gone silent

[blackcatbone]

hi STEVE believe me i will remain calm i really want to just understand this whole situation but you are spot on i cant keep going through this hopefully i'll soon be there with her for good and the uncertainty will be gone ,thats what i cant deal with its the fact of me being so far away that i just feel that im at the mercy of Janes mood.

Jamie thanx mate but dedworth beat you to it. it does make interesting reading and i can understand how its useful if you are there but to be this far away it just comes across to me as callous

grahamw48 thanx mate just what i wanted to hear NOT!!!lol

[pacificelectric]

Am I an extra-terrestrial or what? I have encountered several Pinays from various social and cultural backgrounds and never had tampo, while I am really a pain in the ass and very difficult to adjust to in a relation. If the lady feels right from the start that tampo will work with you, you are a dead man. One tried tampo with me and told me on YM that I should leave alone for several days (hoping I would phone her within 5 minutes).... I ignored her 24 hours and she ended up begging me to resume communication, so please stop whining about being tampoed, you get what you deserve. Now, regarding the vanishing lady subject of this topic, she will probably never reappear. As we say in French, "une de perdue, dix de retrouvées" (one lost, ten found).

[Tawi2]

One tried tampo with me and told me on YM that I should leave alone for several days (hoping I would phone her within 5 minutes).... I ignored her 24 hours and she ended up begging me to resume communication

You discovered the secret

[bornatbirth]

Am I an extra-terrestrial or what?

close, does being french count

i thought a woman would only be tampo because of something you did..like upsetting her and being thoughtless.

[mickcant]

mickant were you living with your wife at the time she went AWOL or were you living in different countries. i dont want to be nosey here but how did she justify the absence?

Hi, no problem you are not being nosey, our different experiences can help each other and other members!
My wife and I married at Cagayan De Oro City, Philippines, in April 2008.
it was a civil wedding as I had been married before, but it was a full works do she had around 8 bridesmaids, ring bears etc, all in new dresses and suits, I paid all the wedding cost.

The day after I returned to the UK after my 7 week stay for the wedding and honeymoon, I had no reply from her to my text messages or phone calls, she disappeared for around 4 months with the money I had left with her for visa and flight cost again around £2000.
Her family apparently did not know where she had gone either.

After around 4 months she got back in touch with me, and said she was working in Manila trying to make up the money for her visa and flight, she said she had lost the money in an internet scam trying to double it with her aunty.

Some 18 months after the wedding my wife arrived at Heathrow Airport in the UK on 29th September 2009.
I had paid the visa cost again and bought her air ticket online and emailed her the ticket.

She and her friend went to church on Sunday 4th Oct, 2009 then in the afternoon she said she wanted to go home!
Her Filipina friend talked with her for some time and she seemed prepared to give herself time to settle in before deciding if she should go home.
I had joined this forum, and asked the group for help as I thought she was homesick and several Filipina's living in the UK phoned her.

She still said she must go so I ended up buying a ticket online and home she went.

I was very sad this has happened, and did not know what to do next, in November 2009 I asked her if she would sigh a divorce form if I sent it to her, so we could have a quick end to things, but she said she did not want to divorce, but to come back and make the marriage work.

I was overjoyed at this and sent her an e-ticket for the flight from the Philippines and some money into her account to pay for travel items, and picked her up at Heathrow airport, on 19th December 2009.

But things were only a little better and she left here again in February 2010 and is now living with other Filipino’s, a divorce is under way.

Since starting the divorve I found she had a child with her Filipino boyfriend after our wedding and that was why she delayed arriving in the UK, I was pulling my hair out as I thought things kept going wrong with the visa applacation, but of course she was waiting to give birth!
Mick.

[Ako Si Jamie]

4 months without getting in touch? That's unreal. I would have gone mental!

[gWaPito]

I've heard it said these tampon types throw a moody by just the guy waking up in the morning. These types are to be found all over the world. The Phil's have a nice acceptable name for it but, at the end of the day they are just spoilt moody bitches. Another thread mentioned there were plenty more in the sea Too right there is. Another poster said he not come across a moody, neither have I in my wife. Like Tawi said If he wanted a moody he would have more kids. As for playing it cool! tsk tsk tsk

[mhaedonald]

thank for the reputation arthur and graham

[bornatbirth]

I've heard it said these tampon types throw a moody by just the guy waking up in the morning. These types are to be found all over the world. The Phil's have a nice acceptable name for it but, at the end of the day they are just spoilt moody bitches. Another thread mentioned there were plenty more in the sea Too right there is. Another poster said he not come across a moody, neither have I in my wife. Like Tawi said If he wanted a moody he would have more kids. As for playing it cool! tsk tsk tsk

a filipina will only go tampo after she as been upset by her partner, a moody woman is moody all the time and probably more moody when having a tampo or that time of the month

[mickcant]

4 months without getting in touch? That's unreal. I would have gone mental!

