Infidelity in relationships

[Florge]

I saw this tv show today and it's about extra-marital affairs. The husband apparently fell out of love and surprised the wife with a divorce. Made me think if my husband would do the same to me when the time comes... specially when I am older and when everything in my body goes down... lol

I mean, how can a sweet, loving husband just suddenly fell out of love and asked for separation? There should be at least signs of love falling apart right? And in this tv show, there wasn't any sign.. or at least the wife doesn't see any.

I can only think of these reasons why marriages break down:

1. Financial
2. Abuse - emotional, physical, psychological
3. and the most common perhaps, the other woman/man

In that tv show, there was the other woman. How can a woman go so so so low that she has allowed herself to "fall in love" with a married man? I mean, I have been courted by married men before but I choose not to fall in love with them. My conscience and my morals just can't seem to stomach it. That's why I always believe that love is a decision. You decided to love someone no matter what, thus you decided to get married.. but deciding to fall in love with a married man or someone who has a gf? But then, who am I to judge.

For the wives/gf's here... just thinking.... is it the wife's/gf's fault if the husband is philandering? or is it the mistress' fault?

In my humble opinion, it is the (other) woman's fault... especially if she knows that the man is married or in a relationship... uurggghhh... utterly disgusting! Anyway, that's just me... hehehe

Any views?

[bornatbirth]

i think its called "sex" and when married life becomes boring a man or woman can soon move on and not all have your morals

[Florge]

so it's just that? sex? just a physical thing? how about the marriage of souls...

oh heck... i just sounded too ideal... lol

thanks BAB!

[bornatbirth]

you come from a different culture but dont people in the philipines have affairs too?, in a country where a married couple should stay married no matter what and usually when the husband as a affair doesnt the wife have one to ....so what happened to their morals

[Florge]

yes... filipinos got affairs too.. and their morals had gone to the dogs so to speak.. but like i said, who am i to judge... my dad had an affair as well and he said it was because he wants to know if he can still get a younger woman! has his morals gone to the dogs... for sure! but has he been sorry? he has.. and still paying for what he has done... hehehe...

my parents are still married though... not because they can't afford an annullment.. but just that they choose to make their marriage work!

[-sillybilly-]

Both man and the woman are immorals.
As both of them knows that one is already committed and has responsibilities but carried on with the sinful immoral relationship until it ruins the whole family!

It is such a terrible situation going to that part as the kids will get involved.

Based from my experienced, ex-husband was the weakest person i have ever met. I would not have care if he only his woman but getting her pregnant and having an illegitimate child is just out of order!

So i thought we were not meant for each other and i am not having that kind of life, a father of my children and a man i sleep with being shared by other family. No way!

After a few months i couldnt take it anymore, we never argue about the situation but i just found myself falling out of love with him and he wasnt prepared. Instead of me getting the heartaches he did! Im through with it. Sorry it wasnt my fault.

Someone else is not the solution of being sad and homesick away from your love ones. He Should have thought about his famiy and kids before doing that. So now why the hell would i think about the family and my kids having such a miserable and a father shared with someone else. They can have him. We dont need a weak father and i dont need a shared husband!!!

So i tried to work hard and live on my own and raised my children on my own. No support from him.

Its just all about commitments and how you love one another. No matter what comes to you, should think about the future and the responsibilities.

You wonna ruin your family? its up to you...
You wonna keep your family and make it stronger? its up to you....

[bornatbirth]

you took the news well

im sorry to hear this happened to you and yes he should of thought about his duty to your marriage before he wandered and only as himself to blame, i dont blame your reaction, im glad your over him and getting on with your life

[-sillybilly-]

you took the news well

im sorry to hear this happened to you and yes he should of thought about his duty to your marriage before he wandered and only as himself to blame, i dont blame your reaction, im glad your over him and getting on with your life

its not the end of the world. Look to the brighter side. Always!

Men and women should be more responsible when they commit themselves to someone or married. It would have been acceptable to know someone who is afraid of commitments and would just want enjoy life . Atleast you are not commiting sins in the eyes of people and in the eyes of God.

[pennybarry]

#3 the temptations (3rd party).
It is normally happened in a relationship and if you're both strong, then there is no reason to fall out of love.
Most of us Filipinos are not in favour of divorce. We are determined to love our husband and we are determined to fight for our love!
We value our morale, but still there are some who cannot find a boyfriend but choose married man. There's no fun at all being number 2.

They said no one can seduce a happy married husband but I also heard this, no man can resist a clever beautiful woman!

Florge, I think we can avoid this if we are package deal to our husband.
Our role must be The Wife, The Friend, and The Mistress !!!

1. Financial, it usally happens as well.

2. Abuse, we will not be, if we will not give them chance to abuse us.

[shrek48]

infidelity is disgusting, if you are unhappy with what you have then have the guts to end it and then look else where.the grass is very rarely greener on the other side and you should work at a marriage. for me being treated as equals and share everything is the answer to a happy relationship. all i need now is someone to share with
ash.x p.s hate liars too or is that another thread

[-sillybilly-]

infidelity is disgusting, if you are unhappy with what you have then have the guts to end it and then look else where.the grass is very rarely greener on the other side and you should work at a marriage. for me being treated as equals and share everything is the answer to a happy relationship. all i need now is someone to share with
ash.x p.s hate liars too or is that another thread

Ashx!

