One Month!!

[Arthur Little]

Seems like the *age gap could be an issue. One's ready for a committed relationship, the others still a kid who probably doesn't know what he wants.

*It SHOULDN'T be in THEIR case, though ... MY late first wife was older than ME by five years. And THIS guy's what? ... 28? ... old enough to behave like a responsible adult, surely!

[James Hubbard]

i think it's more the maturity level of the guy ... pretty low for someone his age.

[Steve.r]

I'D be inclined to put your "boyfriend" to the test ... by asking him when HE intends visiting YOU!

I know you mean well by testing this guy Arthur, but I would be inclined to not even waste the time and heartache on this immature guy.
If Ghee has been drawn into believing his stories, and been manipulated to think she must do what he is asking, then she might be again talked around to believe anything he tells her. This could mean that she is left hanging on for a guy who clearly wants his cake and eat it too.
Move on with your life I think is the best advice for this young lady.

[aromulus]

... g(h)ee whiz, Angelica ... to read what's happened. But, whilst in principle with what others have said, I'D be inclined to put your "boyfriend" to the test ... by asking him when HE intends visiting YOU! Given the proportionately low success rate in relation to the sheer number of visitor visas applied for, this would seem to offer the most viable option in the circumstances.

I cannot understand you at times, Arthur....

Why should the girl prolong the agony...?

He ain't worth a used chewing gum..

What he's been doing amounts to mental abuse...

[gecko_pikachu]

Sometimes we fall in love with the wrong person and I think this is what's happening for you........................................
Ghee, don't be bothered about this bloke anymore!
He's just wasting your time.
If I were on your shoe, I would've ended the relationship abruptly.
Breaking up with him is one of your best options.
Please stop loving this guy.
It's not too late.
How do you know that he really loves you?
You haven't even met him in person.
It's sounds like you're more mature than he is.
You're smart, so I think you know you can't expect him to change for you.
I suspect you'll be fine without him.

This must be very, very disappointing.
You thought you had a respectful relationship with a man you love.
Instead, you find that he is trying to control you by making you feel bad about yourself.
At the same time, he isn't thinking about your feelings at all!
He is being selfish.
I don't want you to keep getting hurt.
I suspect he's not ready for a serious relationship.

I don’t know if he is insecure, immature, or unstable but he certainly isn’t loving.
I hope you are clear that this is not the man for you.
You deserve someone who appreciates you, respects you & loves you.
Best of luck.. and please remember.. you DO deserve better.

[ghee101]

hi ghee
sorry about your problems with your bf. would you not need a visa to vist here to see him? and that would take far longer than a month to do i would think and he would have to be involved in that process too.
hope things get better soon for you my dear.

thank you. his parents will handle the visit visa. they are actually expecting me to come soon. i met them on webcam and phone already. but it will only for a month. my bf doesnt want to impose on them much.

[ghee101]

ghee are u a UP madrigal choir member?..just curious

we are under the MADZ umbrella of choirs. my grp's name is a cappella manila.

[ghee101]

dump him ASAP ghee....find someone else that genuine.

i read your replies...i really wanna cry right now. i love him so much. everyone i know all have the same opinions :( but why cant i let go????

[stevie c]

ghee you need to be strong this guy will only hurt you time after time he is a bully be brave & let go in the long run im sure you will say to yourself you did the right thing

[rani]

i'm so sorry to hear this sad news but i agree with all advices here... i know how hard it is to break up with somebody but remember that time heals... just get busy and delete him in all your communication lines... he's not worthy of your love ghee

wanna chat?

[ghee101]

In all the years I've run this site that is the last thing you'd do in a relationship, that only happens when it's finished.

As long as you've learnt from the mistakes and are a better person, fine.

This is often quoted as a problem with a LDR, it's not, the vast majority of LDR's go smoothly and so they should. If you argue every day now, that is unlikely to change even when you're with the guy. So if you want a miserable existence then continue on this path. People get tampo in LDR's, yes, but most of the time it's over a misunderstanding.

