good friend who talks sense and you....

he still insisting he's right. i hate this. i know im wrong in a lot of ways, being immature but is there anything i can hit my head right now to wake up?

i know i'll read, "i told you so" in the future but i cant get myself to let go for now. i have high hopes, i have faith. i hope if i start to pray now, i'll get my answer soon.

i appreciate all comments. never hold back even if you think it'll hurt. i want to know how you see it.

[Steve.r]

he still insisting he's right. i hate this. i cant get myself to let go for now.

i appreciate all comments. never hold back even if you think it'll hurt. i want to know how you see it.

Does what I highlighted in red not tell you something Ghee??
Is this the first western guy you have had a relationship with? if so, is it the thought of losing this 'westerner' and the prospect of being here in the Uk what you are scared of losing more?
Ok, that sounds a bit hard on you, but remember, there are lots of NICE guys here who will visit you in Phils, and give you respect and love. This guys is fooling you, don't you see that?
We want to help you so you dont make more mistakes, but first you have to help yourself. Be strong ok.

[mikey73]

hi ghee
sorry about your problems with your bf. would you not need a visa to vist here to see him? and that would take far longer than a month to do i would think and he would have to be involved in that process too.
hope things get better soon for you my dear.

[ghee101]

hi ghee
sorry about your problems with your bf. would you not need a visa to vist here to see him? and that would take far longer than a month to do i would think and he would have to be involved in that process too.
hope things get better soon for you my dear.

thank you. his parents will handle the visit visa. they are actually expecting me to come soon. i met them on webcam and phone already. but it will only for a month. my bf doesnt want to impose on them much.

[Tonet]

thank you. his parents will handle the visit visa. they are actually expecting me to come soon. i met them on webcam and phone already. but it will only for a month. my bf doesnt want to impose on them much.

i dont know how his parents gonna "handle" the visa!
You've mentioned you are just about to get a job means for now you dont have one just now and you will sell your things to buy ticket......IF you still get a visitor visa after your situation, that's what you would call miracle....

[KeithD]

.....IF you still get a visitor visa after your situation, that's what you would call miracle....

Good point

You have to PROVE to the Embassy you have reason to return to the Philippines. As you have no money, job, property, etc, you have no hope of getting one.... anyway, it can easily take longer than a month to process, and you have to apply yourself, no one else can do it.... they are talking

[subseastu]

Good point

You have to PROVE to the Embassy you have reason to return to the Philippines. As you have no money, job, property, etc, you have no hope of getting one.... anyway, it can easily take longer than a month to process, and you have to apply yourself, no one else can do it.... they are talking

Another good point

[subseastu]

Good point

You have to PROVE to the Embassy you have reason to return to the Philippines. As you have no money, job, property, etc, you have no hope of getting one.... anyway, it can easily take longer than a month to process, and you have to apply yourself, no one else can do it.... they are talking

Another good point

[aromulus]

Dump the muppet and move on.

He is not worthy of your time.

[malditako]

Dump the muppet and move on.

He is not worthy of your time.

i definitely agree...so immature at his age...find a better one my dear..

[malditako]

ghee are u a UP madrigal choir member?..just curious

[ghee101]

ghee are u a UP madrigal choir member?..just curious

we are under the MADZ umbrella of choirs. my grp's name is a cappella manila.

[Doc Alan]

Dump the muppet and move on.

He is not worthy of your time.

Guess every member who has responded to your thread agrees on this advice ... please take it

[raynaputi]

one selfish guy! I'm sorry ghee..i agree with dom & grace..dump him..he's not worthy..he can't even understand ur situation and can't trust u enough by doubting ur real intentions and basing it from ur past..

[RickyR]

Definately a selfish and childish guy. Not worth your time, your getting dragged into something that is only going to end up in someone being hurt.
If he was serious, he wouldn't have done any of these things. Time to move on.

[Steve.r]

I'm with the other guys, what an arrogant The last thingyou need is to be fighting over the phone or internet, what do you think it would be like if you ever got to see him again?? Stay well away from this idiot. You can do so much better than him. If he had any respect for you he would do some research about life in Phils and be understanding of the situation and how difficult it is. Idiot!!!

Sorry if my words upset you Ghee, but really..... get someone who is a little more mature in his mind. And while I am on a roll, the hacker needs to be

[ca143]

dump him ASAP ghee....find someone else that genuine.

[ghee101]

dump him ASAP ghee....find someone else that genuine.

i read your replies...i really wanna cry right now. i love him so much. everyone i know all have the same opinions :( but why cant i let go????

[gecko_pikachu]

i read your replies...i really wanna cry right now. i love him so much. everyone i know all have the same opinions :( but why cant i let go????

If you really love him and you’re not ready to give up, most importantly, let him know how you feel and what is going on for you.
And hopefully, you'd both be able to resolve all your problems and overcome your issues.
If he's not willing to work on the relationship, then let him know clearly that if things don’t improve you will have to move on separate ways.
I understand you're very disappointed, especially since you both were so well matched.
I guess he's not as nice as you thought he was.
You're dealing with a potential relationship issue here beyond his obvious immaturity.

[sars_notd_virus]

[FONT="Trebuchet MS"]

we fight everyday.


he blocked me on facebook and ym. i am not allowed to communicate with him, not even text him on the phone. i am only allowed to CALL him up till september 06 to confirm that i am going to him.

Ouch Ghee!!!! looks like the guy ended it.
OPEN YOUR EYES!!!
...you deserve to be happy!!!!

[sars_notd_virus]

duplicate...
sorry

[stevie c]

i agree with all the other guys this guy is inconsiderate selfish & a demanding childish brat dump him ghee & say goodbye to bad rubbish

[pennybarry]

Dump him before you marry him.

It will be more hard if you marry a man like him.
He just dumped you without any warning signs so why wasting your valuable time with him and please don't insist yourself.

You are still lucky if you are still single as you can still see Mr. Right if you found Mr. Wrong.

Wakey wakey! Find someone as you're still young and beautiful.
Cheer up!

[bornatbirth]

the guy should be doing all he can for you!!!

why are some ladies so daft and fall for these morons

[KeithD]

It actually sounds like he wants to see how dumb you are so he knows he has full dominance over you ... his brains are in here >>>