First - i'm in no way standing in judgement. A lot of what you have said rings true to me too. I really, really hope this works out for you as i can see you are very emotionally invested into this relationship.

Second - Tough call - i've never sent a single penny to my girlfriend, but then again she does run a business herself, but still she would be insistent (and is) that this is something she does not want me to do. I think she wishes to distance herself from those that do this. I would not have recommend that you took that course of action - as you should build the relationship first and be clear from the outset that its the relationship first - financial support later (if ever).

Third - others have already mentioned it here, but trust is massively important. Never for one second have i doubt my girlfriend. We keep each other 100% informed of our activities and treat each other as husband and wife already. She knows my work and life patterns as do i hers. Each time i have visited her i have met friends, family and colleagues. She has ingrained me into her life so i know exactly, in my mind how her shop looks - who works there and the people she deals with. Its hugely reassuring to me and her. Our relationship has gone from strength to strength in the last 12 months.

I think your situation is salvageable, honestly i really do, but it needs a face to face (or webcam) conversation. Without actually saying you don't trust her you need to really say that you are so worried about this and (if anything) you should apologise if she misinterpreted your worry for being distrustful. I never hesitate to apologise to my girlfriend - not to keep the peace - but to show her i am sincere and that arguments bother me. Its not good to be unhappy in a relationship.

Sorry - bit of a brain dump message here but i really hope you get this resolved. Fingers crossed for you buddy!