I did i was a wreck at the time and ended up retiring from work a year early
Mick.

[gWaPito]

im sure some people are just born victims. They just attract the wrong ones. We all attract certain types and in turn go for certain types, whether its right or wrong. So lets not keep blaming the women here. There is choice, choice not to pick the wrong one. Dont just listen to your heart, listen to your head and sometimes your mother! Forget the last option, she wouldn't have you married at all. In reply to Born a Birth about the moody thing. If someone is being silent towards me that, to me is being moody or having a mood on. You can call it what you like, its all the same to me. Good post by the way by Pacific electric. I totally agree

[Ako Si Jamie]

hi STEVE believe me i will remain calm i really want to just understand this whole situation but you are spot on i cant keep going through this hopefully i'll soon be there with her for good and the uncertainty will be gone ,thats what i cant deal with its the fact of me being so far away that i just feel that im at the mercy of Janes mood.

Jamie thanx mate but dedworth beat you to it. it does make interesting reading and i can understand how its useful if you are there but to be this far away it just comes across to me as callous

grahamw48 thanx mate just what i wanted to hear NOT!!!lol

I just noticed

I did i was a wreck at the time and ended up retiring from work a year early
Mick.

How old is she?

[pacificelectric]

close, does being french count

i thought a woman would only be tampo because of something you did..like upsetting her and being thoughtless.

Then she's better explain and state the reasons why she is dissatisfied instead of showing an ugly and frozen face! As far as I am concerned tampo is an inability to communicate and I am glad the Pinay with whom I am communicating now prefers discussion and controversy, however harsh, to tampo!

[mickcant]

I just noticed

How old is she?

30.
Mick.

[blackcatbone]

mickcant i feel for you mate i really do, that is just so wrong and i cant believe that in any country no matter how poor that that can be seen as being permissable

[stevewool]

you see most have stories to tell here some bad but most are very good , life is ment to be lived to the full and some dont know that, yes you have experienced love with someone far away and its great but make sure she is the one for you, again we all have our fall outs even us men but its hard to say sorry sometimes, then its to late , i hope it turns out ok for you but tere are lots out there still, she owes you nothing and you owe her nothing too, maybe its a way of saying to you move on

[blackcatbone]

steve i hear what you are saying mate but its still so fresh i'm finding it difficult to get my head around the fact that Jane Marie would even consider throwing all i've done for her in my face like this

[stevewool]

total agree with you mate , you have done all you can it seems other then fly out there, can you not contact her through skype or any other way on the com,and how long as it been without contact from jane, there was a time i could not get emma only a day or so and i was going mad, but there was a very good excuss when we did make contact, my Emmas words was , i have more important things to spend my money on steve then to call you like food to live , that brought it all home to me, we are married and i love her so much we are blessed, so there could be a very good reason ther is no contact

[blackcatbone]

of course i understand that there may be a valid reason for her absence mate its been just over a week i've tried to contact her on skype &YM and left offline messages there i've texted her and phoned her cp and got no reply from either, the cp just rings until i get a message saying device unattended so i'm not expecting her to find the money to phone me i'm doing all the work and i'm happy to do it. i'm at a loss mate, i really am thinking about booking a flight at the end of the month. i'm so worried maybe she is ill or worse and here i'm thinking she has just dumped me its driving me nuts

[sars_notd_virus]

mate i'm just so totally confused by her actions i know it sounds terrible but i'm hoping that the family problem is genuine and that is what is keeping her away from communication

Don't be confuse just be alarmed of the attitude and treatment you are getting from your gf now..if that is ok and you are happy to live like that with her in the future then we will all be happy for you!!

Our culture may not be the same but filipino customs and traditions lies within the family and respect for our roots thats why it is wise for a man to meet and know the family of the girl, define where she came from, in which will guide him to where will they head on in the future.

[somebody]

total agree with you mate , you have done all you can it seems other then fly out there, can you not contact her through skype or any other way on the com,and how long as it been without contact from jane, there was a time i could not get emma only a day or so and i was going mad, but there was a very good excuss when we did make contact, my Emmas words was , i have more important things to spend my money on steve then to call you like food to live , that brought it all home to me, we are married and i love her so much we are blessed, so there could be a very good reason ther is no contact

So true Steve.

There are few safety nets in Phill for the typical citizen so when an issue arises it can be all hands to the decks to deal with the situation.

