Guess you've seen it all at first hand where you live, Fred ... the sufferings and hardship wreaked by extreme poverty, I mean.
Guess you've seen it all at first hand where you live, Fred ... the sufferings and hardship wreaked by extreme poverty, I mean.
Its pretty hard to tell here sometimes Arthur..
I know my neighbours are poor but they smile and laugh so bloody much it never seems that serious!!
Being poor is just normal here..Nothing special and certainly no big drama.. They just get on with it..No whinging or anything. Im trying to learn as much as I can from them.
Originally Posted by fred
... poor woman, right enough! Imagine having to put up with some old fart - a drunken one, at that - on top of missing her kids. I'll bet, too, she's probably ages with his daughter (if he has one!) Now she's ended up nursing other [dare I say?] cantankerous old geezers ... and working all hours there into the bargain. (Some "bargain"!
) What a life ... eh!?
I don't know if I've offended the moderators but having responded a further two times to peoples valuable input I'm wondering why neither reply seems to be visible, even though Fred refers to something I said in one of those replies (about the father working for the Vice president and being connected!). ??
No one has been offended Mark, but several members who have replied are not on UK time, so sometimes responses can take time, dont worry, I am sure answers will be along soon enough
If you want your dreams to come true ...... first you have to wake up
Fred, i really have enjoyed my times in Bohol and i am amazed by the happiness and friendliness of the majority of the locals.Its pretty hard to tell here sometimes Arthur..
I know my neighbours are poor but they smile and laugh so bloody much it never seems that serious!!
Being poor is just normal here..Nothing special and certainly no big drama.. They just get on with it..No whinging or anything. Im trying to learn as much as I can from them.
And as you say NO moaning NO whinging but just dealing with the life they have been dealt with day by day and keep smiling..
the problem is the longer you leave your kids in the phils with someone else the risks of the embassy saying you don't have sole responsibility could increase
catch 22
i wouldn't give up,
your g/f has automatic custody of the children (at least til their 7) and probably sole responsibility.(thou being supported by her ex will not help your case)
Call me an old cynic, but I can only see troubles and strife aplenty ahead, and one very upset (well-connected ?) natural father.
... speaking as a moderator, Mark ... I can assure you none of us has been offended; on the contrary, I apologise to you for [my] digression from the main topic in the first place, by responding to something someone said about mothers who leave their children behind in the Phils to marry and go off to live overseas with men they scarcely know ... in the hope of earning enough money to support their families back home. As often happens, others got inadvertently drawn-in and ... well ... the further we strayed
!
Hopefully we're once again back on track.
I don't know if I've offended the moderators but having responded a further two times to peoples valuable input I'm wondering why neither reply seems to be visible, even though Fred refers to something I said in one of those replies (about the father working for the Vice president and being connected!). ??
I have a feeling that Mark has had a couple of his posts not show up and its caused a bit of a misunderstanding..
No idea why that would be Mark.. Only suggestion I can make for now is to save a copy of any new messages on note pad till we find out whats going on..
Its happened to me a couple of times but I think thats down to my dodgy connection issues..
its a cuel thing to do to take children away from their father.....even u are willing to replace their father...biological father is still somewhat a lot different.
Fred: Yes that's exactly what I was referring to, two posts just never appeared having been told they needed to go via the moderator! Oh well, can't remember what I said exactly in both of them now.
I see some people here are painting the father as the aggrieved party here.... I'm not sure if it was clear in my original post but the father in question was (and still is) a married man when he started an affair with my g/f when she was just 18 (and he 38!), having told her that he was separated. He has 6 children with his legal wife.
The point is my g/f is living in a state of limbo caused by his insistence that she live where he tells her to, so that he can see his kids when he likes. She currently has friends and cousins taking turns to spend the night with her because she is so scared to be alone with him. So, I'm sorry but I'm afraid I personally don't have much sympathy for him, though I don't particularly have any desire to 'steal' his illegitimate children from him, they come as part of the package!
Going back to the original point of my post: My lovely g/f tonight suggested this possible solution which I can't see much fault with but any other opinion would be appreciated:
She suggests she visit me for a month or two next year as we originally planned (on a fiance visa) having left the kids in the care of her mother (not ideal I know but!). Assuming we then get married here in UK she then goes back to Philly and lives with the kids well away from 'him' (Mindanao as opposed to Manila) and having broken all contact and monetary support, for 6 months or so at which point we apply for the kids Visas and proving sole responsibility shouldn't be an issue then. (There is court precedence http://www.bailii.org/uk/cases/UKIAT/2006/00049.html that the actual period over which sole responsibility is demonstrated has no specified minimum, so the fact that 6 months previously she wasn't solely responsible should not matter).
Sounds like it should work to me, unless anyone can suggest a particular problem?
Fred: Yes that's exactly what I was referring to, two posts just never appeared having been told they needed to go via the moderator! And now it's happened a third time as I posted yesterday and still not appeared. Is there a post size limit? I'll break my response into shorter messages see if that works.
I see some people here are painting the father as the aggrieved party here.... I'm not sure if it was clear in my original post but the father in question was (and still is) a married man when he started an affair with my g/f when she was just 18 (and he 38), having told her that he was separated. He has 6 children with his legal wife.
