Is it hopeless?

[MarkR]

Hi all,
Now I know the subject of "Sole Responsibility" has been done to death before, and I have read them all but I'm still unsure so would appreciate any advice available, please!

My g/f has a 1 yr old daughter and 3 yr old son, the father of both is a married man (not married to her!) who still supports her and them and visits his kids about twice a week (in an apartment he rents for her). He insists on her living there (rather than back with her parents) threatening to stop supporting her if she doesn't. The kids have his surname on the certificate.

My question: is there any chance of convincing Uk immigration that she has sole responsibility? My only thought was if she move out and I support her and the kids for 6 months, or a year and she breaks all contact with the father. But I'm not convinced even that would be enough?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated as we are both very very depressed now.

Mark.

[Steve.r]

Sounds a bit fishy to me, have you met her before ?

[grahamw48]

It can be done by 'late-registering' the births and putting 'father unknown' on the new birth certificates, but only if the births haven't yet been registered at the NSO in Manila (quite likely). This is a desperate measure, but I know it has worked.

You would then be depriving a father of his children. Hmm.

Other than that, without the father's written permission I think your chances of taking the children out of the country are zero.

Now that I'm searching for a new Filipina girlfriend, I automatically reject any with children. Harsh, but avoids this kind of problem. Even that can be risky, as so many say that they have no kids, but in reality DO.

[Terpe]

MarkR
So sorry to learn about your challenges.

From what you describe I think it would be very difficult to convince the ECO on Sole Responsibilty.
This whole area is so very complex and very unique to each case that I would not want to predict any outcome.
It may well be worth having a local specialist attorney review the relevant family and civil codes.
In your specific case, the mother is legally recognised as having parental authority, not the father. That's why I think it may be worth having a specialist to help an initial review.

Having said that I think the biological father does have some room for objection.

Have you considered getting married? This status may be a route to legal adoption.
Again, ideally you would need to get the bio father's rights terminated.
Unless he agrees to it, you would likely have a hard time of it.
You would definitely need a specialist attorney to prepare the adoption case.
Maybe worth some research on what the legal requirements and processes are.
Then as Graham has mentioned these actions do deprive the father of his children, and from your post it does seem he wants to be a big part of their lives.

Maybe someone on the forum has a silmilar situation that they have resolved.

Don't give up. There may be other ways. Children born out of wedlock in Phils are often able to access less stringent restrictions in the Family Code and the Civil Code.

Sorry not to be able to much positive help, but just wanted you to know that your post touched me.

[Arthur Little]

Hmm ... "food for thought", Mark! here ... and be guided by the advice given to you.

[purple]

This is a situation for you MarkR because why would your girlfriend be involved with a married man?

It would be easy for her to let the legal wife know about the situation and that will ease some issues between you and your gf. Get them (the father of the children and his wife) over to be involved since it is big decision. That is if you are going to support your gf and her children.

Late registrations will not work anymore. The NSO are now keen about birth simulations and late registrations. It can also lead to more issues in the future when you want the children to come over.

Why not talk over with the father of the children? He is not in the position to command your gf like that as if he owns her like a property.

OMG what happen to the women's right

[MarkR]

Thanks for the replies so far....
In response to purple:- She isn't involved with him anymore other than being dependent on his money to support her and the kids. Yes she was naive getting involved with him in the first place, she beleived he would marry her. His wife is well aware of the afair, but he is now divorcing her (with 6 kids). Basically since I came along he decided he wants her (my g/f) back and is offering to marry her (after divorce) but she stopped loving him long ago and isn't interested.

In response to Terpe: Yes marriage is the goal, but I would hate for us to get married and only then discover that it is impossible for her to bring her kids to Uk! The stupid fact is the ex cannot look after the kids as he works and can hardly ask his wife to look after his illegitimate children! So if my g/f did come to Uk she would HAVE to bring them as there would be no one to look after them in Philly, yet from what I've read this would have no sway on the ECO.

[purple]

Does she work? It would help. Does she have any parents and relatives that give an affidavit statement that they are helping her with the children?

Her option is to go to DSWD and get certification about sole responsibility, or get advice from them regarding the situation. It is a law here in the Philippines that the mother is the sole responsible of the children. Have an affidavit stating that the facts that him as the father is providing finances for the children and there is no affair between them anymore.

