I understand the point you are making, and I think that explains the motivation behind my girlfriend maintaining contact with her ex and adding other guys.
But using that logic and rationale, I should be keeping contact and nurturing relationships with 3 or 4 other girls on the side, just to keep my options open in case she turns out to be a lying gold digger etc etc.
However, if I was discovered to be doing that, I would instantly be labelled a butterfly who is not serious, merely a womaniser who is playing the field to see what I can get. But when a filipina lady does the same, she gets a free pass on such duplicitous behaviour because its merely being "prudent". With respect, I think its a double standard. In my situation, I believe my gf should most certainly NOT be keeping other relationships and contacts simmering in the background "just in case".
Furthermore, I would point out that for the guy (at least in my case), the risk is even greater than for the lady. Im not just making a big emotional investment (as she is), I am also making a serious financial investment too. Consider that virtually ALL, or at least the lions share of the expenses involved will usually be paid for by the man, including multiple trips featuring flights, hotels, dinner, sightseeing, gifts, incidental expenses etc. After several such trips, if the relationship continues to blossom then you will incur all the costs involved in bringing a filipina lady to the west, not to mention the support paid to her and/or her family in many cases. So if things go belly up, thats a lot of money flushed down the toilet.
So I ask you: who is taking the bigger risk?
Sure, she may be disappointed if I turn out to be a butterfly, or someone who is not committed to a serious relationship. However if I find a gold digger or a liar, I'm risking heartbreak AND the loss of a serious amount of money.
I respect and applaud the fact that you were so understanding with your wife, and I am delighted that your relationship has succeeded. However for me, both parties should demonstrate their commitment to the relationship and assume the risk of disappointment together. Keeping your options open is acceptable, even advisable in the early stages of a relationship. At an advanced stage however, I think it shows a lack of commitment and should be verboten.
That’s why I have decided, after much agonising and introspection to end the relationship I am currently in.
I really appreciate all the replies on this thread, and have read and reread them all with great interest. I have spoken to her, as dontpushme advised. The response I got was stunned silence when I told her I knew, then I got more lies and denial until she realised just HOW MUCH I knew. This was followed by a lot of tears and apologies and requests for forgiveness. She maintains that this is her only indiscretion, and is begging me to stay but the problem of course is now I really do doubt everything she told me in the past.
I love her, but I don’t trust her anymore. Although my heart wants to keep trying, I have been in enough relationships to know that when the trust is gone, things will never be the same again. Honesty, loyalty and trust are the foundation of any successful relationship.
Being in a long distance relationship with filipina lady is hard, much harder than all the relationships I have had with western girls. That means trust is even more important than normal, as we are so far apart. However her repeated lying, and her practice of "keeping her options open" as I mentioned above, tell me that she is not as committed as I am. Which is so difficult to take, because I really thought she was THE ONE.
Ouch.
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