little advice please

[mary_drew]

Hi guys,
It has been a while since my last post, we have set a date for our wedding which is the 7th August 2011 and it has been 8 months since we have been together which a very long time and it another 7 months before we are together again.

The problem I seem to be have is during our conversations we always have months were we go without an argument and then all of a sudden I seem to start one for some reason don’t ask me why I don’t know.

I just need some advice on how to deal with months of separation and when we argue is about small stuff but sometimes it is big stuff like trust which is a hard thing for me but it keeps coming up when we do argue.
Has anyone been separated for more than year? And what do you guys do to keep the conversation fresh and also what do you guys do in your spare time when you’re not chatting to each other or not at work, as I mostly play WoW which my girl says I’m an addict but I beg to differ and i also like to go out from time to time which is not that often now.

[somebody]

Hi guys,
It has been a while since my last post, we have set a date for our wedding which is the 7th August 2011 and it has been 8 months since we have been together which a very long time and it another 7 months before we are together again.

The problem I seem to be have is during our conversations we always have months were we go without an argument and then all of a sudden I seem to start one for some reason don’t ask me why I don’t know.

I just need some advice on how to deal with months of separation and when we argue is about small stuff but sometimes it is big stuff like trust which is a hard thing for me but it keeps coming up when we do argue.
Has anyone been separated for more than year? And what do you guys do to keep the conversation fresh and also what do you guys do in your spare time when you’re not chatting to each other or not at work, as I mostly play WoW which my girl says I’m an addict but I beg to differ and i also like to go out from time to time which is not that often now.

Sounds normal to have arugments now and then and it is hard to keep converstaion fresh sometimes when together. Being honest you do need to get out a bit, trust me when your Mahal is in the UK she will nto want to sit there while you play WOW all night...

If i could turn back the clock I would have spent more time think and planing where we would go as a couple.
For the first few months at least the wife will have no idea most likely where she wants to go or see. You will be the one who has to suggest and show.

Getting married is a new life and you do need to change and face up to it, you will have a person who due to the situation will be relying on you far more than a partner who is British or from the west.

If i can do it so can you

[Sim11UK]

Having the odd arguement, is only going to be natural, if it were all the time, you'd have to think are you marrying the right girl?
LDP Long distance paranoia, is the scourge of most of us at some point, you just have to work through it...Remember, she's probably facing the same issues?

What to do in your spare time? Well coming on here, has been my saviour. We're most of us in the same boat. Look through the archives here, try finding things out about the Philippines, or post more on here & get involved, ask more questions, get your wife to be, to join here too.

Sometimes though when you get on cam, there's just nothing to talk about...it's all normal.

[purple]

Tips?

You can learn the Tagalog with your mahal. Or learn different language which you two can learn together. There is plenty of free tutorials online.
Or play chess together through online?

[stevewool]

we all have moments were we differ , thats normal plus saying what you think is right you must do , thats both of you too, just always remember to say i love you all the time

[malditako]

its just a period of adjustment i guess that would pass in time...

[Ako Si Jamie]

It might be a good idea to find out if there are any Brits who are married to Filipina's in your area to socialise with. You might be surprised how many there are around.

I met my Mahal in the summer and within the first week of knowing her I met a guy at the swimming baths whose married to a Filipina and I speak to him regularly. Was in the pub at the weekend too and saw a Brit with his Mahal. I wanted to start a conversation but I was with someone and they were going into the restaurant bit.

I've also met a member from off this forum who lives just up the road.

[mary_drew]

Thanks very much for your advice guys.
Looking at what you guys have said yea i better get out more before i go crazy and maybe the learning a new language together maybe fun.

[Arthur Little]

It's so easy to get stuck in a rut, Drew ... I know that only too well ... and can empathise ... having lived on my own for 17 years - latterly being retired - after the death of my first wife. So, yes ... best to get out and about as much as you can [weather permitting, of course!] and this will, in turn, make the time seem to pass more quickly!

[Arthur Little]

Meant to add that spending too much time on our own can cause us to become overly preoccupied ... setting store for "imaginary" worries to build up in our minds ... resulting in misunderstandings to develop unecessarily. I'm glad you've joined the forum ... here you can share your concerns with others who've been in your situation and come through it smiling!

[Arthur Little]

Thanks very much for your advice guys.

It's our pleasure ... just a couple more posts and you'll be able to send messages to other members. So stick around!

[mary_drew]

thanks for your advice arthur,

it is good to know that there is other people i can talk to about it, as it does help if other people have experianced the same thing and can give helpful advice.