By the way, there is no divorce here in the Phils. Annulment there is, but requires a big deal of money and time. The married couple should not be living together as well and have completely abandoned the family is what more likely the grounds for a successful annulment. So I'm confident he cannot get an annulment. Unless he is rich and influential or knows some.

I am saying this because I was a single mother as well to two children and not that I deprived the fathers from their responsibilities but I always make sure that no financial support involve from them to avoid future issues about who gets to take care my children.

If she have parents, I'm sure they can help to ease out her current situation and then she can look for decent job that way her ex will not be troubling her. It is disrespectful for her part to be under his control about her future decisions in life, specially with you who is now involve with her.

[Terpe]

This is an open question to all forum members.

What is really preventing the g/f of MarkR from being granted either a finacee visa or spouse visa along with entry clearance for her children?

Given that the children currently live with the mother and are cared for by the mother.
Given that the children are under the custody of the mother and do not require to secure any travel clearance.

[grahamw48]

Well as a father (and now a single parent), I would also like to point out that both parents SHOULD have equal rights and responsibilities.

If this was accepted by both parties from the start, and recognised as such in law, there would be far fewer children suffering mentally as a result of the stupidity and irresponsibility of adults who have chosen to bring another human being into the world...or more than one.

[Terpe]

Well as a father (and now a single parent), I would also like to point out that both parents SHOULD have equal rights and responsibilities.

If this was accepted by both parties from the start, and recognised as such in law, there would be far fewer children suffering mentally as a result of the stupidity and irresponsibility of adults who have chosen to bring another human being into the world...or more than one.

I fully understand and accept what you say Graham.
I am asking the question solely from a technical point of process

[grahamw48]

I know...just being my normal grumpy self.

Still remembering having to sort out the mess the ex had got her self and her kids into.

[gWaPito]

Graham, i fully agree on your first post on here. Im all for cherry picking, blowing the chaff from the wheat. Heck Its happening to the guys too. Needless to say, wifey picked me and I blown the chaff away and found the love of my life. Sad to read of Mark's situation. I hope it all works out. Im sure it will. Good luck Mark.

[Englishman2010]

If the father of your fiancees children is in regular contact with his kids and is supporting them, I think it would be very cruel to take his kids away from him.
I see my own kids 4 or 5 times a week and they stay with me 2 or 3 nights a week. I know it wont happen to me, but if my ex wife decided to leave the country with my kids, I would do everything within my power (and within the law) to stop her.
No offence intended, but I think that you should consider the feelings of the father in this case, how would you feel if someone took your kids to the other side of the world?

[MarkR]

If the father of your fiancees children is in regular contact with his kids and is supporting them, I think it would be very cruel to take his kids away from him.
I see my own kids 4 or 5 times a week and they stay with me 2 or 3 nights a week. I know it wont happen to me, but if my ex wife decided to leave the country with my kids, I would do everything within my power (and within the law) to stop her.
No offence intended, but I think that you should consider the feelings of the father in this case, how would you feel if someone took your kids to the other side of the world?

Hmmm well the father is an adulterer with 6 kids with his wife who as a 38 year old man seduced an 18 yr old girl with promises of marriage. 5 years and two kids later she finally woke up! Ok she was naive to believe him but I'm afraid I have no concern for this mans feelings, he's a manipulative g#t. So according to you my g/f must remain single, acting as full time mum to this mans illegitimate kids, doing exactly as he says for the rest of her life just so he can see his illegitimate kids occasionally!! Get real.

Anyone with any helpful information please?

[Steve.r]

What contact can you prove with your gf and her/his children? How long have you been seeing her? Playing devil's advocate, does she really want to move from the security of his support?

[MarkR]

To Purple: Thanks for the reply again.

No she doesnt work, she looks after the kids full time at the moment. Her parents (very poor) live in Mindanao whilst she is in Quezon city so not sure they can help - certainly not financially.

Regarding the kids fathers divorce or annulment - he works for the Vice president so probably has a fair few useful contacts!

What is the DSWD?