He's the one that has to prove that to YOU, and to the EMBASSY as well if you've ever any hope of getting a fiancee/spouse visa. Asking you to go into debt in thr Philippines just for him is one hell of a selfish act and shows his lack of caring for you.

No they don't

Keep it, don't get rid of you're life for some waste of space, plenty of guys out there that will treat you right.

....and you have a good friend who talks sense and you....

he still insisting he's right. i hate this. i know im wrong in a lot of ways, being immature but is there anything i can hit my head right now to wake up?

i know i'll read, "i told you so" in the future but i cant get myself to let go for now. i have high hopes, i have faith. i hope if i start to pray now, i'll get my answer soon.

i appreciate all comments. never hold back even if you think it'll hurt. i want to know how you see it.

[kalabasa]

to love someone is hard hard as breaking up as well but times does heal..just try to hear the music intitle.."i remember the boy but i cant rem. the feeling anymore" that will inspire you am sure

[gecko_pikachu]

i read your replies...i really wanna cry right now. i love him so much. everyone i know all have the same opinions :( but why cant i let go????

If you really love him and you’re not ready to give up, most importantly, let him know how you feel and what is going on for you.
And hopefully, you'd both be able to resolve all your problems and overcome your issues.
If he's not willing to work on the relationship, then let him know clearly that if things don’t improve you will have to move on separate ways.
I understand you're very disappointed, especially since you both were so well matched.
I guess he's not as nice as you thought he was.
You're dealing with a potential relationship issue here beyond his obvious immaturity.

[Arthur Little]

Plenty of guys out there who would be willing to travel to the phils and meet you. Tell him so and then say goodbye .

This is very true ... but it's YOUR decison, Angelica, and yours alone!

[ghee101]

we've wasted a lot of time on each other. can you imagine even 9 hours chatting. i watch him sleep, he watches me.

a lot of times, he is sensible and im definitely not. its just hard for me to do what he wants. i made a lot of mistakes in my life. i promised myself and him i'd do good now and in the future.

why cant i make him understand abt this visit? im stripped of all my pride on my facebook :(

[gecko_pikachu]

can you add me on your facebook hun?

Venus Bernas-Walsh
thanks much!

Goodluck to your decision in life.
May God will lead you to the right way....

[Steve.r]

he still insisting he's right. i hate this. i cant get myself to let go for now.

i appreciate all comments. never hold back even if you think it'll hurt. i want to know how you see it.

Does what I highlighted in red not tell you something Ghee??
Is this the first western guy you have had a relationship with? if so, is it the thought of losing this 'westerner' and the prospect of being here in the Uk what you are scared of losing more?
Ok, that sounds a bit hard on you, but remember, there are lots of NICE guys here who will visit you in Phils, and give you respect and love. This guys is fooling you, don't you see that?
We want to help you so you dont make more mistakes, but first you have to help yourself. Be strong ok.

[stevie c]

Does what I highlighted in red not tell you something Ghee??
Is this the first western guy you have had a relationship with? if so, is it the thought of losing this 'westerner' and the prospect of being here in the Uk what you are scared of losing more?
Ok, that sounds a bit hard on you, but remember, there are lots of NICE guys here who will visit you in Phils, and give you respect and love. This guys is fooling you, don't you see that?
We want to help you so you dont make more mistakes, but first you have to help yourself. Be strong ok.

Ghee take steve r advice & dump this loser its the only way you are going to move on to better things in your life

[Tonet]

thank you. his parents will handle the visit visa. they are actually expecting me to come soon. i met them on webcam and phone already. but it will only for a month. my bf doesnt want to impose on them much.

i dont know how his parents gonna "handle" the visa!
You've mentioned you are just about to get a job means for now you dont have one just now and you will sell your things to buy ticket......IF you still get a visitor visa after your situation, that's what you would call miracle....

[KeithD]

.....IF you still get a visitor visa after your situation, that's what you would call miracle....

