Returning to Work Once Your Mahal Is With You in The UK ????????????

[New Shoes]

If all goes to plan, I'll be flying out to the Phils for my annual holiday, only this time upon my return to the UK my mahal will be with me with nice new Fiancé visa in her passport (fingers crossed).

So, for you guys who had to return to work upon arrival back in Blighty, how did you do it?

By that I mean did you spend a week with your mahal trying to get her settled into a new/strange country prior to you going back to work?

I usually fly back into the UK on a Saturday, rest Sunday and I'm back at work on Monday. If I did this routine next time that would leave my mahal alone in the house almost from day one. I can't imagine that being a very good introduction to the UK and also the fact that she's left all of her family/friends and will be way out of her comfort zone.

(There's not really any Filipinas in my area she could talk to for initial support)

Any ideas on the best strategy??

Cheers guys!

[Englishman2010]

I've not been in this position myself yet, but have thought about what I'd do in the same situation. I suppose the easiest answer would be to take an extra week off work, but that may not be practical for some, as employers are not always that generous with annual leave. It's not so bad for me as I spend a good proportion of my time working for home, and could arrange to be at home for an initial period to provide some company.
Is your mahal a member of the forum? Getting her to join could be a way of introducing her to some of the other UK based Filipina's and discussing how she can make her settling in period more comfortable.

[Rosie1958]

My filipina sister-in-law flew from Philippines to live with me in the UK at the end of last week (whilst my brother is in hospital long term). I wouldn't dream of leaving her on her own in a foreign country without help for at least the first week. Besides being homesick and missing her filipino family, there are numerous other issues that need to be dealt with and she can't do those on her own without some guidance ....... registering with a GP, buying some warm clothes, understanding how to get about, obtaining a national insurance number, visits to local town/ city, obtaining a sim card/ international phone card to ring home, as well as providing some much needed company. Anything that one can do to help in the very early days will assist in the settling in period, making it as painless as possible and is time well spent. I think that the worst feeling must be one of isolation and loneliness in an unfamiliar place and every effort should be made to help relieve this .........

Good luck to you and your mahal.

[somebody]

Well may not be so bad if you can get facebook,ym and skype and what not set up. The first few days she will be jet lagged not want to go outside (if the winter for sure possibly most british summer days)

WHen the Wife came back with me we had the day she came back together then i went back to work the next day and on the next day my Mum and sister met up with the Wife and I ended up off that day as a mosquito bite turned nasty and i needed to visit the doctors so met up with them.

It may be tough at first but it may help if it happens early on..


As Englishman says get her on here so she builds up a network of Pinays who can share her experience and understand. Plus some maybe nearby trust me Pinays will travel for a chat and to share foods

Can your Family help old or young? Pinays rarely have the same hang ups on befriending those younger or older..
Many actually might find older ladies or younger innocent Children far better company while not use to the ways of the Uk than a young adult even if nearer in age.

Plus take her out on Sunday no guarantees but often Pinays will search one another out like heat seeking missiles church and the local shopping mall are good starting points. Let her know where the local shop is by showing her and introduce them to the owner mention they are new. I know even in busy London many Ladies pop in the local newsagent and grocers etc and get talking for many of the shop owners near us English is not the first language so they understand. The wife now counts ours as good friends


Do be spareing with your holiday dont use all up at once depending on your visa path you may need to apply for schegen, NI, Doctor etc which may take up a day or two of leavve. Plus once she has got use to the weather and surroundings she will want to go out and about..

Plus plenty of Pinays it seems at the local Hospital even if this news story from 2002

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/2270586.stm

[sars_notd_virus]

By that I mean did you spend a week with your mahal trying to get her settled into a new/strange country prior to you going back to work?

My husband had a couple of weeks off from work to settle me in, show me around help me get a little bit use to the difference between here and the philippines....different shops places etc...we even went to a filipino event(barrio fiesta)

[Terpe]

I think Rosie makes some important points.
The simple everyday things that we don't give much thought to can be very difficult during the early days.

Why not consider arriving to UK on Thursday, resting/acclimatising/time together on Friday. Even working on a list of essentials etc.
Spend the weekend together in the local town getting those essentials and even looking out for and listening for other Pinoy.

I remember telling my wife that I had never seen anyone from Phils in our local town, but first Saturday shopping she saw and heard lots!!
Made some contacts and able to chat on the phone in her own language.
A big help.
First days can be daunting and lonely.

Just my two centavos worth

[New Shoes]

Hiya,
Many thanks for the replies! You've confirmed my thoughts. I think it would be better to have a week, maybe a little less being at home with my mahal supporting her getting used to living in the UK.

I put myself in her shoes. If I had not been to the Phils before and after a day or so after arriving, I was just left alone in an empty house I'd feel lonely.

I mentioned this to her at the weekend (via YM) and she said that she'd be OK, she'd spend the time cleaning the house and cooking food. Personally, I don't think it would be quite as easy as that for her.

[aposhark]

A week should be enough IMO.

Make sure she brings a roaming sim with her so the family in the Phils can text her cheaply.

Get her to use Chikkatext on a pc in the UK to text back to her family.

I have always phoned my wife at least 3 times a day from work, and often more

Give her money to do the shopping and allow her independence in this regard.

Allow her to send money home every couple of months.

Make her feel loved all the time, tell her constantly, and she will be happy

[Terpe]

A week should be enough IMO.

Make sure she brings a roaming sim with her so the family in the Phils can text her cheaply.

Get her to use Chikkatext on a pc in the UK to text back to her family.

I have always phoned my wife at least 3 times a day from work, and often more

Give her money to do the shopping and allow her independence in this regard.

Allow her to send money home every couple of months.

Make her feel loved all the time, tell her constantly, and she will be happy

These are all excellent points

[aposhark]

Thanks, I should really have typed "tell her constantly and mean it"
As opposed to telling her without meaning it as many people do of course

[stevewool]

hi there , well i took the extra week off , plus living close to work helps , lots of advice here already, just take your time try not to rush her and always say you love her, give her freedom to the internet and a mobile phone too, try to get her to have contact on the internet , facebook with others and talk to others too, it does get easy afterwards and remember lots of ladies are here to help you too

[fred]

If I had taken a week off when my Mrs first arrived we would have been kicked out of our room for not paying the rent!
On her second day she had already sussed out to use a launderette!

[New Shoes]

Thanks again for the replies. Most useful, very good points too. Some I hadn't thought about