Ex of my hubby is looking after the house

[Arthur Little]

Happily there's no reason for me to remain in contact with any of my exes ... apart from exchanging Christmas cards with one [the afore-mentioned, long-term girlfriend - now remarried ] ... so I'm fortunate in that respect.

[purple]

That is truly understandable if we want to be just friends without the need for the ex-s to be involved with our present lives.

As a woman and looking at the point of view of an ex of 7 long years to now a married man to a different woman would be an insult for these reasons:
1) why keep me as a friend when we did not get along in the first place
2) why let me involve or be involve to the present happy or whatever life of an ex-bf who is married
3) makes me look sorry or pose threat to the wife as I've shared longer moments

These are the reasons I am considering.. Being an ex to my ex-s' I made sure that I am not close but keeping civil friendship to them as I am know, if I am the present partner I would feel vulnerable considering that there was emotion involved when they were dating/together. Even though the relationship died long ago.. but it can be rekindled because of the constant closeness which should have died the moment the relationship did not work out. And these my friends can be an issue in the future of which I am trying to understand from my husband's point of view by talking it to him in naive manner.

[stevewool]

a ex is just that A EX, i have a ex and yes we speak emma had met her and yes there are children also thats why there is some sort of contact,not to much contact now, but i have nothing to hide from emma and emma it my number 1 thing in my life, yes we all must say what is on our minds and if we have worries also but i realy dont think you have anything to worry about with your husband

[SteveL]

Jelousy and insecurity is part and parcel of marrying a much younger Filipina. Regardless of everything we do to prove our love and fidelity, our Significant Pinoy Partner will always assume that we will find another, cheat on her or whatever.
In my case, Rebella is convinced I will get back with my first wife, despite knowing everything that caused us to divorce. My daughter lives with my ex wife but i have her from Friday night to Sunday night. I can guarrantee that my darling will be on Yahoo at 10pm Sunday(5am Dipolog time) asking me a thousand questions about what my ex said, what i said to her, blah blah blah.
No matter how many times i talk to her, and patiently explain that she has nothing to fear, her paranoia doesnt leave her and to be honest, i dont think it will.
So let me say here what i tell her, if all i wanted was a bit of fun, we wouldnt be married. I cannot change my past, i'm not going to ignore my daughter and for her sake i try and be friends with my ex. If you dont trust your partner, then the only one who gets hurt is you, because you spend all your time in fear, needless fear of something that doesnt exist. But no marriage will survive when there isnt trust, so you have to leap off the cliff and dive in, and until your betrayed assume your not going to be. I think you'll find you never will be and your relationship will be much more enjoyable for both of you.

Here endeth the lesson hehehe

[purple]

Jelousy and insecurity is part and parcel of marrying a much younger Filipina. Regardless of everything we do to prove our love and fidelity, our Significant Pinoy Partner will always assume that we will find another, cheat on her or whatever.
In my case, Rebella is convinced I will get back with my first wife, despite knowing everything that caused us to divorce. My daughter lives with my ex wife but i have her from Friday night to Sunday night. I can guarrantee that my darling will be on Yahoo at 10pm Sunday(5am Dipolog time) asking me a thousand questions about what my ex said, what i said to her, blah blah blah.
No matter how many times i talk to her, and patiently explain that she has nothing to fear, her paranoia doesnt leave her and to be honest, i dont think it will.
So let me say here what i tell her, if all i wanted was a bit of fun, we wouldnt be married. I cannot change my past, i'm not going to ignore my daughter and for her sake i try and be friends with my ex. If you dont trust your partner, then the only one who gets hurt is you, because you spend all your time in fear, needless fear of something that doesnt exist. But no marriage will survive when there isnt trust, so you have to leap off the cliff and dive in, and until your betrayed assume your not going to be. I think you'll find you never will be and your relationship will be much more enjoyable for both of you.

Here endeth the lesson hehehe

Hi Steve,
I respect you being in contact with your ex-wife because you have a child in the first place.
Me and my husband don't have that big age gap.. he is in his 30's and never been married.. I was talking about an ex-gf not an ex-wife because I can completely understand if there was a marriage involved.

I was asking for an opinion that would direct me to a logical reasoning from men members here.

Insecurity doesn't play here with what I posted but more of sharing I think with cultural, male-female differences when it comes to handling relationship.

I understand that a relationship is an important factor in our lives and keeping them balance with family and friends is vital to our existence because these people have helped mold us into a better person or people we are now.

[gWaPito]

This thread is getting plenty of mileage ! Purple, i agree with you that your husband will be rather miffed off with you doing your dirty washing in public, i know I wld. Having said that, you have a good reason to. You need the addressed before you arrive. Dont worry about spoiling Christmas There will be others. I cant see the point walking round with painted smiles for the sake of it. You should not be put in a position to have to meet her Really that is all bullshit. Just dont take any of it ok. Be strong. Its not a past wife of someone who's a mother of his kids so no reasons found.