Good point

You have to PROVE to the Embassy you have reason to return to the Philippines. As you have no money, job, property, etc, you have no hope of getting one.... anyway, it can easily take longer than a month to process, and you have to apply yourself, no one else can do it.... they are talking

[subseastu]

Ghee

Listen to these people and take their advice. If you carry on in this "relationship" it'll only end badly for you. This guy is obviously trying to dominant you, if he's doing this from 7500 miles away whats it going to be when you get to the UK?

It sounds like this bloke has an idea in his head that he wants a submissive asian girl to be his to control. It looks like he has a sterotypical view that women from the far east will bow down and do all his bidding while he can lord it over them / you. I'd bet he's tried this with UK girls and been told where to stick it. I advise you to do the same.

It is total unacceptable of him to make these demands of you. You can not be expected to sell your entire life to finance one trip to the UK to prove to him that you are sincire. What happens at the end of this trip? He's had his fun and would no doubt discard you to fend for yourself. In the mean time you are left with nothing, in a worse position than when you started.

Its easy for everyone on here to say it, but.......Bin him, block his number, delete emails and addresses, burn letters and pictures.I know thew heart is a powerful thing but you've got to listen to your head on this one.

Go out and have fun for yourself for a month and I'll bet you meet someone a lot more worthy of you.

Good luck to you, stay strong and get rid of this to**er.

[subseastu]

Good point

You have to PROVE to the Embassy you have reason to return to the Philippines. As you have no money, job, property, etc, you have no hope of getting one.... anyway, it can easily take longer than a month to process, and you have to apply yourself, no one else can do it.... they are talking

Another good point

[subseastu]

Good point

You have to PROVE to the Embassy you have reason to return to the Philippines. As you have no money, job, property, etc, you have no hope of getting one.... anyway, it can easily take longer than a month to process, and you have to apply yourself, no one else can do it.... they are talking

Another good point

[Englishman2010]

I agree with everyone else, the guy is a complete jerk. Dump him. There are lots of genuine western and Filipino guys who would love to meet you. Move on and find the right one.
Good luck.

[BrummieBoy]

Hello Ghee,

I know that this is going to be hard for you, but I agree with what everyone else has said so far.

No-one should EVER ask you to sell everything you have just to prove yourself to them. This is degrading for you, and so, so immature and controlling from someone who is pretending that he loves you.

Also once someone does not trust you (whether it is your own fault or not) it is almost impossible to regain that trust, especially since you live so far apart. No matter what you do or say that suspiscion will always be there and that is not a good start to any long term relationship.

Like a lot of people on here have already pointed out, there are an awful lot of men that would give you the love and attention you deserve without treating you in such a horrible and insensitive way.

I hope that you head rules over your heart and you forget about this and find someone that deserves you.

Goodluck in whatever you decide to do,

Dave.

[Steve.r]

Just a suggestion,

Could somebody who can speak fluent tagalog please let Ghee know exactly what we are saying, maybe it will sink in if heard in her own tongue.

[raynaputi]

Just a suggestion,

Could somebody who can speak fluent tagalog please let Ghee know exactly what we are saying, maybe it will sink in if heard in her own tongue.

I'm sure she completely understands everything we're trying to say here...she's just having a hard time choosing between what her heart and mind says...it's always difficult especially for a girl to be in such situation when she loves the wrong guy so much..let's just hope she makes the right decision..

[KeithD]

This is the same reason girls stay with guys who beat the out of them..... they luuuuuv them .... abuse is abuse whether it is physical or mental.

[ghee101]

Out of spite, call him on the 7th... and share this little nugget with him:

you made me laugh today thank you.

[ghee101]

... g(h)ee whiz, Angelica ... to read what's happened. But, whilst in principle with what others have said, I'D be inclined to put your "boyfriend" to the test ... by asking him when HE intends visiting YOU! Given the proportionately low success rate in relation to the sheer number of visitor visas applied for, this would seem to offer the most viable option in the circumstances.

he's actually thinking of teaching english in indonesia OR here to be with me. i gave im couple of links to look at.