The point is my g/f is living in a state of limbo caused by his insistence that she live where he tells her to, so that he can see his kids when he likes. She currently has friends and cousins taking turns to spend the night with her because she is so scared to be alone with him. So, I'm sorry but I'm afraid I personally don't have much sympathy for him. Besides nobody has ever said he intends to oppose us taking the children, in fact my g/f thinks once he realizes he will never have her again, he wont oppose us at all.
Going back to the original point of my post: My lovely g/f tonight suggested this possible solution which I can't see much fault with but any other opinion would be appreciated:
She suggests she visit me for a month or two next year as we originally planned (on a fiance visa) having left the kids in the care of her mother (not ideal I know but!). Assuming we then get married here in UK she then goes back to Philly and lives with the kids well away from 'him' (Mindanao as opposed to Manila) and having broken all contact and monetary support, for 3 to 6 months or so at which point we apply for the kids Visas and proving sole responsibility shouldn't be an issue then. (There is court precedence http://www.bailii.org/uk/cases/UKIAT/2006/00049.html that the actual period over which sole responsibility is demonstrated has no specified minimum, so the fact that 6 months previously she wasn't solely responsible should not matter).
Sounds like it should work to me, unless anyone can suggest a particular problem?
its good you've read up on sole responsibility, thou i think your problem is the father, i'm sure the embassy will want to contact him,(must be others on here who had kids but were not married??) but he is mentioned on the birth cert and hes supporting them..
does he know about you , if so your plans to take the kids out of the phils ?
why cant you marry her in the phils, move her to mindanao, cut off all contact with him, so shes not away from her kids, wait 3 or 6 months, get evidence you've been supporting her and the kids. and then apply for a settlement visa for them all ?
also what might go in your favour is the negative effects the immorality of the father might have on her kids..
http://familymatters.org.ph/PDF%20ne...030%202008.pdf
Hi Joe, thanks for the input. That's quite similar to what Anne suggested herself and what I had been thinking too. Nice to have someone else think that should work too, I think that may well be the way we go.
Yes he knows about, me. He is often there in the apartment whilst she spends all night chatting to me online!
He has actually threatened that if she visits me (or marries me) he will completely abandon her and the kids, which in a way would be perfect! Though not if she visited and then we didn't marry for some reason
Bear in mind that any kind of visa application to UK will have to mention the children, and the fact that there ARE dependent children, and their circumstances may affect the outcome of the application.
Removing the children away from (you hope) the reach of the father is not going to stop him wanting access either, or affect that right. Why should it ?
He will still need to be consulted when settlement visas are applied for, as his name is on their birth certificates.
Has anyone considered the feelings of the children in all this, now or in the future ?
Yes he knows about, me. He is often there in the apartment whilst she spends all night chatting to me online!
He has actually threatened that if she visits me (or marries me) he will completely abandon her and the kids, which in a way would be perfect! Though not if she visited and then we didn't marry for some reason
the link i sent you, maybe you could email the person who runs the blog as they appear ro be an attorney
http://famli.blogspot.com/
Please be patient if you have e-mailed me
For those of you who have e-mailed me with legal questions, please do be patient. It takes me seven to ten days to answer e-mails or the posted questions. Besides this blog and my Family Matters website, I do have several other things (personal and professional) to attend to.
also see if you can get some free lega aid from your local law centre
http://www.lawcentres.org.uk/lawcentres/detail/find/
and maybe try IAS
http://www.iasuk.org/home.aspx
but doing what you said might be the best option. I'm not sure what rights the father has if he kicked up a fuss, maybe if the british embassy will not give a visa for them, possibility that getting a family permit for them all , you've more of a legal right than under the british immigration system,
my spelling is bad, its not me
i think the children are 3 and 1 ? like it said in the link i posted, the morality of the father is in question, whats he going to tel lthe kids when he visits them when their older ? "daddy where are you going" , "I'm off back to my wife and 6 kids!"
I think you need to start reading between the lines.Yes he knows about, me. He is often there in the apartment whilst she spends all night chatting to me online!
He has actually threatened that if she visits me (or marries me) he will completely abandon her and the kids, which in a way would be perfect! Though not if she visited and then we didn't marry for some reason
And the morality of the mother, who has 2 out of wedlock kids to a married man in a Catholic country isn't ?i think the children are 3 and 1 ? like it said in the link i posted, the morality of the father is in question, whats he going to tel lthe kids when he visits them when their older ? "daddy where are you going" , "I'm off back to my wife and 6 kids!"
To me the whole situation is a mess, and I'd run a mile.
oh i agree with you there graham , but she was 18 and he was 38
Well of course the children are the most important aspect. At present they are 1 and 2.5 yrs old. Would they be better seeing their biological father once or twice a week (less if Anne moved further away, and why shouldn't she?) or would they be best having a full time step dad who would bring them up as his own?
I'm not saying either way is better than the other, just that there are pros and cons to each.
Thank goodness my ex's b/f had the good manners to die.
Oops...that's not very nice is it.
true
the innocent ones here are the kids and possibiliy his wife
i dont know how anyone could treat his wife or kids this way
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