Stev.r: Fair question but actually she is desperate to get away from him when we met back in her home prvince of Mindanao she begged me to support her so she wouldnt have to go back to him, unfortunately at the time I still wasn't sure we would marry so wasn't prepared to get into a commitment like that! Maybe wish I had now. We've only been seeing each other since September but that is for 2 - 3 hrs a night every night and as I said I flew out there to see her and the kids for 2 weeks in November. The intention was for her to visit here next year for an extended period before finally deciding, but when looking into the visa options that's when I discovered the possible problems getting a visa for her kids and so everything is up in the air now.

[grahamw48]

If the father of your fiancees children is in regular contact with his kids and is supporting them, I think it would be very cruel to take his kids away from him.
I see my own kids 4 or 5 times a week and they stay with me 2 or 3 nights a week. I know it wont happen to me, but if my ex wife decided to leave the country with my kids, I would do everything within my power (and within the law) to stop her.
No offence intended, but I think that you should consider the feelings of the father in this case, how would you feel if someone took your kids to the other side of the world?

You just said it directly.

Not all fathers are bad guys, and in the first instance, whether the man was married or not, it took two to tango, and at least the he seems to have stepped up to the plate.

Someone 'stole' my ex from me, so I might be a bit sensitive on this sort of topic.

[joebloggs]

This is an open question to all forum members.

What is really preventing the g/f of MarkR from being granted either a finacee visa or spouse visa along with entry clearance for her children?

Given that the children currently live with the mother and are cared for by the mother.
Given that the children are under the custody of the mother and do not require to secure any travel clearance.

the problem is the father is supporting them and has regular contact with them, last thing the embassy want is to take children away from a parent who still has contact or be pig in the middle btw 2 parents fighting over the children.

from what you said i doubt he will want his kids to leave the phils

[fred]

the problem is the father is supporting them and has regular contact with them, last thing the embassy want is to take children away from a parent who still has contact or be pig in the middle btw 2 parents fighting over the children.

from what you said i doubt he will want his kids to leave the phils

Have to agree with you Joe..If the guy had absolutely no money or interest in his kids he probably could be paid to sign anything.. In this case he will most likely fight to the death for them..(If only because of his Filipino pride)
If he is as contacted as Mark says then he can make just about anything happen..
Sounds like a very complicated arrangement and yet quite common here..
There are many women that get married to foreigners and leave their kids in the P.I.. to support them from foreign lands but in this case who could she leave them with even if she was prepared to do that?
Also Mark...Be careful if you fly back to see this girl and her kids again..This guy could be a real danger to your health if he were to find out or have prior knowledge of your arrival..

[sars_notd_virus]

Hi all,
Now I know the subject of "Sole Responsibility" has been done to death before, and I have read them all but I'm still unsure so would appreciate any advice available, please!

My g/f has a 1 yr old daughter and 3 yr old son, the father of both is a married man (not married to her!) who still supports her and them and visits his kids about twice a week (in an apartment he rents for her). He insists on her living there (rather than back with her parents) threatening to stop supporting her if she doesn't. The kids have his surname on the certificate.



Mark.

Hello Mark welcome here
I'm afraid all the solutions to your case/problem should come from your gf's decision,give her time to fix her problem (withdraw the communication and financial support from the father of her kids,they are not married and the kids are minor so the sole custody should be awarded to the mother)and take it from there...It will not take long if she is serious to move on with her life and relationship with you otherwise,its only you who becomes miserable and will be in great trouble in the future.
Goodluck and don't give up on hope.

[Arthur Little]

There are many women that get married to foreigners and leave their kids in the P.I.. to support them from foreign lands but in this case who could she leave them with even if she was prepared to do that?

Personally ... I find it hard to understand how any woman can even contemplate leaving her kids to go off and live in a foreign land ... often with someone she barely knows!

[fred]

Personally ... I find it hard to understand how any woman can even contemplate leaving her kids to go off and live in a foreign land ... often with someone she barely knows!

Yes Arthur..
Its often beyond our comprehension being from a European culture with benefit systems in place..
Here in the Philippines and other 3rd world countries like it, its normally a case of needs must..
Its that simple.
Still hard to grasp I understand that, but until we walk a mile in their broken slippers we will never really know for sure..
I have a strong feeling however that it is usually for the kids sake and their immediate and long term futures..
If you think about the millions of OFW`s working abroad often leaving their kids entrusted to family behind for years on end you may begin to realise that there really must be a valid reason for this kind of sacrifice.

