Need outsiders' perspective

[baby38]

I would third what Fred says after 3 bad relationships with Filipino and one bad marriage ,I spent 3 months in the Phills with my present wife and had her here in Australia twice on 3 month visitors visas then we got married,iI know 2 close friends started chatting online rush over to the Phills got married after 10 days now both got problems,one of them his wife started having sex with Filipino men here shortly after she got here,waited for 2 years got her permanent visa then moved in with a Filapino who is married and his wife still in the Phills .

[ranger74]

Visa approved!

I understand what you guys are saying about spending more time there with her, but that's hard with my kid situation. Now we get to spend 3 months together and explore the relationship further. Wish us luck

[Terpe]

Visa approved!

I understand what you guys are saying about spending more time there with her, but that's hard with my kid situation. Now we get to spend 3 months together and explore the relationship further. Wish us luck

Congrats.
I do wish you all good luck during the next 3 months.

I very happy the visa went well.
I must admit I was a bit concerned it may not get approved. Just didn't want to mention it.

[ranger74]

Yeah we were concerned, too! We both promised that we wouldn't give up if it was, but the extra time that we'd have spent apart may have proved too much in the end. We'll be separated again once the visa expires, but hopefully by then we'll both be more sure about the relationship and we'll cope better with the distance thing.

Thanks again everyone. You were all a great help.

[Steve.r]

Stick around though Ranger, let us know how things pan out ok

[baby38]

Good luck Ranger,least 3 months be great to get to know each other better.

[Terpe]

Stick around though Ranger, let us know how things pan out ok

Ranger, I too would be glad to hear how things go.
It's quite interesting that your gf is making this almost 'getting to know better' visit here to UK.
We are so used to hearing the outcomes when people go to Phils for this reason.

Would also be good to learn how she reacts to UK life, likes and dislikes etc
Plenty for you to post?

Best wishes for a great time together

[ranger74]

Will definitely return with updates. Really appreciated the advice for you all.

I'm not in the UK, though. Australia

[Terpe]

I'm not in the UK, though. Australia

Ah! Sorry ranger74
Still would like to hear follow up stories though

I wonder if it's a little easier to be granted a visit visa to Oz than UK ?

[LuisaKC]

Hi. You do regular Xmas party in Phils? thats really cool.
@RANGER74: goodluck . Hope everythings works well. and stay happy

[ranger74]

She arrives tomorrow night. Nervous and excited

[Terpe]

She arrives tomorrow night. Nervous and excited

Good luck ranger74
Wishing happy times for you both

[baby38]

Where about in Australia You live Ranger,I live 3 hours north west of Brisbane.

[ranger74]

I'm 2 hours north of Melbourne. Thankfully we're coming into summer, so she won't have to deal with too much of a change in climate

[purple]

Good luck Ranger.. Hope it will not be like Mick Cant's situation.
Its good you two have good 3 months to spend together.

[stanthedog]

Read your story.understand thoughts in your head,i met my fiancee online,things progressed,i visited her,met family, it seems to be a must if she genuine to meet family for there approval,its tradition,seen all for myself what we had talked abt many times.in visa application,did you supply your details,address where she stay,finances,certificates etc,she needs them full stop.seems a bit strange,using you to a degree,i would cut my losses and run,there are thousands of filopinos ,genuine and true.try again thats my opinion

[lovelyme]

hi ranger,

is it clear to both of you that u are on exclusive dating? i cannot say any bad word about her as i dont know her but as for me, if you considered someone as bf/gf then that means you should commit yourself to that person and not date anyone else. maybe for her it's for job reasons only but the fact that the guy has interest on her is unacceptable.

also, ive been in a LDR as well and i never expected money from my ex. stop sending her money and let your feelings about each other be the basis for making your relationship work.

i wish you luck and be strong. after all, maybe she just needs time to think things up

[lovelyme]

hey ranger,

my previous post was inappropriate as you've already worked things out with your gf and she's going to see you i wish you luck and happiness ;-) update us

[grahamw48]

Maybe appropriate for others in the same situation though.

[Terpe]

hey ranger,

my previous post was inappropriate as you've already worked things out with your gf and she's going to see you i wish you luck and happiness ;-) update us

I thought you made some valid opinion. Keep posting

[Languish]

First - i'm in no way standing in judgement. A lot of what you have said rings true to me too. I really, really hope this works out for you as i can see you are very emotionally invested into this relationship.

Second - Tough call - i've never sent a single penny to my girlfriend, but then again she does run a business herself, but still she would be insistent (and is) that this is something she does not want me to do. I think she wishes to distance herself from those that do this. I would not have recommend that you took that course of action - as you should build the relationship first and be clear from the outset that its the relationship first - financial support later (if ever).

