Little Johnny got kicked out of maths class today. The Teacher said to him: "If I gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Joanne, £5 to Claire and £5 to Katie, what would you have?" Aparently, three blowjobs and enough left for a kebab was not correct.
Little Johnny got kicked out of maths class today. The Teacher said to him: "If I gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Joanne, £5 to Claire and £5 to Katie, what would you have?" Aparently, three blowjobs and enough left for a kebab was not correct.
What's the difference between 'Iron Man' & 'Iron Woman'??
Iron Man is a Superhero.......
Iron Woman is an instruction.
Very rare photo of the 1940 Tour de France:
Beware.... Beer..and what it does.
http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/a...es_622180a.swf
The barman says, "We don't serve time travellers in here".
A time traveller walks into a bar...
OMGOriginally Posted by fred
I swear that nearly happened to me one time. Really.
After all this controversy, I phoned up Sky Sports to cancel my subscription last night.
The woman on the phoned said "can I ask you why sir?"
I replied "could you put a bloke on the phone love?"
My chinese neighbour died last week , but nobody went to his funeral.
Unbereavable
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.......
NOTHING
This sexy bird looked at my beer belly and said "Is that carlsberg or tetleys? " I replied" "theres a tap underneath love if u wanna taste it!"
Instead of giving me a hand job, my girlfriend tried using her keyring.
I felt like I was being fobbed off.
The missus was watching a cooking program the other day.
I said, "What are you watching that for? You can't cook."
She said, "You watch porn."
Bitch!!!!!
An englishman,scotsman,welshman,irishman,frenchman, spaniard,swiss, norwegian,dane,german,austrian,canadian,american,brazilian,chinese, japanese,australian,indian,pakistani,iraqi,afgan,eskimo and a cuban walk into a pub. The barman says "sorry guys, you can't come in here without a Thai".
Just been offered a new job by some bloke in the pub £900 per week
working for the British Brittle Bones Society. Did I take it? Bloody right,
I snapped his hand off!
Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?" :-)
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.^_^
Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many
Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was shouting
"F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
If you watch 127 Hours backwards it's an uplifting story about a disabled man finding an arm in the desert.
The new administration in Egypt is keen to see Cairo get back to normal. One feature of the city is the continuous background noise of car horns. The government has therefore asked all Cairo taxi drivers to keep using their horns to make everyone feel more comfortable.
The initiative has been called Operation Toot n Calm 'em.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT (FA)
A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him.
The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate.
"Hey, bitch," says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!"
The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again:
"Goddammit, you lazy whore, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up!"
Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot's drink. Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself.
"Hey, slut," says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag your sorry ass - I want it right now!"
The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants.
The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,000 feet.
As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, "Ya know,for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls."
I thought you would like that one simpleheart!!
A goldfish walks into a bar, Jumps up on a bar stool and looks at the barman really hard.
The bartender asks the goldfish, "What can I get you?"
The Goldfish looks at the guy really deep and hard and in a desperate gasp says "Water."
Hahaha !
In many cases, so very true.
Now where does that way of life remind me of ?
Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks the chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell .... cream?"
Chemist replies "Magnum or Cornetto?"
A little girl spies her mummy and daddy through the bderoom keyhole and thinks to herself..... and that cow tells ME off for sucking my thumb
Live your life for a reason and don't worry be happy
if you don't know where you are going then any road will do!!
Johhny gets caught at school with his pet cat in his schoolbag..... when asked why he had brought his pet to school he replied WELL Ms I overheard the postman say to my mum that when the kids were gone he was going to eat her p**sy!!!!
Live your life for a reason and don't worry be happy
if you don't know where you are going then any road will do!!
There are currently 2 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 2 guests)
Posting Permissions