When someone starts to lie in a relationship that means he/she can cheat aswell.

[rani]

i had a broken marriage because of infidelity... at first, i didnt blame the girl coz she claimed that she doesn't know that my ex was married but after she learned everything, they continued their illicit relationship... after months of "hoping", i finally gave up and filed an annulment... SO THE TWO OF THEM SHOULD BE BLAMED

i was not a perfect wife.. as the saying goes, it takes two to tango.... we are not perfect but we had vows and swore to love each other til death etc etc... the thing is, the respect, trust and love goes together... you cant love a person if you don't trust and respect him anymore

[Florge]

but if sex and the lack of it is the reason why couples fell out of love, should it be good enough reason to end a marriage? i mean, marriage is suppose to go beyond the physical needs of the couple... right?

[rani]

right, florge!!! i believe that the couple should talk about the problem before getting into any trouble.. if it was discussed and no improvement happened then they should talk again if they can still live together and stand each other's weaknesses

[Jay&Zobel]

This thread caught my attention... It really is so sad to see marriages failing. It's just selfishness.. I just hope it won't happen to me, to my family or to anyone I know.

Florge, please don't tell me your new husband is having an affair?!!! You've just got married!

#3 the temptations (3rd party).
Florge, I think we can avoid this if we are package deal to our husband.
Our role must be The Wife, The Friend, and The Mistress !!!

Yep I agree with you Penny... be the three!! Wife, Friend & Mistress!! If I will be in that type of situation, I hate to be the wife or the mistress!!!! Just thinking about this makes me puke...

And husbands should be those as well: Husband, Friend and a Mister? hehe (what's a male-mistress?) hehe

DON'T BREAK YOUR MARRIAGE! DON'T BREAK ANY MARRIAGES!!

[malditako]

I saw this tv show today and it's about extra-marital affairs. The husband apparently fell out of love and surprised the wife with a divorce. Made me think if my husband would do the same to me when the time comes... specially when I am older and when everything in my body goes down... lol

I mean, how can a sweet, loving husband just suddenly fell out of love and asked for separation? There should be at least signs of love falling apart right? And in this tv show, there wasn't any sign.. or at least the wife doesn't see any.

I can only think of these reasons why marriages break down:

1. Financial
2. Abuse - emotional, physical, psychological
3. and the most common perhaps, the other woman/man

In that tv show, there was the other woman. How can a woman go so so so low that she has allowed herself to "fall in love" with a married man? I mean, I have been courted by married men before but I choose not to fall in love with them. My conscience and my morals just can't seem to stomach it. That's why I always believe that love is a decision. You decided to love someone no matter what, thus you decided to get married.. but deciding to fall in love with a married man or someone who has a gf? But then, who am I to judge.

For the wives/gf's here... just thinking.... is it the wife's/gf's fault if the husband is philandering? or is it the mistress' fault?

In my humble opinion, it is the (other) woman's fault... especially if she knows that the man is married or in a relationship... uurggghhh... utterly disgusting! Anyway, that's just me... hehehe

Any views?

let me add one thing why some marriages failed...i think one reason is ..."a boring sex life"....i believe its not just love that all we need to survive a marriage but we need to keep the fire burning all the time.

[stevewool]

hi well it takes two to tango they say , been there done that , its not nice being the inocent party , be truefull to each other all times and just remember if he or she can do it to you then they can do it to the next one pnce boredom sets in, its not nice so try to sort it out with your love ones before its to late, and just another point , its funny that when someone splits up, the guilty party always seems to get a boyfriend , girlfriend straight away

[charlwill]

let me add one thing why some marriages failed...i think one reason is ..."a boring sex life"....i believe its not just love that all we need to survive a marriage but we need to keep the fire burning all the time.

I beg to disagree. Marriage is not all about SEX, it is involving all aspect. Been there, done that! I should say 3rd party is to be blame. Most specially if you know he or she is married. There's no need to wreck someone else marriage. Just think of a karma if you do that, it might happen to you too. I think, husband and wife should have a heart to heart talk and discuss the problem and give your marriage a second chance. If you do that and still not working. You can say to yourself at least we (you) tried your best to save the marriage.

[aromulus]

I beg to disagree. Marriage is not all about SEX, it is involving all aspect. Been there, done that! I should say 3rd party is to be blame. Most specially if you know he or she is married. There's no need to wreck someone else marriage. Just think of a karma if you do that, it might happen to you too. I think, husband and wife should have a heart to heart talk and discuss the problem and give your marriage a second chance. If you do that and still not working. You can say to yourself at least we (you) tried your best to save the marriage.

Spot on...!!!!

Some rep points coming your way.....