[Arthur Little]

Yes Arthur..
Its often beyond our comprehension being from a European culture with benefit systems in place..
Here in the Philippines and other 3rd world countries like it, its normally a case of needs must..
Its that simple.
Still hard to grasp I understand that, but until we walk a mile in their broken slippers we will never really know for sure..
I have a strong feeling however that it is usually for the kids sake and their immediate and long term futures..
If you think about the millions of OFW`s working abroad often leaving their kids entrusted to family behind for years on end you may begin to realise that there really must be a valid reason for this kind of sacrifice.

... guess so! Doesn't make for "happy families", though, does it!?

[fred]

... guess so! Doesn't make for "happy families", though, does it!?

Guess not.. Nor does watching hungry children and visions of them getting ill with no recourse to public health funds etc...As I said..Its hard for us to understand.. I suppose it makes the mother happy when she sends money that can assure those things we from the west often take for granted for our children.

[gWaPito]

I agree with you, Arthur (post 19). It really does beggers belief on how they do that. Im still trying to get my head around our culture differences, im improving has time goes by. Umm another Stones song. I was a child from the 60's I had with 5 siblings with a Mother and Father all living under the same roof. We as a family back then, were poor as church mice. I remember wearing shoes with holes (foot ball) as well as trousers jumpers etc. The only time we got other clothing was when it was handed down. We were happy! What a great childhood we had. No money but, a family unit. When I got married, i didnt want the same for my kids, i wanted them to have the material things i never had. Stupidly I thought the family unit thing was always going to be there. How wrong was I. Yes, my kids wanted for nothing as material things go but, Dad was never there. Always working to provide 'a better life' WRONG !. I missed there childhood, they had an absent Dad. You tell me that was right and correct ? Ok, you cant compare the situation between the Philippines and uk not even 60's uk. But, a parent is still a parent no matter what part of the world we are from, we still hurt. I will not be a martyr anymore.

[grahamw48]

Guess not.. Nor does watching hungry children and visions of them getting ill with no recourse to public health etc...As I said..Its hard for us to understand.. I suppose it makes the mother happy when she sends money that can assure those things we from the west often take for granted for our children.

From personal experience I can tell you that even if the plan is to leave the child or children in the care of a relative while the mother sets up (permanent) home in a country on the other side of the world, it doesn't take long for the mother to start missing her children and wanting them with her...and that's hardly surprising.

A very different situation to an OFW going off for a fixed term contract, knowing that she will be returning at the end of it, and that her sole reason for doing so is to help her kids and the rest of her family.

[fred]

A very different situation to an OFW going off for a fixed term contract, knowing that she will be returning at the end of it, and that her sole reason for doing so is to help her kids and the rest of her family.

Thats true but lets not forget the reason they left in the first place!!
If they are offered another contract they are usually off at the blink of an eye and that is not uncommon.

[Terpe]

I know plenty of OFW's here in UK.
Usually they live very frugally. Usually 3 or more together.
They send most of their earnings back home. Most have kids and families to support.
They do it for the betterment of their kids and families.
For education, for homes, for food on the table etc etc.
It is difficult for western people to get their heads around this, simply because we will never have to face a life with nothing or with no state support if we need it, with no
medical or hospital facility free at point of service.
I understand them and I respect them. Even sometimes they know that their own families and husbands are really fleecing them.

[fred]

From personal experience I can tell you that even if the plan is to leave the child or children in the care of a relative while the mother sets up (permanent) home in a country on the other side of the world, it doesn't take long for the mother to start missing her children and wanting them with her...and that's hardly surprising.

We knew a woman married to an old guy in the UK that left her kids in the R.P..She often came round for visits crying on my wifes shoulder saying how much she missed them..She worked from dawn till dusk in a sweat shop in Stevenage for years sending everything back to her kids in the P.I whilst putting up with her old drunken Brit...
To be honest I didnt look forward to her visits very much but was happy for her when she managed the odd visit to the Philippines every couple of years..
Shes still there but we were told she lost her job and is now working as a carer in an old peoples home..
Poor cow.
Im sure there are lots of members here that have experienced the same type of thing once they become involved with the Filipino community in the UK.