if i was married to you, a week would just about be rightOriginally Posted by Dedworth
if i was married to you, a week would just about be right
i have learnt to do what my wife says!
the money seems to be pretty key to this whole mess i dont have much choice in this i think you are all right maybe i need to stop sending anything until she comes back (if she ever does) with her reasons but i must say i'm feeling pretty bloody angry at this minute
The money issue is totally under your control. It's your only pro-active option.
if i was married to you, a week would just about be rightI think I had a two day sentence a couple of years ago - no time off for good behaviour though
why are you so angry?, you and anybody else reading this dont know why shes not made any contact with you.
i think its best you cool down and wait before you make matters worse and when she contacts you, let her explain herself...she may have a very valid reason
i have learnt to do what my wife says!
Great reply !...
... done on your behalf!
my emotions are all over the place at the moment i'm usually pretty even tempered but if its this tampo thing it just seems very childish and cruel as its been said i'm 7000miles away its not like i can just call on her to sort it out i know i need to let her explain why shes doing this thanx for the warning bornatbirth i will keep my cool when she contacts me i dread losing her so much
Cruel & Childish you are right but it's SOP for many Filipinas, I'm not surprised you are feeling confused and very frustrated. A bit of reading here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampo
Easier said than done but try to get your mind on other things, withold funding and just ride it out. Good luck
most of have been there, if you stay in the forum long enough you will read many stories....some take the advice others dont...i dont want to comment why she hasnt contacted you, there could be many reasons...maybe the family problem is more urgent at the moment and you do know until your married the philipino family will come first
i have learnt to do what my wife says!
interesting reading Dedworth thank you i can see a purpose to it if i was there with her but being so far from the one i love just seems to make it worse i feel helpless to provide what she needs if this is what her problem is with me
bornatbirth i apreciate the whole family importance its one of the reasons why i want to be with her i'm trying to give her and her family a better life with less struggle i've tried and tried to talk to her i've called her countless times texted her as many times left her offline messages on YM it all seems in vain i'm praying to god that Jane lets us sort this thing out quickly i've been through the whole chain of events in my head so many times and each time i do it makes no sense to me i'm baffled
the way she behaves is unsual for a filipina who loves her guy...dont be fooled by ur emotions that u hurt her in any way coz reading ur story u dont...what's the tampo for...u supporting her and her kids which enough reason for her to give you importances inspite of her problems ( if u call it a problem)...her problems is a bit suspicious....stop sending her money and see what she'll do...her kids are not ur responsibilities at the moment...its good to put trust but u only known her for a short period of time...use ur mind and heart not heart alone...goodluck to u
Gparry thanx you say its unusual for a filipina who loves her guy i know this sounds a little naive but do you think shes stringing me along ?its so hard to see clearly at this time
im speaking as a filipino and a woman as general...if u love someone u dont want them to worry too long, in a LDR one week without a talk is unusual but of course its a case to case basis...look at this way...if someone is giving you financial support which is not their responsibility would u treat them the way ur gf is treating you....well in my part i would if i wanted to get rid of the person. but then who knows whats really going on...just use ur instinct and dont forget the warnings
i cant see why she just cant tell me to get lost if thats what she wants i'm not an ogre i need an end to this
Hi blackcatbone,
I have been through a period of 4 months when my wife disappeared without a word straight after we married.
I agree this can drive you mad with worry, you cannot just switch off feelings for her.
I think you need to get to the bottom of why when you hopefully hear from her, it would be hard to go through life together wondering if it will happen again
Mick.
Last edited by mickcant; 7th January 2011 at 23:12. Reason: Spelling
mickant EXACTLY !! i cant just turn them on and off as i said Jane has been the focus of my life and my future for 2&half years she has let me meet all of her kids online and the youngest asked me when i was going go there to be her father it choked me up i dont mind admiting. she has introduced me to most of her close friends, i met her sister when i went there in july last, so i dont think she has anyone else(hopefully) she has always said to me that she would do anything for her kids and her good name among them and her friends means so much to her i really dont think she would like any of them to think that she was just going with anyone for the money .i have to admit i'm just at a loss to see what she wants to achieve, i give her most of what she needs and i leave it to her to earn the rest for her own dignity but if she cant find work i give her the remainder so she has no need to find someone else
mickant were you living with your wife at the time she went AWOL or were you living in different countries. i dont want to be nosey here but how did she justify the absence?
Well said and also 100% truethe way she behaves is unsual for a filipina who loves her guy
Black gwapito is right,man-up,dont make her the focus of your life,dont let your universe revolve around her as she clearly isnt similarly infatuated,she sounds immature making you go through this,I dont have women who sulk,if I wanted a sulker I would father another kid,adults talk,if she feels she is gaining the upper hand and controling you she will do it for life,its a power struggle with certain types of womenPinays arent all sweetness and light,thats fact,some are some arent same as english,irish,and eskimo women,there are no perfect ethnicities
If withholding her allowances makes her contact you then alarm bells should ring
You met her sister,friends,family eyc?Contact her through them,if no reply bahala na,walk away without contact,if the relationship is money based your going to get a TXT or mail begging forgivness and promising undying love within a short time
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
what you need to understand is that i thought i was the focus of her life as well i love her mate this is completely out of the blue i cant win then if she doesnt get in touchand you are saying if she does she just wants my dosh can i take the risk of abandoning her if she tells me the truth or do i just take everything she tells me with a pinch of salt. i will take the advice given here about sending her anything else until i'm sure in my own mind that she is telling me the truth
i met her sister in person during my visit every one else has been online so i dont have contact with them she was obviously nervous about her family and friends meeting me in case it didnt work out its tricky as you know with her being only seperated
So are you saying she is married ?
With no annulment ?
I didnt say that mate,I said of you cut the cash and she contacts you then be on your guard,the traits she is exhibiting arent mature adult behaviour,I have argued with women,pinays loads of times,but none of them have sulked because I have never been involved with such a woman,we are given the powers of communication for a reason,sulking is something kids or juveniles or immature people do to be honest.Give the sis a TXT and ask the score,get onto her facebook account,check her friends and contact one,ask is there a problem or anything happened,if no joy then sit back and see what happens.and you are saying if she does she just wants my dosh
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
yes mate does that change anything she has no contact with her husband other than for the kids he just gets drunk and abuses her through SMS
tawi2 sorry mate i must have misunderstood your point i dont have her sisters or friends contact numbers mate it didnt seem to be a problem til this time maybe i've been stupid here but i trusted her completely i hope that trust is rewarded
also i didnt realise i was involved with a sulker til now either lol
Black,I have met some pinays who play mind-games,they try it on,thats a fact,seeing how far they can take you and what your threshold is,sulking is just one of the many weapons in their armoury,its going to work itself out one way or another,its just a waiting game by the sound of it with the ball firmly in her court,good luck.
Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again. But life goes on.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the passion that she shows to the outside world.
tawi 2 cheers for your advice dude believe me i'm taking everything onboard i'm not usually this much of a Mug you are so right i cant let her start thinking that i'm a pushover
as its been mentioned here already if i let her get away with it this time i'm making a rod for my own back
well it seems to be taking your mind off her at this moment writting to all of us, its hard and yes you get angry too, but stay calm if you can , you have made contact its down to her but also when the time comes to talk ask her what happened to cause this and how it affected you also, you dont what a life like this do you
Perhaps this may shed some light into understanding her more.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tampo
Hmm, all this paranoia has taken me back to the day I got an email of the ex's translated.
- The one from her sister enquiring about the 'new boyfriend' (that bit I DID understand).
Of course I'd only been supporting her and HER kids for 12 years at the time.
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