[purple]

This thread is getting plenty of mileage ! Purple, i agree with you that your husband will be rather miffed off with you doing your dirty washing in public, i know I wld. Having said that, you have a good reason to. You need the addressed before you arrive. Dont worry about spoiling Christmas There will be others. I cant see the point walking round with painted smiles for the sake of it. You should not be put in a position to have to meet her Really that is all bullshit. Just dont take any of it ok. Be strong. Its not a past wife of someone who's a mother of his kids so no reasons found.

Point taken gwapito.

[somebody]

Its strange but I know of quite a few Brit couples who discovered they were friends not lovers sometimes after years. I can think of a few where i know both the boyfriend and girlfriend equally well both split but are best of friends so may not be as bad as you think.

Some men and women I think at first mistake great friendship for love possibly?

[SteveL]

Hi Steve,
I respect you being in contact with your ex-wife because you have a child in the first place.
Me and my husband don't have that big age gap.. he is in his 30's and never been married.. I was talking about an ex-gf not an ex-wife because I can completely understand if there was a marriage involved.

I was asking for an opinion that would direct me to a logical reasoning from men members here.

Insecurity doesn't play here with what I posted but more of sharing I think with cultural, male-female differences when it comes to handling relationship.

I understand that a relationship is an important factor in our lives and keeping them balance with family and friends is vital to our existence because these people have helped mold us into a better person or people we are now.

I think it all comes down to trust. If you trusted your husband 100% then him remaining friends with an ex partner wouldn't be an issue, neither would him turning to his ex partner but still friend for assistance. Ask yourself a question,has your husband ever done anything to betray you? Assuming he hasn't , then i stand by my initial comments, you need to find it in your heart to trust him and not be jelous. He's married you, and he's spending a lot of money on a flight to be with you for christmas. Dont let this ruin your first christmas together as a married couple, there maybe other christmas's but the memory of this first ruined one will haunt you.

[mhaedonald]

hi purple...now that u hear the different opinions here,i think its time for u to decide already what u will do..Do what u think is right and what will put ur mind at rest and what will be good in ur relationship...wish u the best

[purple]

Hi All,

Hubby have read this thread and I was right that he felt upset for not talking it to him.
So we've talked about it and got our frustrations out. And he understood me (lucky me) so we're both over about ex thing and have moved on now. His dad is coming over to his place. He did explain to me that the she would only be popping in to get posts but now it is his dad instead after telling him it upsets me.
Its good to know that respect and being sensitive is there. I guess what I wanted to know if its normal for westerners to keep their ex-s, and I'm thankful to everyone who have shared their opinion as it put me at ease and able to weigh things reasonably.

[Terpe]

purple
Communication is the key.
Once he really understood how it makes you feel (logical or not) he proved you are his priority.

[gWaPito]

Fantastic news Purple ! So you can now enjoy your first Christmas as a married couple without the painted smiles but, with real smiles. you did the right thing, Purple. I know others implied to ride with it, dont make waves. This wld of been the last time you wld of saw him before meeting him again in the uk. Your flight is going to be bad enough, without the heavy heart you wld of been carrying had this situation continued. You got to start as you mean to go on otherwise resentment will set in blah blah blah. You get my drift ! HAPPY CHRISTMAS to both of you.

[stevewool]

great news and like many say be upfront with everything always

[alanmf1]

Well doneNow u can look forward.....

[Sim11UK]

Good result purple Definately better that his dad keeps an eye on his house & not the ex

[mattwilkie]

Exs are always excess baggage that will appear from time to time.. I have a daughter with mine and often when in the UK have to pick her up from her mothers my wife is fine with it even though shes in Cebu why? because of trust.. I do get collared for the odd emergency now and then but I do that for anybody a lot easier now shes got a boyfriend mind.

Bit one thing I found out last year via my adminstrator was that she checked out her ex on facebook to see how he was doing. The reason being? wanted to see if she was prettier than his new girlfriend (Which she was by miles). Ex's like to see you suffer well women do? From my perspective I really don't care what the ex gets upto so cant understand the issue.. which does annoy my ex btw.. or used to (that i didnt care). Even worse when you make a better life, cut off a lot of the excess cash you used to give away and on top of that marry a beautiful woman (ex isnt ugly just feels that from her own insecurities). So for an ex being in the house doesnt matter since hes not there and if the relationship was old they no doubt got over it along time ago any feelings that is.

[purple]

Thanks Matt... that is so true.

I realized one thing... I don't care anymore. Its the thing of the past like every body else do.