[malditako]

I beg to disagree. Marriage is not all about SEX, it is involving all aspect. Been there, done that! I should say 3rd party is to be blame. Most specially if you know he or she is married. There's no need to wreck someone else marriage. Just think of a karma if you do that, it might happen to you too. I think, husband and wife should have a heart to heart talk and discuss the problem and give your marriage a second chance. If you do that and still not working. You can say to yourself at least we (you) tried your best to save the marriage.

I didn't say marriage is all about SEX...i said its one of the reason why some marriages fails...we're all humans and its a biological need of mankind..other partner maybe more active and experimenting while the partners are not...i agree with you that marriage involve all aspect and its pretty obvious sex is one of the aspect, compatibility in all aspect is pretty important to have a healthy relationship. i think pointing all the blame to a third party is a bias judgement..if a person is married they shouldn't get involve themselves other than their partners in the first place they know the consequences it may bring...i am saying this base on friends experiences, a friend who had been a third party, a friend who cheated his partner and a friend who had been cheated by his partner...and a couple friend who saved their falling marriage only b'coz they are compatible in bed...and u know what i've noticed is it is always the person who had been cheated on always get the sympathy of many...

[junior02]

a ex mate of mine was unfaithful to his wife, he is english and she is filipina. they went back to rp to visit her family,wen they arrived she went to the province and he made excuse and said he had business to sort out in manila, he went to angeles after she went 2 province and went to a few girly bars, but it back fired on him becoz he caught 2 bad cases of the clap and gave it to his now ex wife. they divorced year later back in uk, and she now has the house in uk and the condo and house and lot back in rp, he now lives in bedsit on his own and bankrupt, and his ex wife has a new partner younger than she is and 30years younger than her ex husband. he paid the price big time for being unfaithful...

[Florge]

hmmm.... isn't it that marriage is supposed to transcent from the physical calling of sex? There are ways to be intimated and there are different love languages that you can do to still keep the spark in the relationship...

I have known of many couples who don't have sex anymore but are still so much in love with each other.. so... if you got a boring sex life or zero sex life and make it a reason for falling out of love.. then I think you are not in love at all.. you are in lust!

Right?

[charlwill]

hmmm.... isn't it that marriage is supposed to transcent from the physical calling of sex? There are ways to be intimated and there are different love languages that you can do to still keep the spark in the relationship...

I have known of many couples who don't have sex anymore but are still so much in love with each other.. so... if you got a boring sex life or zero sex life and make it a reason for falling out of love.. then I think you are not in love at all.. you are in lust!

Right?

You're right, Florge. Same here, I have known some couples that don't have sex life anymore but the love still there.

[bornatbirth]

You're right, Florge. Same here, I have known some couples that don't have sex life

have we met

what does it matter, it takes 2 to tango and both are guilty, however it happens who are we to judge

[charlwill]

have we met

what does it matter, it takes 2 to tango and both are guilty, however it happens who are we to judge

No, we haven't meet yet. I agree, it make 2 to tango but as what I have said.... if you know that the person involve is married then you have the option to stay away from that person and if you choose to continue then think of the guilt and the karma. What I can see in this world is full of LUST and not LOVE.

[bornatbirth]

No, we haven't meet yet. I agree, it make 2 to tango but as what I have said.... if you know that the person involve is married then you have the option to stay away from that person and if you choose to continue then think of the guilt and the karma. What I can see in this world is full of LUST and not LOVE.

what if he or she doesnt say they are married and only finds out when they have already made a connection

[charlwill]

what if he or she doesnt say they are married and only finds out when they have already made a connection

As soon as one of them find out. Then, stay away. Simple as that!

[malditako]

lust, desire and love is inseparable in my point of view...

lust is a initial physical attraction to another person while love is not a immediate feeling..it grows overtime and it is something you need to be nurture all the time...if a person is physically attracted to another they tend to be more interested of knowing them (unconsiously) and results of spending more time with them...and the more they spend time the more the feeling gets intense and more deeper other than lust...

as what other married friends saying...always makes yourself to look good in your partners eyes, mesmerize them so they wont look around...anyway just sharing my thoughts

[Florge]

lust, desire and love is inseparable in my point of view...

lust is a initial physical attraction to another person while love is not a immediate feeling..it grows overtime and it is something you need to be nurture all the time...if a person is physically attracted to another they tend to be more interested of knowing them (unconsiously) and results of spending more time with them...and the more they spend time the more the feeling gets intense and more deeper other than lust...

as what other married friends saying...always makes yourself to look good in your partners eyes, mesmerize them so they wont look around...anyway just sharing my thoughts

You got a point there garry.. but the thing is, there a danger in that because lust somehow blinds you with the essence of love. Love is patient, love is kind... but if you are in the mood and feel very lustful, and the other is not, will you be patient and kind? I don't think so... you get selfishe and just think about yourself... that's why sexual abuse still happens in marriages.. which is sad really...

It's cool if the lust becomes love... but I would still prefer to have the love first, then the lust comes after... that's the beauty of the courtship stage which doesn't happen very often nowadays...

[Arthur Little]

I would still prefer to have the love first, then the lust comes after... that's the beauty of the courtship stage which doesn't happen very often nowadays...

... and more's the pity! , Florge.