Third - others have already mentioned it here, but trust is massively important. Never for one second have i doubt my girlfriend. We keep each other 100% informed of our activities and treat each other as husband and wife already. She knows my work and life patterns as do i hers. Each time i have visited her i have met friends, family and colleagues. She has ingrained me into her life so i know exactly, in my mind how her shop looks - who works there and the people she deals with. Its hugely reassuring to me and her. Our relationship has gone from strength to strength in the last 12 months.

I think your situation is salvageable, honestly i really do, but it needs a face to face (or webcam) conversation. Without actually saying you don't trust her you need to really say that you are so worried about this and (if anything) you should apologise if she misinterpreted your worry for being distrustful. I never hesitate to apologise to my girlfriend - not to keep the peace - but to show her i am sincere and that arguments bother me. Its not good to be unhappy in a relationship.

Sorry - bit of a brain dump message here but i really hope you get this resolved. Fingers crossed for you buddy!

[ranger74]

Well, after a month, all seemed to be going well. She was still chatting to the guy in yahoo though, which I was obviously not comfortable with, but other than that it all seemed to be going great.

But today I got to see one of their conversations and my worst fears were confirmed. The guy wasn't just a friend. She'd been sleeping with him after I left the Philippines and from the conversation, I gathered that she hadn't told him that she was here in Australia with me (she told me that he knew).

We haven't talked about it yet, but she knows I know. I'm out in my bungalow having a few drinks and chain smoking, trying to wrap m head around what a massive fool I've been and figure out what happens next.

Her flight home isn't for another 8 weeks and she doesn't have the money to re-book it herself. I'll continue to feed and shelter her until she figures out how to get home, but it's going to be awkward. I'm also not looking forward to the humiliation when I have to tell friends and family that we're breaking up. The kids are away at their mother's until xmas eve, but we're supposed to be having xmas dinner with them and my parents. Not sure I can bluff my way through the day.

Hurting and feeling very stupid right now.

[Englishman2010]

Hi Ranger, sorry to read about your situation. I'm sure there are many of us on here who have made the same mistakes as you - I certainly have. Don't punish yourself though, pick yourself back up off the floor and move on. Fortunately, most Filipina's are honest, genuine, loving and loyal. Don't let one bad experience put you off the whole race, there is good and bad in all nationalities, and you could have just as easily been fooled by a western girl.
I had 8 or 9 months of mistrusting my ex-Fili g/f, the writing was on the wall from day 1, but I couldn't see it, instead I kept on hoping and praying that I was just being paranoid and it would all be ok. Looking back it's easy to see what my mistakes were, and if that situation ever arises again I will follow my gut instinct and finish it immediately. Life is too short to be messed around with and let anyone play with your heart. There are lots of good girls out there who will treat you right. I've been with my current Fili for 5 months, she is the complete opposite of my ex, and I have never had reason to doubt or not trust her, something which is vital in a LDR.
Cut off all support now, and don't look back, no matter how hard it is - very best of luck to you

[alanmf1]

Ranger, sorry to hear of your predicament.

You have given her ample opportunity to make her choice which it appears she has done!

Cut your losses now mate and move on... there are so many special filipinas! Enjoy finding the right one for you!

Rgds

[Terpe]

Ranger, really sorry to hear your latest situation.
As others have said, you gave your best shot and you gave her all and every chance.
You are quite right, this relationship is now finished.
I really feel for you that you now have to get through Christmas with family and friends knowing that your world has changed. It's going to be tough, but you must cut loose now, accept what happened, learn the lessons and move forward with positive ideas.
God Bless

[aposhark]

Hi ranger74,

I just read your story and I just hope you can remain friendly with her during the last weeks with you in Oz.

She has done what so many other women have done, which is not to say that other Filipinas are not faithful, it seems most Filipinas really value being faithful - both parties.

She should not have been sleeping around when you were sending money and you agreed to be a couple.
As others have said, cut her loose and put it down to experience.

Best of luck.

[joebloggs]

but why would she go to OZ with you if he meant so much to her?

some people

[rani]

so sorry to hear that your story didnt turn up well...
cheer up ranger
do not think of what others say unto you... after all, it is your life and you know that you have given your best... you just have to accept the fact that she's not the one for you... i'm pretty sure that there's one out there waiting and deserving of your love...
stay happy

[aposhark]

but why would she go to OZ with you if he meant so much to her?

some people

So many stories like this Joe.
The common denominator is always money

[mickcant]

Hi ranger74,
I too am sorry things have gone this way!
We want to think the best of a partner and loving someone means trusting them.
It’s not much comfort but at least you have found out before marrying.

In my case we married then she had a baby by a Filipino.
Then came to join me in the UK, but she wanted money and a visa only
We parted then I found out about the baby.
We are now divorcing.
Mick.