Just let her know your there but constantly trying may have the wrong affect. Do you have a facebook account or friendster for her could you not politely contact a good friend of hers? Say something like all i need to know is she is ok if she is busy or does not wish to speak to me I can respect that?

Hope you get an answer soon and hopefully a good one

[grahamw48]

My ex's family were/are absolutely brilliant, and what is crazy is that even though I'm now divorced, lots of them are Facebook friends.

[blackcatbone]

i could understand if there was a massive age gap or that we had nothing in common with each other I'm46 and Jane Marie is 41 i could see if she was a young girl and not sure of what she wanted in her life how she maybe would act this way but she is not that much younger than me and i would NEVER treat someone that i cared for in this manner Hell i wouldn't treat someone i didn't like this way. i mean she told me that her husband had many affairs and abused her that was why she left him so she knows what its like to be hurt maybe that was all lies i really dont know now

[blackcatbone]

somebody yes i've just emailed her son and tried to send a message to one of her other sons on facebook as for her other family and friends i dont have any way of contacting them

[sars_notd_virus]

I've heard it said these tampon types throw a moody by just the guy waking up in the morning. These types are to be found all over the world. The Phil's have a nice acceptable name for it but, at the end of the day they are just spoilt moody bitches. Another thread mentioned there were plenty more in the sea Too right there is. Another poster said he not come across a moody, neither have I in my wife. Like Tawi said If he wanted a moody he would have more kids. As for playing it cool! tsk tsk tsk

I am a woman and a true blooded Filipina, when I sulk its one way of telling my hubby that I need attention or I want something and I want it now!!! ..or maybe one of the usual monthly hormonal flare ups!!(hey gwapito,beware of Jane/pumpkins,pregnant woman tends to have hormonal imbalance ) ... and yeah i can be the nastiest bitch my husband ever encountered in his life but he knows how to tame me,'' a warm hug and telling me everything will be fine hun'' will do just great!! (this is hard for LDR relationship u cannot easily hug your love one straight away...so arguments should be minimize especially when you are far and away with each other) sulkiness shouldn't last the whole of a week/month/year..its over exaggerated... its not healthy in a relationship and might just well move on without each other.

[Ako Si Jamie]

30.
Mick.

Old enough to know that behaviour is unacceptable. I think you're better off without her if she does that kind of stuff to you.

Could be worse though. I was at the tattooist this week and he told me of his friend who met a Filipina. He sold his house in the UK and bought one in the Phils. They lived together for 3 months then she kicked him out. He didn't have a leg to stand on and lost everything.

[malditako]

i could understand if there was a massive age gap or that we had nothing in common with each other I'm46 and Jane Marie is 41 i could see if she was a young girl and not sure of what she wanted in her life how she maybe would act this way but she is not that much younger than me and i would NEVER treat someone that i cared for in this manner Hell i wouldn't treat someone i didn't like this way. i mean she told me that her husband had many affairs and abused her that was why she left him so she knows what its like to be hurt maybe that was all lies i really dont know now

so she is 41..at her age she definitely knows what she's doing and acting

[joebloggs]

you been chatting for 2yrs, met her once, been supporting her since july, and has a family problem she will not tell you about..

i think after 2yrs she would have told you what that problem was, and most family problems are about pera !

i think you've said its been a week since you've heard from her, that's a long time to sulk over such a minor thing. maybe there is a more serious problem you don't know about..

2yrs is a long time, not only is distance a problem for those in LDRs so is time, as you said after you visited her she went on with living her life, just like you did.

i suppose all you can do is sit and wait for her to reply, and get her to tell you why she has acted like this...

[blackcatbone]

Joe i know its the not knowing thats hard to take

[mickcant]

Old enough to know that behaviour is unacceptable. I think you're better off without her if she does that kind of stuff to you.

Could be worse though. I was at the tattooist this week and he told me of his friend who met a Filipina. He sold his house in the UK and bought one in the Phils. They lived together for 3 months then she kicked him out. He didn't have a leg to stand on and lost everything.

If you are on about my situation still and not blackcatbones then I too lost everything but my home.
The biggest lost for me was emotional and the worry of no contact for the 4 months.
I now know her family told me lies to cover up for her while she was with her boyfriend straight after we married.

She had a baby by him, then came to the UK just so she could work and send money home.

I had already helped the family a lot, including money for operations on her siblings
(Yes the treatment was/is necessary I saw it with my own eyes)

I then went through around 13 months of hell with different excuses why the visa was taking so long, I was going to visit again but she said not to as we would soon be together, she did not want me to visit because she was pregnant.

Looking back now I was stupid to be taken in, but I loved her and we were then married and I could not understand why we could not be together!
Mick.